So let it begin.

[JML6501]

Would really love some impute, tips, ideas, ect.

I am 4 years in to a 50/50 parenting plan.  When this was set there was no provision for a primary parent, nor was there any provision for when our child would start school.  My ex lives 50 miles away and we meet in the middle every 3rd evening for exchanges.  We are at the point where we need to decide where our daughter will attend school which will also require a modification of parenting time.  Ex is a teacher at a k-5 school about 20 miles from where she lives.  She is already assuming that she has a victory in the bag that our daughter will attend the school that she teaches at. 

I on the other hand am pulling for our daughter to attend the school that is just a few blocks from my house of 14 years of which I have had 3 other children attend from k-5 last one is in 5 at the moment.

This will without a doubt be battled out in court as I KNOW that neither of us will cave. My attorney is filing the motion this week.  I feel that I have a very compelling argument that is strictly based on our childs best interests.  I am not exactly sure what her arguments may be but I am trying to anticipate as best I can.

Anyone that has knowledge of this or seen key points that swayed the judges please let me know.

[MixedBag]

Can you compare and contrast the two schools and come out ahead?

Who has been filing or claiming the child on taxes?

I take it mom moved away?

[JML6501]

Thank you kindly for the reply,  Mom actually moved away right after our child was born and due to an order from the court was forced to return with child.  From that moment on is when she started living about 50 miles away.  When our permanent orders were drafted she was living in that area even though she has moved at least 6 times in since our child was born.

As far as taxes, it has been done based on statute in Colorado and I have had 2 years then she gets one and so on.

As far as schools, that may be my ace in the whole if everything else ends up even.  I used a few sites that rate and compare schools.  I did a comparison on all the options to include middle school and high school, as I have found with other children that once they become integrated with friends ect, they need to stay in the path of that district.  This comparison is night and day different.  The schools here by chance are light years better in almost all categories.  Clearly its in her best interests as a parent to have our child attend but so far not our childs.

[MixedBag]

Ok, I'm NO JUDGE or Attorney.....just a mom or rather PARENT.


IMHO....if she moved and was ordered back, that goes in your favor.


If you get two years, then she one, then you two, then she one, that goes in your favor.


If your school district looks better on paper than hers, that goes in your favor.


BUT the moving comment -- retired military here, so my kids moved.....around.....and NOPE, it didn't hurt them.  As a matter of fact, my grandbabies just moved from here to about an hour away and that move was GREAT for them as they are now both doing much better in the school.  So academic performance is dependent on the quality of the school and the involvement of the parents.....more so than the moving around.   Otherwise, "military" families's children would be what......out there?  and that ain't so.  IMHO of course.


Most recently my son, moved here for his freshman year and sophmore year -- got about a 3.3 GPA.  Went back, and got a 2.2 GPA the last two years and BARELY graduated high school because he almost failed math.  His other years K-8 were spent in that school district.....So had he stayed......ah, but he didn't.

[JML6501]

I totally agree and believe me I understand that as parents we can make the best of any situation and that children are so resilient that in those situation they can even excel at times. 


I was simply making the apples to apples comparison between her situation and mine.  I think where this is key is that she is proposing a school that she works at that is not near her home.  I think in this situation and a history with moving it will be VERY hard for our child to form friendships outside of school because A. here classmates live on the other side of town. B.  What friends she would make near here home would be subject to change if she moves.  Which is likely since she is renting an appartment.

In my situation My children have attend the school within in walking distance to our home that I have owned for going on 15 years.  I was able to see my boys have friends in the area and as they have got older they maintain those relationships inside and out of school.  I think that if our daughter were to attend school where her mother works.  It would only serve her mother.

[ocean]

Does mother work at a public school 20 miles from her house? If so, your child should not be allowed to go there as that is not her home school. Call the district office for that school and ask if teachers are allowed to bring their own kids that do not live in the boundaries of that school. In my state the choices would be mom's home school, your home school, or private school.

[MixedBag]

I've heard that IF the parent teaches at "that school" then they have to ask special permission and then the child will be allowed to attend there even if they don't live in the district......case by case basis.   So I believe it would be possible for Mom.

He said his EX is a teacher....

[JML6501]

VERY good points.  My guess is that they would allow her but I agree it may be case by case.  I will dig a little deeper to determine if there is a policy regarding that.  I actually just came back from checking out that school  Seemed fine enough however it is litterally in the middle of nowhere. 

Please keep em coming , you guys know how this works when you have two good parents it all comes down to compensating factors to sway the judge.

[ocean]

I would find out what the policy is (call , don't give name) and that child would go to school at mom's but the friends and activities would not be near either house.
I would also sign him up near your house for activities on your time. Some places you can talk to them and explain they may miss half of the time since it is a custody situation. Swim lessons, sports team.
Is this school inbetween the two of you at least?

Get a back up plan if you lose.... You can still have long weekends, pick up fri from school bring back to school monday. Any school holidays with Monday off, you keep child to Tues school.
Have it all written out, ready to go with dates/times/pick up locations. What happens if it is not a school day.

Same plan that you would offer her too...

Also, make sure it is court ordered you can pick up from school, clear wording. We have a new system at our school, custody papers are in computer and parent can only pick up on their days at the times specified in order.

[tigger]

In my state (NC) in at least two counties, the child can attend the school in which the parent teaches.  And they are grandfathered in even if the school hits a CAP.

[JML6501]

Yes I agree that there is most likely a provision that would allow her to bring a her child in from out of the district.  I imagine she would have confirmed that prior to pushing for that school.  I am actually quite luck that she is doing that because that brings up so many more argument points in my favor.  The convienence is clearly in her best interest but not our daughters. 

[ocean]

Here we can not switch districts as the state aid would not follow the child then. We can change schools (if more than one school in district) with permission from district office but not take child to new district.

[JML6501]

That does make sense and to be completely honest, Im glad that is not the case in this situation.  The school that she is proposing and teaching at, is far lower in ratings then the school that I would propose and that is right by my house where my other children attended.  My hope is that the judge will really look hard at the logistical benefits for my daughter going to the school by me.  Also I hope that the judge puts a huge emphasis on the STATUS QUO.  We have been doing 5050 for over 4 years.  If our daughter were to go school at her mothers choice and the parenting plan change to where she will have her during the school year, it will be more difficult for my to make up some of the lost time in the summer.  If she were with me during the week in the summer she would have to attend day care.  If her mother was getting addition time in the summer due to me having week days during the school year, she would already be home and there would be no need for day care.

I would love to get some feedback on these points.  I feel they are a strong argument for me having the school year week days and her mother having week days i the summer.

Thanks in advance

[ocean]

Positives for you:
1.Siblings go to school there (big one!)
2.Activities/friends at school will be in same area as one of parents houses
3.Doctor/dentist? (who takes child now? closer to you?)
4.50/50 for x years. Can stay pretty similar if you have school week, she has long school weekends and all summer except 2 weeks for you to take vacation.
5. Figure it out, mom would have xx days per year, father will have xx years per year if this schedule is used: (list it all out, look at school calendar, many, many school holidays with extra days off. Also can offer 3 weekends to her and you one per month).

Problems:
Can not do status quo as the child can not attend two schools. If you could afford it, you can do a private school in middle of both of you and still do 50/50 (one week on, one week off).
Could you get child to mom's school? Can keep 50/50 and use mom's school
Mom works at a school, that alone may be a huge obstacle.

Better file soon, as this is going to take a trial and they usually have a few hearings first to see if you can work it out. Be very firm with your lawyer, at first hearing he should say there is a major difference in opinion and to try and get it to trial. Some states make you do mediation first, have everything ready to go, what days you would give mom. Also can put in there that either parent needs a babysitter more than xx hours, the other parent gets first phone call over any other family/step parents/friends.

[MixedBag]

how about can you keep 50/50 and have MOM take child to dad's school district?  (like drop off at earliest allowed time -- and she can still make it to work).....and/or make use of before/after school care to make it happen.  OR drop off at dad's early -- and then head out.

[JML6501]

Great points,  I think that one parent driving the child that far to school in the am is out due to the distance.

The Talking points that you brought up are exactly what I plan to push.  Motion was filed today but I appreciate the idea of avoiding mediation which I know will be a waist.  I think that going in with a well laid out parenting plan, keeping close to 5050 but my daughter attending school near me would be the best shot at winning.  I also was thinking how with the fact that we have had such a contested case, how neutral are her coworkers/friends going to works with me from a teacher parent perspective.  Also it would be good to find some stats on the pros/cons of a teacher parent?  Im assuming that there are many reasons that this could be bad.

[ocean]

We have had kids driven 30 miles each way. As long as they are on time, all is good. We also have a lot of teachers whose kids are in the building. Not much difference if it is done right. If there has been past interference of parenting time, you could say that having a neutral school will allow both parents equal access to the school/teachers.

Sad, but really it is up to the judge on that day, how he feels. So do not argue with ex, make your point that you have been an involved father with the 50/50 and want to stay involved. Having child in ex school when child does not live in that district is not in her best interest as it is her mother's place of business and not where her siblings, family and friends are. Also, another big one, what happens when child graduates mother's school? How will child get to the next school (different start/end times for school day, sports, activities). Would be too old for daycare/before/after care. Child may be forced to change school district in x years and that is also not in the best interest of child.

[JML6501]

Ocean,  thanks for the reply,  see you brought up a point that I think is huge and that the convenience factor will even only benefiting mom, will be short lived and our child will either be forced to look at changing schools or having an inconvenient situation for all.  That just made the list.  Keep em coming please.

[JML6501]

Sad new today,  My ex was on her second attorney and wile I do think he was a nice guy, he did a terrible job for her.  This was great for me in that the fight we are entering I was hoping for advantages I could get.  Sadly my attorney notified me today that she fired him and hired an new one.  This one is from one of the biggest firms in town.  All good things must end.