2 issues; desperately need HELP!

[Jerry8a]

They (Mom, "V", and her other two kids) left last Monday to drive to Georgia where her husband is stationed. As far as I know she hasn't done anything with the adoption papers, but just to be on the safe side, I contacted an attorney out here asking what to do. I was advised to go ahead and file "Order To Show Cause" Custody/Visitation paperwork and once filed send them certified mail to her address in Georgia. I was also told that it would have to go through Mediation too. I know she won't fly back for the Mediation or court dates, so I asked what would happen. He told me that after she no-showed for the first Mediation appointment, they would set another. If she no-showed for the second appointment then it would still go to court and the judge would have to make a decision. The law firm that I deal with also has offices in the part of Georgia where she lives so if I needed to contact an attorny there I can do so. As for the adoption papers, regardless of whether or not she tries to file them, when it goes to court to be approved I have to be present to give my consent, which obviously now I am not going to do. That is all I know at the moment. I am going to try to contact biological mom this week to hopefully see where things stand.

[Jerry8a]

(Read # 20). No, now that we've all bonded, I know that I need to keep my parental rights. I don't want to force "V" into anything, so I am letting her make up her own mind to decide what she wants to do. Her mother has been very receptive, and has let "V" made her own decisions in visiting and spending time with me while they were still here. I just want a parenting schedule documented by the courts, making it legal so that I keep my rights, but take things slow with "V" so she can get used to everything. I am scared that she'll disappear again, so I'm trying to get all this done as soon as possible. I just don't want to lose her all over again. It's been an overwhelming ordeal, but obviously well worth the fight!! Thanks again for all the advice.

[Jerry8a]

I just wanted to say thanks for sticking up for me and thanks for all the info. It's nice to be able to talk to other people that are going through similar situations. I will check out the websites. Thanks again.

[joni]

your plan is sound to me.  I especially like that you hired an atty with offices in Georgia....very smart.  Remember, this has to be faciliated within 6 months....after six months, the child is under the jurisdiction of UCCJEA and you'll be fighting for visitation there.  

Try to get your judgement with liberal visitation addressed, such as

--the entire summer break, except for the week after school gets out and the week before school goes back
--1/2 of xmas
--alternate thanksgiving
--alternate winter/spring, or if school doesn't have both, ask for 1/2 of spring break
--offer to pay for 1/2 of transportation costs, if you try to stick the entire bill with her, may blow up on you.
--ask for the weekend around her bday, fly her to you or you go there for it

it still baffles me that she would ask for this adoption and then let the child bond with you.  it's so contradictory.  

[FleetingMoment]

>LISTEN YOU ASS!!!! FIRST OF ALL, I NEVER STOPPED PAYING CHILD
>SUPPORT ON "V". EVEN THOUGH PAPERS WERE ORIGINALLY SIGNED, AN
>ADOPTION PACKET STILL HAS TO BE FILLED OUT BY THE BIOLOGICAL
>MOTHER AND STEPFATHER, THEY HAVE TO HAVE A MEETING WITH SOCIAL
>SERVICES, AND THEN FINALLY IT WOULD GO TO COURT WHICH I WOULD
>HAVE HAD TO AGREE TO IT IN FRONT OF A JUDGE AND THEN IT
>WOULD'VE HAD TO BE APPROVED BY THE JUDGE.

That, compared to this: "Trying to decide what was in V's best interest, and b/c I had missed out on so many years with her, I signed the adoption papers," are two totally different statements.  Regardless of whether the process is complete or not, you were willing and did sign to give your rights to your daughter away.  

SO YES, I AM STILL
>PAYING CHILD SUPPORT, AND WILL CONTINUE TO DO SO. THINGS HAVE
>BEEN GOING VERY WELL WITH "V" AS WELL. SHE HAS BEEN EXTREMELY
>EXCITED TO RECONNECT WITH MY SIDE OF THE FAMILY, AND HER
>BIOLOGICAL MOM HAS ALSO BEEN VERY RECEPTIVE TO EVERYTHING!!

Ok, so you should be having second thoughts, and you should be praying that you can STOP the whole adoption process. You should go in and argue that you signed under duress. You should continue to work on reconnecting with V while retaining all your rights as a father, and her rights to have you as her father.  

>SECOND, I HAVE LEGAL/MEDICAL DOCUMENTATION CONCERNING ALL
>ISSUES WITH "J" AND GUESS WHAT, WENT TO COURT AND WON! i WOULD
>NEVER EVER TRY TO SEPERATE "J" AND HER MOTHER, I WANTED "J" TO
>BE ABLE TO LIVE IN A STRUCTURED ENVIRONMENT SO SHE COULD
>THRIVE IN SCHOOL. AND IT'S WORKING. "J" IS DOING MUCH BETTER
>IN SCHOOL, HER MOTHER IS ACTUALLY PARTICIPATING IN HER LIFE
>NOW, AND SHE SEES HER MOTHER EVERY WEDNESDAY OVERNIGHT AND
>EVERY WEEKEND FROM FRIDAY NIGHT UNTIL 6 SUNDAY NIGHT!!! THAT'S
>EVERY WEEKEND WITH HER MOMMY BUDDY, I GET HER DURING THE
>SCHOOL WEEK, SO YOU TELL ME ASSHOLE, I'D SAY THAT'S MORE THAN
>FAIR. HER MOTHER'S FINE WITH IT, "J'S" THERAPIST SAYS SHE'S
>EVEN DOING BETTER. SO YOU TELL ME WHO THIS IS HURTING? JUST
>BECAUSE YOUR LIFE IS SO F---ED UP DOESN'T MEAN YOU NEED TO
>TAKE IT OUT ON OTHER PEOPLE! GET OVER YOURSELF! IT'S NOT ABOUT
>YOU OR ME, IT'S ABOUT THE KIDS!!! GROW UP!

I don't get it. You WON? She's fine with it? Then why keep complaining? What do you really want and how is this suddenly a second issue? Somehow I get the impression that you're not telling the truth about not wanting to separate J from her mother. You're not going to get J's life much more structured than it is now. You'll never be able to control how she lives there as opposed to how she lives with you. Unless, someday soon, unfortunate circumstances get her mother killed. So why can't you leave it alone? How much more blood do you want from her mother?

I'm sorry, but I am pretty grown up :) I'm not the one running around these boards losing my temper and cussing someone out. I'm just offering other opinions, which is bad? Why? I'll agree on one thing, it isn't between you or me. If you're going to post publicly, then you're going to hear it from all viewpoints. Believe it or not, it does help to hear both sides.  

[FleetingMoment]

>I vote to keep FleetingMoment posting.  

Thank you!

,Her attitude only
>helps the children rights movement.

Nice coverup. The "children's rights" movement. You are correct however. I stand with the children, not behind their legs using them as a shield.

>  We use her as an example
>to what is wrong with the system.

Might work if there weren't so many bad examples trying to make bad examples out of mothers.
>
>I have a new idea for a reality show.
>
>On an island that is inhabited with 100 hers like
>FleetingMoment and a 100 hims like Eric of the FIRM.  That
>would be a number one show!!!

Great sense of humor :) ... a better reality show... same island inhabited by "1" FleetingMoment and "1" Bolivar aka the Little Man with a Big Brain.  No offense, Eric.

[MYSONSDAD]

Nice...

I like the way you think!!!

"Children learn what they live"

[MYSONSDAD]

Just so glad you took second shot at coming back. We are here to encourage both parents to stay involved with raising their children.

Sorry about the previous distraction. Apparently someone is celebrating Halloween a little early.


"Children learn what they live"

[MYSONSDAD]

 Should we keep HER around for "Entertainment Purposes?"

Sure encourages a person to take a real political stand and do whatever we can for Shared and Equal Parenting. Thanks to HER "Sadistic Posts" I have written some wonderful letters!

And I can not begin to tell you how it has helped my stress level...

"Children learn what they live"

[Kitty C.]

Bolivar, you're a GENIUS!!!!!!!!!!!  Do you realize how quickly they'd finish each other off???????  With people who are fanatical about 'their cause' and wear blinders at the same time, it certainly wouldn't take long!!!!!!!!

Hmmmmmmmm............

BM...............FM................we ALL know our 'other' definition of the former...........can you imagine what the 'alternative' definition of the latter would be, coming from someone who's only spewing 'hot air'??????  Give ya 3 guesses and the first 2 don't count!



Man, I could have WAY too much fun with this!  ;-)