MomFORtwo ... thanks for your straight forward and earnest post. I can tell you are firm in your writing and that is good. If your children have to sleep every school night with the lights on ... there's really nothing an absent parent can do to defeat those rules because the children are not considered at risk ... until.... hold on
I think and I hope that if you had a 9 yr old daughter posing as a 19 yr old and discovered she was being lured by a 39 yr old man or woman at her dad's house then your standards, values and rules would come into focus big time. Dad's rules or excuses would not matter at that point. If the little girl was an adamant internet/myspace user and even the slightest gut feeling of her potential risk existed (without exageration) I would expect your rules to come into play big time at dad's house and if they didn't the little girl should not be there and exposed to the risks.
I've had a particular interest in this subject matter and attended numerous seminars (ie stranger abductions, etc) and been in several parent groups over a long period of time. The MOST EFFECTIVE professional advice and parental advice was "talk to your children" just like you have done. Certainly if they could be vulnerable to a stranger on the internet (or in the grocery store) then a parent would have the presence to convince them of the dangers and risks they might encounter else where.
About my grandson, at the time he was always getting yelled at and bitched at in his environment and his mother forced the issue with her mother and sent him to Grampa and to be with his uncle. They were both humble star athletes and I'm a long time youth coach and along with his mother's urging we had a leg up and naturaly overcame the bad mouth.
The authorities finally came to their senses (he got in trouble like all the rest) so now he's back with his mom ... she can handle anything. I expect to be a great grandpa within the year unless granddaughter gets back to her mom. She's not considered at risk because she's with grandma (and money) and no one else has access to her.
... until ... one of the kids flicks on the light when the grown-ups want to sleep and all hell breaks loose...kids jailed (not juvie) again for their own protection, adults terminated as parents and kids had been returned to Dad that had no problems enforcing the rules ... no guns or drugs in your room, return all stolen property, no more stealing the car, etc... and I talked to them ... two became star college athletes and pastors and one became an RN (all caring professions) ... all I did was talk to them EVERYTHING ELSE THEY DID ON THEIR OWN.
Believe me ... no ego... just love, structure, enforcing rules and working together with people from all walks of life in churches, schools, law enforcement, judiciary, but I didn't put up with much smart mouth from too many judges...hope this is helpful.
Thanks for your relevancy. God Bless.
