Need a few ideas

[Stepmom0418]

DH and his ex are in the middle of discovery. Ex's attorney has sent irrogs to DH and DH attorney has done the same to ex. We have one question to answer that we believe may in fact be the most important question that they have asked DH.

The question reads as follows..........  

Describe in detail why you believe you should be given primary physical care of your minor child, along with any and all evidence you have to support your belief.

Now some of you may be thinking that this is an easy question to answer. Dont get me wrong we have came up with some things that we want to include but I know there is more that we would want to include and we have a feeling that if we dont get it included we may regret it later on down the road.

Some points we want to make are:

Dh would be the parent to maximum and continuing relationship with both parents.

School issues that include the childs absentees in the past 3 years as well as the childrens attendance records of whom live with DH and I.

No drugs in or around our home. Drug and alchol charges in close immediate family of BM.

Child would get the help and encouragement needed at our home to succeed in school and get to grade level.

I know there is more that we want to put in here but we are drained at this moment answering all of these questions. If anyone has any advise or suggestions we would really appriciate the assistance.

I have seen on the web that there is a definition for The Best intrest of the Child for the state of Iowa and if anyone has that link and could pass it on to me that would help too!

Thank you all in advance!!

[MyAngels4]

Here is Iowa's Definition:
"Best interest of the child" includes, but is not limited to, the opportunity for maximum continuous physical and emotional contact possible with both parents, unless direct physical or significant emotional harm to the child may result from this contact. Refusal by one parent to provide this opportunity without just cause shall be considered harmful to the best interest of the child.

You can find it here under definitions.
http://www.legis.state.ia.us/IACODE/2003SUPPLEMENT/598/

I am going thru the same thing right now (19 Interrogatoies to answer), but I am the CP, and my ex is just trying to get custody of our son, but not our special needs daughter.
 
I would add stuff about the parenting skills that your Dh has over those of his ex. On the articles page there is a article titled "Competency with Basic Parenting Skills and Tasks"

HTH,
MyAngels4

[Stepmom0418]

Thank You!!

I have also seen an extensive list about the "best intrest of the child" that has a list of all things the courts in Iowa will consider in custody matters. (its a list that goes a b c and then lists a ton of things) Now I cant seem to find it at all! If anyone knows where i can find this list it sure would help alot!

Myangels4 if you dont mind me asking what area of Iowa are you in? I am in Polk Co and am looking for others that may have been involved with the same judges or lawyers and ect.

[MyAngels4]

I am in the same area. I have dealt with a few lawyers and judges with both my ex and with my hubby's ex.

Please PM me and I will try to help if I can.

My Angels4

[Stepmom0418]

n/m

[MyAngels4]

n/m

[Stepmom0418]

sent you another PM

[wendl]

Sorry I am cracking up right now, did her attorney ask you really stupid questions too.


One of the questions they asked dh is:
How much alcohol do you and your spouse consume on a annual basis.

LMAO Hmmmm easy we each have ONE drink a year and usually on either a birthday or new years eve. The year they asked us this we hadn't even had ONE drink





Good luck with them, when does your trial start???

[MyAngels4]

I know what you mean about stupid questions, lol.

The ones I got asked me about my current and my past employment.
My ex knows that I havent worked since 1995. It is impossible to even think of working, especially when my daughter has a couple appointments a week with therapists. That and day care for 4 kids, and I wouldnt even make anything.

They also asked if I had denied my spouse visitation. Well, I live with him, so I dont know how I could have done that, lol.

MyAngels4

[Stepmom0418]

Hey Wendl

Actually the questions they asked DH were ALL about financial information other than the question I posted above and one that asks about criminal background on DH.

For the first 7 years DH and I were together I was the one who worked other than a few temp jobs he had. He really has no financial information and they asked NOTHING about me! They did not ask anything about me or my background, our kids or anything.

Now on the other hand since BM's mother was convicted recently on drug charges we asked her about drug and alcohol on her and her and anyone with whom SS has EVER lived!

Oh BTW BM called here the other night and uuummm well we would say she is getting a bit nervous or her attorney is.......one of the two. During the course of the conversation she admitted that SS didnt live with her for years and that her and her mom kept SS from DH. She also admitted that she is still living with BF.

Oh yeah and the funniest one is that "The reason she has denied DH a relationship for all these years is because it hurt her too much to see him with me!" ROFLMAO!!

She can sure come up with excusses! Oh and this is all on tape too!!

[Stepmom0418]

Trial starts Feb 9th.

Oh BTW DH has filed the contempts (12) of them that are to be heard the same day as trial!

[wendl]

LMAO,

I rermember when dh and I 1st started dating.  Well his boys musta told mom dad had a girlfriend, so out of the blue she decides whe will pick up the kids from dh's house. 70 mile drive one way. Dh agrees. So dh asked him if I minded staying whle bm picked up the kids.

No problem, dh and kids and I are all in the living room watching tv, bm knocks on the door, dh answers the door, she walks in and I think went to the bathroom, anyways she picks up yss, she tells dh to walk her outside she needs to talk to him ALONE, so as she is walking away holding yss, Yss says" mom that is xx" hahaha mom replies snotty "I see that"

DH walked her to the car, she wanted to meet with him to discuss the divorce.  He told me he was going to meet her and talk about it, well he did, he came right over after the meeting all she flipping did was talk about him coming back and how he said he would always love her crap" Well he just got up and walked out.

Then she drove 60 miles to his work to leave a card, rose and lovey letter on his car ROTFL it was funny.

SO maybe she thought dh would be like her family where they divorce then get married again to the same person.


Other things in the irogs were pretty funny, they wanted 6 months of bank statements from me, dh and my sons account. hmm in mom sons account ONLY child support is deposited in there and at the time of the irogs, I had only received $38 so that is all that showed in my sons acct. HAHAHHAHA


**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[Stepmom0418]

We are not sure what BM's attorney is up to requesting all of this financial stuff on DH but whatever it is he isnt going to get much. DH has stayed at home and took care of our kids and his step kids while I worked.

We kind of think that BM's attorney is trying to paint a picture that DH has not and does not work. Well here is the funny thing cause DH has been working the same job for a year and before that he was at another job for 6 months. So he has been working for a year and a half. Now on the other hand BM has never had a job!

They are supposed to have the answers to our irrogs back to us by Tuesday, so we will see. By all rights we have untill Feb 10th to return ours to them because of when they sent them to us but we will see if they give us what we want and then decide what to do. Trial starts on the 9th and the 10 is supposed to be the last day of trial.

I kind of think it would be funny to wait till after the trial and hand them to the attorney. I think that I am thinking like that because of the time that BM's attorney scheduled a temp hearing and neglected to inform us or our attorney. Luckely I seen it on courts page on line and called DH attorney!

[wendl]

Gotta love it, I know bms attorney requested OUR financial info as when dh was laid off and the kids wanted something he would tell them they needed to ask me as I was loaded. LMAO so she musta thought I was either loaded or hiding money hahahahaha. I just budget.

**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[T0052SC]

I am going through the same thing right now.  The funny thing is that my STBX never asked one question about the kids.  I am filing for Primary physical custody with joint legal.  We asked her questions that only pertained to the kids.  Her attorney asked only 7 question which all had to do with money; how much I make, my employer, benefits, RAs, and the last one pertained to a PI I hired that got video footage of dagers she put the kids in and the big thing they wanted was copies of the invoices and canceled checks used to pay.  My attorney says they want this to say I should pay her more money because I have so much to spend on a PI.  Little do they know I had to borrow all the funds from family.

I can't help but think with her that it is all about money and not what is best for the kids.  Do the judges get a copy of the question and answers?  If they do, do the judges read into them as I did?

[LizaLou1]

We answered by listing the 35 documented acts (court, police, CPS, USPS, Doctors, Schools) by the BM that sought to terminate DH's relationship with the children.  The list started with Ex secretly removing the children from their home state while she stayed behind and ended with her most recent contempt of court judgement that included 15 days in jail for blocking visitation... again.  Her 5th attorney quit her after he got our response.

[Stepmom0418]

Sorry it has taken so long for me to get back to you! Been real busy helping DH to get all the documents and answer all of these questions. Plus now we are back to working on the old computer as we gave the other one back to save some cash.

DH's attorney asked BM all sorts of questions that pertain to housing, school, medical, criminal records, and ect.

BM's attorney only asked 2 questions that might relate to the actual custody trial.

1) Why would it be in your minor childs best intrest if you were given primary physical care?

2) List and explain in detail your criminal history since your birth.

Other than those questions it was all about DH's employment. The funny thing is that they are asking for employment records for DH during a period that he and I agreed that he would stay home with the children and I would go to work. They never once asked any kind of questions about me! Not one single question throughout the whole paper involves me and DH and I have been together since BEFORE the minor child was even born.

As for if the judge will see the answers........I not really sure. I know DH attorney said we would use them if BM or any of her wittnesses get on the stand and lie or change their story. Otherwise I am not sure if the judge will see them or not.

BTW Good Luck to you!! How soon is your trial and what state are you in if you dont mind me asking?

[Stepmom0418]

Thank you for your reply!

DH's attorney has cautioned us and told us that although we can mention the things that BM has done to obstruct, he wants us to focus on the positive things that DH can give ss if given primary physical care. Such as :

we can guarantee that ss will attend school on a daily basis unless an actual emergency exists. Then we can list things that BM has done like not getting ss to school as well as any evidence that we would be able to get ss to school daily. (evidence like the children that reside with us....their attendance records, report cars, ss's teachers' testimony on how it could benifit ss if he was in school everyday and ect.)

[T0052SC]

My trial is set to hear in April.  The state that it is going through is NH.

It just seems wierd to me that the only thing that she concentrates on is money.  During every trial we have gone to the only thing they fight for is money and benefits.  She is in her mid 20s and she is demanding alimony, which I think is crazy.  I would have thought that she would have taken a more active role in trying to show the best interest of the kids rather than how much money she can get.

I have a court date coming up for a reduction in child suport.  She has over tripled her income since the temp hearing.  Her attorney is fighting the reduction and even took as far as breaking rules of conduct with the state bar.  Now her attorney is been recommended to go infront of a profesional conduct commity

Every one of the intorogatories that she was to answer had to do with the kids.  If I remember right there was only three that had to do with employment, but those were even to show conflict with the kids.

I just am having a hard time with how the judicial system is supose to be so civilized, but seems so crazy.  It just seems like, at least from how my attorney implies, that with the other side it isn't about telling the truth but what lies they can get away with.