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Author Topic: nu to this web site. just got my custody mediation date. Have no clue what to do  (Read 2819 times)


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Hi all
I am a 33 father of 2 boys 9 and 5. I have been married for 5 years. the last 3 year have been separated. She finally went for the divorce. And would only give me every other weekend  with them. I have been given her money. I have seen them through out the time on weekends and during the week i pick them up from school and help with there little league and stuff like that we live close to each other that i can be in there lives some what on a constant basis. but now that this marriage is really not going to work I am trying to be the best father to my boys and only getting them every other weekend will not work towards that goal.
My goal after this is 50% physical and decision making. I believe i have a good case for this. I live only 3 miles from there school. I live in a 2brd house, so they will have there own room and since I am self employed i can set the time to spend with them on my 2 weeks of the month and work my ass off the other 2 weeks.
I was thinking we can work something out between my x and me but doesn't look like it and now she has a lawyer.
I really cant afford a lawyer. I was really hoping there was something i can do myself. So if you have any advice let me read it


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What was setup in your parenting plan when you signed the divorce papers? It is much harder to change a parenting plan if it has already been set, if you have not signed divorce papers yet, you don't have to accept the visitation schedule.

If you have signed you may want to look into the website for your state's court house and research some options. You could file to have the visitation schedule modified, but you really need to present that there is a substantial change in the children's environment that would warrant a modification from the current plan.

If you have the money for a lawyer, I would definitely get one, otherwise you could look into any pro bono lawyer programs they have in your state.

Keep us updated.


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Jose, have you had the mediation yet?

The mediation is a free option to set up your parenting plan, but both you and the ex have to sign off it.  If it is not up to snuff, don't agree to it.  They will then have to set a court date and hopefully you can get a lawyer by then...


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mediation = free?  doubt that.


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I didn't pay for mediation....it's free here in NY (at least in my county).


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1. start documenting everything right now, daily journal with exactly what you do with your children when you have them.
2. Be as involved as you can, if you're only seeing them every other weekend now the court likes to stick with status quo if it's working.
3. Make frequent appearances at school, extra curriculars, everything that you can. Try to see them daily.
4. Start saving for a lawyer. You will not win a custody battle without one, ask for references so you get a good one, maybe they'll work out a payment plan or something.
5. Quit giving her money, put the money towards your lawyer. If child support hasn't been ordered then don't pay it. If you are paying it then you better be keeping documentation because if you're giving her cash she will still file for back child support and you will get no credit for what you are paying which means you will be paying it twice.
6. I know you wanted to try to work things out amicably but if she has hired a lawyer, you are now at war and you must treat it as such or you will lose!


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