Welcome to SPARC Forums. Please login or sign up.

Mar 28, 2024, 09:41:45 AM

Login with username, password and session length

Restricting telephone calls to my children

Started by Lumberjack98, Jun 09, 2004, 06:16:38 AM

Previous topic - Next topic

Lumberjack98

My ex has had primary custody of our two children (ages 12 and 16) here in North Carolina for the 10 years of our divorce and recently has decided that I should only talk to them on the phone every other day and has decided I cannot call them the cell phone my daughter has.  This seems to have been prompted by her 2-year, live-in fiance and due a control issue she is having.  I typically call during hours I think the kids would be home and early enough that no one is in bed.  I want to find out if she can restrict me from calling (nothing is spelled out about phone calls in our papers), and if not what I can do about it if it continues.  Also, she is claiming that I call 2-3 times a day (which I don't) and is considering it harassement.  Do I need to be aware of some tactic she is trying to use here?

Thanks for any input,  Bill in NC

Kitty C.

Copies of your phone records will be proof enough of how often you call.  You might want to remind her that it's EASY to prove and if she still wants to head in that direction, she could be nailed for filing false charges.  In some places, the punishment for that is jail.  But for the most part, she's blowing smoke up your backside.  Do NOT show her your phone records, let her bury herself and press the charges if she so chooses.  It's her ass, not yours.

As for how often you can call, if you have nothing in the CO pertaining to it, you're screwed.  If she does push this issue, this would be the time to get that modified.
Handle every stressful situation like a dog........if you can't play with it or eat it, pee on it and walk away.......

joni

 
Remember, you got to lay down to be a doormat.  Stand your ground and keep what you're entitled to.  Don't let your Ex and her new man sabotage your relationship with your kids.

Lumberjack98


smtotwo

when we went for modification of visitation we added to the order 3 things about phone contact

1)  phone contact will be every tues and thurs between 7-8 pm

2)  all calls will be recorded

3) the phone calls may not be monitored by the ex, the children MUST be given privacy when the calls are made

If your state allows, start recording ALL calls between yourself and the ex and the children.  

If you live in a "one-party" state DON'T tell anyone you're recording

however, if you live in a "2-party" state you must inform her at least once that ALL calls will be recorded.  

I would only tell her once, on the first recorded phone call that all calls will be recorded.

Don't mention it again.  Given enough rope she will hang herself.


Good luck

Lumberjack98

Interesting.  I like your point three, since my kids are always interrupted on the phone or corrected while we're talking.  

Oh, and just to add a little fuel to the fire, my ex and her fiance left for California with the kids on my weekend for a week vacation.  I got a surprise phone message Friday morning that they were boarding the plane.  All after I wouldn't give up my weekend with them due to a commitment the kids and I had.

Wishing

I had the same problem but only for the last 2 years. I made it a point to document all my calls whether I spoke to them or not. Also, I made it a point to tell my sons that I would call every night at 7:00pm. The key on this one is that you have to do it. If their Mom turned off the ringer, picked up and hung up, or just didn't answer - my sons knew it was me who was calling. After a while, my sons (10 & 7) started to complain to her - she had been caught numerous times deleting a message or hanging up on me. Guess the embarrassment finally caught up with her. That and an email showing her the documentation of all attempted calls over a 7 week period.

Good luck and don't give up.

Bolivar OH

Child Visitation/Holiday/Vacation Rules in importance for my County in Ohio:
1.   Schedule Holidays
2.   Vacation
3.   Regular Visitation

We must give 45 day notice for Vacation.
We can NOT take Vacation over the other parents Schedule Holiday.
We CAN take Vacation over the other parents Regular Visitation.

What is your Child Visitation rules?

rebecca

What is a reasonable amount of phone calls in a 50/50 joint custody arrangement?  

nosonew

Your kids are old enough to know and memorize your phone number. Can they not call you?  I would strongly suggest that you ask the kids to call you every other night, and you call them every other night.  My son's dad (whom I get along with great), used to call son all the time, I had no problem with it, but my son DID.  He said, "He just calls and calls, heck, I talk to him more than I talk to YOU and I live with YOU!"

The younger one may love your calls, the older one....depends on her social schedule.  

The stepmom shouldn't have a say if you call at reasonable times. And if they are stating you shouldn't call daughters cell phone, that is certainly a control thing.  I bought my ss his own phone line so his mother could call unrestricted, and he call her unrestricted.  She used to call 3x day, now he is lucky if she calls once per week.  

Good luck, I know you mean well, and parents should have unrestricted phone access to their children, within reason, of course.  

I have no suggestions regarding legalities.  If you take it to court, the judge is likely to tell you to call on Thurs eve from 7-7:30pm only.  I guess you would have to take your chances there....of course, judges tend to give moms more than they would ever give a dad.  


Lumberjack98

I'm finding that the visitation isn't spelled out well enough so I'm looking to getting it modified to clarify things.

Lumberjack98

Mine are aware of it, especially since I ask why no one answers the phone and they are told they're not allowed to answer it.  How did you get an email that documented her attempted calls??

Fobbed-Fodder

This is what I am shutting for.

1)   Telephonic Communication

a)   Each Parent should maintain at their place of residence a working landline telephone.

b)   Each Parent shall be allowed to exercise and initiate reasonable telephonic communication with the child.  For the purposes of this provision reasonable telephonic communication shall be one (1), call per day. With respect to all Holidays and Special Days, including the child's birthday and Parent's close relatives birthdays, the Parent exercising Parenting Time shall make known to the other Parent a time and telephone number where the child can be reached for telephone communication

c)   The child shall have the right to initiate and make telephonic communication with either Parent at any time during the accepted hours agreed upon by the Parties in paragraph (d.) below of this provision; the child shall have the right to determine how long a telephone conversation should last. Neither Parent shall interfere with the child's right to determine the length of a telephone call, unless an important call is pending or an emergency exists.

d)   Both Parties shall exercise common courtesy in initiating or allowing any person to initiate telephonic communication to the home of the other Parent between the hours of 11:00 PM and 6:00 AM, except in cases of emergency regarding the immediate health and welfare of the child and/or Parent specifically, unless both Parties agree that other hours within reason would be more favorable.

e)   Parents, Step-Parents, other adults or other children, relatives and/or friends of either Party, are prohibited from interfering with the rights to privacy of the child during such telephone conversations with the other Parent, this includes listening in on an extension phone, wire taps and recordings.

f)   When a Parent is exercising their reasonable telephonic communication, each Party may speak with the child, without delay unless the child is away from the home, sleeping, napping, eating or bathing, in which case the party receiving the telephone call shall see that the child returns the call at the earliest possible time thereafter. Both parties should initiate and assist their child in immediately returning phone messages from the other parent attempting telephone contact with the child.  If possible, the child shall be allowed to listen to recorded messages from the other Parent.

Just my opinion
Good Luck

sweetnsad

I live both sides of this coin...my DH has joint custody of his three children...he calls them every night before bed and I will say that MAYBE twice a week, he actually gets an answer.  He always leave a message but they never return his calls.  They never, ever call him unless their mother is looking for something...and the past 10 days, their mother's boyfriend was visiting from away and guess what?  My DH's kids called him every single night that he was there.  The minute he left though, the phone calls ceased.  Funny how she was trying to make such a good impression....:(

My ex, on the other hand, has just recently become a real nuisance with regards to phone calls.  He has been calling at 7:30am or 8 am in the mornings just before my daughter has to catch the bus or she's eating breakfast.  I have two babies too, so the mornings are very hectic.  I asked him politely to refrain from calling then and at suppertime for obvious reasons, but that he is free to call before bed every night.  So, to be a real a$$, he called again this morning at 7:40am, just to prove a point, after me telling him that it wasn't a good time to call.  Is that fair?  Or am I being difficult?  

Lumberjack98

I think you're totally fair and looking out for your daugher's best interest.  I wouldn't think to call mine that early unless it was a special occasion.  I suggest you don't answer the phone.  That's what I would do regardless of who it was so I could stay focused on what needed done.  I would prefer no one answer the phone if its hectic or no time to really talk.

Bolivar OH

Sweetnsad, does your X have 50/50 custody?  

I do not know your situation with your X.  Please understand I am not trying to side with your X.  Let me share a little of what I am going through.  I paid big money in my divorce to become an instant visitor in my sons' life (and continue to pay).  I am a NCP with every other weekend visits.  I terrible miss not being more apart of my son's daily life.  On Sunday night after my weekend I often find my self in a gloomy mood.  It's weird.  My son and I always have a great time.  I just feel empty without him there.

I personally will continually fight for 50/50 custody.  I will never give up to be a positive influence on my son's life.

Dianaji

Hi, my husband also is deeply grieved and depressed after he drops off his son after a visit, as well as leading up to the end of the visit.

Last fall, my husband proposed to his boss and got a 4-day work week with his company and free on Fridays now.  So he then fought for more time with son in court and got it !!...now he has a mid-week dinner visit with his son, plus every Thurs afternoon/Friday 7pm.  Creativity went a long way!!
He pleaded with the court to allow him to be an active Dad.
He was restricted to phone calls on Monday and Wed. nights.
Hope this helps to give you some hope!!
Diane

Lumberjack98

I can relate.  After 12 years of doing that I still get down on Sunday evenings.  And now I'm going to start a battle for joint custody along with more visitation and contact rights.  It is amazing and sad how a spouse can change when they find someone to be a new priority in their life and the kids get pushed aside.  And very frustrating!!

Lumberjack98

When my ex is trying to get back at me for something, not only are they not allowed to call they are not allowed to answer the phone.  My daughter likes talking on the phone (surprise surprise) but my son is like me and not too big on it.