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Author Topic: Wording  (Read 2129 times)


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« on: Jan 22, 2009, 01:46:21 PM »
Background: Hubby and bm have joint legal and shared physical.

Shared Physical: Father shall have physical custody 1 week before the school year until 1 week following the school Year.
                       Mather shall have physical custody anytime the child is out longer than a 3 day weekend.
Visitation:       Reasonable upon advanced notice; even year x-mas vaca dad, odd mom.

Side Note: Bm gets 9.5-10 weeks in the summer, Thanksgiving, Spring Break (e/o x-mas vaca).

OCO dated 1998,  bm filed for reversal in 02 it was denied. 2 hearings on equal access to medical info during her time, 1 over transportation (but 2 orders later), 1 hearing over medical later (thus getting an order for asthma meds during her time) here we are at hubby filing for contempt of the meds to her countering for custody.

They sent hubby a set of interrogatories which ask what he wants w/re to custody.

So hubby is gonna ask that ss get to spend Thanksgiving in the odd years with him.  The judge wanted to give it to him on his own (as in the judge brought it up) at the last hearing however since dh tec. didn't file he couldn't as bm's attorney objected (bm didn't show).  Here is the problem; as of last year the school included a 4 day weekend into the calendar w/that Friday being a make-up day. Per the co it would be bm's time. So we planned for that bought airline tickets to only have this time cancelled the week of because school was cancelled that Tuesday/Wednesday so they indeed had to go to school that Friday. This year there were 2 of these 4 day weekends. One in Feb. and one in April. Both have been cancelled already. Next year there are non listed; however the following year????

Hubby wants to find a way to keep the original clause of: Mather shall have physical custody anytime the child is out longer than a 3 day weekend. However, asking for a modification that excludes these types of weekends that could be cancelled last minute.

We thought about something like this: The Father shall have any extended weekend that is scheduled in conjunction with “make up days”. 

We want to make sure that this new clause would exclude Spring break, x-mas, etc. because thats not what dh wants, ss would still go during those times.

Anyone have any ideas??


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Re: Wording
« Reply #1 on: Jan 23, 2009, 08:18:41 AM »
I'm betting the school calendar or something says that this may not be a "day off school" and if I remember correctly, our system calls it a "Weather Day". 
If mom PLANNED and spent money to travel this day, only she ends up with the short stick.
Why do you want to prevent her from having a 4-day weekend?

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Re: Wording
« Reply #2 on: Jan 23, 2009, 08:41:08 AM »
Wrong way around, MB.  I think what the poster means is if a weekday of a 3-4 day weekend is taken to make up for a snow day, where previously the child would have gone to the BM, but now has to be in school.
Aleeann, if I have this all wrong, please correct me! 
Handle every stressful situation like a dog........if you can't play with it or eat it, pee on it and walk away.......


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Re: Wording
« Reply #3 on: Jan 23, 2009, 10:17:31 AM »
Okay to say it our terms.

Hubby's attorney wanted to nix that clause all together. He said its too confusing and w/this new problem re: the school schedule the judge would want to follow our state guidelines. That would create more problems; it would cut bm's summer and x-mas time. Thanksgiving is not even mention in them under LD, so should she not get it at all?? How would any of that be fair?? Tec. that would be a do over which is not allowed??

So in a nut shell, hubby is NOT trying to stop bm from having a 4 day weekend he is trying to preserve that, however at the same time trying to be practical. Bm lives 9 hours away one way (so its not a hop, skip, and a jump away).  Neither can predict for 100% certainty that these 4 day weekends will happen because they are scheduled accordingly with days (that Friday and/or Monday) as make-up days. This is NEW and both last year and this year they have been cancelled, next year there are none, so he is NOT taking time. Should the calendar include a 4 day weekend (EX: like T-giving in our area, because notice it NOT mentioned in their court order either) that does NOT include that Friday and/or Monday as make-up days ss WOULD go to bm's.

They both buy one way (long story) so in the end yes it affects us, more importantly disappointment for ss. Neither side can wait until last minute to book flights, again not practical.


This is NOT and I repeat not a CP that is trying to take away anything, keep the child from his mom, create obstacles to prevent bm from seeing and being involved. He just wants things to be more practical. Hubby has tried on many many different levels (and come from different angles)  to include and involve bm in every aspects of ss's life. Bm's name her husband's name and contact info are listed on EVERYTHING concerning ss to include emergency contacts. Hubby has filled out releases stating that they are NOT necessary but so there is no confusion, bm has equal rights to all info re: ss and sent them to ALL ss's medical care providers and the school as well as ss's coaches. He sends notices of ALL appointments, reports, report cards, school info etc. (He used to send copies of all school work). He has ss return calls, emails, myspace messages, etc. ON AND ON!

Hubby is not perfect he does like structure. They have had there issues with phone calls, communication, etc. Hubby has made mistakes but he consulted with ss's councilor and continues to work with them. He has learned how to be more relaxed and is still working on that. He will not "talk" to her everything is written (except emergency wise).

Now as for bm, she does take her time and communicates with ss when he is here. She has little interest in medical or educational matters when ss is here. She has refused info re: medical and school. She claims hubby does not include (never mind all the emails and letters to say otherwise). She is trying to use that fact that hubby asked her for ideas on homework (ss was having troubles getting things done last year) against hubby now in the custody case. She tries to limit hubby's involvement in anyway she can when ss is there. Like I said hubby had to got to court 2 times just to get ss's doctor's name. She doesn't list him as father or a contact. She has told (emailed) hubby of treatment yet the medical records show something else. She denied ss access to emails, she has with held ss's mail and the list can go on.

I think with the help of these boards (I have been around for at least 4 years, I was Imom on here had to re-register, I am Leland over on Secondwives and Indiana Discussion) to see what many NCP’s go through and how we can prevent from becoming the “evil” cp (for hubby) and step-mom (for me, I know I will always be in bm’s eyes but for ss I need to be better). 


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