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Worried about child

Started by dipper, Mar 30, 2015, 04:30:12 PM

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dipper

We go to court next week.   Small recap - we are in a custody agreement with our son and his ex-girlfriend.  Currently, custody is shared but the mother started fighting that before the ink had dried well.   Some disturbing information has come to us by a relative of the mother's within the past few days.  The relative is not willing to testify, because of the problems it would cause for her.  However, she is adamant that we need custody.  She says granddaughter is not being taken care of - basics like bathed and diaper changed.  The mother slaps the 17 month old in the mouth when she corrects her for things such as getting into stuff.  The person says the house is filthy and baby cannot even sleep in her crib because it is filled with clothes and now held together with twisty ties. 


The mother is having seizures on a daily basis, but no one has reported it to her doctors.  They let her drive.  In one incident, she had a 13 year old in the vehicle with her who had to grab the wheel to avoid running into a tree when she seized.  When she has seizures, she needs hours to sleep it off and she is alone at some point daily with the baby!


Problem is, this relative has reported it all to CPS, and we haven't heard of anything being done.  She reported it around 9 days ago.  We have no proof of anything and cannot really report it ourselves as I feel they will chalk it off to a custody battle.  We did not contact this relative and are not close at all with her.  We were quit surprised when she called, but everything she says we know is very possible with the mother. 


Any thoughts on what to do?

ocean

Tell your lawyer that there is an active CPS case open by an outsider on her side. You may be able to subpena her and she will be forced to come to court but at the same time, CPS should be doing their job and making the situation right. You can request medical documentation that she is okay to drive even with seizures. Filthy houses are hard to prove so let that go. More about condition of crib and her seizure activity would take priority.

dipper

The seizures bother me the most.  If she gets upset at all, she has a seizure. 


I just saw an email from my attorney's office that they called our county and no report had been made.  However, she doesn't live in our county!  I don't know if CPS can pull reports from another county.  The person giving us the information has a lot to lose if they find out. 


Thank you!

ocean

No, but your lawyer can call her county .... It would only be in her county.
Under oath, your lawyer can ask her direct questions with the info you have:
1. Have you had a seizure with your 11 year old daughter in the car?
2. When was your last seizure?
3. Where does the baby sleep? Is the crib filled with things? Is the crib being held by twist ties?

Is there a GAL involved here? Maybe ask for a GAL, that is a lawyer for the CHILD. Then the GAL can go into the house and see and report back to judge. Also can ask about her medical. Your lawyer can ask her doctor to testify too (has she reported the seizures to dr..). The other child can be asked questions by GAL too.

dipper

The mother's lawyer is pushing for a guardian ad litem from what I understand.  Our lawyer doesn't see the need.  The child cannot talk.  And I imagine they will clean the house before a GAL goes out.  Our attorney suggested we take pics of our home to provide in court.

ocean

That is fine, so they the house gets clean!
GAL's are supposed to talk to both families and see both houses. Now if they do that is a different story. In this case it may be a way to get her medical in as you have the GAL asking her those questions. With HIPPA going to be hard to get medical info but if dangers the kids....Maybe get that family member to write her concerns down on paper without her name which can be given to the GAL or the GAL and talk to them without mom knowing who it is.

We brought pictures, we used 2 at trial as PB claimed room did not have heat so we took pics of vents in room. They usually do not care. She would have to be saying your house is a mess....not really an issue right now. Have it as back up but really, family court sees hardly anything you bring in. Take pic of bed/toys/room. We made picture books from birth to court and brought those to show fun times at your house. But like I said, we did that before court so we just brought it just in case.

dipper

Met with the attorney today and there is no report on file at the county the mother lives in either.  We don't know if it slipped through the cracks or was never truly reported.  Person still said she did file it.  I asked her to please call the office during the daytime and report what she knows. 


Our attorney is now feeling he will not fight a GAL if one is asked for after hearing what this relative had to say.  I have given the attorney many pics of granddaughter with family and her 'firsts'.  We are going to take pics of our home as well to take to court with us. 


Thank you.

MixedBag

A GAL worked out good for me - so  I'm crossing my fingers for you too.

The rules of evidence when you talk to a GAL are different than if you bring evidence into a courtroom....keep that in mind.

Kitty C.

About the driving....is the relative (who may know more about when and where she's driving) willing to call law enforcement when she's behind the wheel?  That would be the easiest and surest way to get her out of the car.  Because once that happens, her license will be taken away and there's no way for her to get it back unless and until she's treated for the condition and is seizure-free and off seizure meds for a year.  That's not to say she won't drive but it would certainly curtail her because LE will be watching her.  Also, if they stop her and she has kids in the car, THEY will report her to DHS.  It's possible that DHS is slow to move on the current case because it was referred to them by a relative (which can be subjective), whereas coming from LE, it's a 3rd party objective report.
Handle every stressful situation like a dog........if you can't play with it or eat it, pee on it and walk away.......

dipper

We had an incident that escalated things yesterday.  The relative that had first contacted us, texted me out of the blue yesterday stating that her daughter had my granddaughter because the mother was having many seizures and was sleeping them off.  (she sleeps for hours after seizures.)  This relative's daughter is 12 or 13 and has many health and mental issues of her own.  I was concerned with her having my 17 month old granddaughter for any real length of time as it may become overwhelming.  Also, I felt if the mother is having these seizures, then something needs to be done to push this to the attention of her doctors.


I called our attorney who said calling CPS probably would not help because they could be slow to respond.  He suggested, if possible, to 'drop in' on them and see if it was true.   We live an hour away, but my husband said he would go.  He and my son attempted to call the mother and did not get an answer.  However, our son talked with the relative, got her daughter's number - called the daughter and was told that she had went over to visit and the mother was in deep sleep and the baby was awake and walking around so she scooped her up and took her home.  No other adults were there.


Our son, got upset, and called the police.  Only...he told her what he was going to do.  She ran and woke up the mother.  By the time they got there, the mother was up at the other house and they denied everything.  Well, evidently to a point.  It appears they said the mother had took a nap.  The police told her that she had to stay up and that the girl was too young to babysit - she has to be 15.   


Okay....last week her attorney had sent a proposal which I  never saw.  Our attorney told us some over the phone, but it was an insult so we rejected.  Then yesterday he had sent our proposal.  Today her attorney sent the following message:
"Considering yesterday's events, we have had some very reasonable movement, at least regarding the hospital stays.
(basically 4 days a month total visitation, and....)

During mother's hospital stays father shall have custody from Sunday at 6:00 p.m. until Friday 6:00 p.m. XXXXX  shall be returned to mother upon discharge from hospital Immeditally  without any questions unless, its fathers regular visitation days"
I am not sure what that means....are they saying that they are only willing to negotiate to that extent because of son calling police?  He had a credible report.  No, the police could not substantiate what we were told...but the child knew she was not to take care of the baby and was worried she would get in trouble, so she woke the mother up.
Also...does that sound professional??   We did question and ultimately refuse to take child to a meeting spot one night in February when the mother was being discharged from the hospital.  It had snowed - schools were closed and the mother would not be able to pick her up until around 11 p.m.   There was a warning out that night for below zero temps!!  I think that it was in the best interest of the child to wait until it was safe the next morning.   
Any thoughts?

Oh...and I don't really know the rules when talking with a GAL.