I went through a similar situation with my ex... he had three suicide attempts after the divorce. He finally got hospitalized after the third attempt. Unfortunately, at that time, he also told his older daughter (from a previous marriage to ours) all about his suicide plans and also showed her the gun he planned on taking himself out with. It really screwed her up. He also made physical threats towards me and my kids, all via text. I had to get a protective order initially.
We went to court, and I got temporary custody. We did eventually drop the protective order, but not before making some permanent changes to the divorce/custody decree. The guardian ad litem suggested a modification to the divorce decree stating that my ex had to have supervised visits with the kids until a therapist ok'd him to be around the kids. He also suggested a modification ordering my ex to stay on his meds (he has a history of going on/off his meds) and another order that my ex has to see his therapist on a weekly basis until he is stable, and then check in with his therapist at least every 8 weeks after that. Also in the order is that he's restrained from talking to the kids about his depression, the protective order, the court proceedings etc. He has a long history of parentifying his older kids and using them as emotional crutches. My kids are little, so I didn't tell them about the protective order or the suicide attempts. They know about my ex's depression, so what we've told them is that they're staying with me while their dad gets help with his depression. I don't want them to know about the suicide attempts or the protecive order... I don't want it to change their perception of their dad. So, that's where we're at right now. As long as my ex follows the therapist's directions, and follows the modifications in the decree, he'll be able to get his time back.
Before the suicide attampts, we did have a 50/50 arrangement. However, my ex did violate the protective order a couple of times. After that, the judge ordered a kind of strange arrangement. He gave me sole custody
... physical and legal, but my ex still has 50/50 visitation rights
. Right now, my ex is allowed to have up to 50% of the time, as long as he can find a supervisor. It's an odd arrangement... but it gives him more time with the kids than he did before, but still protects the kids from inappropriate behavior on his part. Eventually, I'm hoping we can get back to the usual 50/50 with no supervision, but it all depends on my ex's behavior.
My advice is to follow all of your orders to a T, stick with your meds and counseling, and get and stay stable. It's the best thing for you and
your kids. As long as you don't have any relapses, there is no reason why you shouldn't be with your kids.