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Author Topic: Being a step parent  (Read 3504 times)


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Being a step parent
« on: Jan 30, 2012, 08:04:25 AM »
Some days it is hell being the spouse of someone in a custody dispute.

You get so much of the blame for what is wrong. You are trying to steal the children away from the other parent. You are over stepping your bounds. You don’t treat your step children the same as your bio children. You speak when you shouldn’t, you don’t speak when you should. You will always be the bad guy, no matter what. You watch your step children in pain. You watch your spouse in pain. You watch your own children in pain.

The thing that has been getting to me recently is being the support to my husband. I feel like I have to be so strong & always look at the positive side of things.

“Everything will be ok. Just keep your resolve. Don’t let her bully you like that. Careful what you say to the kids. If this scenario happens… at least you can look forward to this! You will do fine in court, don’t worry. She has nothing to go on. Even if she proves this, at least there is that. Everything is going to be ok.”

While I say all this, I share the same worries as him but I can’t let on. He is already crazy with worry; me breaking down wouldn’t help at all. I have seen him loose all hope before & it is not good.

I love those kids like they were my own. Just remember that I am not allowed to say that, because then I am trying to steal them from their mother. I see the hurt their mother is putting them thru, but I can’t say a word. That would be bad mouthing her, even if it is true.

During all of this I also have to play the devils advocate. He gets so distracted with the hurt that he and the kids are in that he can’t see the whole picture all the time. I look at all the things that could happen:

“If she presents this, you have to counter with this. Don’t say that to the kids because it will come back on you. She might be doing that because she is thinking this. You know if that happens, then this will probably happen. I heard the kids say this earlier, you may want to check. Don’t forget about this. If she says this, she probably is leading up to that.”

They have lived in our home for over 6 years now. I was there when the youngest graduated kindergarten. I was there for the eldest’s struggle with reading, for all the conferences, the tutoring, and the subsequent tears. I was there for their passage into adolescence & middle school. I was there for the oldest first kiss & first heart break. I was the one that taped the garbage bag on the cast for shower time. I was the one that scraped the nits out hundreds of times. I was the one that cleaned up the buckets of vomit when all three girls got a bug on the same day.

While I realize that their mother was missing out on the firsts, and the chances to care for her children… I am sorry for that. That she missed out, but at the same time, she was the one that dropped them on our doorstep one day. I did all I could, not because I had to, but because I loved them.
All the while I am raising my own daughter amongst all this turmoil. Her father & I get along fine. She watches as her step sisters play their parents off of each other. She sees how consequences are different. She knows that while her father & I make her work for what she wants, the other girls only have to ask. She loves her step sisters & she hates her step sisters. Then again, isn’t that what sisterhood is all about?


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