Things have been CRAZY!

[kittencaboodle]

Summer visitation started for us in June on June 8th.  We get the kids for 5 weeks this summer, half of the summer vacation.  We had them for two weeks and then she had them for a week and a half, and then we are supposed to have them for most of July.  

Way back in MARCH, we sent her a letter, before the April 1st deadline, detailing when we were taking our summer vacation.  

****As per the Indiana Parenting Guidelines I am writing you to notify you that it is my intention to exercise court ordered summer vacation parenting time.  

My parenting time for the 10 week summer vacation shall be split as follows:

A Two (2) week period starting at 8:30 pm on June 8th and ending at 8:30 pm on June 22nd.

A Three (3) week period starting at 10 am July 5th and ending at 10 am July 26th.  

We will arrive at 5:15 pm, per our agreement with Dr. Sheehan, for our midweek visitation with the children on June 8th.  We will also arrive at 6 pm July 1st for our regular weekend parenting time with the children which leads into our 4th of July holiday with the children.

Your parenting time with the children in July will be on Wednesdays from 5:15 – 8:30 pm per the agreement with Dr. Sheehan as well as the weekend of July 15, from 6 pm on Friday to 6 pm on Sunday, per the parenting time guidelines.  ****

Initially, my husband's ex just sniffed and said: "Well, we haven't made our plans so we'll let you know if you get that much time."  

After a few phone calls between lawyers, she finally understood that she didn't have a choice.  The reason we got it in before April first was so she could make her plans around the time we took.  If she didn't like it, too bad.  

So June come along.  We pick up the kids at 5:15 on June 8th.  Drop them off the 22nd at 8:30.  

"You're late," she snaps as soon as we're out of the car and unloading the kids.  

"We are?" my husband says in confusion.  

"Two weeks means two weeks," she snaps again.  "I've been waiting since 5:15. Because of that, I'll drop them off on July 1st at 9:15."

And true to form, despite being wrong, that's what she did.  Apparently, though, during the week, she got remarried.  And there was much rejoicing.  So, we continued along with our lives and then came her first visit with the kids during the three week period.  Drop off apparently went well since no one said anything, they just exchanged the kids.  

(Now, it is important to remember that she's been in possession of the schedule since March.)

Pick-up went horribly wrong.  The battle at Gettysburg was probably calmer.  The kids jump out of her and come running up to give hugs and be happy to see us.  And she and her new husband (who, by the way, is a self-proclaimed redneck) come storming up to us.  

"Why are you telling the kids they aren't coming home this weekend?" she yells.  At this point, my husband kind of moves me behind him.  

"The schedule we sent in March details when we're supposed to have the kids," my husband says calmly.  

"I don't care," she storms.  "This is my regular weekend with them.  You'll have them here at 6 pm."  

"No, I won't." my husband says loading the kids into the car.  

"Yes you will," she says.

"You'll have them here or I'll call the COPS," her new husband jumps in.  

"You do that," my husband says.  

At this point I whisper to my husband that we don't want to argue in front of the kids.  He agrees, shuts the door, and tells them the arguement is over.

"I'm not arguing," she says.  "I'm telling you to be here at 6 on Friday or else."  

"Well, that's not going to happen," my husband says and he moves around to his side of the car.  They follow him, yelling at him and cursing at him the entire way.  I climb in the car and shut my door.  And my husband gets in, shuts the door and then hits the power locks.  They're still yelling at him and his ex sticks her head in the window, still yelling at him to be there at six on Friday.  And he begins rolling the windows up.  He utters a rather naughty phrase at her (Bye bitch) as the window closes and they're still yelling at him through the window.  My husband starts the car.  As we go to pull away, her new husband punches his window.  Then all hell breaks loose.  My husband stops the car and they all start yelling and cursing at each other.  I grab the phone to call the cops since this is getting rapidly out of control.  And I hear a little voice behind me: "Please don't call the cops!  Please don't call the cops!"  

I look in the back seat and both of the girls are sobbing and the boys look absolutely terrified.  At that point my husband turns to me and demands the cell phone.  And I refused to give it to him.  I told him, we aren't calling the cops in front of the kids.  So we pulled away and her husband followed us for a few steps, shouting and cursing.  

I spent the next 20 minutes calming the girls down and getting them to stop crying, explaining to them this was not their fault.  Mommy didn't like daddy.  But they were loved very much by everyone involved.  Everyone wants to see them and spend time with them because of how wonderful they are, but sometimes you need to stand up for what's right.  Daddy and I didn't get to see them every day like mommy does and we wanted to spend time with them this summer...  

It took a while for things to calm down, we finally got the kids to sleep 2 hours past their bedtime.  My husband talked to the police and discovered that since the window didn't break, they can't really file a complaint.  However, he did discover we could have a "stand-by" at the next pick-up and drop-off, a cop to sit there and make sure things don't get out of hand.  

My husband also talked to one of our lawyer's associates, since our lawyer is out of town.  She said in no way are we in the wrong here.  We are not to give the ex the kids this Friday, we SHOULD have a cop there at pick-up and drop-off, and she was writing a letter to the ex's lawyer which means the ex should have heard about it last night or today.  

In the mean time, we're talking to the kids about the difference between spankings and hitting.  And if someone hits them, they should tell an adult they trust.  

[wendl]

Man that is crazy.

Yes you really need a cop at the drop offs and pick up if they are going to act like that.

Do you do the exchanges in a public place??

**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[tulip]

I am so sorry for you that they had to see that!

Why do you have to talk about people hitting them?

If they are that out of control maybe you should meet at the police station for pick up and drop offs. The kids might be nervous about that, but it may make them feel safer.

[gipsy]

I had a similar but different problem , It takes a little courage But , Bring a video camera , Point it at them and say " Hello how ya doin " And it amazes me how they all calm down , My atty said The tapes aren't likely to be used but I can tape what is outside the normal expectation of privacy , Wich means , Can't stick the camera inside the front door , I was told to have a person do it from a hiding place , And catch them acting like this also , But just puting the camera out in the open works quite well.

[kittencaboodle]

>Man that is crazy.
>
>Yes you really need a cop at the drop offs and pick up if they
>are going to act like that.
>
>Do you do the exchanges in a public place??
>

It's only going to get worse.  She's undoubtedly going to be pissed that we stood up to her and didn't cave to her demands.  We took the kids swimming on Friday instead, and to a health fair on Saturday.  The sad thing is, one of them asked me on Friday as we were drying off: "Does Mommy know we aren't going to be ther?  Did she say it was all right?"  

When we told her that mommy was mistaken, but that we took care of everything and she shouldn't worry about it...  She asked us what would happen if mommy called the police.  She's got it in her head that if mommy calls the police, they are going to come and take them away from their father and I and they'll never see us again.  

Wonder what (or who) put that thought in their heads.  

She's neglectful, but not to the point where the kids can be removed from her.  She's vicious and vindictive, but that's not a crime either.  She's emotionally and mentally abusive, but that doesn't leave marks so it doesn't count.  At this point, my husband and I agree it would almost be better if the new hubby DID hit the kids because then at least there would be a way for us to take care of them.  

Which leads me to the question: "Why talk to them about hitting"

It's obvious this guy has a temper problem if he punching windows as we drive away.  We want the kids to know that there's a difference between spanking and hitting, and what that difference is.  

We do the exchanges in a gas station.  And as of this Wednesday, there will be a cop there to, as we told the kids, "remind the adults to be on their best behavior".  My husband really doesn't expect to get the kids back after standing up to her like this.  

[flewwellin]

I am so sorry that the kid's mom is such a B***H!!  I have only had this problem once before at a drop off with my Dh and his ex wife.  At the time she was living with her new boyfriend, and we brought the kids back at the designated time (6pm on Sunday) and no one was there.  We waited for 20 minutes.  The whole time the kids were wondering where mommy was and why she wasn't home when they were supposed to be home.  We called their mom on her cell phone and told her that if she wanted her kids that night she had to come to our house to pick the kids up. She then asked if we'd take them to the town next to ours to drop them off, they were at a motorcycle show.  DH asked how she thought they were gonna get the kids home if she and her BF were riding a motorcycle.... She only responded with a "my friend will take them home for me" Mind you at the time they had no car seats and the kids were ages 2 & 3!  DH said hell no they could pick the kids up at our house later when they were done playing around.  She came a couple hours later upset and crying.  Her BF got in my DH's face and started cussing him out in front of the kids and I told them (as owner of the house) to stay off my property that I was going to get the kids things and the kids were going inside with me when I do.  Her BF called the cops and told him that we wouldn't give the kids to them Blah Blah Blah, and about 45 minutes after they left ( with the kids) the cops arrive.  We were told that if we wanted the next time they'd also come to the drop off and pick up to ensure a safe and less traumatic experience for the kids.  Good news the kids don't remember it.  Good luck this woman is a nut job!  Rednecks are also very unstable, he may actually give you guys all the ammo you need to obtain custody of the kids.

[kittencaboodle]

>  Rednecks are also
>very unstable, he may actually give you guys all the ammo you
>need to obtain custody of the kids.

Part of me hopes so, but part of me hopes not too...  At least for the sake of the kids.  I don't like the road this is heading down.  This is going to get so damn messy and the ones who are going to get the worst of it are the kids.  

Add to that, I have a baby due in December...  I KNOW this is going to get worse before it gets better.  

[flewwellin]

I too am pregnant ( due in November) !  Congratulations on that! (every woman needs to be able to be happy about their new baby!)  I agree this is going to be very messy for you and your step kids, but also for your new baby.  I'd say for everyone's well being I'd keep a copy of the notice of intent to exercise visitation and the visitation agreement on hand everytime you have to do a pick up and drop off.  I'd also have it court ordered to move this location to the local Police Department.  That way if she doesn't show..all you have to do is whip out all your papers and have a cop go with you to pick up the kids.  It may worry the kids some at first but as soon as they see that mom and step dad can't act like complete asses then they will warm up to it and look forward to these visits!  Good luck

[Kimberly9]

I don't have any additional advice.  You have gotten a lot of good advice.  I just feel horrible for those poor kids.

Congrats on your pregnancy.  Do what you can to reduce stress and take care of yourself.