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Author Topic: So child is 15 now...  (Read 2459 times)

ocean

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Re: So child is 15 now...
« Reply #10 on: May 04, 2017, 02:24:05 PM »
I agree ...and filing in case you go back to court...probably done with that too. Like they said, daughter can easily get a job, after school activities or sports that take over there non-school time. If you go back to court anymore the judge will prob talk to daughter and take her wants first especially if mom gets her a job or other school related things are going on. Mom will be made custodial and you may be paying child support. Judge will not change schools and give you primary at this point without child saying with a loud voice they want that to happen. SO....pick you battles, lots of smaller options you can do. Also, text every other day at least, hi, how is your day going? or hi, do you want me to come get you for dinner this tuesday ? (let her bring a friend at times too). Teen social life comes first now for the next few years even for intact families. Embrace the change and work with daughter on a soon to be adult relationship as soon ex will not be so involved and you wont have to go through ex soon.
Good luck!


tigger

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Re: So child is 15 now...
« Reply #11 on: May 04, 2017, 02:55:18 PM »
Another thought . . . which may sound like game playing but it really isn't . . . in terms of changing the relationship from parent/child to father/teen daughter . . . start talking with her about her ideas regarding the future.  Word of caution, when I say "talk", I don't mean lecture.  Ask her ideas and thoughts.  Let her speak, even if internally you are rolling your eyes and thinking :"That'll never work."  Let her voice her ideas without judgement.  She's gonna be a model and be famous and travel the world.  Great.  What does that look like in the future?  How would you make that happen?  Her plans will change and evolve and if she knows that you won't judge her, you'll be a safe place to discuss ideas, especially as they become more realistic and practical.
The wonderful thing about tiggers is I'm the only one!

MixedBag

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Re: So child is 15 now...
« Reply #12 on: May 05, 2017, 06:02:18 AM »
Very good point.  Teens are all about themselves....and when you get them to talk then the walls come down.

Exact thing I did with our son after he quit talking to me and we went to court and then the next weekend after that with him, I thought he became a brick wall.

We went to lunch....he didn't want to eat.

We went to Walmart and walked around....and I started asking "What can I do for Christmas?"....and that got him talking.

By the end of the day....guard was back down.....and life went on.  But I had to make the conversation about him FIRST.  Sucked....but it worked.

superdad01

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Re: So child is 15 now...
« Reply #13 on: May 08, 2017, 08:06:15 PM »
Child dident want to come again this weekend. Funny thing is I called her on Thurs and had a good convo with her. Diden't talk about anything stressful and next thing I know I get a text on friday saying she dident want to come down.  so frustrating. Im really wrestling with filing these complaints. looks like Im gonna have to start doing something. Her mom was texting me saying it wont get fixed overnight... it'll prob be months. I can honestly say I dont trust her.  they are up to something. i know their ultimate goal is to change the order.

MixedBag

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Re: So child is 15 now...
« Reply #14 on: May 09, 2017, 06:03:09 AM »
Well, this weekend coming up is Mother's Day....so scratch that one too.

When you get a text like that -- see if child will agree to you coming there and simply doing lunch. 

In your texts to mom, you have to be consistent and say I disagree that this is a good choice, period.

See if you can line up a mid-week dinner....it's a lot of driving, but this is your child.  Gas is not that expensive, time flies and they are emancipated....time to make some adjustments to see if you can turn this around.


ocean

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Re: So child is 15 now...
« Reply #15 on: May 09, 2017, 02:48:00 PM »
I agree, say well I will give into no weekend this week but I am coming friday night to pick you up for dinner at least then next weekend with me I will be picking you up for weekend so we can spend some time together , what do you want to do? do you want to invite a friend or cousin to come with you?

If you take this to court, you may lose and big too. Judge will side with child at this point and then ex will ask that child support reflect the change. Be careful, document , document but filing in court may back fire on you.

superdad01

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Re: So child is 15 now...
« Reply #16 on: May 10, 2017, 08:01:58 PM »
Well mom asked for no child support in our agreement to allow her to move. I'm just asking for visitation to be enforced.  if it gets to the point where she just dont want to come then fine. leave it on a verbal basis. No need to change the entire order.

At the same time I feel like the goal is for me to do nothing and that in turn will bite me in the ass. Dad never complained about not losing visitation so he must not care about it.

texted child last night finally got a reply at 10:30pm  (her bed time is 930pm)  she says she thinks she needs to just be away for a while...

Im so frustrated because I honestly see no reason for this behavior. Even if there was a event where I could say ok I know why she is mad etc. I could understand. this stuff comes out the blue.

Taken from expert law.com
In some states, where a denial of access is extreme, a court may suspend child support until issues of access are resolved. In most states, child support and access to the children are treated separately. Either way, the court will expect that its child support order will be followed unless and until it modifies that order, and a parent who is not obeying the court's order is in a weaker position to complain about the other parent's non-compliance, and may cause the court to question their motives – whether they're truly concerned about contact, or whether their primary concern is financial.

ocean

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Re: So child is 15 now...
« Reply #17 on: May 11, 2017, 03:03:43 PM »
Once it goes to court, no more verbal option. You will file violation order, she will counter with custody/child support order. Even in extreme PAS situations rarely does child support get suspended. It looks good on paper but is rarely implemented. Judge will say that child still needs to have shelter and food even when there is this "crisis"

Text child "hey, i know you dont want to come here for long periods, but I miss you and want to see you for at least a dinner visit. I will come next friday on my weekend and we can just spend dinner together. I can be there at xx pm and you pick the place.  Then text ex and state "i text daughter, I will be exercising my visitation next weekend but will just take her for dinner to improve communications with her. I will be there at xx time" Make it the court ordered time, then if you really want you can file a police report showing you were there and she refused to come.

Can also try making a counseling appointmnet in her area or by you if you get her to come and mediate through a counselor with just daughter and you.

Good luck!

superdad01

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Re: So child is 15 now...
« Reply #18 on: May 11, 2017, 07:58:02 PM »
I was just thinking of filing a complaint at the friend of court. she will have to answer that. Filed numerous complaints before and nothing ever happened. But at least I have a record of it.

 

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