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Author Topic: Relocating  (Read 11130 times)

Justabovewater

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Relocating
« on: Aug 06, 2012, 02:18:39 PM »
I will try to keep this as short as I can. My Ex has decided to move to another town with her Boyfriend. She moved 60 miles away and has decided that she is going to fight to get full custody of the 2 young children so they can go to school where she lives. We now have 50/50 joint custody of them and share them every other week.

A little about her: She works 2 days a week 90 Miles from where she just moved to, the other 3 days she is not sure where she will be because she is in sales. She was evicted from her last home 4 months ago, which is why she is living with her boyfriend. Her boyfriend has 4 other kids living with them in a 4 beedroom house which is a total of 8 people living in the house. I did some digging and found that he has 2 accounts of assault and just got off probation 2 months ago for his last. He does not have a job at this time, and is looking for one now. She has had 4 jobs in the past 4 years and 3 boyfriends that she introduced the kids to.

 A little about me: I am remarried. She has 2 children that has the same living arangements as my children do now. I live and work in the same community that the kids went to school last year. I have been working for the same company for the last 5 years and have climbed the ladder here at work. My wife now has had the same job the past 5 years and has also done the same. I have made all my child suppot payments and any other payment as far as that goes. I have a 6 beedroom home with plenty of room for all of them to run and play. I was the parent that picked the kids up from school last year if they got sick at school or got out of school early. Even though she lived here last year she worked 30 miles away.

Im wondering if anyone has ever seen this and how the outcome was? I dont want to be a dad that gets to see his kids ever other week. I love my kids completly and I am worried about the out come. I just dont feel that it is in the best intrest of the children to be living with there mother. How will this be viewed by the Judge?



Simplydad

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Re: Relocating
« Reply #1 on: Aug 07, 2012, 07:36:52 AM »
I am assuming that she is going to utilize the change in circumstance clause to try to get custody. 

First things first....get an attorney....and shop around while you do so.  If you interview an attorney and they tell or even hint that you can't win thank them for their time and move on. You are going to need to get an attorney that will actually fight on your behalf.

The law states "in the best interest of the child"  but that may not always be the case. Judges are human as well and it is not easy to get custody over a mother.

You need to document, document, document all that is going on.  You need to show that it is in the best interest of the children to remain with you.  While the boyfriend issue causes a concern with most people the law looks at things differently.  Unless the boyfriend has been charge with anything related to children I think the judge will  say it is irrelevant.  If he is no longer on probation I don't think you will be able to bring it up.

You need to focus on you being the primary caregiver. Everything you do for the care of your child needs to be documented and brought up.  That in emergencies your ex has not been available you have been.   You need to mention the commute as well. If your ex is going to be living 90 miles from her job how is that going to affect the care of your children?  From what I can tell her schedule is going to be very flexible and she is not going to be able to state where she actually is going to be from time to time.  That may be a good thing to point out since you have the stability that she may not be able to provide. 

Focus on school as well.  How different are the schools your children are going to be attending. If the school you are zoned for is going to be a lot better than the one where your ex will be living that also can come into play.

Also, try not to focus on the boyfriend.  That may turn this thing bitter because your ex will not like to be told what to do with her personal life.  Then it will not be about the kids and to be honest the judge will not care about your ex's personal relationship or yours for that matter......but.....it could be a benefit for your because of stability...your home is bigger (meaning more bedrooms) where each child could still have their own room.  You need to the little things to add up to make your bigger picture better than hers.



Justabovewater

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Re: Relocating
« Reply #2 on: Aug 07, 2012, 08:08:04 AM »
Thank you!! I have a meeting with a Attorney in the morning. He s the highest recomended for custody issues in the area. I went to the school to get records of who took the kids out of school last year to take the kids to the doctor but they said they wasent sure they had the records. From what I read they are responsible to keep these records for 5 years. I may have to get the Attorney involved in that as well.

Kitty C.

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Re: Relocating
« Reply #3 on: Aug 07, 2012, 08:51:40 AM »
Another avenue to approach this:  how long have you had 50/50?  If it's been quite a while (uear or more), your aim is to 'maintain the status quo'.  Meaning the children are accustomed to the schedule and routine and to disrupt it now would be detrimental to them.  Also, in order to change an existing custody order, she will have to prove a 'significant change in circumstance' and her relocating or getting a new job doesn't qualify for that.  The significant change in circumstance HAS to deal with the children, meaning something is going on that is detrimental to the kids.  She can't prove that.
 
Those two aspects are what you base your rebuttal:  status quo and significant change of circumstance.  When you find an atty., I would suggest to bring this up right away.
Handle every stressful situation like a dog........if you can't play with it or eat it, pee on it and walk away.......

Justabovewater

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Re: Relocating
« Reply #4 on: Aug 07, 2012, 09:54:59 AM »
We have had 50/50 for right at a year. Thats the most important thing to me. The kids have been through enough and there would be no changes in there lives if she didnt decide to move. even though we do have 50/50, I have agreed to pay her child support like she had them full time so that they could still have the life style that they were used too. I know either way it is going to be a change for them, but why make a bad situation for them worst.


tigger

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Re: Relocating
« Reply #5 on: Aug 07, 2012, 11:06:16 AM »
When does school start in your area?  I doubt she could get a court date prior to the start of school.
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Justabovewater

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Re: Relocating
« Reply #6 on: Aug 07, 2012, 11:23:09 AM »
The court date has been set the day before school starts here and there. Her attorney has it in place. We had to go to mediation and didnt agree on anything.

BusyMom

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Re: Relocating
« Reply #7 on: Aug 07, 2012, 12:24:16 PM »
Thank you!! I have a meeting with a Attorney in the morning. He s the highest recomended for custody issues in the area. I went to the school to get records of who took the kids out of school last year to take the kids to the doctor but they said they wasent sure they had the records. From what I read they are responsible to keep these records for 5 years. I may have to get the Attorney involved in that as well.

That should also be in the medical records.  Most doctor's offices will make a note in the file of who brought the child in to be seen.  You should be able to ask the doctor's office for a copy of those and see if it indicates that you were the one to bring the child in.

Justabovewater

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Re: Relocating
« Reply #8 on: Aug 07, 2012, 12:59:06 PM »
I never thought about that. That would be a great source. Thank you so much Busymom!

Justabovewater

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Re: Relocating
« Reply #9 on: Aug 08, 2012, 04:34:26 PM »
I talked to my lawyer today and went over everything with him. He said with the state that I am in, in most cases, the Parent that moves away for a reason other than to benifit themselves financialy (such as being Transfered for a job) or for there own saftey will generally be giving up there right as the custody parent in a joint custody case. If a parent moved simply for the reason of moving in with a boyfriend or girlfriend, Then the custody of the children should be given to the other parent unless it can be proven that the other parent is not a fit parent. Anyone ever heard of this?

ocean

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Re: Relocating
« Reply #10 on: Aug 08, 2012, 05:40:51 PM »
Yes that is the way it is supposed to work but really, it is the mood of the judge on the day you go in. Stress that children have been enrolled in your district doing well, you have half custody for the last xx years and the children would be better staying with you as ex has moved X times in XX years and may move again as her job is currently xx miles from her new residence.

Has ex tried to discharge them from your school and enroll them there? If yes, get copies of those forms. At that hearing tell your lawyer you want them to start school by you if nothing else that day come out. Most hearings move on to trials after a few months so if she is not allowed to change their school this year, you will have stronger case as judges usually do not pull kids out of their school midyear.

Justabovewater

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Re: Relocating
« Reply #11 on: Aug 09, 2012, 10:21:29 AM »
Thank you Ocean. I enrolled the kids in school in the school that they went to last year. I am sure that she will also enroll them in town that she lives in as well. I think the school that she enrolls them in will request records and so forth. She will be enrolling them tomorrow.

ocean

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Re: Relocating
« Reply #12 on: Aug 09, 2012, 10:35:41 AM »
Do you know what school district she is going to? Call them and tell them she does not have custody as you still have temporary custody. They will then force her to come up with custody papers to enroll. Fax over your paperwork if needed. You should not have to enroll the kids in your school district, once you do it then they stay there until discharge papers are received. You do not do in each year (at least in public school).

Justabovewater

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Re: Relocating
« Reply #13 on: Aug 09, 2012, 10:58:25 AM »
She told them last year at the end of school year that thye would not be back to school here. I had to go sighn some papers stating that they were. Thanks for the info. I will call them now and let them know what is going ton. Thank you!

Justabovewater

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Re: Relocating
« Reply #14 on: Aug 21, 2012, 07:46:56 AM »
Went to Court yesterday. The Judge awarded joint custody with her as Residential custody. The reason she recieved residential was she was the primary care giver while we were married. It seems that because the husband works and makes a living for his family, this is how he gets rewarded. The fact that she has moved 3 times in the last year and had 5 jobs in that last year and only moved becasue of a boyfriend has no bearing on it at all. So, IF a man works to support his family, he is not a care giver to his children. But if a man does not work and provide what his family needs to live, then he is a bum. My conclussion is no matter what, the father only has about a 5 percent chance of winning custody regardless of the situation.

ocean

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Re: Relocating
« Reply #15 on: Aug 21, 2012, 09:50:19 AM »
Yup, very hard in most states for fathers to get and then keep primary custody. Takes a lot plus more. How far away is she now? What parenting schedule did the judge give you? I know you are not happy now but there are many ways to stay involved depending on the distance she moved.

Justabovewater

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Re: Relocating
« Reply #16 on: Aug 21, 2012, 12:19:22 PM »
She moved about 60 miles away. I recieved the standard Parenting schedule. I get them every other weekend and most of the summer. I am going to try to stay as involed as I can, but I never get any information from her about what is going on or have any say in what they do. I think the courts just try to make you feel warm and fuzzy when they say you have joint custody when in reality, If the other parent is letting you help make decisions, there isent really much you can do about it without costing you thousands of dollars with them still just getting a slap on the hand.

Justabovewater

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Re: Relocating
« Reply #17 on: Aug 27, 2012, 01:28:10 PM »
Contempt of court after a week, can I file? After going to court last Monday, It was my weekend to get the kids. I went friday and picked then up and had them all weekend. I text my ex on sunday and exsplained that she was a month late on money that she was ordered to pay me when we were divorced. I wasnted to know if she could bring it to me when she came to get the kids. She flew off the handle. She said that she is the residential custody parent and it wasent her responsiblility to come get the kids. I told her it stated in the new court order that the recieving parent is responsible for picking the kids up and travel exspenses. She said I was wrong and that I had to have them at her house on time. I text her back and said I wont argue, I will bring them and I will let my lawyer handle it. I looked at the court order this morning and I was right. My Question is, Is it too soon to file contempt of court on her. Will the court look at it like im being petty? Is it too soon?

ocean

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Re: Relocating
« Reply #18 on: Aug 27, 2012, 02:39:58 PM »
Send her a copy of that page of the new agreement and highlight that receiving parent is to pick them up. Next time, if she does not pick them up, you keep them until she does. Always have your agreement ready for when she calls the police. They will tell her to come get them. As for the kids, just tell them after you get them, that the new judges rules are that that parent that is getting them, come pick them up and that the adults will handle it. Guess she really did not read the new order.... See what happens the next time before taking it to court.

OneMan

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Re: Relocating
« Reply #19 on: Sep 01, 2012, 03:39:20 AM »
I will try to keep this as short as I can. My Ex has decided to move to another town with her Boyfriend. She moved 60 miles away and has decided that she is going to fight to get full custody of the 2 young children so they can go to school where she lives. We now have 50/50 joint custody of them and share them every other week.

A little about her: She works 2 days a week 90 Miles from where she just moved to, the other 3 days she is not sure where she will be because she is in sales. She was evicted from her last home 4 months ago, which is why she is living with her boyfriend. Her boyfriend has 4 other kids living with them in a 4 beedroom house which is a total of 8 people living in the house. I did some digging and found that he has 2 accounts of assault and just got off probation 2 months ago for his last. He does not have a job at this time, and is looking for one now. She has had 4 jobs in the past 4 years and 3 boyfriends that she introduced the kids to.

 A little about me: I am remarried. She has 2 children that has the same living arangements as my children do now. I live and work in the same community that the kids went to school last year. I have been working for the same company for the last 5 years and have climbed the ladder here at work. My wife now has had the same job the past 5 years and has also done the same. I have made all my child suppot payments and any other payment as far as that goes. I have a 6 beedroom home with plenty of room for all of them to run and play. I was the parent that picked the kids up from school last year if they got sick at school or got out of school early. Even though she lived here last year she worked 30 miles away.

Im wondering if anyone has ever seen this and how the outcome was? I dont want to be a dad that gets to see his kids ever other week. I love my kids completly and I am worried about the out come. I just dont feel that it is in the best intrest of the children to be living with there mother. How will this be viewed by the Judge?

Is she a difficult person...the mother?

Justabovewater

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Re: Relocating
« Reply #20 on: Sep 26, 2012, 03:50:26 PM »
Sorry for the late response. She wasent difficult untill she decided to move and get custody of the children. Now, If I ask her anything her response is "Contact my Lawyer". I dont think she realizes what Residential Custody with Joint Custody really means. If I ask for information involving the kids, she either dosent respond or responds days after.

ocean

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Re: Relocating
« Reply #21 on: Sep 26, 2012, 03:55:18 PM »
What happened at last pick up?
Then contact her lawyer and make sure you forward that email that you are to contact lawyer to get answers. That will get old real fast when she gets a bill for every email or phone call you make to her lawyer. Start getting info for kids in other ways (schools and activities). When she has kids, let it be. As the kids get older they will be able to tell you things and you can find out through teachers, coaches, and dance studios directly. Court is stressful time, so email if you NEED an answer to something. If not, ignore and just enjoy the times you have with the kids.

Kitty C.

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Re: Relocating
« Reply #22 on: Sep 27, 2012, 10:07:28 AM »
I agree, ocean...every time she tells you to 'contact her atty.' and you do so, she will get billed for it.  If she's given them a retainer, she will go through it mighty fast.
Handle every stressful situation like a dog........if you can't play with it or eat it, pee on it and walk away.......

 

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