Parenting Agreement.

[teakae]

Thank you for all of your comments.

It will be easy for us not to sign these contracts. But what then?
We are totally at loss as to what to do next. I would really appreciate any suggestions.

History..
After second child was born Mother filed for child support
Mother was granted sole custody in WA state.
Father gets every other weekend visitation.
Couple of months later Father reconciled with Mother because he missed his children.
Mother and Father lived together for 8 years.
Year and a half ago, Father separates from Mother.

Mother and father try to do rotating custody 50/50.
They can't agree on schedule, custody, child support.
Mother thwarts every effort to maintain any stable schedule.
Mother continues to ask for more and more money.
After six months of this, Father hires a lawyer to get a fixed schedule and a fixed child support amount.
Mother decides on her own that the original visitation schedule of every other weekend should be enforced.
Mother does every possible PAS things to children she can think of.
Mother delays court proceedings as much as she can, you know the story...

Some time during this whole thing, Father's attorney gets bored with the case and shuffles his feet.
Trial in Nov postponed because lawyers couldn't get mediation set up.
Mediation is continued but lawyers fail to set up the follow up mediation.
Father hears nothing from the lawyers and calls but no response for over a month after mediation.
Father decides to dismiss lawyer and hire new one.
When father receives the documents from lawyers office, he discovers that there is a docket sounding to set trial date for Jan 2005. Surprised, he hurries to retain an attorney.
Attorneys request a lot of money up front which father can't come up with. They also say  they can't take the case unless the judge grants a continuance at the docket sounding. Judge gets annoyed at the docket sounding because 5 people in a row requested a continuance. So he decides to deny all continuance from then forward. Father is denied continuance along with everybody else.

We found out that the old attorney did file some things for us, Motion for custody evaluation and Filing of financial affadavit (which we sent it over Last March) it was just that he forgot to tell us he did these things.

So here we are, Jan 5th. We go to trial on Jan 12nd. We have no lawyer, no custody evaluation, no witnesses, no evidence to present and a cranky judge who preferrs mothers as primary residential parents.
And ofcourse, the Mother is selfish, vindictive and incredibly stupid.

We really don't know what to do. If anybody can help, any advice will be appreciated.

[Genie]

like her not calling you any names

her not talking bad about you (or her BFs or husbands)

she should make every effort to communicate with you and understand your feelings also.

Basically this is making her into a victim and you having to basically do everything she says so her feelings aren't hurt in anyway. Guess yours don't count.

Also, if you are paying CS, you shouldn't be paying for food and clothes too b/c that is what CS is for.  So she will get your money then gives you receipts for food and clothes and expect you to pay for all or part of that too.  Must be nice.

And how are going 100% going to make yourself available to watch the kids. You work too don't you? How much vacation time do you have? So you can lose your job but she won't?  Can see how this can cause problems.

But this is kinda funny.  I like how she gets to dictate how you spend time with your kids.  Major PB thing.  Our BM tried this all the time. Do this with them don't do this with them.  But in reality the kids weren't telling them all we did so she just thought they said in front of the TV all day long which was wrong.

Good luck. Can see this becoming a major headache in the future.

[teakae]

Oh how I wish we could make all the things go both ways...

Below are some items WE wanted to include but BM said NO WAY!!

•   The Parents are restrained from making negative statements about the other Parent or Step-Parent in the presence of said children, and shall not allow any other person to make negative statements about the other Parent or Step-Parent in the presence of said children.

•   Each Party shall not deny parenting or custodial rights due to a refusal to provide said financial contribution. Nor shall they speak of or mention any aspect of their grievance regarding financial contributions of the other party in the presence of said children.

•   Each Parent agrees not to use obscene or vulgar language in the presence of the children and must discourage use of such language in said children at all times. Obscene or vulgar language is defined as those words and phrases that are not allowed to be broadcast on network television.

•   Each Parent shall have the right to choose their own Parenting style and punishments, providing their methods and results are not prevented by law and do not constitute abuse

•   Both parties shall acknowledge that this is a high conflict separation and shall make all practical efforts to minimize direct contact with the other party to avoid further confrontations with the other party especially in the presence of the children.

•   The Parents shall not use said children or any other person except a designated messenger, to deliver any messages to the other party.  Letters and notes may be transported by the children given that they are enclosed in a sealed envelope addressed to the other parent.

•   Neither Parent shall use the children, directly or indirectly, to gather or pump information about the other Parent's lifestyle, parenting style, emotional or financial state.


Only only, if I had a brain... (BM singing)

[teakae]

YOU GOT IT!!!!

The child support till 18 part!!! hahaha

And the babysitting part! She adamently REFUSED to agree to the Right of First Refusal but she was happy to agree to this!!

Now we just call her "uh!" "...." Thats fine with us because we don't want to talk to her anyway. Gives a good reason not to talk to her.. hell we can't even adress her anyway..lol

Girlfriend.... She specified my name. but ofcourse if I change my name it should be fine. She also specifiec Father's name and her name in all of the items too. Stupid Stupid Stupid...

Father wanted me to tell you guys, I know she is a loon, I hate being a loon along side her but its for the kids... Tell me what I should do if you have a better suggestion...

[ksmomof2girls]

 Each Parent agrees not to use obscene or vulgar language in the presence of the children and must discourage use of such language in said children at all times. Obscene or vulgar language is defined as those words and phrases that are not allowed to be broadcast on network television.

Ummmm....I have heard some language on network television that children shouldn't hear.  Like A$$, B*tch......

but that is a good one to put in there.  Since being with my BF of almost 3 yrs, he has stopped using foul language around children...especially mine, and really dislikes it when other adults uses it around my girls and other children.  And he DOESN'T have any of his own nor wants any of his own!!!!!!  Go figure.

Maybe I need to add that one in there as the SM and X uses that kind of language around our girls.  Oh, yeah..SM even called her son an A$$hole in front of us one night while we there...Loud enough for him to hear..( I think he was 11 yrs old at the time)

Good luck....

Do you have documentation on when BF has had the children,etc?

[jilly]

One other comment...the reference to child support shouldn't be included in the parenting plan.  Those are two separate issues and one (supposedly) has nothing to do with the other.  If she's already getting CS from your DH then it's a non-issue.  Also, the length of time your DH is to pay CS (graduate from HS or 18) is statutory.  I think in most States it's pretty much the norm that CS is paid until the child graduates from HS or turns 18.

[Avaya]

She specified your name?  That's even more stupid for her.  Parents are permanent;  Stepparents sometimes aren't; Girlfriends/boyfriends often aren't.  It' s stupid to mention one of them by name in a parenting plan.  If that list had gone to a courtroom, a judge never would have allowed it.

[almostastepmom]

I'm in WA State and going through something just like this.  I'm the girlfriend and I am telling my SO to get a lawyer and do it now.  He finally did and I will HIGHLY recommend her.  We haven't gone to court but all I can say is get one and get one now!  You will be sorry in the long run and so will the kids.  We really couldn't afford an attorney, but we will do everything we can to make sure she gets paid so the job gets done..... The ex will continue to ask for more money, change the rules to her likeing and then stab you in the back when something isn't done to her likeing.  Just take my advice :  LAWYER, LAWYER, LAWYER
Good Luck
 

[Hardware Queen]

Would it help to see a boilerplate that Multnomah County (Portland, OR) uses? The one section in it that I find bizarre is the one phonecall per week, but the rest is pretty fair. http://www.ojd.state.or.us/osca/cpsd/courtimprovement/familylaw/documents/mul8075.pdf. You might want to see if your county/state has something similar.

Our parenting plan was loosely based on that. Here is what my ex and I mediated. I should add that we also decided the receiving parent picks up the children, although that was a verbal agreement.

Parenting Schedule.  The children's primary residence shall be with Mother subject to Father's rights of reasonable and seasonable access and parenting time as set forth below. The following provisions may be modified by agreement of both parties.

Alternate Weekends and Mid-Week Parenting Time.  The children shall be with Father on alternate weekends from Thursday evening after Father's work to Monday morning, and at such other times as the parties agree.

Whenever the weekend falls adjacent to a school holiday or legal holiday, excluding a holiday designated below, the weekend shall include that holiday and begin one day early on Wednesday evening or end one day late on Monday evening as necessary to include the holiday.

Loss of Regularly-Scheduled Alternate Weekends.  Other periods of parenting time established by this schedule supersede  regularly scheduled weekend time. A loss of regularly scheduled alternative weekends may result from specific holidays and vacations on this parenting schedule or as otherwise agreed. However, if the holiday schedule results in one parent having the children three weekends in a row, the parties shall modify the alternating weekend schedule commencing with the weekend following the holiday weekend.

Holidays

Easter.  The children shall be with Mother in even-numbered years, and with Father in odd-numbered years.

Memorial Day.  The children shall be with Father in even-numbered years, and with Mother in odd-numbered years.

Mother's Day/Father's Day.  The children shall be with Mother on Mother's Day and with Father on Father's Day.

Independence Day.  The children shall be with Mother in even-numbered years, and with Father in odd-numbered years.

Labor Day.  The children shall be with Father in even-numbered years, and with Mother in odd-numbered years.

Thanksgiving Holiday.  The children shall be with Mother in even-numbered years, and with Father in odd-numbered years.

Christmas Holiday.  In even-numbered years, the children shall be with Mother from the beginning of Winter Break until Christmas Eve at 11 p.m., and with Father for the remainder of Winter Break. In odd-numbered years, the children shall be with Father from the beginning of Winter Break until Christmas Eve at 11 p.m., and with Mother for the remainder of Winter Break.

Spring Vacation.  The children shall be with Mother in even-numbered years, and with Father in odd-numbered years.

Birthdays.  Each party shall have the opportunity to spend time with the children on the children's respective birthdays. The children shall spend time with Mother on her birthday, and with Father on his birthday.

Extended Vacations.  Each party shall have the right to take the children for extended periods of four (4) weeks per year. Each party agrees to give reasonable notice to the other parent in advance of scheduling extended vacation time with the children.
(Note: many plans indicate a specific time for notification, such as six weeks, rather than the ambiguous "reasonable").

Later on in the CO, is the section regarding Rights of First Refusal:

Parent Unavailable.  The parties agree that if either one of them is unable to care for the children for extended periods when the children are scheduled to be with that parent, he or she shall first contact the other parent in order to provide that parent the first opportunity to care for the children.

[teakae]

Thanks for this information. We wanted a Thurs to Mon visitation just like it you specified. But reality was far from the truth. The judge didn't want to hear any details of what she was doing to the kids, didn't want to see any evidence, and believed the mother when she said "kids need stablity".