Want to relocate with 13 year old ss, have shared parenting

[stepmonster123]

Hello All!  What a wonderful resource this website is!  I hope I get many responses.  My husband and I have shaped parenting of his son from a previous relationship.  He will be 13 in December.  We want to relocate to Florida, by choice, not necessity, and his son wants to go with us/live with us.  We have a terrible relationship with his mother, and will not work this out without the courts involvement.  What are our chancec/choices/options to ensure he gets to come with us to Florida??  His mom/step dad have an almost flawless parenting record, 4 other children, 1 with special needs.  We too have a good parenting record, so neither of us is unfit!  Help, help, help please!  Thank you!

[tigger]

Relocating from where?  How far would you be from the mom?  Moving from just inside the Georgia border to 1 hour inside the Florida border is a lot different than moving from Seattle, Wa to Jacksonville, Fl.

[stepmonster123]

From Ohio to Florida - pretty darn far!  The panhandle of Florida though, not Miami

[gemini3]

I think it's unlikely, even if the 13yo wants to go.  He has been able to have access to both parents, who are both fit and good parents, up to this time.  Moving that far will be limited access to his mother, and any other siblings he may have at his house.  At 13yo moving to FL probably sounds cool, but he doesn't realize the actual impact.

[MixedBag]

heck, "relocation by choice" even for the parent's sounds "cool" -- the panhandle is just south of me and yes, the beaches are gorgeous, but are you ready to deal with the rest of it?

Personally, what about sitting tight for 5 short years and THEN moving.

Unless another hurricaine blows through, the panhandle should be there in 5 short years.

[stepmonster123]

Cool, yes...without responsibility, unfortunately no!  I have thought about waiting until my ss is 18ish...but our other children are young now, and I'm afraid waiting longer will only make them not want to go!  And the housing market right now, what a steal to live within walking distance to the beach!  Who knows what it will be like in 5 years.  Is it wrong that I want to make one decision without custody of my ss as the utmost factor?? And the rest of what...the custody battle, or the hurricanes??  I'm from Ohio, hurricanes don't scare me...a tornado that pops up in a 5 minute thunder storm does!

[stepmonster123]

I think it's unlikely, even if the 13yo wants to go.  He has been able to have access to both parents, who are both fit and good parents, up to this time.  Moving that far will be limited access to his mother, and any other siblings he may have at his house.  At 13yo moving to FL probably sounds cool, but he doesn't realize the actual impact.

What about the impact of us moving away?  Why is it I feel like that isn't as important?  If we were relocating for work purposes, there would be no question, right?  To be honest, we have zero communication with the other half...and have begged the court system to give ONE of us sole custody, taking the risk that it might be his mother!  Shared parenting has never been the ideal situation for us because we do not speak, I mean at all.  We have screamed that from the tops of our lungs in court, to no avail.  We have ss 20 days a month now, mom has him 10ish, we are school placement/residential parents.  Step dad has a slightly large chunk missing from his perfect parenting armour that has been documented by the courts. 

[MomofTwo]

"What about the impact of us moving away?  Why is it I feel like that isn't as important?  If we were relocating for work purposes, there would be no question, right?"   --- Wrong, relocations even for work are never guaranteed - especially in a case where you expect Mom to have to give up being with her child. ...This is YOUR choice to up and move to FL, not Mom's choice.  You are completely at will to move, no one is stopping you, but why should Mom have to give up seeing her child because you want to move for no reason.   If it is that easy to give up being with a child, you do it - leave the child behind with his mother and there is no issue. You move and that's that.  You assume Mom should do something  that you aren't willing to do yourselves.  That is her child - would you leave your children move hundreds of miles away with their father and hardly ever get to see them? Amazes me you think Mom should do that. The child has no say in this matter.

You have mentioned yourself and your other children, but not once have you said why reloating is that CHILD's best interest.

Shared parenting is not easy for you...well, guess what, move and that will likely end. You can't do shared parenting from 1000 miles away.   Regarding your comment about hurricanes...as being someone who has been through Andrew and several other hurricanes in South Fl, you have no idea what you would be dealing with, so leave that out of the equation.  It is a horrible ordeal to have to leave your home and not knowing if you will have a home to even return to. It goes way beyond knowing it's coming.

[/FONT]

[stepmonster123]

Wow, thanks for the lecture.  Clearly struck several chords with you.  Thanks for the advice, I will take it into consideration, and think twice about posting again.  As for the hurricanes, I was simply commenting on a previous post (not yours). 

[ocean]

Either way you are going to have to go to court and get a decision since the BM does not speak to you. You can ask to take him with you since child is asking for that at this time (a law guardian can be assigned for the child so the child is heard in court). I would have a back-up visitation plan for you if you don't get custody. Ask for all of he summer and school breaks. You would be required to pay for travel since you are moving (even if you get custody, you would probably have to pay for him to go back to mom's for visits since you moved).
Good luck!

[stepmonster123]

Thanks for your input!  I appreciate it!

[Momfortwo]

It appears the father has a choice here, stay and continue the equal access with the child or move and become the long-distance parent.  Why should the parent who isn't moving be the long-distance parent? 

Before the father moves away, a judge probably won't let him take the child with him, he needs to get a long-distance parenting plan in place.  He will probably get most of the school breaks, the major holidays will still be split and he will probably get most of the summer, but not all.  The other parent has a right to a summer vacation with her child.

Even if this was for work, he still would not be able to move the child away from the other parent.  Just like the other parent would not be able to move the child away from him. 

[believer]

You are a stepmonster. Do you think you know what's best for this child?  He has a mother - get your kid.  You're a horrible individual.

[Waylon]

You are a stepmonster. Do you think you know what's best for this child?  He has a mother - get your kid.  You're a horrible individual.

I'll ask you once to stop your personal attacks and baseless accusations. You're welcome to express your point of view, but there is no need for these kinds of comments. They're unfounded and they contribute nothing to the subject under discussion.