Need adivce, my son and my ex could possibly be danger someday..

[ACWhitt]

March 2009, My ex girlfriend and i  broke up after a rocky uncommunicative, hard-headed,selfish decisions we had made while we were togehter. On top of this, brought a beautiful boy into our life who is now turning three this month. After the mess of moving out of our home,owing utillities, and trying to get our lifes back in order. I moved back to where i once lived,across the street to the church i now attend.
She moves into a motel with her new boyfriend. Where am i going with this you say? Wait this gets better! she sets up an agreement with this guy to watch my son while she goes off
to a market to sell her crafts. In exchange, shes agrees to feed him and my son,buy beer,liquior and cigarettes and pay the rent on this little one bedroom motel. Recieves child support of five hundred from her first marriage. Her daughter, who isn't living with her at the time.
While this is going on, i am unemployed and the recession hits but i manage to work here and there doing landscaping in the summer (june-aug). Paying her what i could give her and the rest to my elderly sister in church for rent and utilities. I ask my ex, when i get a job,
get my son on child support.

July-Aug 2009
As i work and set my own hours. My ex begins to complain about money and that i'm not paying her enough in the month and threatens to take me to jail for not paying her. And demands that i see my son more often in the week. When gee, i thought she wanted me to work and pay her child support. On the weekends i visited my son and had him over night.
When i noticed my son whimpering in the night and wouldn't sleep unless he slept on my chest. which disturbed me. Complaints.. come calling one night, My new nanny boyfriend
is beating me because i won't stop crying is quote for quote i kid you not! And asks if i would watch my son for a week while she sleeps.. where in her van! I don't dare to refuse, i love to see my son. She finally goes back.This woman is supposed to have a higher IQ than i.
another month rolls by and i'm changing my son's daiper and what do i find? Bruises on his
buttocks and thighs, dime size, greenish blue. Strange, so i get my elderly church friend to witness the marks, very odd. August rolls by and again marks show up on is body, this time
siverdollar size, circlular like a ring. I notifiy Child Neglect and Abuse immediately, you what they tell me.. if your child is sexually assualted we cannot help until there is evidence abuse
This guy beats my ex, is a alcoholic and she allows him to watch my son as a nanny! come on! whats wrong with this picture!
finally i call DhS, and the case worker goes over to her house and interviews then both. Looks over the child and sees no bruises because there gone! Are you KIDDIN ME! and closes the case.
Sept-NOv
Searching for jobs about a month. finally land a job working security. She and this nanny moves into a house, my son sleeps in the living room inside a playpen. One night i come to pick him up and she mentions Oh we had company last night a drank some drinks like a house warming party. And friends slept over. Really? and my son slept where?
This is how it ends this boyfriend number One and yea there's one more and its over. She
and this guy apparantly are friends with benefits, even admitted this to me. this guy then starts to bring in other women and my ex gets jealous of this cause you know she likes this guy! Well she ends up opening a myspace and begins to chat with another man. This guy gets wind of it and tells me about all her dirty laundry. Are you kiddin me i was with her for 4yrs. Not having a job and trying to sell beaded jewelry won't pay the bills you need to have a part-time job or quit the craft. But try telling a hard headed candy apple this and you'll get bitten back. Well, as usual i came to pick up my son. Frequences of visitation increased when i began to have a schedule and stablity. so one night i came to pick my son up and the discussed to me that he was tired of her not paying rent or utilities.And had a man come over and spend the night in her room. She later shows up, and i leave with my son. But just before i left the new boyfriend wants to know about my ex. I don't say much. As this is happening my ex is being slapped about and pushed out by the old nanny. I leave so my son wouldn't see this happening to his mother.
NOv 2009
Closing the story to current events. In which i need detailed adivce about what i should do.
She moves in with second boyfriend, not three weeks pass and she is at it again. This time she meets a felon, who beat his wife and raped her. She secretly emails back and forth but this new guy catches onto what shes doing. They move into another apartment with two bedrooms. My son shares the room with his mother. She begins to secretly chat with this felon. This new guy turned out to be quite a nice individual,steady job and stable. Turned
to her for a relationship and she secretly calls and emails this guy in Ga. And now has left the second boyfriend claiming he is a rapist and posessive. Found out she is planning to move to the border of ARK and TN but she wouldn't disclose her residence to me. I tried to
reason with her about leaving my son with me until she finds out this guy on myspace is saying the truth and the relationship works out ok. And then  become situated and stable.
Want to know what her comment was. If it doesn't work i'll remain there and i will find aid
for our son. Last night she mention she was leaving with a vehicle that was donated to her
registration,tags,insurence i don't have a clue because shes not telling anything. Just last month her van was towed off and given a ticket for no ins,registration,and drivers license.
She was fined in Pulaski County Court for 600.00 with payments of 50.00 

[tigger]

Lots of information but no question was posed.  What do you need help on?  Getting custody?  Stopping the move? 

Do you have a custody agreement in place (via the courts)?
Are you court ordered to pay CS? (Asked only to get an idea of what she may threaten you with.)
Are you established as the legal father?

[ACWhitt]

I have copies of paternity and the birth certificates. She only has the ssn of my child. I have repeatedly asked her to file for cs but she brings up excuses. I tried to file for cs at my local DHS and they told me she would have to file for cs.
She and i have had no court hearings on visitation because she wants to leave the courts out the situation. I on the other hand want to go to court so i can legitamize visitation agreements if the presense of a judge, however i cannot afford court costs right now or attorney fees, she is in the same position.
I have ceased from paying child support since the day she left to Ga, and i'm withholding
money until she goes to childsupport. I payed her in money orders keeping the stubs.
I was told by a friend, i really shouldn't pay anything until she goes to file. She would need
Birth Cert, Paternity Test, and show proof if shes still married. Is this true, i haven't looked into GA's family laws because shes not telling me where they living.

[NYParent]

How long ago did she leave?  If it was less than 6 months ago, your state would still have jurisdiction of the case and you could/should file in your state.

Go to the court and ask information.  I don't know about where you live, but in NY I filed for free.  The first time around I did everything without spending a dime.  I was able to establish legal custody of my child and get visitation.  My mistake was not making the agreement specific enough.

You should really look into taking custody of the child....especially if you suspect sexual abuse.  It seems like his mom is unable to provide a safe environment for him and as his other parent you need to step up.

Like I stated, go to court and find out your options.  The more you wait, the worst.  Plus who knows what your child is going through.  This isn't meant to make you worry, but you really need to get the ball rolling on this.  Plus, you might qualify for free legal representation.

[ACWhitt]

She left last Weekend of this month. She has emailed my parents an address. Stating the address she has given to us is her boyfriend's parents address.She stated not to tell no one
about the new address, why i don't know, i'm assuming she doesn't want me to know? Of a fact my mother was going to send me the address. my ex knows this. I called legal aid way back in may and other lawyers of what my options were. I was told that there wasn't much i could do.I plan to call legal aid again monday and find out what they can do to help.

[ACWhitt]

Sorry, for all the duplicates. How do i centralize all my posts to one main one, and how do i delete them?
In the State of Arkansas i'm in Pulaski county. I would need to look up on ark gov under courts. I 'm looking into this, and i will update you soon.thx

[NYParent]

Whoever you spoke to at legal aid is an idiot (and you'll find a lot of those in there).  When I was going through my problems they gave me wrong information left and right.

Go to court ASAP.  Ask for an emergency hearing.  If they ask you why you took so long, tell them that you were trying to find out where the mother had moved to and that you finally had.  See if they can give you temporary custody of your son that way you can pick him up.  If not, maybe they can give you an order to have mom return.

You have to move fast with cases like these.  Unfortunately time is your enemy right now.  The more time you let pass, the worst it looks for you and the more unlikely you'll get what you want.

Remember, when asked why you should get temporary custody of the child say it would be for his best-interest as you are able to provide him more stability (which kids need).

You can centralize all your post by simply commenting in one of them.  I don't know if you can delete them.  I would make a reference in all the other post that you are only posting to this one.

[ACWhitt]

Update. I found out from asking a lawyer that she wanted not to go to child support. Agreement was settled between her and i to pay her child support but no set amount, Odd.
Because i pushed and pushed her to file for child support and she wouldn't do it. Why i don't
know. I then told her i wanted to go to the court and legitimize the custody and visitation. She said " Nothing wouldn't change, they will only keep it the way our agreement is now."
I told her why she wouldn't go get any kind of aid.. cs, welffare, and housing. She didn't say anything. Instead stablizing herself. She moves into an apartment which is owned by her new boyfriend. While shes with him, she secretly emails another man who is living with his parents. I'm not sure if he has a job.
And now shes living with this man and our son maybe be in the care of his parents while they look for a residence. I contacted Legal Aid in ARk. They set me up right away for me to open up a case. The case worker told me being that she left Ark and moved to GA. The case hearing on paternity could only happen in GA because she has a residence there for at least 1 day.So i'll need to travel all the way down to GA to the hearing.
This hearing is for paternity judgment, custody and Visitaton rights. How may i prepare myself a case so i can prove shes unfit for legal custody?

[Kitty C.]

Whoa.......BIG red flag here!

'Agreement was settled between her and i to pay her child support but no set amount, Odd.'

DO NOT AGREE TO THIS!  Do not allow this to be signed by the judge!  Reason is, it is open-ended and they could ask for ANY amount and you'd have to pay it!  If this is an informal agreement between the two of you, realize that this will not hold up in court, but if this is something you've talked to her atty. about, call him up and tell him you are rescinding your agreement to it.

'The case hearing on paternity could only happen in GA because she has a residence there for at least 1 day.'

The caseworker is dead wrong.  You have to establish residency for custody issues and that is 6 months, so as long as it hasn't been 6 months, AR has jurisdiction.  So you MUST get any court action started immediately, in order for AR to maintain jurisdiction.

You are getting so much bad information for suposedly 'knowledgeable' professionals that I strongly recommend getting an atty. as quickly as possible.  Good thing you found this place, or you'd be taken to the cleaners and hung out to dry.

[Davy]

... and in addition to others good advice ... it would be a good idea to research/review relevant info. in the articles section on this site.  Especially look for info. on how to interview an attorney.  Get organize with pertinant questions and know enough to determine if an attorney is jerking you around and may have a tendency to maintain the court's status quo.

Particulary give credibility to the advice from NYP and Kittty concerning the 6 month jurisdiction requirement.   File in AR.

[ocean]

I agree with Kitty...
You CAN file by you since she just moved. You can FORCE her to return child to homestate. Your state has the control since you still live there. You file with your family court and have everything go through there. File for paternity and custody and an order that child be returned to homestate.

Not sure what you are talking about ...no amount with child support. NO WAY.... unless it is in front of judge and written that way. Child support will not allow an order like that. Maybe what they meant is right now until you are proven to be the father through the courts you can agree to anything BUT if you are proved to be the father they can go back and ask from day 1 the full amount.

Go talk to someone in your home state and tell them you do not want to give other state jurisdiction and you want to file in your home state. You can do this yourself if you educate yourself with the family court system and know what papers to fill out. The family courts will give your or help type the paperwork but they cant give legal advice. You need to tell them what you want and give them some facts to type up a petition for you.

[ACWhitt]

No,no.no. She and i agreed that i'd pay her child support. She doesn't want to go to child support for some reason unknown to me. I've repeatedly asked her to file for it but she wouldn't do it. I called DHS, and asked them if i could file but they said only she could do this.She hasn't filed for any aid at all fo rher son. No Housing,welfare,and no child support. This is why i say odd. Most mothers are very quick to put there child on cs and other aid.
Maybe its because she recently ( 5mths ago) lost custody of her daughter (12yrs old). Due to being a unfit mother. Her daughter is now in the custody of the grandmother. The father is in the USAF stationed in Italy. When my ex moved into the motel with her first boyfriend she was living on the child support of her daughter.
Her daughter was being cared for in Michigan. Should i mention this in court when i appear before the judge?I am in no condition right now to hire an Attorney. As this is what advice Legal Services attorney gave me , they could only refer this case to the legal aid office in Columbus,GA. I told them they would be moving again soon but i wouldn't know when. My ex is keeping me in the dark.
I called the number she gave me last night so i could speak to my son, hes only 2yrs old. I asked her if she could give me her new address. To send my son a gift card for his birthday this coming weekend. He will be three this 28th. She wouldn't give me a address. She said she didn't know where she was. She just didn't want to give me one. Do i have the right to know the address of where my son is living? And how do i enforce this?
I was told by the Legal aid office in Ark, i just couldn't file this myself woth forms i can get on the web. I would need a attorney. But i can't afford one right now. maybe i should let this all alone. I'm just afraid of what may happen. I have been told that its illegal for her to be with
someone so soon like this. But i haven't read any laws that state she can't have a boyfriend.

Its the moving around and being unstable, no employment, though she says selling her crafts is a job but she isn't paying any taxes. we fought may times over this.I believe her new boyfriend is working but i don't know how long hes had this job. And its very strange they both don't want me or my mother to know the address of where they are living. But she says my son is well cared for and we have our own place. Man i hope shes not living in a motel again.

[ocean]

ok..forget legal aid....
Go to your family court and ask them where you fill out papers for petitions. You do NOT have to have a lawyer (that is your right). Ask them for:
temporary custody (and if they want you to do paternity to prove you are the father...file that too). In the petition for temporary custody you can write a few facts and ask that child be returned to county until court is over.
YOU can also file a child support petition....

[Kitty C.]

Whitt, here's the deal........

Looking from the outside in, it appears to me that she's trying to sucker you.  Sure, she doesn't want to file anything or have a set amount for CS and to keep it just between the two of you.  That way when she DOES file, she can tell the court that she's never received anything from you (realize that ANY MONEY you give without going through a court order is considered a gift, no matter how you document it) and they can nail you with a CS order and make it retro, meaning you would automatically be in arrears and Lord knows how much they would garnish from your wages to get it.  Tell her you will NOT agree to private CS, that CS must go through the court. 

But you've also raised another red flag........she's already had one child taken away from her for being unfit?    That alone would be grounds to file for sole custody and I would also ask for supervised visitation.  Yes, you can file yourself.  DHS doesn't know squat about CS, so don't listen to them.  You need to go to directly to the entity who has control over the issue you want to address.  So for getting orders for CS and custody, you need to go through the court.  And if they do have forms available in your jurisdiction on the web, then yes, you CAN do this yourself.  Sounds like Legal Aid might have predominantly females for clients and they're giving you false information to throw you off.

Research, research, research.  Document, document, document.  And don't take the first answer you get as the final word on ANY issue.

[ACWhitt]

Ok, so i can do this myself as a PRO SE. I want her to come back to Arkansas to appear before the judge to declare her as a unfit mother-why? Because she keeps moving in with different men. without a job,child support,and unexplained bruises on my son's body. In addition to all this she had her daughter taken away, granting her mother sole custody of her child.
What forms do i need and how do i address these issues in the forms and to the judge, when she appears, if she appears at all.? How do i order her to come back to Arkansas and if she refuses or can't for some unknown reason? What then happens? What forms do i ask for to order her back to Ark, sole custody,unfit mother,abuse,and child support,paternity?
Do i file these all on one form or separately?

Update: An attorney called me this morning and Legal Aid from GA. The attorney stated i should ( of course hire an attorney!); contact legal aid because you cannot afford an attorney ( though she said the case for filing sole custody and paternity isn't that all expensive);explain to them that your son was abused and they should provide you with a free attorney and if they can't, find a student lawyer, who is studing family law and ask him or her to defend your case. About child support; you should be able to file for yourself, contact your DHS.
I called DHS about filing cs for my son and again they told me the lawyer didn't have a clue what she was saying because you don't have custody of your son therefore you cannot file
for cs, she must do so. And present the cs before a family court judge to enforce cs.
Legal Aid called, she said they couldn't provide me an attorney and that they don't handle paternity cases. Well thats fine because i don't want to drive all the way to GA just to establish i'm the father. I know now i can do it here. So i said thanks but no thanks.

[ocean]

You need to go to your family court and ask for an emergency hearing for custody of child. When you get before judge, you need to say you want custody of child as mother is moving from place to place (if you know how many places, name them) and currently crossed state lines. You want the child returned to homestate and have custody due to abuse and other children have been taken from the home. (you need to prove this...do you have dr , police reports, the other fathers of the other kids to give you information on how they got custody?? open cps case?)

If the other children were removed, why didnt they remove yours? Where is she living now...? address? You or the courts will have to serve her so you need to do some detective work and find out where she is /working?

After the hearing the judge will decided on an order right then (give you temp custody, or make her return for future court date/trial). If she does not show up a few times then the case goes on without her...