Advice needed pls on court case

[Heston]

I tried posting this in my previous thread but the formatting went haywire, so I've reposted it here.

Well, the hearing took place - in a way.  I had also asked for mediation since I am representing myself.  The judge ordered that the hearing for both motions will be heard in a couple of months for a whole day.  That much is good, because the contempt issues will be heard with the BMs motion and my counter motion.  The mediator was unpleasant to say the least and I realize I am in for a tough time.  I really could do with some advice.

First off, since the CO went into force, the BM has been in contempt on a regular basis.  She denies visits with stall tactics and does the same with make-up visits.  She makes excuses and stalls and then turns around and says sorry, your opportunity for make-up time has "expired"!  Sometimes at this point she claims that I “forfeited” my time.  The other regular tactic is to state that I may have my child but only if I go and pick her up, contrary to the CO.  I don't do it as I know it's a set-up.  My daughter has even informed me many times recently that on the days the BM emailed to say I could only see her if I picked her up, that she (my daughter) had been told she was not allowed to see me that day.  In other words, they ensure the child would refuse to go with me, for fear of punishment.  They film everything.  So they would have a ton of videos showing the child's reluctance, if I were to go there.

The BM is also in contempt concerning sickness.  The CO states sickness should not prevent the child spending parental time with either parent unless a drs letter is produced stating the child cannot be driven to the other parent.  The BM simply claims the child is sick and cannot spend parental time with me and does not offer proof.  She also uses the above mentioned tactics to deny me make up time.

I have email proof which shows a pattern of behavior, but judges don't have time to read through hundreds or thousands of emails.  The BM is in contempt on who brings the child, who the drivers are etc.  In previous orders I collected my child from the BMs home, but due to the BM and her husband making scenes that were upsetting to the child, the CO requires that the BM brings the child to me, which has worked out on one level, apart from constant lateness, which can also be proved.  All the BMs drivers bring the child late too.  There is more contempt along these lines.  Basically, I can provide proof of much of the contempt.  I only included issues in the contempt motion that are provable.  There are other serious contempt issues which are not included, such as PAS on a big scale and abuse.  Very difficult to prove.


Now to the worsening problems...Research tells me judges rarely change COs within the first 2 years.  The BM applied to have it changed within 15 months.  The BM is asking that exchanges are changed back to the way they were.  In other words, changed to what she has been doing when in contempt of the current order.  The goal here is to force me to collect a child who will be made too terrified to leave with me.  They get tons of videos of this, and apply to have my joint custody revoked. 

One way to change a CO of less than 2 years is to prove one parent is proving a serious threat to the child's wellbeing.  That is the BMs tactic.  She is asking for medical records, hoping to prove I have mental issues.  On that score I have nothing to worry about, but it reveals their plan.  In previous posts I mentioned the "counseler".  The BM got herself a counseler who doesn't have the skills or intelligence to realize what is going on.  Instead this counseler has been duped by the BM.  She is not the first to be duped, however, and won't be the last, because the BM is adept at deception and playing people.  Instead of the counseler treating only my daughter, she has taken on the BM and her other kids.  She has shown absolute bias towards me the whole time.  When I tried to explain what the BM is really like, she has turned a deaf ear.  When I requested my child's records she refused until I contacted her boss.  It was obvious to me the bulk of the records had been produced hastily and long after the events took place.

The records do contain some evidence that casts a bad light on the BM, such as her leaving the child for weeks on end, with her mom.  But the records do not show me in a good light.  Due to my concern for my daughter and the counseler being so biased towards the BM, I contacted the counseler many times in attempts to inform her what was really going on.  I just wanted her to realize things were not as she thought they were so she could help my daughter, there was no motive other than that.  But because of the picture the BM obviously painted of me, the counseler  was hostile and closed minded towards me.  She has been enabling bad behavior for a long time now.  It took dozens of emails to persuade her to issue the medical records.  She gave them begrudgingly, informing me the records had been sent and told me not to contact her again and that if I did she would call the police.  This was totally over the top behavior from the counseler.  But again, it does not look good.  I subsequently reported the counseler to two organizations and both are looking into the situation.  I was happy to show the organizations all my emails.  Nothing I said or did merited the final response from the counseler.  At the mediation, I learned that the BM is bringing the counseler to court to give evidence.  This will be very damaging, even though undeservedly.

A couple of days after the hearing/mediation, I was due to have weekend parental time with my daughter.  I waited and waited and emailed the BM asking if she was on her way.  No response.  An hour and a half passed by from drop off time.  The BM is always late but not often an hour and a half.  I had to take my other child to an appointment and left home around 7.15.  When I returned there was a msg from the local police.  It turns out the BM brought my child very late (obviously intentional to ensure I would not be home).  She got a police escort.  (And btw, she is requesting that I never get a police escort as it will upset the child!).  She showed the cop a bag of vomit.  She claimed my child had vomitted at the thought of spending parental time with me.  The cop wouldn't get involved except to say, she should perhaps take her home.  Mission accomplished.  She proves she showed up.  She "proves" the child did not want to see me.  She creates fake "evidence" to show to the court.  She will tell the child to tell the counseler she was so nervous of seeing her dad that she was sick and threw up.  The counseler will include that in her notes and when questioned at the hearing.  My daughter has never been sick or nervous of seeing me before, when her mom has brought her.  It is obvious it's a set up, fuelled by the mom's fury that she will not be getting such an easy ride in the courtroom as she expected.  And no coincidence it happened two days after we attended court.

Claiming the child was sick, leads down another road.  Why was the child "sick" ?  What happens during parental time that she is so afraid of?  You can see where this may be headed.  The BM has another couple of months to create more "evidence" to back her case.

I took my daughter to a good counseler a few months ago.  The BM attended just once.  From then on, once she found this counseler could not be duped, she stopped my daughter attending.  She used the same stall tactics and never said an outright "no".  The reason is because the BM has been instructing the child on what to tell the counseler of her choice and does not want the child telling the truth to another counseler.  Believe me, I have tried everything to get my daughter there.  So, I have no evidence from an objective counseler on what my daughter has been going through. 

I have a case filled with logic, truth and evidence of consistent contempt of the order.  I don't think it will be enough to counter their vindictive campaign.  They want to convince the court that my child does not want to see me and that I am a bad person.   They have a slick and ruthless lawyer.  My previous lawyer warned me recently that he is not a nice person, to put it nicely.

The BM has a history of addiction but the court won't allow records into court that go back far enough to prove it.  My child is living in a very dangerous environment.  If the BM and her husband succeed, I have grave concerns for my daughter.  The BM and her husband have done more awful stuff but I don't think I should put it all down in a public forum.  I have evidence on the BM but not the sort that is admissible.  Mine would be deemed “hearsay”, whereas with the aid of the “counseler”, the lies and fake evidence produced by the BM are likely to be regarded as "actual" evidence.

If anyone has any advice, I would really appreciate it.

[tigger]

Your post was very difficult to read due to the light font.  I'm reposting it with darker font.:

I tried posting this in my previous thread but the formatting went haywire, so I've reposted it here.

Well, the hearing took place - in a way.  I had also asked for mediation since I am representing myself.  The judge ordered that the hearing for both motions will be heard in a couple of months for a whole day.  That much is good, because the contempt issues will be heard with the BMs motion and my counter motion.  The mediator was unpleasant to say the least and I realize I am in for a tough time.  I really could do with some advice.

First off, since the CO went into force, the BM has been in contempt on a regular basis.  She denies visits with stall tactics and does the same with make-up visits.  She makes excuses and stalls and then turns around and says sorry, your opportunity for make-up time has "expired"!  Sometimes at this point she claims that I “forfeited” my time.  The other regular tactic is to state that I may have my child but only if I go and pick her up, contrary to the CO.  I don't do it as I know it's a set-up.  My daughter has even informed me many times recently that on the days the BM emailed to say I could only see her if I picked her up, that she (my daughter) had been told she was not allowed to see me that day.  In other words, they ensure the child would refuse to go with me, for fear of punishment.  They film everything.  So they would have a ton of videos showing the child's reluctance, if I were to go there.

The BM is also in contempt concerning sickness.  The CO states sickness should not prevent the child spending parental time with either parent unless a drs letter is produced stating the child cannot be driven to the other parent.  The BM simply claims the child is sick and cannot spend parental time with me and does not offer proof.  She also uses the above mentioned tactics to deny me make up time.

I have email proof which shows a pattern of behavior, but judges don't have time to read through hundreds or thousands of emails.  The BM is in contempt on who brings the child, who the drivers are etc.  In previous orders I collected my child from the BMs home, but due to the BM and her husband making scenes that were upsetting to the child, the CO requires that the BM brings the child to me, which has worked out on one level, apart from constant lateness, which can also be proved.  All the BMs drivers bring the child late too.  There is more contempt along these lines.  Basically, I can provide proof of much of the contempt.  I only included issues in the contempt motion that are provable.  There are other serious contempt issues which are not included, such as PAS on a big scale and abuse.  Very difficult to prove.


Now to the worsening problems...Research tells me judges rarely change COs within the first 2 years.  The BM applied to have it changed within 15 months.  The BM is asking that exchanges are changed back to the way they were.  In other words, changed to what she has been doing when in contempt of the current order.  The goal here is to force me to collect a child who will be made too terrified to leave with me.  They get tons of videos of this, and apply to have my joint custody revoked. 

One way to change a CO of less than 2 years is to prove one parent is proving a serious threat to the child's wellbeing.  That is the BMs tactic.  She is asking for medical records, hoping to prove I have mental issues.  On that score I have nothing to worry about, but it reveals their plan.  In previous posts I mentioned the "counseler".  The BM got herself a counseler who doesn't have the skills or intelligence to realize what is going on.  Instead this counseler has been duped by the BM.  She is not the first to be duped, however, and won't be the last, because the BM is adept at deception and playing people.  Instead of the counseler treating only my daughter, she has taken on the BM and her other kids.  She has shown absolute bias towards me the whole time.  When I tried to explain what the BM is really like, she has turned a deaf ear.  When I requested my child's records she refused until I contacted her boss.  It was obvious to me the bulk of the records had been produced hastily and long after the events took place.

The records do contain some evidence that casts a bad light on the BM, such as her leaving the child for weeks on end, with her mom.  But the records do not show me in a good light.  Due to my concern for my daughter and the counseler being so biased towards the BM, I contacted the counseler many times in attempts to inform her what was really going on.  I just wanted her to realize things were not as she thought they were so she could help my daughter, there was no motive other than that.  But because of the picture the BM obviously painted of me, the counseler  was hostile and closed minded towards me.  She has been enabling bad behavior for a long time now.  It took dozens of emails to persuade her to issue the medical records.  She gave them begrudgingly, informing me the records had been sent and told me not to contact her again and that if I did she would call the police.  This was totally over the top behavior from the counseler.  But again, it does not look good.  I subsequently reported the counseler to two organizations and both are looking into the situation.  I was happy to show the organizations all my emails.  Nothing I said or did merited the final response from the counseler.  At the mediation, I learned that the BM is bringing the counseler to court to give evidence.  This will be very damaging, even though undeservedly.

A couple of days after the hearing/mediation, I was due to have weekend parental time with my daughter.  I waited and waited and emailed the BM asking if she was on her way.  No response.  An hour and a half passed by from drop off time.  The BM is always late but not often an hour and a half.  I had to take my other child to an appointment and left home around 7.15.  When I returned there was a msg from the local police.  It turns out the BM brought my child very late (obviously intentional to ensure I would not be home).  She got a police escort.  (And btw, she is requesting that I never get a police escort as it will upset the child!).  She showed the cop a bag of vomit.  She claimed my child had vomitted at the thought of spending parental time with me.  The cop wouldn't get involved except to say, she should perhaps take her home.  Mission accomplished.  She proves she showed up.  She "proves" the child did not want to see me.  She creates fake "evidence" to show to the court.  She will tell the child to tell the counseler she was so nervous of seeing her dad that she was sick and threw up.  The counseler will include that in her notes and when questioned at the hearing.  My daughter has never been sick or nervous of seeing me before, when her mom has brought her.  It is obvious it's a set up, fuelled by the mom's fury that she will not be getting such an easy ride in the courtroom as she expected.  And no coincidence it happened two days after we attended court.

Claiming the child was sick, leads down another road.  Why was the child "sick" ?  What happens during parental time that she is so afraid of?  You can see where this may be headed.  The BM has another couple of months to create more "evidence" to back her case.

I took my daughter to a good counseler a few months ago.  The BM attended just once.  From then on, once she found this counseler could not be duped, she stopped my daughter attending.  She used the same stall tactics and never said an outright "no".  The reason is because the BM has been instructing the child on what to tell the counseler of her choice and does not want the child telling the truth to another counseler.  Believe me, I have tried everything to get my daughter there.  So, I have no evidence from an objective counseler on what my daughter has been going through. 

I have a case filled with logic, truth and evidence of consistent contempt of the order.  I don't think it will be enough to counter their vindictive campaign.  They want to convince the court that my child does not want to see me and that I am a bad person.   They have a slick and ruthless lawyer.  My previous lawyer warned me recently that he is not a nice person, to put it nicely.

The BM has a history of addiction but the court won't allow records into court that go back far enough to prove it.  My child is living in a very dangerous environment.  If the BM and her husband succeed, I have grave concerns for my daughter.  The BM and her husband have done more awful stuff but I don't think I should put it all down in a public forum.  I have evidence on the BM but not the sort that is admissible.  Mine would be deemed “hearsay”, whereas with the aid of the “counseler”, the lies and fake evidence produced by the BM are likely to be regarded as "actual" evidence.

If anyone has any advice, I would really appreciate it.
                                                                                                               

[gemini3]

Does BM have a lawyer?  Who filed the original motion, and for what.  Are there counter motions?

[Heston]

Yes, the BM does have a lawyer.  The BM was in contempt of the CO for the reasons I already mentioned (and more) but yet it was the BM who filed the first motion that started this recent stuff.  The BM filed a motion asking that parental exchanges be changed back to how they were, to how she has been doing things in contravention of the CO.  I then filed a counter motion as well as a contempt motion to show she has ignored the CO and now wants things changed to the way she has already decided to do things.  Plus I listed other contempt issues, but only the ones I can prove.

[gemini3]

Ok, so first let's deal with the motion to modify the original order.  In order for that to happen, the petitioner must show that a "material change in circumstance" has occured.  There's some confusion about what this actually means.  This site has a good article on the subject that can be found here:  http://deltabravo.net/custody/circumstances.php
 
So, unless that test has been met, you can expect that the judge won't approve any changes.  You should bring this up right out of the gate and ask that the case be dismissed because no material change in circumstances has occured.  The judge will probably hear both sides before determining whether or not that's true... and then after hearing everything should deny her motion.  (I say "should" cause anything goes in family court.)  Focus on that issue.
 
Regarding your side...  I would ask for supervised custody exchanges.  That way she can't deny you, and if she tries to upset the child before the exchange it will be witnessed and reported to the court.  You'll probably have to pay - but in this case I think it would be worth it.
 
If her lawyer is as slick as you say, I would ask for a court reporter to have a transcript of the proceedings (if it's not automatic where you live).  If the judge approves a change to the CO with no matertial change in circumstances you can appeal it.  But you will need transcripts.  Judges are a lot more cautious about what they say or do when there's going to be a record.

[Heston]

Thanks.  I will check that article out.  When the BM filed the motion a few months ago, there was no change in circumstance.  When she appeared at the hearing it turns out she is pregnant, but that is recent, and after the filing.  I don't know if judges would distinguish between it happening afterwards or not.  She has been using other drivers anyway, so surely that would not be a good reason for change.

As to supervised drop offs, that could be difficult because the BM lives in another state, even tho not far away, and the court system is in a different state where she is and the cops. 

What concerns me the most is that the BM and her lawyer are going to try and get their way by discrediting me.  They know they don't have a chance unless they do that.  They can get an order changed if the child is in danger if it is not changed, and that is the angle they are coming from, even tho their motions don't say that.  I got the impression that they are intending to do a counter motion to my counter motion as well, although I don't know if that is allowed.   

They have been creating "evidence" by having my child tell the counseler stuff and writing letters to the counseler.  The counseler is totally biased and is being called as a witness.  I have evidence to discredit the counseler but am not sure how much notice the judge will take of what she will say.   What worries me most is the fake evidence the BM is creating now, and will continue to do up till the hearing.  The depths the BM will sink to are unbelievable.  From reading up on other people's situations, the BM is doing stuff that is quite common, such as cruelty to animal reports and so on.  But the BM is taking it to another level right now.  She wants her own way and will do anything to get it. 

I will be unable to bring up facts about the BMs bad behavior with the child.  She's an addict but has managed to keep this away from the court.  The court won't allow my records request to go back far enough to prove it.  What is of huge concern in view of that, is that the BM is going to provide manufactured "evidence" that I am the bad parent, that the child is afraid of me, etc etc.  It is not easy to counter stuff like that even tho it is untrue.

I will request a court reporter if one isn't automatically provided, so thank you for that suggestion and I will check out that article.  Supervised drop offs being witnessed is a good idea too.  I have had the police accompany me when I return the child due to previous problems at that end, but the BM is now requesting that right is taken from me.

With a slick lawyer, the BMs lies and fake evidence may be believed and that is what concerns me the most.

[gemini3]

If no change in circumstance has happened, it doesn't matter if they try to discredit you.  No change has happened, so none of it matters.  Her pregnancy can't be used since it occured after she filed the motion.
 

[4honor]

The significant change in circumstance must be in the life of the child or the non-moving parent (i.e., YOU). Her pregnancy has nothing to do with you or the child's well-being and it is not a significant change.

[shuckybucky]

Have you considered finding a facility in your area that does supervision for visits because those facilities also do exchanges? You find a facility and then ask the judge to have the exchanges done at this facility (they make the parent bring the child 15 minutes early and the parent leaves and then the other parent arrives and takes the child). Some of these facilities video but they all make notes. Make sure the court order states who is to pay for this. If BM pulls any nonsense then it is noted by LPC's and they can testify in court. They have no contact with the parents so they stay neutral. It would be well worth is!!!

[Heston]

Thank you for that suggestion.  In the past we did try exchanges at a local police department.  The BM would be consistently late, which meant I waited for an hour sometimes for her to arrive.  The BM would bring her husband and others who would act hostile, but not so it would be noticed by the police.  We tried pickups at their home and they have caused awful problems.  Everything except a supervised parenting facility has been tried. 
 
Some child psychologists helped draft the current order in a way that would be beneficial to the child.  It was thought that with the mom transporting her for parental time with me and then me taking her back, it would be beneficial and it has been, leaving aside the lateness.  Although other drivers have been used by the BM in contempt of the CO and things have been getting much worse since the BM filed her motion.  The BM is behaving as if her requests have been granted and is later than ever, gets more and more drivers to deliver the child and has prevented a huge amount of the parental time awarded to me, from taking place. 
 
I simply want the CO to be enforced, perhaps with slightly tighter wording, and a few additions.   And I want the BMs contempt on court record since the court is aware of previous contempt on previous orders.  It looks like it might get nasty though, judging by what transpired recently.  The court is allowing witnesses to be called in and the BM intends using her biased counseler.  Since the BM prevented me from taking the child to an additional counseler, it is going to be very one-sided.