I can't offer any advice for you except never give up. I know what you are going through and I know at points I want to just throw in the white flag of defeat but I rember my daughters laugh and I know that this isn't about what I want but about what she needs. I was married to my high school sweetheart and the first two years of our relationship we're amazing. Everything changed after I got pregnant, he never came home spent all of our money we couldn't pay our rent. After my daughter was born it was even worse. I was a stay at home mother, I guess I'm old fashioned and I thought that being a homemaker and constant mother was what was best for my family. I had severe postpartum depression that I asked for help to overcome but the one person who should have supported me, my husband, only make me worse. He would call me names, tell me I was going to be a failure as a mother. All I would expect from him was to help with my daughter once in a while but he would just tell me that he worked and it wasn't his job to take care of the kid. We fought all the time and the emotional abuse was so bad that I had secluded my self from my life, my friends and my family. The only people I ever spoke to we're his parents and grand parents. I never left the house, but I always managed to pull myself together enought to take care of my baby. When I told him that I wanted a divorce he said no and that if I left I would never see my daughter again because I was a loser and no one would help me. It got to the point that I thought if I had to choose between leaving him and being with my baby was too much and I tried to kill myself. When I was in the hospital he filed a false police report saying I physically abused him and he feared for his life. When I got out I was under a restraining order that kept me from my child. He dropped the charges but soon after I filed for divorce. That was 3 1/2 years ago I lost custody due to his lies and complete judicial misconduct. In December the stress of being dragged through years of court month after month of hearing people say how horrible I was, his mother making several claims that I abused my daughter physically and sexually that I was a raving drug binging alcoholic and finding out that my daughter wasn't even living with her father but with his parents I checked myself into the hospital prior to having a total meltdown. I lost my visitation my 14 hours a week for seeking help. In April I got that time back but my petition to Change the custody agreement to 50% was denied. My ex has refused to let me see my daughter I have only spoke to her twice because I choose not to call and have to be subjected to his abuse. I filed a contempt charge two months ago and I will go to court next month. I send her cards pictures and little things I know she would like but I have no idea if she gets them. I pay my support and he gives the checks to his girl firend. It has been long and exhausting fight but even if I loose I know that I can hold my head up because the day she comes to me and asks me why I can tell her that I never chose to stay away that I fought for her every step of the way. I wish you the best of luck and the best thing is to stand strong and fight to expose any corruption that you can.