How do I get prepared?

[wallyworld85]

For contempt that is.  I am not sure what I need to bring.  

For ie:  Do I bring ONLY things that pertain to the contempt motion OR can I bring in items that show she is not letting me be a part of my child's life

I have:

letter from principal stating that I am not listed as father on emergency contact info (BUT her boyfriend is listed under FATHER or male who resides in house).

 Letter from last year's teacher stating (after my asking how she was doing in school) that she wanted to hold her back (my ex told me NOTHING of this).

  Letters from teacher directed to her (but they ALWAYS send me a copy of anything that goes to her) stating my daughter has had over 25 TARDIES all of which were unexcused.  

Report card that says my daughter acts immature AND that maninly the reason for her falling behind is cuz of the tardies and absences.

2 letters (one my ex wrote in 97 another her mother wrote in 97) both of which were filed in a court (for her domestic abuse conviction against me) stating that I am a wonderful person and both think so highly of me AND both stating (my ex and her mother) that my ex needed counseling.  There has been another felony conviction for domestic abuse against my ex in 2001 and a restraining order was filed against her also.

the contempt is for visitation denial, no current telephone number, and it states that my ex did NOT notify me of a Nov emergency room visit.


What do you think?

[Peanutsdad]

Based on what you have written,, you have no case for visitation denial.


What you DO have, is a case for changing custody due to a material change in circumstances based on what is written here. With the letters, ( btw are they email or handwritten?), you MAY have a case for overturning a DV conviction, but its way weak on that. Was the felony conviction against your ex, or against you?

If you dont have one, I advise you to seek counsel with an attrny.

[wallyworld85]

>Based on what you have written,, you have no case for
>visitation denial.
>

Actually I do have a case for visitation denial.  I haven't seen my daughter in 1.5 years because of a pbfh.  I was denied my two weeks in the summer, her bday, fathers day, and xmas. I was in FL 3 times (once for mediation) and my ex wouldn't let me see her.  (actually she brought my daughter to mediation, but said that I couldn't take her b/c I wouldn't agree to her child support amount 4x what I pay now, I only got to hug my daughter)

 I was basically just wondering WHEN I go to court for contempt can I show how much ex has messed up in regards to my daughter and herself (the felony conviction is hers against her live in boyfriend at the time-- She hit him with a blunt object haning on the wall) (I will attempt for custody after I have more stuff against x) (basically if she still refuses visitation and child is STILL having prob. at school and I have 2 more contempts under my belt)

My ex gave her to me in 2002.  BUT WHen I found out the above domestic abuse charges and abuse allegations my daughter madeI went for custody (In IL) my lawyer goofed and b/c she hadn't lived in IL for 6 months (only 5) the pbfh got her back.  And ever since I havent been able to have a relationship with my duaghter because of her.

[Peanutsdad]

Now see? thats a whole lot more info LOL. If you look at your 1st post,, and then my reply to IT, you see a huge difference.

My question, is why go for another contempt? Why not go for the whole enchilada?

[StPaulieGirl]

I'd like to address your girl's tardies and absenses.  

First of all, my kids father was given photocopies of their report card every year.  Every time the boy was suspended, I emailed him.  Mind you, the behavioral problems with the boy started when he was in kindergarten, and his father and I were still married.

After he lied about me to his new wife, who happens to be an elementary school teacher, I got a visit from CPS.  They went to the school before they illegally walked into my home.  Ever since then, my daughter does not want to go to school.  I have to keep her home from school when she starts vomiting and tears are running down her face. This isn't only because of CPS robbing her of her security, but the teachers are running scared because their performance is directly connected to money received by the school district.  Read my posts on Shrink Rap and Dear Socrateaser.

What time does school start for your daughter?  Find out how many other kids are also "tardy".  At the school my daughter goes to, it's a traffic nightmare because the streets are old and small.  Hence, we may make it out of the house on time, but she's still late.  I went to that school for a few years, after my mom yanked me out of parochial school.  Vatican II :-) Going to that same school just made me lose interest in school period.  That isn't going to happen with my baby.

When I went to my girl's parent teacher conference, I got tag teamed by two teachers!  You see, my little girl has the mark of the CPS Beast.  that's ok, because after they decided to try and scare me, I quietly told them about all the school supplies that were bought before school started, and the fact that I've been a parent for 25 years.  (I started young.)  She's 9 years old, and they're doing peer review on essays.  I did that last year in my college English 1-A course.  I was uncomfortable, can't imagine how she feels.  Not to mention that none of them are capable of peer review at this point.

My girl is throwing up and tears stream down her face every morning.  This is bullshit.  My 24 yr old daughter(wish my son in law could show up) and I are going to pay a visit to the principal some time this week.  

School should be morally off limits regarding divorced parents shenanigans.  Education, and the desire to learn are too important for our kids futures.  

As to your visitation problems, keep at them.  Please don't invade your daughter's space at school.  I obediently kept my kids dad informed of everything, until it was neccesary to block his email address.

[Indigo Mom]

-----My question, is why go for another contempt? Why not go for the whole enchilada?-----

Because he ain't gonna get the whole enchilada.  Oh, stop yelling at me, lemme 'splain it, ya doof!

He hasn't seen the child in a year and a half.  You know as well as I do that the Judge is going to see that...the fact that his child doesn't know him anymore...as a "reason" to NOT overturn custody.  The judge isn't going to care "why" he hasn't seen the child...but that 18 months with no contact is what's going to deny him the enchilada.

He needs to file contempt each and every time.  Screw waiting til ya have enough "times"...do it each time.  

[long_day]

As a teacher I would recommend asking your child's teachers to keep you informed of any concerns that they have with your daughter's preformance, attendence, behaviour.  Most teachers have been put in this situation before, and I if approached by a NCP in a polite way I will try my best to involve them as well (I have actually forwarded a photocopy of a student's report card for one couple who were particularily at one another's throats).  Just don't expect us to take sides :)  That would be unprofessional.

[MYSONSDAD]

I think Indi brings up a very good point on this one.

If it were me, I'd go for the contempt. Bring all your phone records showing all the attempts you've made to call. Highlight them so they are easy to find. Any credit card statements showing your trips down there? Stop for gas? Food? Motel? The address might come up on your statement. Are there witnesses? I have heard that with enough contempts, things can turn around. But my battle is young yet, so I can not say from experience.

The Time Trackers work great in this situation. It puts all out there, easy to see. Calculates the time your missing.

I am going thru a simular situation. I get an Officer to witness and then file a report. And even with that, I keep a camera in the car and bring a witness. I am covering my A$$ with pbfh. Harder for you having so far to go.

Good luck and keep us posted!

[StPaulieGirl]

It's weird that arnie took over cali

[wallyworld85]

As my present wife is a third grade teacher I know NOT to try to get the teacher to take sides.... I have already bothered the principal NUMEROUS time (seeing if my daughter was enrolled, seeing if she was STILL enrolled and if they had a new # to reach my ex when her home phone was disconnected, asking for records pertaining to my daughter).  the teacher has been VERY understanding.  She notified me that my daughter has had OVER 25 tardies ALL being over 30 min.  AND all were UNEXCUSED.  She even said (in not so many words that my ex is rude when she calls for purposes regarding my daughter).  She also stated that my daughters behavior is HORRIBLE and her grades are slipping due to the over 30 min late tardies AND other unexcused absences.  The thing is my ex lives in Tally and HER parents reside in Pensacola.  My daghter stays with the grandparents a lot.  I think that is one reason for the tardies getting to tally late OR being pulled out early to go to pensacola.

As for contempt:  right now there is a motion in regarding the missed visitation asking for make up time and atty fees and HER providiing the transpertaion expenses.  

Can I bring with the all the other stuff mentioned early showing that my ex is NOT letting me be a part of my child's life to strenghen the current contempt charge?

[Indigo Mom]

From my own experience, I have to say...introducing all this "other" stuff sounds great.  But does the Judge want to hear a ton of different things in one hearing?  You know how Judges are...they don't want to hear diddly squat to begin with.  Haven't you paid attention in court?  Judges aren't all "into" hearing the case.  I've seen 2 different Judges actually yawn!  They're not interested in many things at once...even the most simple "thing" seems confusing to our "beloved" judges.  

I'd say that at first, stick to the denial of visitation.  Somehow, someway, you've GOT to see this child.  I went just over a year without ANY contact with my son.  monster wouldn't "let" me, though I was ordered reasonable and liberal parenting time.  (nothing was reasonable for monster)  When my verdict came back, when the DNA test came back, I "assumed" the courts would give me my son.  Nope.  Because my son didn't "know" me anymore.  

I know you want to let the Judge see how rotten your ex is...and that will happen in time.  Focus on the denials right now.  Maybe after a few contempts she'll "allow" you to have your parenting time?  If she does...then you can work on the rest.  If she doesn't...file contempt each and every time.  

It bites.  It truly does.  But, you have to play the game.

As for the unexcused absences and tardies?  If I remember right, your child is in kindergarten?  I don't know about your state, but here?  A child isn't required "by law" to attend school until the age 7.  Sounds silly, but until she reaches that age (if it's the same in your state) those absences and tardies won't matter "too" much..however, it's setting some pretty low standards for your daughter later in life.

[wallyworld85]

My daughter is in 2nd grade right now and in FL with 9 unexcused absences in a 9 week period it is considered truancy.  I hope my ex will eventually have to go to court due to those!

[StPaulieGirl]

My daughter is in 2nd grade right now and in FL with 9 unexcused absences in a 9 week period it is considered truancy. I hope my ex will eventually have to go to court due to those!

[p]Why didn't your girl's mother write a note saying she was ill or had a medical appointment?
[p]My little girl beats your kid out on tardies and absences.  For one thing, school starts at 8:15 am.  The traffic is horrendous, and the fact that she doesn't want to go doesn't help, either.  Her bedtime is reasonable (9 pm), and I wake her up at 7 am.  After that visit from CPS (instigated by ex's new wife and ex) at school, she just doesn't want to go.  Her sense of security has been shattered.  CPS closed their investigation within 2 months, so then the ex wrote letters to the elementary school and high school requesting all their records.  Now the kids are doing worse than they ever have.  My little one was a great student, and very enthusiastic.  My son has had problems since kindergarten, and is now using an injured rib as an excuse not to even bother going.  Both kids know that mom can get into trouble if they refuse to attend.  Hmmmm.....

[p]I spoke to my little one's teachers this afternoon.  They walked my kid to the car and we had a good discussion about everything.  Even though there is no way in hell that she qualifies for RSP,  we're looking into having her tested to ease the pressure on her.  You see, CA has decided to push kids beyond their limits.  I had to review an essay(she's 9 for pete's sake), not to mention geometry homework!  She doesn't know her times tables by heart.  These teachers are afraid of losing their jobs with the new guidelines, but agree as much as they could that these kids are being pushed too fast.

[p]My little one cries and throws up most mornings, because she just can't take it.  This results in too many tardies and absences.  Because your child's mother denies you access to your child, I'm a little wary about saying that maybe your child has a problem going to school, but it's worth a consideration.  CPS didn't interview your girl at school, did they?

[p]Concentrate on her denial of your visitation for now.  Once you get visitation, pussyfoot around about the school problem, and see what she says...jmo

[nosonew]

anything and everything you may need.  IN our case, we brought everything, but if it wasn't mentioned in the contempt charges, we couldn't use it.  However, judges can ask for anything, so perhaps you can mention some of this during testimony (let things slip) and if her atty is stupid enough to call you a liar, you have your proof.  Or the judge could just ask for more info, so go prepared for anything and everything.  Good luck!---And ask for sanctions against her if she continues this behavior!!!!

[Indigo Mom]

I have been reading bits and pieces about your lil miss...with the throwing up and just not wanting to go to school.  Is there, by any chance, another school she can attend?  If she's being pushed into geometry at AGE 9 FORCRYINGOUTLOUD...(sorry, i have issues with the math program here, too), then maybe another school that isn't interested in killing the kids with their new programs is in order?  I don't know how "easy" it would be for you to switch schools, though...but I will say.  These stupid new math programs they're coming out with are pissin' me right the F off.  If a child is completely overwhelmed because of the insane math, or whatever other subject, the child isn't going to "want" to go to school.  

Another thing.  Would a reward thing work with her?  My daughter has started having "issues" about going to school, so for each day she gets ready and shoves off with no problem?  She gets a sticker.  At the end of the week, if she has 5 stickers (or a sticker for each day there was school) she gets to pick her favorite meal and we'll cook it together.  Would your daughter fall for something like that???

I can only imagine how difficult your mornings are...I'm sorry, girl!!!

[StPaulieGirl]

Ever since last year, mornings have been hell.  I went from getting up at 4 am, doing my homework, packing lunches and running the kids to school, to laying in bed dreading the daily fight until the last minute.  It is now 8:38 am.  I spent 20 minutes looking for the little one, and she finally came out from where she was hiding.  This is despite her being there for the whole conversation between her teachers and I.  Like they said, better she's late then not there at all.  They are going to reduce her math homework.   Geometry and fractions.  I suck at geometry and fractions.  This is going to screw her up big time.  The teachers know that this new program is a disaster, but can't be caught actually saying it.

I didn't mention this part of the conversation earlier, but it seems that she told her teacher that she's sick because of "second hand smoke".  Well now that's interesting.  That's the first I've ever heard of that.  That isn't the only lie she's told a teacher.  Last year, she had after school math help, and kept walking home (she wasn't allowed to walk home by herself last year), saying after school tutoring was cancelled.  I got so angry that I called her teacher, and found out that my girl was telling the teacher that she or her brother had doctor's appointments!  That's bad :-(

I think I see the fine hand of the pbfh and his enabler.  A teacher would know what would raise a red flag in another teacher.  Second hand smoke.  What a nerve!  His mother smoked around the kids, and she babysat them on Mr. Wonderful's visitation so he could find a woman.

I'm going to reluctantly write a letter requesting that she be tested for learning disabilities.  If we can fudge the results, it will take the heat off both her and her teachers.

I also want to explain to them what is going on with her father.  This is something that I will not get into with the kids present.  They need to be aware of the mindgames that this child is subjected to.  I am reluctant to air my dirty laundry in "real life", but I think they need to know.  She loves her daddy, and even though he rubs her nose in the dirt, she will always try and make him happy.  If getting in trouble in school makes him happy, then guess what.  This crap has to end before she starts ditching school and smoking pot.

I still know a lot of people where we used to live, and once I get this probate nightmare over with, I'm going to get on the phone if they still teach up there.  My son is still in bed.  Yesterday, he locked his bedroom door, so I said to hell with it and went with my friend to some junkyards to find a truck door for a restoration project.  I had to get out of the house.  He didn't appear until 3 pm.  I'm going to have to talk with someone at the high school about the problem.  I couldn't discuss it because the boy was present at the last meeting.  

There are many alternative educational options where we're moving.  I'm going to look into all of them.  Even though homeschooling is the best option, but I don't know if I could handle that.  I need to find a part time job, and I also want to continue college.  Considering no matter where you go, the school has to adhere to the California Dept of Edjukashun.  So I'm thinking Christian school, or Charter school, where she would go once a week for her tests and homework assignments.  Charter schools are quite popular up there, but it only works if the student is motivated.

I tried the reward system to help motivate her to do her chores, no dice :-(  

Btw, Angus is doing better.  He quit doing the messy stuff, but he's still chewing his legs.  He hates my friend's kitten.  We keep the kitten in my room, because last week one of the kids left the door open and he escaped.  We found that Angus wouldn't let him back into the house, so the kitten was hiding in the bushes.

[MixedBag]

Call the BOE and ask who handles truancies -- and then turn your situation over to the EX.....for the truancies.