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Author Topic: Mentally drained.  (Read 4795 times)

fairiZfair

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Mentally drained.
« on: Feb 20, 2009, 08:42:06 PM »
I love my boyfriend but lately I've been considering if being alone with my kids is the
 inevitable-which in my heart I think it is. Words cannot describe his ex wife in any way
 
its been a mental struggle more time than I care to admit, but it's hard to see someone
 
use their own child to tear apart another. I have never had drama like this and cant get
 
how someone can do it without batting an eye. I'm personally uncomfortable when my stepkids come for weekend visits, my personal things disappear and I feel like I'm losing my mind.
 
My first priority is to my children and I don't want them to think living like this is acceptable
 
I don't really want to go out when  they come over cause they never have any good clothes
 
to wear and the fact that their mother has so much of a negative influence on them-which
 
other family members think 'she's crazy but is very good with the kids'.  My boyfriend and his
 
X always say the kids are 'genius' and scholars' which I'm not jealous of (my kids are happy
 
all around and self sufficent) but that cant be true when book wise they do homework in
 
bulk  eg. whole week's work is done by Tuesday, and thy're always with a spelling list, but
 
socially they're very selfish, demanding and lie when they dont get their own way, they're
 
like little phsyco kids and won't put much past them.  This truly bothers me cause personally
 
I'm not like that with children-of all people, I'm definitely out of character especially since I'm
 
in school for pediatric nursing. To know that I feel like this is not something I like at all. What
 
is left to do I don't know. I find myself thinking negative thoughts about children that's not
 
my own, that energy can be directed elsewhere positively.


LeahToTheExtreme

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Re: Mentally drained.
« Reply #1 on: Mar 02, 2009, 10:17:59 AM »
I can totally relate! My husband and I recently married but we have been dating for 3 years including living together for 2.5 years. I have 3 boys from my previous marriage and he has a boy and girl from his and then we also have a 22 month old daughter together. We're Yours, Mine and Ours....the Brady Bunch. I am a very strict disciplinarian and my boys are pretty good (I get constant compliments from random strangers) although they definitely are not perfect. But I'm used to children that do what they are told and are respectful... the motto "tantrums aren't allowed". But then my Husband and I started dating and then started living together and his parenting is not like mine. It was very rough to say the least. In fact I started getting so disgruntled when my step children came over on the weekend that I took my boys (our daughter wasn't born yet) and stayed at my Mom and Dad's for the weekend. They were like demon children....tantrums, screaming, complete lack of respect, and a total disregard for any rules. And it was becoming very hard for me to respect my Mate because he did nothing to stop this behavior. Not to mention a really awful ex-wife. For example: my kids have never gone to bed with the tv on, in fact they won't fall asleep if a tv is on, they would stay up all night if the tv was left on. My step children however have tv's in each of their rooms at Mom's and have to have the tv on to go to sleep. Not so much of a problem on weekend nights, however on school nights a definite problem as the kid's share rooms because we would have to have a 7 bedroom house if they didn't! Well, I finally had enough and put my foot down and said tv's are going off at X time. My step son got very upset but seemed to calm down somewhat and asked his Dad if he could call Mommy to say goodnight. My husband gave him the phone and he started crying and told his mother that we wouldn't let him watch tv. So her response was Daddy is being inappropriate with you and I will tell him to turn the tv on for you. Then she got on the phone with my Husband and told him that at her house they watch tv so at his house they are to watch tv. So it's not hard to figure out where her children learn the disprespect from.....

I have numerous other stories like that where she shows a total disregard for my Husband as an authority and basically treats him like a babysitter/ATM machine. And frankly it is partly my Husband's fault for allowing her to treat him this way until now. The part that really gets me is she refuses to acknowledge me as his wife, she still refers to me as his girlfriend, and doesn't even acknowledge our daughter together. According to her his children with her are the most important and their relationship with each other is above any other that he has, and yes I am quoting an email from her. But like I said I had to put my foot down, so I had a real heart to heart with my Husband/Boyfriend at the time and told him that unless things change I don't really see us staying together. And I was very specific about the things that needed to change. He did start to get defensive saying that I was "jealous" of his children and the affection that he has for them. But I explained to him that I wasn't upset with them because they are only children and don't know better, that the fault was his for not "parenting" his kids but just being a babysitter. He needed to be a Father to them. That meant disciplining them and no I did not mean spending what little time you had with them punishing them....punishing and discipling are different. And I also said Her or Me. You have to choose your loyalty. And no I'm not saying your kids or me because I would never ask that of anyone as I have children and wouldn't chose someone over them. I have an interest in being a cohesive family, which means no one is favored over anyone else. Everyone is equal, and we need to do things that are in the best interest of everyone involved. Sometimes that means compromise. Evidently I said something right because we are married now and the horrid ex-wife is having less and less of a voice in our home. Although it has taken several years, but there is hope. I really wanted to try to work things out with him because I felt like with my divorce from my kid's father they had enough separation anxiety and didn't need to experience anymore broken homes. Try to talk about things if you can.

 

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