Copy letter to court

[dipper]

I have posted about this situation with a disagreement over the 'third week' of December.   Our agreement states third week of the month the child will be with us and the exchange will take place during our usual Saturday exchanges.  It goes on to state that the child will be returned to the mother on the 4th Saturday of the month.  She will have custody of the child from the fourth weekend of the month until the next Saturday.   For the month of December, the third exchange takes place on December 20th and the 4th Saturday/weekend is that of December 27th.  Therefore, we will have the child during Christmas week and she would have her December 27th- January 2nd.  There is an exception for the child to go to the mother on Christmas and come back to us the next day.


The mother, after having the visual calendar in hand for a month, decided to argue this on Thanksgiving and stated that she is to have December 20th-27th.  She and her mom both stated they would take it to court.


I typed a letter for my son outlining, in bullet form, the statements in paragraph one that come directly from the court order/agreement.   


Tonight, during exchange, she told my son that she will not follow what the letter says.  That we will have the child from the 13th to the 20th and she will have her weekend with her.    We did not send the letter delivery confirmation or certified..and did not copy to the court.  She is no longer threatening court, so I feel she knows we are correctly interpreting the agreement as it is written. 


I am adjusting the letter to incorporate tonight's conversation and be explicit to the dates we intend to exercise visitation rights.  Also, asking that she provide us with her intentions in writing.   And just to get it in there somewhere, I was going to add that she is not to call more than one time per day when child is in our care so that our time is uninterrupted and we will show her the same courtesy.


I am copying this to the court and to my husband and I as we are parties in the court order.    This time, I will tell my son to send it certified so we have proof that she received it.


Does this sound like the right thing to do?  Thank you for any input you may have on this matter!!

[ocean]

Letter should only be from father to mother (since you live in house, one wold know you already know when child is coming to you). You do not send letters to the court, you will present the letter as evidence at trial and it will be added to your case file. Make a copy and attach the registered mail receipt to it for the courts later on if asked for it.

Use the intent to visit letter from this site. Copy court order page and highlight that paragraph and re-send calendar. Send it overnight since you are dealing with her saying the 13th.

Then maybe add a sentence to the letter "Please do not talk about changes in the parenting plan at exchanges, it is not appropriate to argue in front of xx. We can communicate by notebook, mail, email, or text. I will be following the court order until our trial date. (Then just ignore her phone calls, keep records from phone company of how many times she calls and just sent text "xx is having a good day, he will see you on xx". Ignore the rest.

[MixedBag]

Personally I think it's hard to give advice overall -- because what does the rest of the agreement regarding parenting time say?

maybe there is a better way for long term solutions given that both Thanksgiving and Christmas fall late in these two months?  (and where does the child primarily live?)  etc...

no letters to the court even as a courtesy copy -- I got my butt chewed a long time ago for that -- so save yourself or your son's self from a butt chewing as well. 

Careful too about getting into letter writing arguments -- that got confusing to the judge for my situation too -- when ALLS I wanted him to see is that EX cussed in his letters to me and was abusive -- and that point didn't get across until the second round in court (when I learned to present evidence better).

[dipper]

I had read something in an article about copying to the courts.  We are hoping to get clarification from her on her intent.   We do not want to take the baby back next Tuesday and her say - well, you forfeited part of your time and she is mine from the 20th on.  However, if she does not arrive at the exchange in an effort to force next week on us, that will be a forfeiture of her time (Tues - Sat).   Lots of "ifs".  Seems as if we will have to simply follow the order as we see it and deal with whatever she does from that point.


To clear something up - my son does not live with us. He and his brother live together and his daughter has a beautiful room at their house.   She stays with us when he is working.   His ex lives with her mother.

[MixedBag]

again, how is the rest of the agreement for parenting time worded?

[dipper]

The agreement states that Father/Grandparents have custody of child from Saturday at 10:00 a.m. to Tuesday at 6:00 p.m.  Mother has custody from Tuesday 6:00 p.m. until Saturday at 10:00 a.m.  The following exceptions apply:


That is when the weeks come in.  Also, holidays detailing Thanksgiving and Christmas.  And, hospitilizations - we have the child. 

[dipper]

This is exactly what it says about the one week per month custody.   Please keep in mind I typed this up in one day and have no legal experience at all...definitely not perfect but still glad we at least have this.   With all the problems we are having, if we did not have this, we would have no time with our sweet girl.


Every third week of the month, CHILD will remain in FATHER/GRANDPARENT'S  care from usual Saturday exchange until following Saturday morning at 10:00 a.m. (4^th Saturday of the month).   The same transfer location will apply.
MOTHER will have custody of CHILD  the 4th weekend of the month and her regular Tuesday – Saturday morning time.
Though the wording of the week is sketchy, admittedly, the wording is specific on when she has her week - the 4th Saturday/weekend of the month.   

[dipper]

Okay, I do not know why, but part of my earlier reply is in really small font and I do not know how to change it...will try again to post.


Every third week of the month, CHILD will remain in FATHER/GRANDPARENT'S  care from usual Saturday exchange until following Saturday morning at 10:00 a.m. (4^th Saturday of the month).   The same transfer location will apply. 

MOTHER will have custody of CHILD  the 4^th weekend of the month and her regular Tuesday – Saturday morning time. 

[MixedBag]

"Every third week of the month, Child will remain in Father/Grandparents care from usual Saturday exchange until following Saturday morning at 10:00 am (4th Saturday of the month).  The same transfer location will apply.  Mother will have custody of Child the 4th weekend of the month and her regular Tuesday-Saturday morning time."

So....yep, confusing sorta...

Are you saying that Mom and Dad do half weeks for the first two weeks of the month and then full weeks the second two weeks of the month?

And what's the holiday wording?

[dipper]

Yes, half weeks and then full week each.  Holiday wording is that Mom has child Thanksgiving Eve from 10:00 a.m. to 11:00 a.m.   Then child goes to Father/Grandparents.    For Christmas:   Father/Grandparents have custody on Christmas Eve from 10:00 a.m. to 11:00 a.m. Christmas day.  (Then goes to mother.)


I know the wording on the weeks is confusing and can be interpreted different when it comes to 'third week'.   However, I think the saving grace is that it is specific as to when her week (4th) begins - 4th Saturday of the month.   
We are not disputing her having the child on Christmas...it's the 'third week' that is in dispute.  We say it is the week of 20-27th, since the 4th Saturday (her time) begins on the 27th.

[MixedBag]

OK, I'll be honest with you, I just went to my calendar and started counting weeks.  ... k?

And my initial reaction was that 1-6 December was week one.

7-13 December is week two.

14-20 December is week three.

20-27 December is week four.

Because I went from a full line one and on down.

And I think that's where the confusion comes in -- or the fact that it could be seen two different ways.

the "fifth week" of a month or the fifth weekend of a month can throw your plan off kilter....

I have a work schedule -- where I do craft shows, and the promoters change weekends sometimes on the exhibitors based on the first "full weekend" of the month in August for example....so if a Thursday doesn't fall in August, then the show is the next weekend.  (but even that's not a guaranteed train of thought with this promoter).

Just trying to get you to see how it can be interpreted more than one way....particularly if a parent doesn't "want" to cooperate.

[dipper]

I fully agree that it can be interpreted differently.  The thinking when the agreement was drawn up was that exchanges run the weeks.   Exchanges take place on Saturday - November 29th ran into the first week of December, but was not the first exchange for December.   But, even if one is confused about that....it does not take away the fact that when she has the child for a week is very clear.  Not 4th week....4th Saturday,  4th Weekend to the next Saturday.


If we count the week of December 13th -20th as the third week, she still does not get the child the week of the 20th because the order states specifically that child is returned on the 4th Saturday of the month...and she has her from the 4th weekend of the month until the next Saturday.


To me, saying December 13th is the third week means we keep her until the 4th Saturday, so December 13th - 27th.   We are not pushing for that of course, because that is not what was meant.