Split time visitation hurting the child

[DDS]

This was another issue she brought up to me. That split time visitation hurts my son's development and is proven to be unstable.
Any links or help opposing this fact?
 

[ShellyD]

When you say "split time," do you mean something like 1 week at mom's, one week at dad's? If so, I can see where she would be right. Only because a parenting plan like that needs 100% agreement and cooperation between the parents, which rarely happens. I have plenty of questions about the background here, but if you disagree and want to retain the current set-up, ask for a GAL to look into the situation.

[DDS]

I'm looking at 3 days on, 3 days off with alternating saturdays, minimum. I know of PLENTY of couples that have been able to work out this arrangement before and the child developed just fine.

[ShellyD]

I'm looking at 3 days on, 3 days off with alternating saturdays, minimum. I know of PLENTY of couples that have been able to work out this arrangement before and the child developed just fine.

I'm not totally disagreeing with you. It definitely can work. Children are very resilient and overcome plenty of obstacles growing up. But the Mother simply sounds unwilling to give it a try with what little I've already read about your situation. It sounds like it will be a total nightmare if you are the only one willing to co-operate.

[grapeape]

experiencing a rotating schedule in an uncooperative, non co-parenting friendly parent relationship.... i can say to you that i would at the very least rethink the schedule that you have in mind.

our children, 3 and 5 at the time of implementation, have adapted tremendously. however, now i can see where the schedule could be less of a burden on them. if i could convince the other parent that reducing the number of exchanges would be more beneficial to the children, our schedule would be less complicated for our children.

if you live within 5 miles of the other parent and have a cooperative co-parenting relationship, a 3/3 rotation can absolutely work and be healthy for the children.

otherwise, the shifting/transfer from household to household becomes burdensome as they get older. different households, different rules; letting their friends know what number to call them at or if they will have a computer available to them, etc... most of the time, because of the alternating weekend (or saturday like you are suggesting) my husband and I cannot keep up with the schedule without keeping a calendar. it is confusing for the parents. even when I have tried to provide them with calendars.
the adjustment period when arriving at either parent's household can be 1-2 days of irritability.

I am absolutely an advocate of 50/50 rotating schedules. it is the best thing for the children when implemented in the right manner. and what works for one family may not work for another. but what to look at first is what schedule is best for the children... not the parents.

my suggestion would be to consider a full one or two week rotation (two week is preferable)

just my experience... hope it helps.
our children are now 10 and 12

[DDS]

he's only 4 months old so the schedule is not a burden on him currently...
I work 10 miles from her house and I'll be moving up to this place permanately come August.
 
However at his age, 50/50 I believe is in the best interest of him and of me. His mother tells me that as long as I see him every 3rd day for a couple hours i'll continue his bond with me.
It doesn't feel that way..
 
She is not willing to work on this... She wants SIX MONTHS of family therapy with visitation staying the way it is in order for me to get overnight visitation...
 

[Kitty C.]

Just another one of her 'claims'............she's trying to BS you into complying with everything SHE wants.  there's plenty of documentation on this site regarding 50/50 custody and a concept known as 'the tender years'.  Like I just said in a previous post to a thread of yours, EDUCATE YOURSELF!  She's trying to claim that everything she's telling you is gospel, or even possibly the law....and it's NOT.  It's only what SHE wants.  She's really trying to do a whitewash job on you, so you have to be prepared.  And every time you call her bluff, she will up the ante.  Keep reading, keep learning......and try to stay one step ahead of her.

[ShellyD]

he's only 4 months old so the schedule is not a burden on him currently...
I work 10 miles from her house and I'll be moving up to this place permanately come August.

However at his age, 50/50 I believe is in the best interest of him and of me. His mother tells me that as long as I see him every 3rd day for a couple hours i'll continue his bond with me.
It doesn't feel that way..

She is not willing to work on this... She wants SIX MONTHS of family therapy with visitation staying the way it is in order for me to get overnight visitation...

6 months of "Family therapy"? The child is only 4 mos old. There is nothing to psycho-analyze. Sounds like she's trying to keep the contact between you and her, possibly to reconcile, or simply to stay in control. If you're sure that you have no intention of living with her to raise the child, then there's no need for family therapy. You've got a long fight on your hands. The faster you get her in front of a judge, the better you'll be.

[asof2005]

My step-children have also been in a split visitation.  Saturday-Tuesday with dad, the rest with mom.  It has been like this every time they broke up when the oldest (now 11) was a baby and permanently for the past 4 1/2 years.  They seem to like it and are not used to any other way.  If there is a disruption in this schedule, they do not like it.

Do every thing you can not to give in to less time.  It will be harder to get more time in the future.

[grapeape]

DDS....  i think that is precisely my point. changing the schedule is harmful to the child(ren). they need stability and routine. even at 4 months old. the schedule you set now effects the rest of your child's life.
i re-read this.... and i don't want you to get me wrong. i don't mean that the schedule BM is setting should remain. i mean that when you are setting up a 50/50 shared plan it should stick. it should be thought of in the long term. children rely on this routine for emotional wellbeing.

i absolutely feel you should go for 50/50. that is best for your child. you both will be in my prayers.