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Author Topic: I feel like I am beating my head against a brick wall!  (Read 4726 times)

gnicar23

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I feel like I am beating my head against a brick wall!
« on: May 13, 2011, 08:58:50 AM »
BM took off with our son in January and moved 4000 miles away without telling me anything.  We don't have a visitation order in place but are currently working on one, but attorney says they have to have an address to serve her at and I have no info on her.  I had to request school recrods from the school to find out where he was transferred to, this school immediatley sent them to me.  Then I sent them to his new school back in February, but I am getting no where! I have made several phone calls to the school and sent several emails but they will not return any of them.  Even went to the superintentdent.  Finally this week i received a copy of his report card that was completely whited out.  They withheld all of his information and did not send me anything else.  I have again sent another request asking for ALL of his file, with nothing whited out but they ignoring me again.  What can I do at this point?  I have to have an address of place of employment or something to have her served.  I think she is trying to with hold him to try and terminate my rights, because she has threatened that in the past.  I am spinning my wheels but noone wants to help anywhere.  Her family is totally useless, they are protecting her also.  But why is the school up there doing this to me when they are going against a federal law?


MixedBag

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Re: I feel like I am beating my head against a brick wall!
« Reply #1 on: May 13, 2011, 10:26:33 AM »
Do you have ANY kind of an order in place?
 
Are you on the birth certificate?
 
and there are ways AROUND not knowing a physical address -- to have her served -- PRESS your attorney for this information, because I know in AL you can do it, but the procedure might be a bit different in your state.
 
Does Mom have an attorney?
 

Giggles

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Re: I feel like I am beating my head against a brick wall!
« Reply #2 on: May 13, 2011, 10:27:35 AM »
I think....you can have your atty file for a public notice service since you know the general area where the BM is located?  I dunno...check with the Atty on that.

If BM moved in Jan...it's now May...what's the delay?  Did you not file emergency orders when she took off?  My X pulled a stunt like this...the very next day I was at the court house filing for emergency custody.  It was granted and then my X had 72 hours to return my Son or face a warrent for his arrest.  I thankfully knew where he was going and was able to get the sheriff there to serve him...the beauty of tiny towns...especially when my uncle is the Post Master   But...X was stupid and didn't return our son to me....a warrent went out for felony parental kidnapping...I had my son back in my arms within 24 hours after that.  6 months later came the court case and I was awarded custody.  The judge reamed my X up and down about taking off with him.

Hard to believe that was over 13 years ago...that's what brought me to these boards.  My son is now 14, I still have custody but he goes and visits his Dad every summer and thankfully has started to go for Christmas break as well.

See what your atty says about the public notification of service.
Now I'm living....Just another day in Paradise!!

gnicar23

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Re: I feel like I am beating my head against a brick wall!
« Reply #3 on: May 13, 2011, 11:37:52 AM »
My son was relocated to Alaska.  Don't know how they even got there.  I received a transfer notice from the school here in February and immediatley sent a records request to the school that requested his records but just this week I received a copy of a report card that was all whited out.  We have never had an order of any kind done before.  She let me see him whenever. But then, she up and took off and I have been trying to get information on his wereabouts since January with little to no help.  I am on the birth certificate and I do pay child support but they do not have a forwarding address for her either because OCSE always load it on a debit card that she uses.  Her house here still sits empty but she uses as her address, no forwarding address.  Ihavemailed things to my son and BMs mother who lives a few hours away comes and checks the mail.  I asked my attorneys office if I could file for temporary custody and they acted like I couldn't do that because I needed to locate her address or place of employment and then they would petition for a set visitation schedule.  Can I do the temporary custody since I have never had a court ordered visitation?  If so, I will go and file the papers myself even if my attorney thinks its the wrong strategy.  I have got to do whatever I can to get my child back, this game she is playing has gone on for way too long and my son is paying the price!

gnicar23

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Re: I feel like I am beating my head against a brick wall!
« Reply #4 on: May 13, 2011, 11:42:23 AM »
Bm does not have an attorney.
 


ocean

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Re: I feel like I am beating my head against a brick wall!
« Reply #5 on: May 13, 2011, 03:15:14 PM »
Hmmm... go see another lawyer.
Your lawyer should of filed emergency temp custody and restraining orders to keep child in your state (make mom bring him back) until trial. Basically mom can move, but then child stays with you. Not sure if you can still do this as the time has lapsed BUT file by you and she will have to answer to you.

Ask lawyer how to file through newspaper. I would challenge the courts (nicely) and see if they will stop child support until mother shows to court.

As for the school, did you use the letter from this site? Fax it or overnight it to them and tell them they have ONE week to get you info or you will file a complaint with the federal government. That should get them moving...what does the superintendent say when you called? Ask for his emergency contact card, and registration papers.

Hire a detective? Since you have the school info, I am sure they can find her. Have to be living in the district/school. Might be worth the money. THen hire a serving company to serve her ($75 here).

Davy

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Re: I feel like I am beating my head against a brick wall!
« Reply #6 on: May 15, 2011, 01:58:34 PM »
You have been receiving very poor advice. 
 
First of all, the state (UCCJEA) and federal laws (PKPA; Parental Kidnapping Prevention Act ) require a legal filing concerning your child in your home state ASAP ... before the child has been displaced for 6 months to help protect your child from losing a parent. 
 
It is not your responsibility to locate the BM in order to have a physical location  to serve her sorry ass wih legal documents.  It is honorable that you have attempted to assist law enforcement and other legal authorities and you should continue those efforts.  All legal staues are currently on your side.
 
Not having a current custody order in place does not defeat your child's interest in you as a parent and the same holds true for your interest in your child.  Since you do not know the BM or child's location the PROPER filing is an Ex-Parte motion for temporary custody of the child.  Ex-Parte means without notice to the other party and is commonly used in all states (particularly for the case at hand).
 
Just the act of filing this motion should render null and void any orders placed in a foreign jurisdiction (ie Alaska) thus further protecting the child and the left behind parent.  Once a custody order is in place in your home state it will be the only VALID order and the schools and others will be out of BS reasons to not cooperate.  Demand the child's return.
 
BTDT

ocean

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Re: I feel like I am beating my head against a brick wall!
« Reply #7 on: May 15, 2011, 02:30:42 PM »
How is it kidnapping when there has never been an order? I do not see them filing under kidnapping when he has no current court order stating custody or parenting times. Since mom has "custody" (I am guessing they were never married since there is no order/divorce) she can move without his permission. She does however have to deal with the courts by him since she has not been there too long.

I know the parent should not HAVE to find other parent but lets face reality. Most courts will ask for proof of service (here the sheriff does not do it, you have to hire a company or have a friend do it and sign a notarized paper). You can maybe get before a judge but they will postpone a few times and tell you to get the other parent served or approve the newspaper ad (which you have to do also and bring proof). In the mean time maybe the ex-parte (emergency) hearing the judge will grant the temporary custody BUT he will still have to find her to get child back.

Davy

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Re: I feel like I am beating my head against a brick wall!
« Reply #8 on: May 15, 2011, 07:15:23 PM »
Very briefly, the UCCJEA is an off shoot of the Uniform Child Custody Jurisdiction Act (UCCJA) enacted in 1968 under uniform NATIONAL statatory jurispurdence and had at it's foundation the parent-child relationship.  NOT marriage, divorce, visitation, child support language.  As it happens, as each state legislated the foundation Act they changed a word here and there, added a comma or semi-colon here and there etc, etc so in essence help to water-down the NATONAL foundation Act.  This gave rise to the Federal Act in 1980 appropriately named the Parental Kidnapping Prevention Act (PKPA) that was a shortened version of the UCCJA with little if any wiggle room.  IT IS ALL ABOUT THE CHILD AND PARENT RELATIONSHIP.
 
Normally, offending parents are self-absorbed and consider themselves above man's and God's law.  Interstate cases are typically ripe with false accusations and the children become dependent on an abusive parent and environment.
 
From what has been posted in this matter, the local sherriff could certainly question thr BM's mother to determine her daughter's and the childs whereabouts.  Could even result in criminal interference charges.  The foreign school district could also be jeopardize especially if any harm comes to the child.
 
These are serious matters.

Kitty C.

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Re: I feel like I am beating my head against a brick wall!
« Reply #9 on: May 15, 2011, 08:40:50 PM »
'Not having a current custody order in place does not defeat your child's interest in you as a parent and the same holds true for your interest in your child.  Since you do not know the BM or child's location the PROPER filing is an Ex-Parte motion for temporary custody of the child.  Ex-Parte means without notice to the other party and is commonly used in all states (particularly for the case at hand).
 
Just the act of filing this motion should render null and void any orders placed in a foreign jurisdiction (ie Alaska) thus further protecting the child and the left behind parent.  Once a custody order is in place in your home state it will be the only VALID order and the schools and others will be out of BS reasons to not cooperate.  Demand the child's return.
 
BTDT'
 
BT, DT too, Davy.  And you are absolutely right...he could very easily file and ex parte motion and even get temp. custody ordered to him.  But unless and until the BM is found, what the heck good does it do?  All it says is that he should have temp. custody, but until it's served on the BM and she and/or child are brought back to his state, it's only a piece of paper.  Kind of like an RO...it's only worth something until the parties associated with it do something to make it so.
 
In 1990 and while in CA, on DS's 1st birthday, his father physically assaulted me.  I then made plans to return to IA within the next month.  Up until that point, all we had was a BC with both parents' names on it, nothing more.  I was scared, so I ran.  While in IA, BF filed for paternity in CA.  He only assumed I was with my parents, and a deputy ended up serving me the petition while at my parents' home, requiring me to appear in CA court.  I got scared again and returned to CA, because I was of the impression that if I hadn't, DS would have been taken away from me and sent back to CA to his dad.  All of this transpired over the course of about 2 months.
 
When I returned to CA, I had NO choice but to move back in with BF and within 2 days, we were in a judge's chamber and I signed a ONE PARAGRAPH joint physical and legal custody agreement with no legal representation.  I had no idea what the implications were until 3 years later.  I thought it was the only way to keep DS from being taken from me.
 
I returned to CA after being served because I was scared.  But if I had been a PBFH and had the resources, BF would have never been able to get me served.  I probably would have eventually had a warrant issued for my arrest, but unless and until I was found, it would have been a moot point.
 
About the only thing the OP has right now is the town the BM might be in.  And unless it is an extremely small town, there's no way she will be found unless there's a warrant issued for her arrest and the LEA in her area get lucky.  But an ex parte petition will not automatically generate that warrant.  What generates the warrant is her failure to appear and if the judge decides to issue it.  And if the BM has managed to travel 4000 miles away to Alaska in January, I'd say she certainly has some resources somewhere.
 
Handle every stressful situation like a dog........if you can't play with it or eat it, pee on it and walk away.......

 

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