Counseller informed mother that I requested records - problems...

[Heston]

I'm a dad with joint legal and physical custody. I have a court order that is very specific due to the mother causing so many problems.  She still disobeys the order whenever she likes.  I requested info on my child from the counseller.  I have every right to the info but the counseller told my child's mother as well as refusing to provide the details.  I went to the supervisor and after much persistence, the counseller said she would release the records but she has told my child and her mother that I will have the records.  Consequently, I have been denied my parental time for almost a month because my child's mother is mad. 
 
Does anyone know if there's a law against a counseller informing the other parent about my request?  I know they are not required to, but need to check if there have been any laws broken.  Would really appreciate some input, if anyone knows the answer.  Thanks.
 
Heston

[ocean]

Not really a law broken but I would call up that supervisor and tell them exactly what went down.
"She had no reason to call the mother, as I gave her a court order stating I am to get records, and now mother has refused parental time because she is upset"  and that if this happens to another parent you would hope they change their policy as the other parent was not required to know.

Also, you can see if the counselor would be willing to have you at next session with child to help with communication. She can have you show up half way through session. If mom pulls child, you can ask for court ordered counseling so mom will not be able to pull her.

Did you file contempt of court for missed visitation?

[gemini3]

No laws have been broken, because both parents are guardians.  However, I think there's a very clear ethical violation.  Is she an LCSW, LPC - what kind of counselor?
 
I would file a complaint against her with the department of social work (if she's an LCSW), or whoever her licensing body is.  They have a responsibility not to endanger their clients.  By giving the mother this information without cause she not only endangered her client, but caused her client harm by losing time with the other parent.
 
After I filed the complaint, I would make sure that she no longer saw the child.
 
We had this very same situation with my husband's youngest a few years ago.  It took a few months, but she did end up getting her license suspended.  But she did a lot more than just notify about the records request.  Still, you should pursue with the licensing body, and her supervisor.
 
And definitely file a motion to show cause for the missed visition. 

[MixedBag]

What THEY both said.

[Heston]

Not really a law broken but I would call up that supervisor and tell them exactly what went down.
"She had no reason to call the mother, as I gave her a court order stating I am to get records, and now mother has refused parental time because she is upset"  and that if this happens to another parent you would hope they change their policy as the other parent was not required to know.

Also, you can see if the counselor would be willing to have you at next session with child to help with communication. She can have you show up half way through session. If mom pulls child, you can ask for court ordered counseling so mom will not be able to pull her.

Did you file contempt of court for missed visitation?

I haven't done that yet.  I am dealing with someone who makes false accusations and dread the repercussions.  I am biding my time until I am in a stronger position, and will then take legal action.  The mother won't pull the child from this counseller because she is helping her (the mother).  The counseller is very biased, (in favor of the mother), because she also took on the mother as a client, which I believe is unethical.

[Heston]

No laws have been broken, because both parents are guardians.  However, I think there's a very clear ethical violation.  Is she an LCSW, LPC - what kind of counselor?

I would file a complaint against her with the department of social work (if she's an LCSW), or whoever her licensing body is.  They have a responsibility not to endanger their clients.  By giving the mother this information without cause she not only endangered her client, but caused her client harm by losing time with the other parent.

After I filed the complaint, I would make sure that she no longer saw the child.

We had this very same situation with my husband's youngest a few years ago.  It took a few months, but she did end up getting her license suspended.  But she did a lot more than just notify about the records request.  Still, you should pursue with the licensing body, and her supervisor.

And definitely file a motion to show cause for the missed visition. 

Thanks for the input.  I am now going to lodge a complaint to the relevant board.  I've been trying to find out if this counseller is qualified.  I have a hunch she isn't.  It was court ordered that my child should see a psychologist but her mother found a way around that.  Everything concerning this counseller has been clouded by secrecy.  My child's mother sought out her own counselling with this counseller, and she has favored the mother because she is her client, which doesn't seem to me to be ethical either.  I have been trying to get to the bottom of things for some time.  I have now ensured that my child will see a qualified person who will oversee the case and liaise with the court.  It's a complicated situation in every aspect and it's been further complicated by the relationship between the counseller and my child's mother.

[RoosterC]

Sadly, Im in the same boat with an ex who has violated custody by taking children to her LSW therapist and enjoining kids to keep visits a secret. This is a very murky relationship and obviously, proper invitations are never forthcoming.
What I CAN tell you is to get the police involved the First DAY you are denied custody time. My Local PD took one look at the custody order, called her and informed her to bring them to me at the station or they would arrive at her house to get them..NO wiggle room. And best of all, next day I get a fresh copy of the report to bring to evaluator and court. Playing games with custody, Im told, is not popular with judges. And dont worry about if she prods the kids to say they do not want to be with you. As long as you can prove youve done nothing to earn that enmity, it looks like someone is manipulating them, which it sounds like from your posts.

[gemini3]

@ Heston.  Don't let the threats of false allegations prohibit you from exercising your parental rights.  That's why those kind of people make threats like that - it works for them.

We were dealing with false allegations as well.  Here's what we did with the counselor we dealt with:

1.  Requested a meeting with the counselor to dicuss child's progress.  The counselor did not return calls to schedule the requested meetings.  We made a total of 5 requests over a months time.  Each call was made with cell phone, so there were records to prove that we had called her.  (Strike 1)

2.  Requested to take child in for a meeting with the counselor while the child was in our care.  Again, ignored.  Counselor refused to treat child when child was in father's care.  (Strike 2)

3.  Requested the child's records, got a letter from the counselor denying the request.

4.  Told the GAL assigned to the case that we thought the counselor was biased against the father.  The GAL called to get the child's records, and the counselor refused to give them to the GAL.

Long story short, it turned out that she wasn't actually keeping notes regarding her sessions - as is required by law.  She was also double charging the insurance company - charging them for 2 visits per week when she was only seeing the child 1x per week.   She did an abuse asessment on the child, which she was not supposed to have done, being only an LCSW.  Her findings were that the child had been abused, but she did not report anything to DSS, as is required by law.

We reported all of this to the licensing board, and her license was suspended.  The GAL "suggested" to BM that she stop taking the child to the counselor, but there was no need, since the counselor reclused herself from the case once the GAL and the insurance company started asking for her therapy notes.  She ended up creating therapy notes, and sending two seperate sets to the insurance company and the GAL.  The two spoke to each other, and realized what was going on.
 
Then we took the child to a clinical psychologist who has done a lot of work for the court, and had him do an asessment on the child.  The mother was invited to participate, but refused.  The PsyD findings were that there was no evidence to support the allegations, and that the child appeared to have been coached to say specific things.

My guess is that your counselor will decided it's more trouble than it's worth if you start pushing her. 

[Heston]

Sadly, Im in the same boat with an ex who has violated custody by taking children to her LSW therapist and enjoining kids to keep visits a secret. This is a very murky relationship and obviously, proper invitations are never forthcoming.
What I CAN tell you is to get the police involved the First DAY you are denied custody time. My Local PD took one look at the custody order, called her and informed her to bring them to me at the station or they would arrive at her house to get them..NO wiggle room. And best of all, next day I get a fresh copy of the report to bring to evaluator and court. Playing games with custody, Im told, is not popular with judges. And dont worry about if she prods the kids to say they do not want to be with you. As long as you can prove youve done nothing to earn that enmity, it looks like someone is manipulating them, which it sounds like from your posts.

Thank you for the information.  My CO has been designed so the mother brings my child to my home and this is to give a clear message to the child that if mommy brings them, it's OK.  Previously, I picked up my child and the mother did things causing scenes with the child.  We live in different States but only about 40 miles apart.  So, if the mother doesn't deliver my child, I can't get my local cops to go to her place.  When I return my child I do get the local cops near her residence to accompany me because in the past she has attacked both myself and a witness.  Nothing is ever straightforward!

[Heston]

@ Heston.  Don't let the threats of false allegations prohibit you from exercising your parental rights.  That's why those kind of people make threats like that - it works for them.

We were dealing with false allegations as well.  Here's what we did with the counselor we dealt with:

1.  Requested a meeting with the counselor to dicuss child's progress.  The counselor did not return calls to schedule the requested meetings.  We made a total of 5 requests over a months time.  Each call was made with cell phone, so there were records to prove that we had called her.  (Strike 1)

2.  Requested to take child in for a meeting with the counselor while the child was in our care.  Again, ignored.  Counselor refused to treat child when child was in father's care.  (Strike 2)

3.  Requested the child's records, got a letter from the counselor denying the request.

4.  Told the GAL assigned to the case that we thought the counselor was biased against the father.  The GAL called to get the child's records, and the counselor refused to give them to the GAL.

Long story short, it turned out that she wasn't actually keeping notes regarding her sessions - as is required by law.  She was also double charging the insurance company - charging them for 2 visits per week when she was only seeing the child 1x per week.   She did an abuse asessment on the child, which she was not supposed to have done, being only an LCSW.  Her findings were that the child had been abused, but she did not report anything to DSS, as is required by law.

We reported all of this to the licensing board, and her license was suspended.  The GAL "suggested" to BM that she stop taking the child to the counselor, but there was no need, since the counselor reclused herself from the case once the GAL and the insurance company started asking for her therapy notes.  She ended up creating therapy notes, and sending two seperate sets to the insurance company and the GAL.  The two spoke to each other, and realized what was going on.

Then we took the child to a clinical psychologist who has done a lot of work for the court, and had him do an asessment on the child.  The mother was invited to participate, but refused.  The PsyD findings were that there was no evidence to support the allegations, and that the child appeared to have been coached to say specific things.

My guess is that your counselor will decided it's more trouble than it's worth if you start pushing her. 

 
It is heartening to know other counsellers act badly but I am sorry to hear you have also had problems.  Since you replied, there have been developments.  I discovered the counseller is not qualified.  She stalled about providing the records, demanding payment before releasing them and stalling further after payment was made.  She finally emailed to say she would be providing the records.  I asked her to inform me whether she definitely had informed my child and my child's mother that I had requested the records, and she then sent an email stating if I want any more information I have to arrange a visit and pay her.  She could have simply answered yes or no.  I contacted her again.  My emails were totally reasonable.  She replied telling me never to contact her ever again.  I have been working on my complaint and will be sending it off early next week, just as soon as the records arrive.