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A child's life about to be turned upside down....

Started by Amy, Jan 14, 2004, 10:28:55 AM

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Amy

I have never used this before.. never thought that we would be in a situation like this.  Let me start from the beginning... 3 years ago my fiance's son's mom left him our little angel with us.. but failed to tell us she wasn't coming back.  A few days later her phone was disconnected and we heard through the grape vine that she had moved.  We proceeded to file for custody of our angel and found an address she was staying at and served her with papers.  We had already had an attorney because of the concerns dealing with her parenting but she just made our case a whole lot stronger by leaving on her own.  She never showed up to any of the hearings and my fiance was granted custody and her right to visitation was terminated until she went to court.  Anyways.. She's been gone for 3 years and also signed over custody of her other children to their father.  For some reason she has taken us to court now and she is going to win.  The Guardian ad lidem decided it would be in the child's best interest for his mother to regain full custody of him and his father get SUPERVISED (I was under the impresstion they only did this in VERY rare circumstances and only with abuse, neglect or drug abuse) visitation one day per week.  She is the one who in 3 different custody cases has been proven to be abusive and have emotional and anger problems.. not the father.  This makes no sense.  There is no abuse, neglect, maltreatment, or any type of problems what so ever in my angel's home.  I do not live with them at this time but am over there quite regularly and there is absolutely no reason whatsoever to remove him from his home.  He has not seen her or had contact with her since he was 4 years old.  He is now involved in sports, school, church, daycare, he has friends and routines.. and they want to take that all away from him for no reason other than "it's in his best interest"  I can't believe what the system is doing to my angel and I'm wondering if anyone out there knows where we can turn to stop this from proceeding.  Or delay it or ANYTHING.  She has lied through her teeth for the last 8 months and the county has bought every word she's uttered.  How do we show that these are lies?  What can we do?  Anyone?

MKx2

Do you have an attorney?  If you don't stop reading this NOW and go get one.

I can't believe that the status quo of a thriving child would be changed after that length of time.

There's something wrong with this whole story.

Amy

We have the same attorney we used last time.  He is completely baffled by this and was blindsided when we heard their recommendations on Monday.  We were certain that in no way would they every remove him from his home.  We knew she was lying.  She always does and always has.  But we have never said one bad word about her in front of our boy, we have never made her a bad guy, we have never hit him, done drugs in front of him, we have never done anything wrong.  Even before she left him we had him 20 days out of the month because she was "busy".  We've never complained and never lied.  We did everything by the book and completely honest.  And now feel as though that wasn't the right way to do it because everything in our world and our angel's world is in danger.  I just found this site this morning and I'm wondering if anyone can point me in any sort of direction for help.  I feel so helpless and they said it would be about 2-3 weeks before the hearing.  So we don't have any time to lose.  

Kitty C.

Can you contact the father of her other children?  Is she going after them as well?  And remember one thing, if you feel that your atty. isn't being as aggressive on this as you think he should, tell him, or fire him and get another who will be.

This child is depending on you and his father to protect him.  If the court is using 'best interest' as a guideline, your atty. needs to be asking the court if it's in the child's best interest to uproot him from the only stability he's ever know, from a home where he is growing AND thriving, to send him back to a parent who has already proven her irresponsibility and instability as a parent.

All I can say is this is heartbreaking and NEVER give up the fight!
Handle every stressful situation like a dog........if you can't play with it or eat it, pee on it and walk away.......

sweetnsad

I agree that there is something missing from this story...I mean, come on now...if she abandoned the child for THREE years and gave up custody of her other children, how can she just "come back" and reclaim this child and now the FATHER gets supervised visits once a week?????  Based on what exactly??  Doesn't make sense...(shaking head)..

Something is terribly wrong with either this story or the justice system where you live...

Indigo Mom

You need to talk to a few other attorneys about aggression...that which your attorney doesn't have.  You need a bull dog to fight this one.  

GAL reports are HEAVILY relied on by the Judges.  If you don't get someone with huge balls retained real quick, this little boy is going to be removed and placed with a parent who bailed on him 3 years ago.  This isn't right.  You need a big bad a** that isn't scared to rip a GAL apart.

I think you may want to contact your Bar Association.  GAL's are lawyers, so they'd be found there.  Find out if there are any grievances filed against this one and why.  If not...FILE ONE NOW!  This can't be happening.  Removing a child from his parent, his ONLY parent for 3 years and then demanding his only parent have supervised visitation while he lives with someone he doesn't know?  Egads!!!!

This is really sad.  

Amy

The other children's father and his parents are letting her stay at their home 3 days a week to babysit the other kids now and they are paying her attorney's fees.  They have said that she has completely changed and that now we are horrible parents.  It is such a crazy story I can't even believe that it's true or happening.  But they will not take our angel away.  If she has changed she can have visitation.. but to change his whole world is completely unrational.  

Thank you for the positive feedback.  Everyone I have spoken to and everyone who knows this case is on our side.. the problem is getting the courts to be back on our side.  

I am praying that this works out for our boy.  He doesn't deserve to be put in anymore pain than he's already been through.

Amy

We did find out through one of her old friends that part of the story they are using is that there is drug use in front of our boy in our home.  They have done many drug tests and evaluations and nothing has been found.  These allegations are completely false, but for some reason the GAL's are using them anyways.  I do believe we need a new lawyer, but how do we get one and get them to know the whole story in less than 2 weeks?  I'm scared that it could turn around and hurt us in the long run.  Then again, we don't have much to lose at this point.  Our other problem is the money is almost gone.  All of our family has spent everything they can spare and we have nothing but maxed out credit cards and more debt than I care think about right now.. we'll do anything we have to .. but our resources are running so low now and we have to make sure that we can maintain our angel's life the way he knows it....

sweetnsad

Get a new lawyer and tell it all, as it is...that's their job.  You really need some help here because that little boy's life is going to be turned topsy turvy in a very short time.  

Good luck hon...I hope this all works out and the judge presiding over the case is fair and can see right through this.

Indigo Mom

It's great that the mom has "changed" and wants to be a mom after abandoning her child 3 years ago.  Even you can admit it would be best for the child.  BUT...she can't just swoop in and take him from the only parent he's had!  She should be willing to do supervised visitation herself, and increasing parenting time when it's appropriate.  If she's not willing to ease herself into the childs life...then she hasn't changed, now has she????

Boy, drugs and bogus GAL's...do I know about these.  I've got some horror stories about both of them which, when looking back, make me laugh my behind off!  At the time, of course, they weren't funny at all.  I was accused of doing "hard core" drugs in front of my son, who wasn't even in my home...and all I was doing was eating a fricken Taco Bell burrito!!!!!  DEA came busting through my door while I was at work because monster, who's the damned drug addict, was mad that I was sitting on the same couch as another man!  Months after I left him!!!!!  (oh, forgot to mention, monster got into my home without permission) I have a GAL report that is so full of lies and deception even a politician would be proud!!!  Sheesh...don't get me started!!!!

You've got to get that GAL report scratched from the record....man, this is just wrong.  You need to get a new lawyer, no matter what...and then request a continuance while he/she figures this mess out.  


MYSONSDAD

You mention sports, school, church and daycare. I would be working on some affadavits from them showing how well adjusted the child is. I would also get medical records from the doctor showing his medical needs are met. I would also talk with school counsels and anyone else that will give you all positive feed back. You might want them in court to testify. Also the parents of this child's friends might come in handy.

This makes me totally sick!

To get the drug thing off, how about a hair drug test? That will go back for quite some time. Do it voluntarily.

My prayers are with you, keep us updated...

Amy

Does the court have to give us a continuance if we get a new lawyer and explain why?  Or can they say we have to stick to the same dates?  We got this lawyer through a friend that used him and never thought twice about it.  Until now... it sounds as though we've been in the dark for way too long.

MYSONSDAD

When I got my RO and had to appear in court, 10 days notice, I did not have my lawyer present. I informed the Judge my legal counsel had a previous court appearance and asked for a continuance. It was granted. The judge was great and asked a lot of questions and he defended my rights to have legal counsel there to represent me. I loved it when he pointed his finger at my ex and her attorney and told them both that I also had rights and they will have to respect that.

I would post to Soc and get an expert opinion on this. What worked for me, may not work for you.

charm910

Is Mom paying support for any/all these kids? Maybe this has something to do with the sudden change of attitude.

Does Mom have a new boyfriend? If so find out anything about him, even runs checks off the computer for each of them, try local newspapers for any articles with their name, get your wits about you and stop trying to be the nice guy.

Your son also needs to come clean with the attorney if he has ANY skeletons in his closet, even if they are old.

Best of luck to all involved.

JenG99

 Maybe the child is idealizing Mom and villanizing Dad because Dad has to be the authority figure,discipline and such. My skids did this when their Mom abandoned them. She dumped them for a man and basically treats them like distant relatives.They thought she was wonderful and always bragged about how great she was until they hit age 10 and 11.

For three years they though she was GODS gift even though she rarely called them and showed no interest in their lives. The 7 year old still thinks she is wonderful even though she does nothing for them and only see's them once a year. I honestly believe this has to do with her age as with your SO's son's age. Children don't have the capacity at age 7-8 to except abandonment by a parent especially a Mother. I have been raising all of them for five years and I can count on one hand how many "things" their mother has done for them.

 Is there a possibility that this child is playing both sides against the middle or he has developed an obsession with the Mother? Maybe the child is spoiled or angry and he saying things to the GAL? I am assuming the GAL has interviewed the child.

Please keep us updated.

john15666

well let me inform you first that anyone can go into court and lie though thier teeth, iam involed in a ver sticky situation and its been very very frustating , your right about you have the profe of that they are lies, i have been fighting for months about lies it just get worse all the time a lie on top of a lie on top of a lie, and every lie i have documented profe everytime to show it is a lie. but yet i can not tell the court anything at anytime i am never alowed to speak and tell my side, its been a eye opening expreance for me but i have only learned to well why things like this happens. i not sure how yours is but i will tell you mine, i have been though 3 lawyers and caused to lose over 1/4 mill on just her lawyer lieing and loss most important of all my 3 year old daughter, well i still get to see her on a very very limmited time. well i have now steped back to see what was going on, let me tell you its called politics, and who knows who and who takes care of who, i have learned only to well how the courts really work. you must really look at things and wonder why you are not allowed to tell the truth, why because the courts do not care they are all worried about nothing but them selfs, and best of all you cant even change the judge , they have a sytem that covers the lawyers and the judges that they can do anything they want, yes we do have recouses , but this is after the fact and in the mean time the child suffers, i know your probaly very very  frustated as i am going thur this for over one year now, let me tell the facts learn how your court is working and i do mean do what ever it takes to find out do not ever acuse the judge of anything or her lawyer do it discretly and by all means see how it plays out . then they might have won the battle but they have just called for war so after the fact you go fight your war ond try very hard to do this. start setting things up now for the affter afect, and i know its frustrating and no one cares but really you do have a after and this is where you will show the prove of lies and how they are covered up. sont want to go on all day ,but really learn now that our courts work off polictail ganes why do you think their are guys out there tring to get judges elected whos paying these guys or what do they get all in the politic of the game. so really good luck to you as i know i will be in a battle for years, maybe it might sound wierd but i will do what it takes to prove that i will not go before a court and my cilvil rights be taken away and just say oh well, i might not get my daughter now but in the long term she knows where and who she wants to be with, mine also includes abbuse by her mother, and i am told well that happens, well mine hit my 2 year old in the head so hard her eyes almost poped out fo dropping food from dinner on the floor one tiny piece, and instead of getting her in troube i tried every aveune to get her help but it all got turned around some how and how i think i have told you, all i know is if that would have been me doing this to my x i would be in county jail for a very long time but i guess the courts say that a mother can do anything they want ot a child and its ok, but a father can do nothing, but thats the way things work and its called polical favortism , i hope by all means i wish you luck. and please do your self a favor and learn how the courts really work, and make sure you document words and why your not able to talk or do anything. well maybe you have to get someone that is more conected with the judge but that is what your own morrals call for. as with mine if i wanted polical favors i would make heads turn, but this is something i do not belive in and refuse to do such i do belive some day we will have a court that is not made up of politics. so good luck to you and belive me i understand how frustaing things are but take a step back and look at the bigger picture and then do it again and agian and you will start seeing a pattern of things....good luck   john

janM

I would try to get that GAL report thrown out and/or another one assigned to the case. Research your state's statutes for determining a basis for a change of custody. I'm pretty sure most require a "change of circumstances" in the CHILD"S life, not in Mom's. Nothing has changed in his life since he has been with you. I agree that if Mom has improved her life, she should have supervised visits initially to get reaquainted with him, not his dad. A good lawyer should be able to argue that point if there is no reason for dad to be supervised. There is every reason for Mom to be, including that she could be a flight risk.

If you do seek a new lawyer and ask for a continuance, it will be in your favor because it will be that much longer that the child is with dad, and the stronger the argument for "status quo".

Read all the articles in our articles archive and the state links.

Please keep us posted and good luck.

KAT

Anyone do a background check on biomom? If not, I HIGHLY suggest it.

KAT

msme

One thing no one has mentioned, is that your new lawyer MUST be a Board Certified Family Law & Custody Specialist.

Also, get the child into counseling & ask his counselor to testify & to ask the court to order reunification counseling, followed by supervised visitation, only when the counselor feels the child is ready for it.

Good luck & God bless.

You never get a second chance to make a first impression!