A Happy Story

[lawless]

Hello Everyone,  

I want to report a happy story.  About 2 years ago, I started posting on behalf of my husband.  At the time, he was completely alienated from his 2 teenage daughters - no visitation, no phone calls, nothing.  We did extensive research on parental alienation, went through multiple counselors, and even spoke via email to Dr. Richard Warshak and considered hiring him to help.  I won't draw this out except to make a few very important points:

1.  EVERYONE told us not to fight legally.  They said that we would not win and would further alienate the children who were 13 and 15 at the time.
2.  We knew in our hearts that our ONLY hope was to fight legally and that it was important that at least some day, the girls would know that we did whatever we could.
3.  We fought legally.  We slowly and methodically chipped away at the legal process.  This meant mediation (failed), a commissioner telling the girl's mother that visitation is not optional (twice), and eventually an actual court date to hold her in contempt after it was supported by the commissioner.
4.  Of the 5 counselors that we went through - only 1 was supportive of actually telling the girls that they must see their father.  We methodically interviewed each counselor, spoke to them often, and fired them if needed.  The last counselor was at least 1/2 of the reason why the girls returned.
5.  We now have the girls on full visitation.  They go on vacations with us and speak to us regularly while they are with their mom.  

So don't get me wrong, it isn't perfect but the fact is that the girls have a father again.  After this last year of visits, it is obvious that they are both happier, healthier, and thriving.  Their mom continues to be angry and difficult but her ability to keep the girls from coming on visitation ended when the girls finally believed that going on visitation was not optional and that their mom would be held responsible.

A few more things that helped us...
1.  We NEVER involved the girls in any of the legal discussions, documents, etc.  Unfortunately, their mom did the opposite but this changed when the commissioner told her how damaging this is in open court.
2.  We NEVER speak badly of their mother to them.  NEVER.  Nor do we EVER comment on anything she does, etc.

So there you go.  A success story.  We are fortunate to be able to afford the fight and to have the stamina that it required.  It took a lot of money but more than that it took a tremendous amount of time and effort and going against what most people said.  We were not willing to wait until they grew up to have them back.  Time is precious and we are thrilled that we don't have to lose any more of it with our girls.

Sincerely,
Lawless

[janM]

I'm not surprised that the kids are happier - it must have been very stressful for them to have to "take sides" with mom, while knowing on some level that it was wrong. They must have been torn, even if it didn't seem that way on the outside.

I know of one dad who had been shut out of his (now) 3 teenagers' lives. Even the court allowed the older 2 kids to choose when to see dad. Of course, mom's alienation is such that they wouldn't dare to ask to see him. He actually was able to see them recently at his mom's house (for some reason his ex allows them to go there). It was over a year since he'd seen them.

So glad you persevered, for everyone's sake. Congrats!

[MixedBag]

EX#3 is also a success story -- in that Mom failed in her mission to totally alienate his children from him.

Here's to hoping all goes well for the kids and dad in the future!