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Author Topic: Is this possible  (Read 3509 times)

prenticect

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Is this possible
« on: Jan 05, 2010, 10:13:22 AM »
I am curious based on the variety of experiences here on this web site...  what have you seen.
 
If my current work requires travel, 50% of the time.  I am gone Monday AM to Thursday PM.  What chances do I have for 50% custody?  What chances for primary care?
 
I am looking for other work but right now not going well.
 
The concerns I have and why I would like to push this, the mom does not seemly want to work.  And since she does not want to work, she will be living with friends or maybe eventually find a place.  Seems pretty "undesirable" to me.  Causes concern.
 
Plus the mom, in my non-professional opinion, has emtional issues that cause me greater concern as my 2 boys get older.  I fear she will not be able to "emtionally grow up" enough to handle them as they get older.  I have no idea how to prove such a thing unless she actually goes through a phsyc eval.
 
But I am not wanting or trying to keep her away from the boys in any capacity, I am just thinking from a stability point of view, then staying in the same house as a focal point would be good for them.
 
I know this would sound strange; but as an idea...  Could I not "pay her" to watch the boys while I was away.  As a way of child support or something like that?  That way it would seem everyone would win.  Just trying to be creative in approaches.
 
But from what I have read here... if you are the dad, you are automatically the loser and do not deserve to see your kids except 8 days of the month or something like that.
 
Thanks all.


Fatherforever

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Re: Is this possible
« Reply #1 on: Jan 05, 2010, 03:40:58 PM »
I am a father of two young boys, ages 3 and 5 and I AM the custodial parent. (My ex wife sees them about 8 days a month.) If you read the front page of SPARC and what is stands for, it actually encourages the fathers as custodial parents, BECAUSE they encourage a healthy relationship with the other parent much more than when the roles are reversed.

Perhaps you could try for 40/60 split then? With her having them Monday through Thursday Evening and you Thursday Evening through Sunday night, but that would leave her with never having a weekend with them. :-(

If you could find a job with less travel that would be the best option, I know that in times such as this however, just having a job is an accomplishment!

What is your children's mother going to do if she decides not to work? How is she going to provide care for them?

~Fatherforever

prenticect

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Re: Is this possible
« Reply #2 on: Jan 05, 2010, 07:30:16 PM »
???  I wish I knew.  She not want to put the youngest in day care, so somehowI guess she will stay with friends or something.  She has no plan until the court decides one apparently.  She can cut hair.  She is actually really good at and could make decent money.
 
What you say is were I am thinking\hoping to go towards.  I now just need to get a lawyer that can really push for this to happen and not break my bank

asof2005

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Re: Is this possible
« Reply #3 on: Jan 09, 2010, 03:49:09 PM »
I don't know if it helps, but my DH's CO parenting time is every Saturday-Tuesday, close to 50/50 split.  Granted, every other weekend BM gets kids until 4pm on Saturday, so she does get some weekend time, where as your schedule would keep her from having any weekend.  Would the children's mother have a problem with not seeing them on the weekends, I mean would she even be open for 40/60 or 50/50?  And one more suggestion, maybe every other Saturday she could get them for a few hours, if she did want weekend time.  Just a thought.   Is there a court order of parenting time in place right now?

phil

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Re: Is this possible
« Reply #4 on: Jan 09, 2010, 05:39:02 PM »
The problem with what you are wanting is you changing jobs is hypothetical.  While you are working those hours now, Mom already is the primary care taker.  That is who custody generally goes to.  The other problem you have is ---are you a consultant? What time do you get home from traveling on Thursdays? I know quite a few people who have your work schedule and sometimes they aren't getting home till 11pm or even later depending where their client site is.  How could you get the children then?  The other problem is...you are saying Mom is good enough to watch the kids for you but you be primary? Umm, that makes her primary.  If the kids are with her all of those hours, it makes sense for her to continue to be the primary caretaker/custodial parent.  Nothing you have said would be indicative of a reason for Mom not to continue to be the primary caretaker.  The courts are also unlikely to not allow Mom any weekend time. 


prenticect

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Re: Is this possible
« Reply #5 on: Jan 09, 2010, 11:07:30 PM »
Thanks for the comments Phil, while I do not like what you are saying, I get what you are saying .
 
I am stuck as I am in a short term issue....  Meaning if the boys were a little older, if my mom was not so sick.. I would be able to go for full custody as there are a couple of issues that I fear greatly of as the boys get older..  as I do not think the mom is really capable of raising them.
 
She is "playing" the I am the mom and I get the boys card, and that card only.  Not what is reallt best overall for the boys.  She wants to move out of state and basically make it all but impossible for me to see them but for maybe... in a good month 2 times a month..  And that is assuming I am travelling to the NorthEast.  If not then I would have to pay for the plane ticket to visit.
 
I was\am trying to be creative in options so the boys can not be so severely effected by the whole process for one, and second to make sure they in the the type of environment that will let them grow and live healthy.  The gypsy lifestyle the mom has talked about has no intent of planning for a financial future seriously concerns me.
 
Sorry, I was ranting there...  But again thanks for the input

 

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