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Author Topic: dad wtih custody  (Read 7160 times)

Giggles

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My DS's father moved over 1800 miles...m
« Reply #20 on: Feb 06, 2007, 12:12:36 PM »
and he does get a reduction in his CS due to the fact that he has to pay 100% of DS's transportation for visitation.  It's really not that much of a deduction in CS and if you think about it in your case, you're not getting CS now, so it's still a plus for you!!!

You should have a "Shared" parenting plan where the holidays are split equally giving you some "down" time for vacations and what not with your child.  Sadly, I have my DS every christmas, every thanksgiving, every new year, every spring break, etc because my X doesn't want to shell out the $$ for the tickets.  So he only takes him during the summer and I have him the rest of the year.  According to our parenting agreement, he should only have him for 4 weeks in the summer, but I encourage him to take more because it's good for my son to be with his father.  I usually don't take a vacation until the end of summer anyway, so I make sure to let his father know that I do want to have son back by a certain date and he usually complies.

As for the psyc eval...if there is a custody hearing, yes you can request one!!!
Now I'm living....Just another day in Paradise!!


John-J-Jay

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RE: My DS's father moved over 1800 miles...m
« Reply #21 on: Feb 06, 2007, 01:16:33 PM »
thanks for the reply it’s just a lot going on at once and all I fear is the custody issue. but with a good track record with the schools, doctors, neighbors, counselors at school, etc. I think I will be fine if she contest but it’s really scary. It seems as if men feel threatened by the old ways courts use to see us.

Giggles

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I fully understand!!!...m
« Reply #22 on: Feb 07, 2007, 07:04:41 AM »
It's not right and all parents should be treated as equals...but that doesn't always happen.  I really don't think you have anything to worry about.  Like others have said, if she does try, have it dissmissed based on "NO material change in circumstances".  You getting divorced is NOT a change in the childs circumstance.

I'm an NCP Mom and a huge advocate for Father's having custody.  At the time of my divorce, I KNEW I was not in the position to care for my daughter, that's why my X got custody and he's done a great job raising her!!  She just turned 15 yesterday..sigh  Lord knows I would LOVE to have custody, but she's doing great where she is and if she ever wants custody changed, then I will talk to her father about it.  If only all parents could parent this way...I think the kids of divorced parents would be so much better off!!!
Now I'm living....Just another day in Paradise!!

John-J-Jay

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Preponderance of Evidence
« Reply #23 on: Feb 12, 2007, 12:19:17 PM »
would their be a shift of weight (advantage) given to my 1st ex wife thru Preponderance of Evidence if my 2nd ex wife and her family was to make up unfounded truths and alligations in an attempt to destroy me?

I'm terrified that they could make up lies and it would give my ex a greater stance in court. Eventhough there wouldn't be any evidence it would only be heasay from my 2nd ex wife. But I have evidence they are communicating and it's getting ridiculous because until recently they never liked eachother before. I'm concern about what they are talking about.

I'm concerned about custody.

 

mistoffolees

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RE: Preponderance of Evidence
« Reply #24 on: Feb 12, 2007, 04:34:56 PM »
Hearsay is inadmissible.

If there's evidence, your first ex can use it. If there's nothing but unfounded allegations, there's nothing to worry about.


FLMom

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RE: Preponderance of Evidence
« Reply #25 on: Feb 12, 2007, 04:48:05 PM »
I think that unless there is some huge skeleton in your closet that you aren't telling us about, you are not going to lose the custody that you've had for years now.

I don't know what state you're in, but here is what the Florida Statutes consider when making an initial custody decision or modifying custody. Keep in mind that when an order is already in place, the burden on the non-custodial parent to show proof is much higher.

Here is an excerpt from the Florida Statutes:


(3)  For purposes of shared parental responsibility and primary residence, the best interests of the child shall include an evaluation of all factors affecting the welfare and interests of the child, including, but not limited to:

(a)  The parent who is more likely to allow the child frequent and continuing contact with the nonresidential parent.

(b)  The love, affection, and other emotional ties existing between the parents and the child.

(c)  The capacity and disposition of the parents to provide the child with food, clothing, medical care or other remedial care recognized and permitted under the laws of this state in lieu of medical care, and other material needs.

(d)  The length of time the child has lived in a stable, satisfactory environment and the desirability of maintaining continuity.

(e)  The permanence, as a family unit, of the existing or proposed custodial home.

(f)  The moral fitness of the parents.

(g)  The mental and physical health of the parents.

(h)  The home, school, and community record of the child.

(i)  The reasonable preference of the child, if the court deems the child to be of sufficient intelligence, understanding, and experience to express a preference.

(j)  The willingness and ability of each parent to facilitate and encourage a close and continuing parent-child relationship between the child and the other parent.

(k)  Evidence that any party has knowingly provided false information to the court regarding a domestic violence proceeding pursuant to s. 741.30.

(l)  Evidence of domestic violence or child abuse.

(m)  Any other fact considered by the court to be relevant.


(d) is a big one. It's what other posters mean by "status quo". She has lived with you all of these years. A judge is HIGHLY unlikely to rip her away from everything that she's known when she's doing well now. Judges like the "if it ain't broke don't fix it" theory.

Also in the statutes is the term "substantial change of circumstances". These circumstances have to directly affect your child. You pretty much have to be doing crack, heroin and living in a tent in the woods before they'll consider a change of custody here. She has a stable home with you----after all, you raised her when it was just you and her before your second wife came along. She's probably in the same school system, with the same friends and same extended family members---that hasn't changed. There's no basis for a custody change, and any lawyer that your child's mother meets with will tell her that. If they don't it's her loss of $$ later down the road because she won't win.

You may or may not lose out on holidays. What you could do is offer extended time in the summer in exchange for having her every other year on specific holidays. If you REALLY want to avoid court, decide now what is really important to you and what isn't. She may walk away just knowing she has the child every holiday. Question is, what is it worth to you to make this go away?

Your ex wife and new wife can talk all they want. Let em rip on you. You seem to be worried that because you got divorced it means that you are going to be in trouble. It's all about what's best for your daughter. If it comes to it you can say that the main reason you got a divorce was conflict between your daughter and now ex-wife. But I have the feeling that your divorce will be a non-issue in court.

Just so you know, you can ask your lawyer for a deposition hearing. These are not always done in Family Court cases, but can be. In a deposition both sides are sworn in, and the attorney for the other side will ask you questions, and your attorney can ask questions to the other party. This is taken as almost "early testimony" to your court case. While a good poker player never shows his hand to another player, not all poker players are good ones. Plus, it could make your opponent see the error of their ways and hammer out an agreement prior to an actual trial.

You also mentioned that you weren't too happy with what the lawyer you visited had to say. There are PLENTY of lawyers out there. If this early on you have even an inkling that you and he/she are gonna butt heads, don't drop a retainer and move on. Do it now before you're stuck with someone you'll regret later. The flip side of that is what I call "The bobble head lawyer". If you meet with a lawyer and he/she assures you that you'll get everything you want and then some, move on. Some lawyers will blow sunshine up your skirt just to get you to pay the retainer, then you'll be playing phone tag with them for weeks. Talk to friends in the area, or anyone that has been through something similar. The way I found mine was to ask the county law clerk's office who was a practicing family law attorney in the area. They gave me four names, and the first one that called me back won the slot. He's quick to tell me when I'm dreaming too high, also, but has gotten my back numerous times.

There is no reason that she should not be paying CS, even if she provides transportation. You need to go through your own state's statutes and see how they compute child support. The only way I can see that she would not be paying CS is if she was working a minimum wage job and you were bringing home 300k a year. And even then, it all varies according to state.

You've started in the right place with people that have already gone through what you have. Now you need to do some research on your own. Read thoroughly your state's statutes. If you're still worried, go to a site like lexusone and read (free) appelate law. Know the statutes well, so when you visit a lawyer and don't like what you hear or aren't sure, you can ask informed questions. If the lawyer doesn't have a clue what you're talking about, move on. Some attorneys will "dabble" in family law. You don't want a dabbler------you want someone who is a family law attorney on a daily basis.

Good Luck and keep us posted!
FLMom

John-J-Jay

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motion to compel/motion for protective order
« Reply #26 on: Feb 15, 2007, 10:13:36 AM »
As you know I’m the CP asking for child support. The other side did discovery etc. My atty objected to 90% of what they were asking for stating it was irrevelant and burdenson etc. Recently the other side has filed a motion to compel. I’ve been divorced from my ex for 8 years and she is asking for all my checking account statements, withdraw slips, deposit slips, credit report, credit card statements, all cell and home phone records for the last 8 years. I don’t have this information period, as I destroy any and all that each month after I pay a bill and some I don’t even have nor have I ever had some.

My question is it normal for a NCP to be so demanding asking for this information when i'm the one asking for child support? I’m the CP here, if I don’t have the documents they are asking for how can I get it for them? Am I required by law to pay to get copies of such documents dating back numerous months and years to have to pay for these items? Should I file a Motion for a protective order to limit their scope of discovery. Also what happens if the judge says to provide can I redact some of the priviledged information such as my account #’s, friends & family last 4 #’s of their phone # if I have to order the phone bills? What are they looking for asking for all this information?



FLMom

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RE: motion to compel/motion for protective order
« Reply #27 on: Feb 15, 2007, 11:02:30 AM »
Well, you're talking to a NCP mom who is currently paying CS, so you're getting a truthful answer of the other side of the coin.

You're the one asking for CS, yes. In some states the amount of CS paid depends on a formula that uses the combined income of both parents. You need to find out if this is how it works in your home state. If this is the case with your state, I don't think that your checking account, savings account, and monthly bills are beyond the scope of what is reasonable. If you are claiming that you only earn XX amount of money a month, but you have an American Express black card and a half a million in the bank, it shows that your assets are significantly higher than hers, thus resulting in a lower CS payment on her part.

For the monthly bills like the phone and electric, you can ask the company involved for a printout of bills and payments for the last year. You can also do this with credit cards. As far as I know, your bills don't need to be so detailed as to include your friend's phone numbers and such. I don't know why she wants the last eight years, when just the last year alone should be sufficient. It's all about the Benjamins. Just as much as you want to receive CS, she wants to make sure that she's not overpaying.

So yes, some of it seems reasonable, and some of it seems snoopy. I would provide to her (through your lawyer!) your basic financial information, no more and no less. One of the things that can be deducted as an allowable expense is monthly expenses. It may be that she's just trying to see how much she might end up paying before she decides if it's worth it or not to go all the way to a court hearing.

Back to what I suggested before, go through and thoroughly read you state's statutes. Also, look for a site that has PDF's of the papers that need to be filed for a modification. You may see that allowable expenses on your part (and hers) are all of those things that she's asked for.

Eight years, though? Nah. One year or two at the most.

FLMom


PS- Did your attorney actually file an objection to providing all of this information, or did he just balk at it on the phone to the other lawyer? If the other side requests and you do not file in court within a certain amount of time, it could be too late to file an objection. Your state's family law rules and procedures should have the answer to how long you have to object.

PPS- I'm not a lawyer, so don't take what I say as "legal advice". I've just BTDT like everyone else here.

Edited to add: Brainstorm. It may be that she has realized that she just might owe you eight years of back CS. She might be requesting the records for all of those years to show to the court the same thing that she's trying to get this information for----to pay the lowest amount of retroactive support as possible.

John-J-Jay

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court delays and can't even get into the court room
« Reply #28 on: Feb 27, 2007, 08:16:54 AM »
I’ve been at this for 5 months and have spent thousands of $$. Yet I cannot get into court to see the judge to order my ex to pay child support. The other side is stalling asking for hearings (5) to be continued, the opposing counsel has gone to court asking the court to continue this hearing then that hearing claiming they have sent letters to my atty and tried to contact her so they could agree on a hearing date.

Recently my ex’s atty went to court having a order signed by the judge stating a hearing will be held when both parties can agree. This has gone on for 5 months. I wonder if court see's this as a dad asking for child support and could careless, yet if it was the mother they would be all over the dad. Any suggestions on what I should do? Does anyone have any idea why they might be stalling is it the fact she knows she’s going to have to pay child support or do you think she has something up her sleve such as a potential custody suit when i've had my chidl for almost 10 years?

mistoffolees

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RE: court delays and can't even get into the court room
« Reply #29 on: Feb 27, 2007, 08:23:03 AM »
I can't address your ex's specific issues, but in my case, my stbx is stalling on everything. We haven't gotten a response to a single thing we've requested - even though the delays are hurting her worse than they're hurting me. Some people just like to be obstructionists.

Compounding that, she's getting advice from her attorney - and the longer it drags out, the more money the attorney makes. My stbx's attorney is known around town for padding bills and dragging things out just to make more money. For example, we did a routine discovery request via subpoena on an investment account that was established during the marriage and funded from marital assets. Even though the fund was in her name (she was worried about what would happen if I died and she needed money in a hurry), there's no question that we had the right to that information. Yet they filed a motion to quash which is going to cost several thousand dollars - and the court will almost certainly allow discovery. In the end, this one's so frivolous that she's likely to pay MY attorney's fees, as well. Why did she do it? The attorney told her it would be a good idea and she didn't know any better.

I'm now 5 months into the process and we're no closer than we were at the start. You just have to believe that the system will eventually work and you'll get the money she owes you.

It's just too bad there's no practical way to go after her attorney for all the bad advice he's giving her which is simply driving the cost up.

 

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