got any ideas??

[Stepmom0418]

Hi all.......need some help.


DH picked ss up last night and Bm is requesting that she have SS for trick or treat night in her town. Their trick or treat night and ours are on the same night and same times. This happens to fall on DH's weekend. DH has missed 3 holidays this year due to BM's denial of visitation and also missed  many many hours of time. (we also dont really think she will even show up but this way at least he tried to comprimise???)

DH is thinking of telling her that she is more than welcome to come to our town and go trick or treat with us but he does not want to loose any more time.

What do you all think??

[MYSONSDAD]

Maybe I am getting too hard in all this visitation, hate the word, crap.

I got a lot more then standard visitation, about 35/65. I have no holidays unless they fall on my weekends.  

I say, ENJOY YOUR TIME! It is a nice gesture to offer her coming along. Shows your putting the child first. But I won't give up my time, no way.

You can't get back those Kodak Moments.

Right now I am at about 27 contempts on her. Not to mention the times I had to deal with interferance.

[Stepmom0418]

I agree with you about the Kodak moments!! SS is 7 and we have NEVER had a holiday with him. (just got a court order this year) But even with the order she denied Fathers Day, Memorial Day, and Labor Day! (along with the other weekends and summer vacation that amount to over 200 hours of time lost.)

Dh has a final trial comming up in Feb and he wants to make sure that he doesnt goof up anything by denying her request.

The thing that gets me is that Bm never mentioned anything about how this time could be made up if Dh would agree. (she was like it didnt matter as long as she gets him for trick or treat)


Also BM has had a lot of problems following the CO anyways.

Thanks for the opinion!

[StPaulieGirl]

What you said about offering for her to come to your town is a good suggestion....if you were dealing with someone who is rational.

My suggestion is to not budge.  Your weekend, not hers.  Of course you know that she'll probably pull some mind games on the kid.  I would still not budge.  Sorry, I'm in a mood at the moment....

[Stepmom0418]

DH is the one who wants to be the nice guy and i disagree a little! He wants to be nice because court is coming in Feb. I can understand this point but what about all the crap this woman has been pulling??

She has made false statements to try and get DH supervised visitation, accused us BOTH of threating her, denied visitation, told SS that DH would hurt him, I could go on and on but I think you get the point.


I am going to let DH handle this one and he can live with his choices.

[StPaulieGirl]

I am going to let DH handle this one and he can live with his choices.

If court is in Feb, this is the time for DH to take a stand.  Look, between you and me, it's just Halloween.  That isn't the point.  The point is that this woman has to be trained to obey a court order...whether she likes it or not.  

Dealing with people who refuse to behave is the pits....

[MYSONSDAD]

I have asked for time too. Like Fathers Day. And a few hours on his birthdays, NOTHING. Not even a phone call!

I have a trial coming up too and trying not to goof up, but holidays are important. If it lands on your weekend, it should not effect the trial.

He is making an extra effort to include her, if she does not bite, her problem, she loses...

I have documented my requests and her responses. And with all the false promises.  That will tell the story. EX has had problems following our CO too.

"Children learn what they live"

[Stepmom0418]

I agree and have expressed my opinion to Dh about this.............now lets see if he stands up and acts like the man I thought I married!! So far BM has walked all over him and it pisses me off to no end but he seems to take it all with a grain of salt. I will wait and see and hope and pray that he sees that what I am saying is right!


I agree that it is just Halloween........no big deal but as for her track record........she has denied him all his holidays since he got the court order so why should he give in on this one!!


BM uses ss like a pawn to get what she wants out of DH!! And I think he needs to stand his ground on this one and show her what a co is all about!! AND FOLLOW IT ALL THE WAY!!


As you can tell this is a sore subject for me right now, in fact DH and I arent talking much today because of this and because he seems to have selective hearing today!!

[StPaulieGirl]

Of course he should stand his ground.  Trick or Treating is a lot of fun for kids, and adults too.  It is his weekend, he should get it and enjoy it.

I don't know. Maybe just leave it be.  It would delight the BM to no end if you both end up arguing because of her.

She knows what buttons to push with your husband, as my ex husband knows which ones to push with me.  I'm slowly getting smarter, but it still makes me scream sometimes.

Take a long walk and breathe deeply, if you can.  Anyone would be frustrated in your situation.

[msme]

I think this a catch 22. If you agree, she gets her way with his blessing. If he says no, then she may not let him have his weekend.

I think that I would send her a letter of intent to exercise his visitation & include the invitation at the end. That way, if she denies, you will have the cert receipt & a copy of the letter to show the court your attempt to work together.
You never get a second chance to make a first impression!

[kitten]

Keep the weekend w/o BM!  With the trial coming up it is best to just follow the order.  

[kitten]

I agree with SPG!  And if she denies visitation then you have another contempt for the trial!  

Sorry the kids have to deal with this, but it is because of bm and one day they will resent her for it.  Follow the order.

[smtotwo]

Don't know if you've read ant of my posts about ss stealing, lying and psychomommy trying to have me arrested for threatening to kidnap skids, but when this all started, with the first phone call from psychomommy....

DH's os stole a story off my sons computer that is in my sons room, after he was grounded from the room for stealing money and from the computer for visiting playboy.com.

Ex thought story was "inappropriate" and call social services, everything deemed unfounded.

However, when she first called DH he was working out of town and he called me and told me that either I had to get rid of my sons computer or he was moving out, this based completely on lies by the ex.

I simply asked him if he'd like me to pack his things.  This started on a wednesday. He gets home on friday, I could have all his things packed and waiting outside when he got home.  HOW DARE HE BELIEVE HER, WITHOUT TALKING TO ME FIRST!!  I was LIVID!!

We didn't talk, or barely spoke for 3-4 days.  He did apologize, however I'm still pretty angry about it.  We start family counseling for he and I and as a family the first weekend of november, because if this ever happened again I'd be hard pressed to forgive him!!

Also, I found a bible verse that I wrote down and carry in my pocket.

The tongue of the wise useth knowledge aright, but the mouths of fools poureth out foolishness.  Proverbs  15:2

I hope that not only the Lord, but the courts see this when we file for custody.

[Stepmom0418]

DH told Bm a few diffrent things at the drop off point last night. First he told her that she was more than welcome to come to our town and trick or treat with all of us but he wasnt going to loose any more time with SS so he would be exercising his normal visitation.


BM seemed ok with this. But she said that her boyfriend would not come and would not allow her to come by herself.


SS has an aunt that is 10 years old and DH was asked if she could come along with SS the next visit. DH and I dont agree at all on this issue but he decided that it would not be good to have this girl at our home for now.


Dh helped to take care of this girl when she was a baby and I can understand that there may be a bond there BUT this girl has lied, flipped our family off, told our kids they are not SS brother and sister and ect.

Plus BM uses the girl to gather any information that she can as SS does not believe BM when she tells him lies and tries to gather information.

Anyways DH did tell her that the aunt could not come along. But we still had a small argument on the way home because he in my opinion is defending the things that BM and her attorney have done.  I was very upset and we just put off the argument untill we got home. He and I then talked and I can understand where he is coming from although we have agreed to disagree!!

I also made it known to him that in the future I would expect him to discuss it with me BEFORE he agrees to allow this girl to come along. Also BM likes to ask him these things and put him on the spot so I told him that he needed to tell her that we would discuss it and get back to her and not agree to something untill he knows that we have discussed it especially if it involves bring another child to our home.


Thanks for all the advise...................now we will wait and see if we even get SS for the next visit or if BM is going to deny.

[MYSONSDAD]

Glad he stood his ground! Enjoy your time on Halloween...

"Children learn what they live"

[Louisiana]

Great idea! Very cooperative without being a marshmellow.

[cathy]

I can definitely understand your position.  But one thing that struck me - - - in one of your posts, you mentioned that she was trying to get your husband to only have supervised visitation.   Not sure what and all she is claiming - but seems you mentioned her claims of threats against her.

Sooo - if she is so concerned about her safety/the child's safety, if your husband is supposedly capable of violence to the point of needing supervision during visits - than WHY IN THE HELL would she be willing to let the kid's aunt (I assume her sister) come along for the weekend and be in such an environment?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

[msme]

It seems to me that the time with little aunt might be a good investment. Not every weekend but several times. Be sure to plan the visit very carefully & keep it full of love & happiness. Plan lots of things to do & keep snapping pics & keep the video going.

Let her try to go for supervised visitation. She won't have a leg to stand on. How could she send another child into your home if she didn't believe it was safe for her own children? You will have lots of documentation & a hostile witness, who can't lie cuz you will have all the pics & tape.

Might be worth a try.

Good luck & God bless.

You never get a second chance to make a first impression!

[Stepmom0418]

Well DH did stand his ground and we did have SS for trick or treating!! It was great! Oh and BM did NOT attend! (Thank god cause that could have been a bad thing for all!!)


Now we are dealing with the upcomming holidays.............
BM tells DH that he can have SS for Thanksgiving and she wants him for all of Christmas. Well the CO reads that DH gets 4 days for Thanksgiving and 6 days for Christmas. Plus DH also gets Christmas Eve. So.............now we are sending a letter of intent once again and we will wait for a response from her and see what happens


Since we went to court last she has managed to TRY and change the CO only once and now again with the upcomming holidays. So we will see but I know DH wont give in to her and her demands because we have agreed to follow the CO and nothing less!!

Oh ya and BM is back to the same old when it comes to SS schooling as well. He missed a day last week and no reason was given to the teacher and she took him out of school early on Friday as well. SS told us he got out early because he was comming to our house. The funny part is that we dont start visitation untill 8 pm Friday night. (she took him out of school at 10:10 according to the teacher)

Again I am sorry it took so long to update.........we were in the middle of moving and the computer was not hooked up but BEWARE cause I am back now!! (hahaha)

[kitten]

Glad you're back!  Keep following the CO and using the letter of intent.  If BM tries to take you back to court, it will just make her look bad.  
Happy Holidays!