ex wont let me see kids

[jake723]

my ex has sole custody of our two children and i have everyother weekend visitation with my children. i just recently moved to another town and i just started my new job. i will admit i am a little behind on my child support but trying to pay the back balance off the best i can.my ex told me this past weekend that if i didnt pay her all of the money i owed up front i wouldnt be able to see the kids until i could pay it off. i missed this weekends visit because of it and was wondering if she could do that and if not how do i go about getting to see my children.

[janM]

Can she do that? NO!
Visitation and child support are two different issues.
There are dads who pay faithfully and on time and aren't allowed by the ex to see the kids (probably in contempt of their court order), or choose not to, and there are dads who don't pay dime one and still have the right to see their kids. One is a right, the other an obligation.

If you are court ordered to have visits, get proof of her denials (witness, phone recording if it's legal there, video or voice recordings) and file with the court for contempt.

Sometimes it takes a few instances before the court will listen, others file with each occurence. You will need solid documentation in any case.

Read here: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/articles.htm

Good luck and come back often.

[janM]

 oops

[jake723]

Thank you for the information, i was also wondering if i could have the police help me in this matter as well

[tjraid18]

  UUUUUMMMMM.......NO. The Sherrifs Dept., Police Dept. , State Police, none of them will do anything other than tell you it is a court matter. The only thing you can do with them is sometimes you can call and tell them whats going on ---- and then use that call as a record that you were denied. Hasn't worked for me, but I've heard people talk about it.

[jake723]

Thank you for the information. are there any agencies in illinois that can help with legal aid

[tjraid18]

   I'm in Oregon. When I called legal aid here four years ago, they told me they could MAYBE help me if I were female and being physically or mentally abused. Otherwise get off the phone. Basically. Look for a child advocate/fathers rights attorney nearest you and have a consultation just to get some advice and direction. Should be about $50.00

              ~ From small acorns grow mighty Oaks ~

[MYSONSDAD]

Visitation and child support are two different issues. She can not do this. I had the same problem. I keep a copy of  my Court orders in the car with me and when she denies visits, I go straight to the local Police Department and have them fill out a report. You might think about getting an Enforcement Clause added, the next time you have court. Do not let the cops back out, have them fill out at least an Incident report, you need documentation. The next time you get your kids, bring someone you can trust and have them record with a camcorder. They can not get out of the vehicle, but at least you will have a tape and a witness.

If all else fails with the locals, get the County Sheriff.

If you have phone record to show you called her, that will also come in handy. Record the call, whether your State allows it or not.

I hope you are documenting, use either the time tracker on this site or Parentingtime.net.

Forgot to mention, all Local, County and State have cameras going 24/7, be there in person on camera, it will help verify your attempts.

[gipsy]

I found that the camcorder works quite well , You have to  force your self to do it, its tough, But Even when I showed  up myself it keeps every one on the straight and narrow , And watch the tape your self . It really keeps you straight , In Wash state It is Legal to video tape what can be seen from the out side , And You cannot break the normal expectation of privacy , It is not legal to have a hidden recorder, But this site has a section on taping laws fro each state , Search this site diligantly , I cannot express how It keeps the wierdo's on the straight and narrow whan you bring the video camera , And like has been said before ,She can't deny visits based on child support . My two cents on that would be too Go to the court and . In wash state these issues are heard by the commissioner ,, Not a real judge , So You usually file 3 copies , One has to sent or served at her address , And one to the court and one for your copy , There is a Motion For comtempt , And a declaration In support , And something else for order of contempt , And  It has been said that they won't really give you a contempt right away , But sometimes they do , But As My good atty say's . I will quote Him " If you let her get away with it then She learns that she can do it , " So  " He files contempt every time " And he also say's " If you don't get the contempt , whats better Letting her get away with it " So I said Well isn't her not getting an order of contempt the same learning expierience ,, He said " NO !!!She has to take the day off to show up and tell the commissioner why not " Or not show up " Then You can then file an order of default " Or she has to pay an atty " The effect of continually fileing contempt is this " She knows you will File < And eventually the commissioner will give you a contempt , In wash state , If You get something like two contempts In a one year period that can be a reason for change of custody < So  Next . At Wash state [Pierce county court ) You can go to the court records dept  at a later day

[mango]

Document your intent to visit. Document her denial of visitation. Then put her in contempt, for repeaded denial of visitation, list out all the dates. And request make-up time, and attorney fees (if you have one). If not court should give her contempt at least. IF she doesn it again, put her in contempt again, and again.

Regardless of your child support, if you are working towards paying her back and document it by writing her you intentions to pay at such and such dates etc. Then teh court should see her as unreasonable.

[wendl]

Some counties the Sheriffs will help.

[Peanutsdad]

Child support and visitation are seperate issues.

Some police depts. wont get involved. With that said, call them anyway and ask them to be there,, strictly for the purpose of getting a police report that shows she denied court ordered visitation without cause.


With a little education, you can file the contempts yourself.


http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/missed-visit.htm


One of the first things you'll hear around here is "Document, document, document!". Having good records is *crucial*. Get yourself either the Parenting Time Tracker (PTT) at: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/tracker.htm or the OPTIMAL Custody Tracking service at: http://www.parentingtime.net. The PTT is good, but the OPTIMAL service is definitely better.

[sweetnsad]

My ex husband is in major arrears with child support, but I'm not in a position to deny him access to our daughter.  I have full custody and he has reasonable access within reasonable notice.  

On the other hand, it IS frustrating to not get child support, but if you are making honest attempts to try and pay, that's another story.  My ex will do just about anything to get out of paying cs, including calling maintenance enforcement begging them not to garnish his "last" paycheck!  And do you know what he is supposed to pay me bi-weekly??  $77.00.  That's it.  He was making $735.00/bi-weekly and he's a single man with no other dependents!

If I were to deny my daughter her father, how would I explain that to her later???  "I didn't let him see you because he wouldn't pay child support..."  That's hardly a good enough reason to ruin their relationship.  I hope your ex realizes this before it's too late.  

[jake723]

Thank you once again for the information everyone has been a big help. i just recived a call from my ex stating she is going to put me in jail and suspend my drivers liscense does anyone know how far behind you have to be before they can do that i live in illinois and havent been able to find any information about this. thanks again for all of your help

[sweetnsad]

I'm not familiar with US laws pertaining to cs arrearage because I live in Canada...but I'm fairly certain that you can serve jail time and have your driver's license revoked depending on how much in arrears you are and for how long you've been in arrears.  I'm not sure though.
 
Could someone else jump in here and clarify this??

[Peanutsdad]

jake,

I started my case as a ncp,, and paid cs. Once I became the cp,, suddenly, my ex decided cs is unfair.....go figure. End of story,, is shes a little over 3k in arrearages and facing contempt charges in court. The likelyhood of going to jail on the first appearance for arrearages is very low. In fact,, call the child support enforcement in Il and talk to them about it. If you got behind due to unemployment,, but are working and paying,, it's very very unlikely you will face any sanctions at all. There will likely be an amount for arrearage tacked on to your base amount.

Hope this helps a bit.

[gipsy]

lesson learned , You said that You just started a new job , Does that mean that you could go to child support and explain , Is the new job the same pay or less , You can go to child support in wash state for change of circumstance , Like the loss of a job , And get it changed , But I am relatively certain that If you go show that You have been laid off they won't do any thing to you , She's just trying to make you mad , If You get something in the mail from schild support collection then You will have to go show them what You make , And  If you started a new job then thats going to be like your first two or three pay stubs , And fill out there papers , And  then maybe you could just get them to let you pay  Off the arreaRS  at like 10$ per month , But then let me ask the key question .    Are YOU paying through the child support registry ?? Like here in wash state . Thats what I wanted then she has no control . child support has to work with you , And If they do set up a separate account for child support , DON'T tell child support where your real bank account is or they will garnish it , And if you are low on cash that could be the rent or mortgage payment , Then they have it and thats it , Just call and talk to support , And tell them the story . And they will tell you whats up , She can't do any thing with out going through support or the court . So I would  Nicely tell her back ,  Child support and visitation are two separate issues and you are still in contempt of court , I would take action pronto and don't let her BS you into making the kids suffer with out a DAD