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Author Topic: Is there anything that can be done about a CP refusing to communicate with NCP?  (Read 3746 times)

bloom6372

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Okay, so DH emails BM on a regular basis (not daily. lol. Usually once a week with a general email asking specific questions about SD, like how's she doing in school, is she having fun in her extra curriculars, etc...Sometimes, if something comes up, he'll email more, like when she doesn't tell him about an appt, he'll email to ask how it went--his way of documenting she didn't tel him, as well as to actually find out how it went. lol). BM contacts him about one day per month. She claims it's because she doesn't have internet. However, she also has 18 SASE that DH sent in AUGUST for her to keep him updated on SD and for SD to send him letters, drawings, school work, etc. There were 20 originally. We got 2 back, only one with stuff SD did, the rest was a printout of something BM got at a seminar...Anyway, DH isn't getting information on SD. We've tried going AROUND BM, but we don't get much information that way. Even the counselor BM chose for SD is refusing to respond to him (he emailed her to introduce himself, give her a copy of the COs, etc, and hasn't received a response). Anyway, between the time difference with us in Japan, and the fact that BM has tried TWICE to get DH's parenting time stripped due to false claims (telephone conversations that weren't recorded), he refuses to talk on the phone. But, he left two means of contact open--USPS and email. BM isn't using either. Is there anything he can do? She is refusing to give SD's softball coach's information, not letting him know if she stuck with the counselor she chose or if she changed it (BM would be 100% responsible for the bill if she stayed), not letting him know about any appointments with the counselor or SD's doctor, etc...How hard is it to just send an email or letter to let him know what's going on, especially when it's COed stuff! It's been 15 days since BM had her mom email the counselor's information, and he's heard nothing about appointments (which it is COed to notify prior to ANY medical, dental, educational, extracurricular stuff). There's nothing COed about their contact with one another...So I'm guessing there's nothing he can do short of taking the issue to the FOC or Court?
 
BM threw a pissy fit the last summer after 2 weeks when SD was here because DH wasn't emailing her regular updates every few days. She never emailed him (like DH does with BM) to ASK him to email her, or to ask how SD is doing, what she's been up to, etc. He assumed she'd email to ask specific questions. Mind you, before 2009, BM wouldn't contact DH AT ALL about SD--for ANYTHING. And he got to talk to her NINE TIMES in FOUR YEARS during the times SD was with BM (MIL had SD a lot, though, so we were able to talk to her). And the only reason she contacted him about SD was because she knew he was getting the summer and she wanted to have emails from DH (Court was in Feb 09--she didn't tell him anything about SD until after Court). DH doesn't want to do a tit-for-tat, but at the same time, he's not sure if she'll GET IT. He's thinking of not emailing her til she emails him (who wants to bet he'll receive almost daily emails this summer, when she claims to have zero access to the internet, despite local libraries and her parents and in-laws having it, and she seems them a few times a week). He was also considering only emailing once a month. But he knows that would be petty (though I think it'd be funny to see what she sends him if he doesn't email. "I'll be taking this to Court!" lol). This summer, we are being proactive. We created an email account for SD to write to family as well as a blog for her to journal her days in, so that everyone can see what's going on with her this summer. We are emailing that information to BM, BM's parents, DH's parents, and my parents. This way, EVERYONE will have the SAME information. We are HOPING this will be enough without DH having to email BM for anything other than letting her know about any appointments SD has. SD is 8.5. Do you think this would be okay? It would limit DH having to email BM, and at the same time let BM know what is going on. He doesn't want to deal with the drama BM brought the last summer SD was here ("I'm contact the FOC if I don't hear from SD X times a week", "You know, I'd like an update on my daughter. You could at least email me", etc etc....). Is that okay?


ocean

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She is his ex. I understand it would be nice to get emails and updates but once a week is a little much if they do not have a good relationship. Child is still a bit young but soon she will have facebook, texting, and want to do emails herself.

Take the high road and have her email her mother a few times during the visit (from the child). He does not have to email her at all really. Child can just say "hi mom, I am having fun. We went to the XX. Here is a picture. See you soon". Let child enjoy her time with you and not be blogging all day.
Everyone else can hear about the vacation/visitation later. Enjoy the time with her and ignore any emails from ex.

You may want to offer to pay for internet in their house but that does not mean she will use it but then you can stop the money if you do not hear from her. Also, you can get SD a phone with internet but I think she may be a little young for that now...

Just my opinion.... you can not change the ex.

bloom6372

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She is his ex. I understand it would be nice to get emails and updates but once a week is a little much if they do not have a good relationship. Child is still a bit young but soon she will have facebook, texting, and want to do emails herself.

Take the high road and have her email her mother a few times during the visit (from the child). He does not have to email her at all really. Child can just say "hi mom, I am having fun. We went to the XX. Here is a picture. See you soon". Let child enjoy her time with you and not be blogging all day.
Everyone else can hear about the vacation/visitation later. Enjoy the time with her and ignore any emails from ex.

You may want to offer to pay for internet in their house but that does not mean she will use it but then you can stop the money if you do not hear from her. Also, you can get SD a phone with internet but I think she may be a little young for that now...

Just my opinion.... you can not change the ex.

 
He only emails once a week to find out how SD is doing... Mainly because BM never replies or even reads them (we have a tracker). She expects almost daily stuff from DH while SD is with him. He's just asking for a quick update, or asking a question about school or the doctor or whatever. He doesn't try to make conversation with her. It's just hard for him since he's in Japan and she's way over in the U.S. Especially when BM isn't properly caring for SD's medical needs and education (which is all documented...). He's just concerned. BM doesn't allow him to communicate with SD, so he doesn't get information that way.
 
DH is going to have SD email atleast once a week, as well as call once a week. The blogging thing--SD enjoys computers, so it's a way for her to journal her vacation as well as to let everyone know what's going on (and I'm going to print it out and make a scrap book for her, too :D ). She won't be doing it daily, but will be doing it a few times a week.
 
With the internet for BM's house, unless we buy a computer and pay for her internet, SD still couldn't access email or anything. Plus, BM wouldn't let SD do it (she won't allow SD to communicate in writing or on the phone as it is...Any letters to SD go unanswered, so he stopped sending them. All calls go unanswered, so he stopped calling. Now he calls her EOWE at my MIL's house and sends SD letters there). As for getting SD a phone, we can't. We are overseas, and none of the places will accept our address for the billing address (and we're not changing the address on our cards to match any stateside address just for a phone. lol). We were considering getting her one of those child phones, where it can be preprogrammed with numbers and we could access the history, etc...But again, they don't accept our address.

ocean

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Computer- you can make a deal with her...you will get one for her house BUT she needs to email/skype once a week, if not, you stop the internet money.

Phone- kid one would be good. Can you get a prepaid one? (I do not think you need an address for that) or have a family member use their address?

Ex- Like I said, not going to change her. MIL is letting you speak to her twice a month at least. Have things there each time she goes there to visit (letter, cards, picture) and maybe have MIL set up skype so you can see each other. It is free video phone on the computer. Ex can get those few emails during the summer from child and he does not really need to email her unless there is an emergency.

Just out of curiosity, she flies from US to Japan herself? How long does she stay with you?

bloom6372

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Computer- you can make a deal with her...you will get one for her house BUT she needs to email/skype once a week, if not, you stop the internet money.

Phone- kid one would be good. Can you get a prepaid one? (I do not think you need an address for that) or have a family member use their address?

Ex- Like I said, not going to change her. MIL is letting you speak to her twice a month at least. Have things there each time she goes there to visit (letter, cards, picture) and maybe have MIL set up skype so you can see each other. It is free video phone on the computer. Ex can get those few emails during the summer from child and he does not really need to email her unless there is an emergency.

Just out of curiosity, she flies from US to Japan herself? How long does she stay with you?

 
There's no way we are buying BM a computer. If she doesn't allow SD to use it, there's no way for us to get the computer or the money back. We aren't going to blow money to give something to BM. BM won't allow Skype either (again, she allows NO communication with SD--we already tried asking about Skype...).
 
With the phone, we can get a prepaid one, but we won't know when SD is running low on minutes, since you can't track it. Plus, we want one that we can set numbers on, so that SD can't get some stranger calling her...We're very weird about that kind of safety stuff...The kid phones are monthly contracts, but you can set certain hours the phone can be used, certain numbers that can be called or can call, they have emergency buttons, etc.
 
With the flying, no, she doesn't fly alone. Usually DH goes and gets her and brings her back, or he flies there for his visit. This summer, my parents are bringing her over and DH is taking her back. She's here for 2 months.


MixedBag

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With Tracfone, I think you can track it.
 
But will it call "japan"???

 

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