Welcome to SPARC Forums. Please login or sign up.

Mar 28, 2024, 11:30:18 PM

Login with username, password and session length

Ex-wife attempted suicide in presense of children...what next...

Started by trystero, Feb 22, 2009, 09:37:04 AM

Previous topic - Next topic

trystero

Greetings board!  Just found this site and appears to be a wealth of information.  I will be searching later on my topic, but here's my situation in brief...

2 children, ages 9 and 7.
50/50 custody shared with ex.

about a week ago, all hell broke loose on the first full day of her parenting time (saturday).  Silly fight escalated to kids calling me to be picked up.  While we were on route, ex- took a bottle of prescription meds while telling kids she didn't want to see them again and would tell the judge that she was bad Mom, etc.

She went to ER and then to psych hospital for 72 hours.

What do you think?  We think we need to mod parenting time order but having been down this road many times, advice/encouragement is welcomed!


Waylon

Welcome, trystero.

Well, you certainly have some stuff going on, that's for sure. It's possible that at the very least, mom may a candidate for supervised visitation in light of her actions....it's not inconceivable that she could be viewed by the court as a possible danger to the children.



Quote from: trystero on Feb 22, 2009, 09:37:04 AM
Greetings board!  Just found this site and appears to be a wealth of information.  I will be searching later on my topic, but here's my situation in brief...

2 children, ages 9 and 7.
50/50 custody shared with ex.

about a week ago, all hell broke loose on the first full day of her parenting time (saturday).  Silly fight escalated to kids calling me to be picked up.  While we were on route, ex- took a bottle of prescription meds while telling kids she didn't want to see them again and would tell the judge that she was bad Mom, etc.

She went to ER and then to psych hospital for 72 hours.

What do you think?  We think we need to mod parenting time order but having been down this road many times, advice/encouragement is welcomed!
The trouble with reality is that there's no background music.

trystero

Roger that!  I think at least for the short term need some supervised visitation arranged so that she can maintain relationship with the kids but in a controlled situation.  Will take time to both ascertain her mental stability as well as to regain the trust that the kids are indeed safe with her.  Supposed to speak with her this afternoon....

trystero

An update.  Secured services of Cordell and Cordell, new father's rights lawyer firm now serving C. Springs and Denver.  Going to approach ex- with temporary modification to custody, but fully expect to wind up in court as usual.  Will let the boards know how it goes and what my perception is of Cordell and Cordell.


trystero

UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE....

Well, a few weeks have passed.  Initially believed that everyone was on the same page of taking this slow.  Then ex started PUSHING for resumption of visitation. Straw that broke camels back was her saying "We have 50/50 parenting and YOU CANNOT STOP ME!!!!!".  I now have in hand an emergency order from the court saying she only get's supervised visitation, court date for permanant orders is set for next Monday....more to come!

trystero

Another update....

Had hearing regarding the Emergency Change to Parenting Time to see if the changes should stay in place.  Answer was, YES!!!

(HURRAY FOR RIGHT COMING OUT ON TOP THIS TIME!!!!!!)

Judge had some questions about the proposed motion that both sides were agreeing on regarding provisions for supervised parenting time.  Order is now in effect for the next few months until there will be a larger hearing to determine what the new permanent parenting plan should be.......


Any suggestions for supporting my side of the case would be welcomed.  Children's mother is supposed to get a psych evaluation in a few weeks.  That will help understand what issues are in play here.  Perhaps my biggest concern/worry right now is that there are 3 'expert' opinions that are going to weigh in at the hearing, kids counselor, mother's counselor, the evaluating psychologist, and maybe the parenting time supervisors.  Some of these may have some tendency for bias towards mother (e.g. sympathy for her out weighing best-interest of kids).  I scratch my head wondering how I can get some leverage?......

Kitty C.

The best thing you have going for you right now is 'maintaining status quo', meaning the longer you have primary custody, the more likely you will keep it.  Let me ask you this:  do you honestly think the BM will willingly go for the psych eval.?  Because if she doesn't or the longer she drags her feet on it (which she might because she is afraid of what they might 'find'), the more likely things will stay the same.  From what you've posted, it sounds like nothing will be resolved until all thse things are in order.  If they see her refusal to go along with the program, the more likely they will go against her in the end.

As for your end, just keep up the good work with your child.  Do everything the court asks you to do, show that you are more than willing to go that extra mile for your child.  What I have generally found is that idiots have a tendency to bury themselves, with absolutely NO help from anyone else.  She has quite a history with the court already!
Handle every stressful situation like a dog........if you can't play with it or eat it, pee on it and walk away.......

trystero

Thanks for the advise.  Will keep pressing on.

As for BM, who knows.  She last saw the kids over 2 weeks ago at their counselors office.  For the past 11 days, she has only been allowed supervised visitation but has not arranged for 1 visit.  She hasn't even called me to ask how they're doing in school or even suggest an opportunity to see them at counselors office should an unexpected appointment time pop up.  All very weird.

I'd work to even let her see them in some controlled venue like to come watch our son at karate.  Not exactly 'supervised' nor is its exactly  one-on-one parenting time, but atleast she'd see him and show interest in his activities.

The phone calls are painful.  Like she doesn't know what to talk to them about.  Lots of pauses while a 9 year old tries to think about what to ask his mother.  It is all quite sad for the kids.  They don't understand and the 9 year old asks some pretty tough questions.  He gets frustrated with 'I don't know yet....' types of answers.  (sigh)

tigger

It's probably the most honest answer she has at this point.  At least she's not making all sorts of promises that she can't keep.  Also, if she attempted suicide, she had no interest in living.  To expect her to show interest in the activities of the kids may be asking too much.  She's got to regain interest in herself before she can have interest in others.  I'm not slamming you.  Just suggesting you give her time and space (which you seem to be doing) but give some understanding as well.  She probably feels lower than a snake's belly because as she comes out of the depression and desperation that precipitated such an act, she'll begin to think more clearly and be shocked that she could have done such a thing which will bring about more feelings of depression and desperation.  It's a vicious cycle but if she can slowly overcome each step, she can break that cycle.

The hardest part for you is helping the kids understand that it's not because of them and it wasn't a matter of "she didn't love us enough to want to live".  Sounds like you're doing right by them by having them in counseling, I would just caution to have patience with your ex.  That'll be hard for you because when you're stable and productive, it's really hard to grasp the concept that someone just can't get it together and step up to the plate and do what needs to be done.
The wonderful thing about tiggers is I'm the only one!