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Question about custody order....

Started by worriedmom, Sep 23, 2005, 04:52:05 PM

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worriedmom

I am not asking for any legal advice or what I should do, but I dont understand something in my custody order. If anyone can put it in lamens terms (because I cant read court jibberish very well) I would really appreciate it.

1. Attendance at school

The child shall attend public school in the public school district where the petitioner (me) resides. Future decisions regarding the schools attended shall be shared equally.

? Does that mean I have to get his permission to change his school if I were to move out of that school district?


If anybody knows what exactly this means could you please let me know. Thanks

Sherry1


worriedmom

Would that b affected if i already had a job, enrolled in college and put down a housepayment already? or would i still have to get permission and/or court order?

MixedBag

I think this means that the child will attend a public school no matter where you live.  HOWEVER, if you think the child should attend a private school of any type, then you both get to decide.  (Like say there is an absolutely FANTASTIC private school that kids attend for college prep classes, or if your child is gifted in music and you want to send them to a "music" school, or your chid is rebellious and a school that is "corrective" in nature would be appropriate -- get the idea?)

You mentioned below that you're planning on moving and that is actually a whole different subject.  

Hopefully it's not far away from the NCP so that as a whole, nothing really changes.  Make sure you comply with your state's laws on the moving issue.  For example, in our state, the CP can move 70 miles away WITHOUT notification to the NCP.  Other states have a limit that is closer, or farther away, or maybe even a totally different criteria defined.


worriedmom

Thankyou I am going to look that up because we are planning to move about 60-70 miles away from where he lives. And I am going to talk to a lawyer about it Monday, oh yea and i recieved my book today "Joint custody with a jerk but the beginning of the book says my exs type of behavior needs professional help and that the book wont help. I was going to read it anyway, wont hurt anything. Thanks again I am goin to recieve my other book in about 2 business days.

worriedmom

well, good news is that I talked to a lawyer and he said that there is no mileage boundaries. The only thing I have to do is give him 60 days notice that i am moving.

CustodyIQ

Hi,

I wouldn't be concerned about where the child attends school.  Clearly, the child will attend whatever public school serves your neighborhood.  It's right there in the order.  However, if you want the child to attend any school different from the public one serving your neighborhood, that's when parents need to come to agreement.

I would be concerned how the 60-70 mile move will have an impact on the parenting plan, particularly if you and the father currently live near each other.

The father would have a valid case to ask the court to modify the parenting plan, given that transportation time is now a significant burden for very frequent back-and-forth.

It just depends upon your current schedule.  If the child sees the dad only on weekends, with one roundtrip each week, it's not a big deal.  But if there are currently several exchanges per week, it's possible that the court will modify your parenting plan upon either parent's request.

You may be happy with the changes, or might not.

But talk with your attorney about options and possible outcomes.


worriedmom

Thank you for the response. His father only takes him every other weekend (He picks him up and drops him off) But it says if I move out of the area then he picks him up from my house and I have to go get him from his. I do plan on talking with a lawyer before we move.

CustodyIQ

If you already have court orders that indicate what will happen if you move out of the area, then I think you have nothing to worry about.

So, I'm not sure why you even have an attorney involved at this point.

Your court orders clearly say that the child will attend the public school for your address, and they clearly say what will happen if you move (i.e., you'll be responsible for half of the transportation).

There is no confusion and nothing to debate here.  So, just do it (i.e., providing notice of the move to father, of course), and if the father takes you to court over it, he'll really have no case.

worriedmom

I made this post because I didnt understand what that part of the court order meant exactly. I didnt know if i had to get his permission to move him out of the school district he is in or if that just meant that if i wanted to send him to a private school. I didnt get a lawyer involved, I just asked him what it meant and if there was any mileage boundaries in this state and he said that I can move him with no mileage boundaries as long as i gave his father notice

worriedmom

Today I informed my ex that we are going to Ohio for Thanksgiving to visit my husbands family. The court order states that I have him for Thanksgiving from Wed. at 6p to Sunday at 6p. This is his weekend so he thinks that I only get him for Thanksgiving DAY and that he gets him for his weekend. He is also complaining that I have to get his permission to leave the state with my son. I told him that the court order again says that the parent can take him out of town for their schelduled holiday and shall notify the other parent. I know I am right and that I can take him to Ohio for my thanksgiving holiday i just dont know how to deal with him without losing my cool. The more i deal with him the more i just want to scream and yell at him until he listens.

msme

then respond calmly, no matter what. Send him written notice, CRR, of your plans for the holiday. In most states, the holiday supercedes the normal weekend schedule but you might offer him an extra weekend, just to be nice. You catch more flies with honey then with vinegar.

Good luck & God bless.

You never get a second chance to make a first impression!

worriedmom

Thank you for your response. The only problem is is that if I offer him an extra weekend then he will expect an extra weekend EVERY time I get him over his weekend and if I dont then he will fight with me over it. No matter what I do he just complains over anything and everything he can. Its a neverending cycle of hatred with him.

jilly

By "EVERY time I get him over his weekend" do you mean when it's your holiday time but ex's weekend?

And what's the problem with giving him a make-up weekend if you have your son for a holiday that would normally be ex's weekend?

It's called being cooperative.  Maybe you both should try it.  You just might find you don't argue as much over this sort of thing.

worriedmom

yes and I have given him extra weekends. He takes advantage of it and then when I dont give him a makeup weekend because i have something going on, he acts as if its in the court order that i have to. I have really really tried to compromise and find a way to make us both happy. If anything I come up with benefits me in ANY way, shape or form he wont do it. If its not HIS whole benefit then he will fight with me. If I let him choose an alternative then he will come up with anything that he knows will hurt me or make memad. One question... Why is it a problem to take my son to Ohio to visit family for the holiday? Why is he making such a big deal about it? If he wanted to take him somewhere to visit family, I wouldnt object. Why is he like this? Because when I broke off our relationship because he told me that "right now my drugs are too hard to give up for you and him. I am just not ready" His exact words, he lost his CONTROL over me. Now he is struggling to find any way he can to Keep his control. Thats another reason I broke it off with him. I know from experience that if control is the guys concern that could easily turn to abuse. Not all guys are like that but its a good indicator that he COULD b the abusive type. Now he is angry with me for getting married and taking it out on me anyway he can and right now he is trying to keep me from visiting family. So yes, I cooperate unless im getting spit in my face from his yelling. Even then I have STILL tried to cooperate but with him, its impossible to compromise anything.

jilly


msme

Perhaps your response to that should be....Fine, but everytime your holiday falls on my weekend then I will expect you to give me a make-up weekend, too. Otherwise, if you can't work with me then we will follow the order to the letter with no exceptions.

You never get a second chance to make a first impression!

worriedmom

I can try that but he might agree to it to just get it and then when its time for him to do his part of the bargain, he'll fight with me about it. I can try.Thanks.

msme

Remember, it takes 2 people to fight. My son's ex would always try to drag him into a fight. He would simply say This is not productive. Either calm down or the conversation is over. If she didn't get herself under control, he would either walk away or hang up the phone.
After a few times, she got the message that she was the loser when that happened & finally stopped pushing.

I will say that the first few times he walked away & got into his car, she through a hissy fit, screaming obscenities after him. He never looked back, just got in his car & left her there screaming. But she did finally get the message.

You never get a second chance to make a first impression!

worriedmom

Thanks for your response. Like I said this guy is determined but maybe he will get it eventually. I just dont know how long i can keep my cool with him lol i really dont, my fuse is about up with him but I will definately keep trying the cold shoulder approach when he starts. Lets see how long that lasts Thanks again

worriedmom

I just got a tip that my ex offered my son a hit off his joint but my son told him it smelt funny and that he didnt want it. His uncle and dad were LAUGHING! We are going to the police tomorrow to see what can be done. I am done... I am so mad and frustrated and angry... I am scared My son has asthma and he's 5 years old!!!!!   Im losing it, I am truly going to lose it on my ex, this is exactly what I was afraid of and my son is at his house right now.   Everything in me is keeping me from going to his house and snatching him up. 2 people have told me this that were there. One had agreed to go talk to the police with us I dont know what the other one will do. I want this to end.....

msme

Have the friend who was there & willing to talk, call the CPS emergency hotline, ASAP. First thing this morning have the police make a well check. Meet them there with the person who will talk.  If the druggies are true to form, they will all be wiped out & sound asleep while your son will be essentially unsupervised.  

Bring your custody order & ask to have the child removed & turned over to you. Immediately take him to a hospital & have him checked & drug tests run on both his blood & hair. Ask him to process the tests as evidence. Ask the doctor to talk to him about what he did last night. He can draw him out & he will also have to report to CPS.

I don't remember if you have a lawyer but if you do, be standing outside the office when he/she arrives Monday morning. Tell him/her what happened & ask to have an emergency Ex Parte order filed for an immediate temporary change of custody, with a no contact order until court.

Also get your son into therapy. I know he is only 5 but kids that age absorb an awful lot & already want to take the blame & try to fix things. Call your local mental health clinic & ask for an emergency visit. Or if you have insurance, call your pediatrician & ask for a referal. Or go to your son's school & speak to the counselor. He/she can give you the name of a good therapist.

Also ask the school counselor to meet with your son & encourage him to go to him/her anytime he wants to talk to someone. Check in with her/him at least once a week.

When my grandchildren were being abused, the school counselor was a Godsend. She came to court with us. Her word has great credibility. The therapist was also a great help.

Good luck & God bless you & your son. We will be keeping you in our prayers.

You never get a second chance to make a first impression!

worriedmom

Well, I am not a happy person right about now. I called the child abuse hotline and explained to them what is going on. They told me that they cant do anything about it because it didnt EFFECT the child. I told her that he has asthma but she said that he didnt have an asthma attack! This world is screwed up. Doing drugs ,she said, "is a lifestyle choice" This is bull!!!!! As a parent I am expected to protect my son but when i try state tells me that I cant because my son isnt hurt badly or dead!!! This is ridiculous. Basically she told me ii have to wait until he kills him before anything can be done. I dont know what to do at this point. I am about ready to state hop if someone in this idiotic state doesnt do something about this.

Lovingdad

I was about to reply to your Sept 30 post regarding Thanksgiving holiday and ask if your ex has been reduced to an every-other weekend (EOW) NCP.  I still would like to know if he is a EOW NCP.  If he is, you should be offering him a lot of extra time, provided he wants it.  Children need two parents, their biological parents, but not if one uses drugs.

worriedmom

Yes he is a EOW NCP but he doesnt make an initiative to see him or talk to him outside of HIS weekend unless its something like this. He doesnt want to be in any part of his life except what the court has told him. I would give him a lot more time if he wasnt mentally damaging my child and trying to give him drugs when hes 5 yrs old. Or ever for that matter. He needs to be a father to him not a self righteous, idiotic, game playing, racist pig. He is teaching my son to say the "n" word. What am I going to do if he goes to school and calls someone that? I shouldnt have to worry about these things.  I am already fearing that he wont live past the next weekend his druggy father has him.

worriedmom

Ok Today I got a wierd call out of the blue from BD's mom. She called to ask for my son's info to get his Birth Certificate. Well, I dont know if I did something I shouldnt have but when she called I was pressed for time, stressed out and trying to get ready to leave so I just said fine and emailed her his birth certificate. She was then making a big deal that it wasnt a certified copy. Y would she need a CERTIFIED copy? I dont know what devious stunt she could pull with that information. I feel so stupid now but i am just so tired of fighting with his family. Does anyone know what all can be done with birth certs other than enroll in school and stuff along those lines? Also, when I took my son to his psych. visit today, I was informed that BD's GF called to make an appointment to talk about Lukis. Why couldnt he call?  I have a feeling he's going to make a mess of things and that something is being plotted. He is very irrate and angry that my son is going to a psychologist and gets very defensive when I talk to him about what she has said about my son's development. He has told me to stop taking him because "he doesnt need it". I think I have every reason to be suspicious of his motives. Any ideas of what could happen with the Birth cert and all of a sudden interest with getting it, now he is going to my sons psych?

MixedBag

Now you got me confused -- and how your "family tree" is set up.

I know once I got my EX's son's birth certificate because I wanted to prove his dependent was born AFTER our son with the thought that he shouldn't be allowed to receive a reduction in his income for a dependent subsequently born after our divorce.  (Found out later that WV Child Support doesn't see things the same way).


worriedmom

ok im confused My son's Bio Dad's Mother (my son's grandma) called asking for info to get his Birth Cert. I emailed her a copy but she complained that it wasnt certified then. I just didnt know what kind of devious stunt she could pull with that information (certified birth certificate)

kittencaboodle

Where do you live?  

I ask because I know in Indiana, holdiays supercede regular visitation time.  I believe it even states that in the PArenting Guidelines.  If your state has their parenting guidelines online, or if you have a copy of the guidelines, you can do what my husband and I do when going up against his ex.  

Quote, verbatim, line and page of the decree or guidelines which state what you are enforcing.  And don't let him get away with anymore cr*p.   Unfortunately, that's how we have to act with DH's ex and we're the NCPs!  

FLMom

There's two things that come to mind. . .

1) Passport.

2) She's trying to cash in some stocks or savings bonds that are in his name somewhere.

FLMom

worriedmom

wouldnt she need social security card too? and I dont have nething in stocks or savings bonds in his name but she might... Now im worried about the passport thing....hmmm I am talking to my lawyer tomorrow Thank you for the response