My EX has not seen our son for over two years, help!!!!

[gemini3]

what is wrong with expect the NC parent to simply inquire about it. it should be something an parent that gives a crap about has intrest in. not just oh btw here is our childs report card. thats is one sides parenting. if it was the NCP you better believe i would hav a caopy of it or at least ask "when are they comming out, so i can get a copy"

All I was saying is that, if you already have some information regarding the kids and the other parent asks for it, I think you should give it to them.

[grtdaddy]

you know i was doing some reading, and seems alot of people are claiming the court system always sides with the mother giving custody to them. would any of you in your experience see something like happening in my case? i asked my lawyer and he told me i wouldn't lose sleep over it. but that is kind of vague. and i also read where judges give custody to the abusive parent simply ignoring the best interest in the child. I am the only stability our son knows and i have proved this with 15 declarations from school teachers to property managment companys to emplyment personell. I know i am a worries and scared father, but it's not for my ego, but for our sons well being i simply can not allow a judge to rule such a carless judgment if this goes all the way through. any experience here? california law by the law.

[grtdaddy]

talked with my lawyer today, he informs me the mother that has been gone for the last two years has basically abandoned our child, and will have to explain herself in court. and i asked him my chances of keeping full custody and he told me the chance is very high. that made me feel better. my son and i are both seeing a councilor to keep our metal health throughout this. this is costing me, but is well worth it. and with the evidence i have should be a cut and dry case. i pray for this to be true for our baby boy, it's him i am worried about and there is nothing i will not do for his well being and safety in growing into a strong man in society and future father/husband himself. 

[grtdaddy]

well today went down like this. we saw another triage person. the ex got one day a week supervised visitation for 2 hrs by a third party she has to pay for. no other contact allowed unless i agree to it. mediation is set for next month, in that time they will have all the eye witness abuse amd instability issues about the mom. i asked my lawyer flat out. : do i have a good chance at keeping custody"? his reply was extremely. then i asked him do i have a good chance at sole physical custody his response was extremely. do lawyers shoot you straight on this kind of info or woulkd they be more of, you could but it's uncertain. his responce led me to believe this case is all but over. the triage lady tried to say eye witness declarations are hersay, my lawyer laughed and said oh no they are not, they are eye witness of accounts and acts that have happened. it seems like triage people like to throw out doubt in hopes of lets make a deal right now which i did not unless it was what i thought was best for our son. any thoughts on this?

[grtdaddy]

oh by the way she got LESS than what they gave last time in triage, is there any meaning to this as well??

[MomofTwo]

Absolutely. It mean, that although I understand your concern, that your attorney is right, the chances of Mom gaining any custody are EXTREMELY low.  I know you won't take that sigh of relief until it's ordered, but your case is very very good for you maintaining custody.  The courts are not going to give her less time and then make a huge change like giving her shared custody. 

[ocean]

Does mom have a lawyer? What is she asking for at this point? You will have custody but mom will start earning her visitation back ..probably faster than you like. They gave her once a week access until court again and then they will negotiate it again plus hear part of the trial. Some trials take days (with weeks in between). It seems like your lawyer has people lined up plus you to testify and then she gets her side so this will not be done in one day (good for you..longer the better...).

Please try to Remember you HAVE custody now. If the courts gave her supervised they see something. Now the proof will come and she should have to jump through some hoops to get regular visitation.

[grtdaddy]

mom wants joint cutody all the way around. which myself as my lawyer disagree and as he put it she abandoed our child. she abused him and it has been witnessed and declared and filed.

[Kitty C.]

Mom is delusional.  And if she has an atty., either she isn't paying attention to what they are telling her, she has failed to tell them her history, or they are delusional, too.  She doesn't have a snowball's chance in he!! of getting joint............she'd be damn lucky to get an extra day of supervised visitation.  JMO, of course.......

Remember this first and foremost:  courts like to 'keep the status quo'.......and with not only you having primary custody all this time, but also her documented 'history', they will NOT want to change this.  If anything, they wil want to move very slowly to increase BM's time and make her prove herself to the court.  That is certainly one thing I would demand in court...sanctions against her if she screws up.  Like if she fails to show for a certain number visitations, the time is decreased.  If she attempts to abuse the child, she be charged and ALL visitation suspended until she proves to the court (classes, whatever they demand she take) she won't do it again. 

The last resort would be termination of rights.  It's obvious by her demands that she is in total denial of what she's done, so you practically have to hang something like this over her head to make her realize this is being taken seriously and she cannot screw up again.

[MomofTwo]

I agree with Kitty!

Also, I would add, that if you can, request the supervised visitation read like 25 visits of supervisied visitation for 1 hour.  Additional time cannot be requested until such time that (hername) has completed all 25 visits. (or whatever number).

Reason I say this is...alot of time they will write orders for supervised visitation and put it in terms of months, so the orders reads 3 months of supervised visitation. Problem with that is, alot of parents don't comply with the visits but after 3 months want to request more time.

Try to get your attorney to word it that she must complete all supervised visits before any additional visistation can be requested.  If it takes her 5 years to complete 25 visits then so be it but the onus is all on her then to complete that number of visits before anything can be modified further.