new boyfriend? what rights do i have

[keeph421]

ok i supported this girl for over 3 years as the sole income of the house and we have one child together. the reason i asked her to leave was because she physically abused me amongst other ways. she does not physically abuse the child(yet). she moved in with her parents. this was about september. on christmas i travelled out of state to my parents and she agreed to meet my dad half way with me and the baby. she shows up with her new boyfriend(on xmas day) my daughter appearantly knew him and she had not told me until xmas.

i asked her to not bring him around and she agreed. since her agreement she has brought him with every single time to drop off/pick up my daughter. i asked her why she agreed and she said"i change my mind" so i said fine and asked her to meet me at my house instead of my work to drop my daughter off. she refused and said she would only drop her off if i rode in the car with her and (him). that is denying me my right to see my daughter.  she acts shady and i have caught her in several lies lately. today when i asked her why she thinks its ok to lie she said i have no right to get upset when she does. therefore i cannot trust her.

i started to see a counsellor recently and i have asked her to go to him with me or to parenting classes or some sort of mediator and she refuses. i have threatened to go to court and her family(and my family) are both like you will lose all rights.

i have been with my child since day 1. i changed diapers. i was the one who got up every time she cried during the night and also tried to support her abusive mother. i believe she has severe mental issues but i cannot afford to raise my daughter by myself and probably do not have a strong enough case.

so what should i do to secure my visitation rights so her mother cannot keep giving me the run around?

[kiddosmom]

---so what should i do to secure my visitation rights so her mother cannot keep giving me the run around?----


First thing, hire an attorney, since you were not married at this moment you really have no rights.

Document EVERYTHING!
You need to get a paternity test done, then ask the courts for visitaion.
She cannot deny you that once it is through the courts, you will NOT lose all your rights to the child in court, you will gain them.

Seems she is using the child at this point to scare you into not doing anything. Do not be surprised if she slaps you in court.

If you do not seek custody you will more then likely also end up paying cs.

My opinion, get off your but and protect the rights you can have.

[keeph42i]

well my daughter has my last name and i am on the birth certificate so do i still have to pay for a paternity test?

i did call an attorney today but have to wait til next week to meet.

i believe my x has severe mental problems and have witnesses to back it up. i read on here that it is possible for the courts to order a psych evaluation. how do i do that and is it worth the effort in the long run?

my main concern is being able to raise my daughter and not just be the guy who sends a check every week and gets to see her one day out of seven.

[kiddosmom]

You do not have to get a paternity test, you can file paperwork with the court claiming paternity. But if she is as nutters as you say,, who knows what she has been up to?
and yes you can ask for psych evals, just expect to take one yourself also. Judges like it when all parties do things, not just one or the other.
Go to parenting classes vollenterally (sp?) The judge will like that you care enough to do so.

[MKx2]

It's possible that the court will accept the birth certificate and the fact that your daughter has your last name ... however, in some states you can name ANY person as the father, put them on the BC and have them sign it.  The court might request that you have a DNA to establish legally that you are in fact the father, particularly if she decides to dispute the fact.

As the attorney about the psych evaluation - once he has the facts of your case he will be able to advise you about it.

I hope you've been paying child support since her birth (whatever the guidelines are for your state) ... if you haven't it could get ugly - for you.

[keeph42i]

well she has my ears. shes definatly my child.

she lived with me from birth until the end of september. i kept her mom on my insurance until yesterday(by her request). that cost me 60$ a week and i have been giving her about 30$ in cash or let her take money out of the joint account. so most of it is documented in some way or another since she stopped living with me. starting next week i will give her 70$ money orders. i have arrived at that number from http://www.alllaw.com/calculators/Childsupport/pennsylvania/ which she found and thought i make a lot more than i do and said i owe her like 460$ a month. i inputted the real figures and it comes to about 70$ a week. is that fair or am i going to pay more? my daughter is still on my insurance. i pay about 30$ a week for her. i would like my daughter to spend at least 3 nights a week. that is fair to me.

[LizaLou1]

I'm confused.  In reading this board and others, folks have said they were stuck paying for a child, not their own, ONLY because they ARE on the birth certificate (in error or fraud).  Legally speaking, what is the purpose of a paternaty test?  

(P.S. please don't take offense at the word stuck.  I just couldn't think of a better one right now for child not your own biologically.)

Thanks

LizaLou

[MKx2]

A DNA test will usually prove up to 99.9% accuracy if a person IS the biological parent.

I don't know what the parameters are regarding low end percentage and exclusion of being the bio parent.  

I understand what you're saying about being "named" or signing, in error or fraud; however, if that happened it would have been foolish of the individual to NOT request DNA testing to prove out their claim.

Consider this, if you were fingered as the "father" of a child you absolutely KNEW you were not the bio parent of in the above circumstances you wrote, wouldn't YOU use whatever avenue was available to prove this?

Now, this issue becomes more complex if a child is born of a married couple, but was conceived outside the confines of the marital relationship.  A child born to a married couple is considered, legally, to be the child of both of those parents regardless of whose DNA is in the little one's genes.

Then we compound that by having sperm donors (not in the ugly sense of that term) and surrogate mothers ....

What a mess we have made, legally, of such a wonderful and awesome thing - the birth of a child.

[LizaLou1]

Ok, let's say that there is no marriage and the guy named on the birth certificate turns out to be NOT the father after DNA testing.  

Does that mean he pays no child support?

Can he take legal action to remove his name from the birth certificate?

THX
LizaLou

[MYSONSDAD]

NO more cash, make sure you have it clearly noted on the money orders that it is for child support. Get those joint accounts closed and anything that might be in her name with you.

Check with your attorney, it might be smart to keep insurance on your daughter.

You will also want to document everything. every phone call and contact she makes with you. Keep track of the time you have with your daughter. You will also want to get documention from health professionals and have proof of her living with you. Any old mail laying around?

Is she willing to work you?

[MKx2]

I know that you can have a birth certificate change to add or change the father's name, if it is proven by DNA testing so conversely I would think you could remove the name if proven by same.  Either or both of these may require a court order - I can't remember, but in all likelihood they would require it.  All of the above could also be subject to state specific law.

CS ... not within my ability to answer, however I would also assume that cessation of child support could be ordered.  I am  100% certain that a court order would be required for that.  CS is a court order and you can't just "stop" something that is court ordered - gotta get all documents filed and an order.

I can see the next question coming - "What about all the CS paid previously?"  Don't know - that's a question for an attorney or to post on Soc's board.

Depending on the age of the child, and if there was never a dispute, it could get into a rather involved legal fray.  If Person A is not the father and did not dispute for 10 years, the courts might look askance at this sort of thing - not saying that it couldn't be done, however there could be some coal-raking of alleged father by the court for waiting so long to take action.

Please understand that you are asking hypothetical questions - without facts no one could give you any answers that would apply 100%.

[nosonew]

You can't keep her from having anyone with her in the vehicle unless you have an R.O. against that person.  Just because you don't like him, doesn't give you reason for this.  FYI only.

[sweetnsad]

We went through this, and it's true...unless, like you said, you have a RO against that person...otherwise, she can be with whomever she wishes while she has the children.

[smtotwo]

DH is paying support for a child that he believes isn't his own.  Ex got pregnant while they lived together, but DH works on the road and his older brother lived next door.  

2 yrs later a second child was born. They married after the birth of #2.
While both boys look like him, he and his brother look identical.  But the math doesn't add up.  She would have conceived #1 while he was on the road, and possibly #2 as well.

The problem is that some states have a short time frame in which to contest paternity.  Our state is 6 months.
It never occurred to him until the divorce to do "do the math".
He filed because she was having an affair and he found out.

By that time it was too late to contest paternity.  And he'd been there the whole time.  Helping raise the kids, changing diapers the whole thing. Even if they aren't his he cant imagine not having them in his life.
And she would never admit they weren't his because she's collecting a good chunk of change in CS.

So for himself and the kids he hasn't even done a home swab test.  I think it would break his heart!!

[LizaLou1]

Thanks for your comments.  I find the subject interesting and some of the stories scandleous.  DH refuses to believe them.  I remind him life is stranger than fiction.

LizaLou