shared custody

[adam]

Well, heres my story first.
after 10 years of marriage I found out that my x lied to me about nearly everything that was important to me. she finally told me because she wanted to go live the exciting life that sleeping around and partying would be. After trying my hardest to make things work I finally gave in.
I told her my only concern was for our two beautiful children. I was lucky early on when my daughter was born, I took a job that was in the evenings and some times I only worked part time there, but it provided a place to stay rent free. When I saw my daughter for the first time I could not believe just how I could love some one that much, the feeling is undescribeable. She was shortly followed by my son who also took my heart away. I have never experienced happiness like I had when I was with them.
My job allowed me to be with them everyday and I would only be away from them for a few hours a night. I was pretty much a house husband. I got to teach them how to eat on their own, potty train them, and there was not one thing I wasn't a part of. I was very close to them.
My x convinced me that she thought that the kids needed to see me as often as possible and she would never stand in the way of that.
We went and used the same lawyer to write up the divorce papers because I didn't care about money or posessions, just my kids.
She agreed to let me see the kids as often a spossible but we still had to put something on paper for the court. The lawyer said the less we put on paper (as long as we agreed to work out visitation our selves) the better it would be for the court. So not knowing any better I agreed to everyother weekend from saturday at 10 am to monday at 6 pm. and thats it, no summer, no holidays, nothing!
I signed away the only things that mattered to me, I gave her everything of our material possesions, house, car, and child support.
Wasn't but a few months after the divorce was final that she stopped bring them by. Then she started showing up late on the few days I got to see them. Next thing her boyfriend moves in with his two children (in a 3 beadroom house) and my kids tell me that they have a new daddy now. My x is constantly trying to distance them from me so she can have her boyfriend take my place with my kids.
My kids were so well behaved before and now they are having problems in school and they cry so much when they have to leave me, it just kills me everyother weekend.
I have seen things on the internet about shared custody.
I do believe that the kids need to their mother as much as me and I think this would be perfectly fair.
Problem is I dont know how to get started on this. Am I too late to ask for different visitation? does any one out there have 50/50 custody?
Please help me, I put too much effort in raising my kids to have that taken away from me.
Any help would be appreciated!

[CustodyIQ]

Hi,

Okay, I hear your pain, but my reply is going to be pretty harsh for the benefit of other readers.

1.  You were incredibly naive and dumb to have signed a settlement that had terms that were not what you agreed to.

2.  As a result of #1, you are so screwed right now.  You cannot go back to the court and say, "I changed my mind" or "Well, we had agreed to something else, even though that's my signature right there".

In your post, you stated, "I put too much effort in raising my kids to have that taken away from me."

Dude, you GAVE IT AWAY.  It wasn't taken from you.

So, now what?

You have a major uphill battle to get more time with your kids, let alone ever reaching 50/50.  You may never reach 50/50.

To bring the matter of visitation/custody back before the court, you'll have to demonstrate a significant change of circumstance.

Contempt for failure to let you see your kids per court orders would be a change of circumstance.

Kids doing very poorly in school could potentially be a change of circumstance.

What you have to do right now is to really educate yourself on how family law works.  It's not what's right or what's fair.  There are very specific processes.  Particular evidence is very relevant, and much is not relevant.

I recommend that you spend $70 and purchase "Win Your Child Custody War" by Hardwick.  It's a 600 page book, the only one you'll need to buy.

You will never get a do-over from your mistake.  But now, you've got to build your case to modify custody.  It may take 1 to 2 years before you actually see any results.

Educate yourself.  Build your case.  Take it to court.

That's your only path to make a change, whether you do it on your own or with an attorney.

Good luck.

[Lawmoe]

"We went and used the same lawyer to write up the divorce papers because I didn't care about money or posessions, just my kids."

You did not use the same lawyer. You cannot use the same lawyer. That is a conflict of interest.  You allowed her lawyer to draft the documents. That was your first mistake.

Custody is very hard to change in most states after it has been determined because there is a presumption to continue the same arrangement as agreed to. The only way to change it depends on your state,  In most states, the burden is quite high--a clear showing that the change is in the best interests of the children and that there has been a change of circumstance that warrants it.

In other states, the burden is even higher requiring a showing of endangerment in their current environment. Minnesota is such a state. Http://www.divorceprofessionals.com

You wer naive and taken for a ride.