Custody fight across state lines

[SadDad2]

I want to get sole-custody of my 3-year old daughter. By her behavior over Christmas I suspect she is being abused by her mother. Mom and daughter live in N. Carolina and I live in Calif. We've been legally separated since just before I got out of the military. There was never any formal agreement as to custody made between the mom and me, we just agreed that my daughter would live with her mom and I would get her on holidays. vacations, etc. We also agreed on a monthly child supprt amount, to which I have complied. This was all verbal. Here is my question: Where do I begin?
Thanks,
Sad Dad

[Bolivar]

That is a huge question.

You must have a lawyer.

First you must be documenting.

Has anything been filed with the court?  If not filing first in your home state will give you a big advantage.

The courts do NOT like to change the status Quo, plus you are a man. So getting Sole Physical Custody is not likely.  But I would offer the court a Step-up parenting plain which gives you 50/50 (shared) custody.

The courts will look at the fact that mom has been the primary care giver and will continue with the status quo.

If you are thinking that the court will award you Sole Custody you would need a stack of proof as high as the empire state building.  The courts almost never remove custody from a mother.  Let me put it to you this way, if mom was a crack head, on welfare, and was in jail, you would have a 50/50 shot at Sole Custody.

[flewwellin]

Get and attorney and ask them as many questions as possible in the 30 mins allowed.  (don't let them become long winded they try to do this when they want to waste your time.) i'd also begin with filing all you can in your state.  I am a NC resident and know that once a child enter's our courts systems the state holds jurisdiction over the child until they reach 18 yrs of age.  Be prepared for the battle of your life and good luck.  

p.s. my hubby and i are attempting to gather the money to go for primary custody of my step-kids is biological kids.  

flewwellin

[Lawmoe]

Your question is unclear. Were you married? If not, you must confirm paternity. Second, you can sek custody based on a best interests of the child standard. However, your speculation of abuse is just that and will likely carry little or no weight without some diagnosis of the same.

Your post has more lacking than it includes. Many factors go into a determination of custody including the history of care for the child. From your post, I would deduce you are on the outside looking in.

[SadDad2]

Your question is unclear. Were you married?

As I stated in my original post "we are separated".  There is no way that I can recap the child's history using this forum.  I was only asking for a place to start.  Thank you for your reply, but from the tone of your post I have to wonder if you really want to help or just be negative.  

[Stepmom0418]

They were asking more specific questions in order to point you to the right direction. They are asking " Were you married to the childs mother" because if you were not married to her there may be more things that you need to do to get the ball rolling. If you were married is alot diffrent than if you were not married.

This forum is a very helpful source of information and we are all willing to try and help anyone that is asking for help but if someone isnt willing to share "some" details then it makes it almost impossiable to help!

Good luck to you!