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Author Topic: And so it goes...  (Read 2214 times)

dontunderstand

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And so it goes...
« on: Dec 20, 2005, 09:00:12 PM »
So we are on Christmas break with SD.  We get her until Christmas day @ 10.  BM has been calling EVERYDAY, 2 and 3 times a day to my phone and 2 and 3 times to DH phone.  She won't leave a message either.  SD called her last night, and guess who didn't call her back?!  Yep, you guessed it~ the best mom in WA state!  Our PP states the following (in the "other provisions" part)...
"Each party may have reasonable phone contact with the child, of one phone call per week."

Now to me that says that while SD is here this week, she(BM) can call her 1 time 1 day.  Is this correct, or are we interpeting it wrong?

Do we ignore her calls even though she is annoying the crap out of us, or remind her of the parenting plan?

I am so sick and tired of her and her double standards, we have to follow the rules, not her.  I feel a court date comming on!!!


MixedBag

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Ah, there's that word again...
« Reply #1 on: Dec 21, 2005, 09:31:07 AM »
REASONABLE

I'd skip the word "can" in your question and just say that I think that most courts will agree that reasonable would be once a day at the MOST.

Ignore her calls except once a day.

BLOCK (if you can) BM from calling your phone.  Dad's phone is another story, and the house phone should be enough.

Don't remind her of the parenting plan because the plan doesn't quantify "reasonable" so she won't get it.

You two will be better off learning how to deal with it your way as opposed to trying to change the BM's behavior. It will leave you two stronger.

dontunderstand

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RE: Ah, there's that word again...
« Reply #2 on: Dec 21, 2005, 11:36:52 AM »
It says they get 1 phone call PER WEEK, not per day!  She wanted that because DH called SD daily to see how school was, BM thought this was rediculous and hence 1 time weekly.
We don't have a home phone.  DH sent her a certified letter stating to only use one of our cell phone #'s, but still she calls both.  We can't block her #, but DH put the name as "don't answer" ;) and we don't answer restricted calls.
I don't think we try to change her behavior, it is just so hard to adjust in our home when she is so erratic and random ALL of the time...

Sunshine1

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RE: Ah, there's that word again...
« Reply #3 on: Dec 21, 2005, 07:36:02 PM »
Follow that order.  One call per week means one call per week and you give her, her one call per week and then you may ignore all the other ones.

If she is totally abusing your phones and calling several several times, you can take it to the authorities and have them give her a warning of phone harassment.  She may quit or she may step it up a bit and then you got her for phone harassment.

I love cellphones because it shows all incoming and outgoing and I especially love it when they call from their number and then they call right back with a blocked number exactly 1 minute later about six times in a row at a minute a part.  That is how I nailed SM for actually harassing me, and she was the one who filed the harassment order remember?  I clearly showed the judge, who the heck else is calling me in between her numbers with a blocked number when we were fighting about something.  He simply thought 22 calls in a row going from her number to a blocked number was too coincidental for it not to be her.

THAT my friend is called "circumstantial evidence"!  LOL!!!!  :)

4honor

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I am in WA.
« Reply #4 on: Dec 21, 2005, 08:31:23 PM »
Your court order says contact of one time per week. IF she has talked with SD more than one time in the last 168 hours, she could be found in contempt.

I say put the phone on vibrate and screen her into voicemail. Check it several times a day to verify whether  or not there is a bona fide emergency, but otherwise you need not answer if you do not wish... however, you don't have to hold her to that either. You can be generous and allow SD to talk to her in the evenings (when you aren't using up minutes.)

BUT make sure that if SD wants to call mom she may any time she wishes... the judge in our case insists that a child may call their parent any time they wish (absent a RO to the contrary).
A true soldier fights, not because he hates what is in front of him, but because he loves whats behind him...dear parents, please remember not to continue to fight because you hate your ex, but because you love your children.


Sunshine1

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RE: 168 hours! Buwhahahah! you kill me 4! eom
« Reply #5 on: Dec 21, 2005, 08:46:02 PM »
.

dontunderstand

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RE: I am in WA.
« Reply #6 on: Dec 22, 2005, 12:50:56 AM »
BM was REAL crappy with me yesterday when SD was not here!  I told SD BM called and she (BM) would call back.  (She didn't want SD to call her back)  When she called and talked for 20 min. I never once told her to get off the phone like she does.  Then she(BM) told SD to ask me (while she is on the phone)  if SD call call her back later?  Tomorrow?  She does that shit to set us up to be the bad guys!  I just said probably not last night, it was already almost 9pm and we would talk about the rest later.  Funny SD didn't even ask to call BM at all today!  She tried to bribe SD as she always does, but whatever.  I just hope that she(SD) realizes all of this in due time.

SD is really skinny!  I know that BM doesn't feed her like she should, but today she asked me how to gain weight and I told her that she just needs to eat breakfast, lunch and dinner everyday.  She told me that she doesn't eat everyday because she isn't hungry.  So I said that was funny considering she eats her butt off at our house and this morning she had a bowl of cereal, 2 pieces of toast and a cup of cocoa!  So she tells me that she doesn't eat at home, because she "has too many problems at my house."  SHE IS 7!  What kind of stress does she have?  I just don't get it!

dontunderstand

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RE: I am in WA.
« Reply #7 on: Dec 22, 2005, 12:54:32 AM »
BTW~ 4honor~ what county are you in?  Do you have the same judge everytime???

4honor

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Case is in BM's county
« Reply #8 on: Dec 22, 2005, 01:59:25 PM »
Whatcom. We are 2 hours south of that.

No not the same judge the last couple times.

Our Attorney is out of Everett though.
A true soldier fights, not because he hates what is in front of him, but because he loves whats behind him...dear parents, please remember not to continue to fight because you hate your ex, but because you love your children.

Avaya

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RE: Ah, there's that word again...
« Reply #9 on: Dec 27, 2005, 12:42:09 PM »
>It says they get 1 phone call PER WEEK, not per day!  She
>wanted that because DH called SD daily to see how school was,
>BM thought this was rediculous and hence 1 time weekly.
>We don't have a home phone.  DH sent her a certified letter
>stating to only use one of our cell phone #'s, but still she
>calls both.  We can't block her #, but DH put the name as
>"don't answer" ;) and we don't answer restricted calls.
>I don't think we try to change her behavior, it is just so
>hard to adjust in our home when she is so erratic and random
>ALL of the time...

I'd answer it one time per day when SD is with the person who's phone is ringing, and if it's convenient to talk (i.e. I wouldn't answer if you're in the grocery store, I wouldn't answer in the car, I wouldn't answer if sd is outside playing or in the bathtub, etc.).  I woudn't remind mom of anything in the court order.  In fact, you know she's calling for sd, so on the one time per day you're going to answer, hand the phone to sd and say "Here, it's your mom."  I PROMISE, letting mom think her calling doesn't bother you is the BEST medicine.  If you do happen to talk to her  and she mentions all her unanswered calls, respond "Oh.... hmm, I must have been on the phone or something, this is the first time it's rang today." and be done with it.  

gipsy

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RE: And so it goes...
« Reply #10 on: Dec 28, 2005, 11:19:52 PM »
I see a different approach , Answer the phone and give it to the child every time . Be nice And return the calls and leave a nice message , I had to stop the vendetta;s , I had to be the one to stop the child like tit for tat , And over time my situation is better , I would not even think of court over this , Some times the m,other calls a couple of times over here and I return the call . My son talks to her for a while and thats it he's done ,
  She use to have the cartoons on and the movies on when I would call and My son was so distracted, When he was here and she would call .I would return the call and say out loud , Hey Let me turn down the cartoons so you can talk to Mommy ,
  And I quit the bad talk and started saying good things about the Mom , And Hence I know Children get into this , And he repeats what I say ,
  Like under the advice of my atty I found good things to say about her , Like instead of saying , Negative things I would smile at my son and say , I bet your mom is a great cook and she loves you " Or I know mom loves you , And I sent my son home with things we made for her and Grandma on her side , I got him a rock polishing kit , And he was so proud of his project , And gave it to them . I think it made it hard for them to keep it up , Because  They had to learn the same as I did ,
   When I saw My sons face turn to pain over negative issues about his mom I got out of it , And I'm sure this has been reciprocated to a degree ,
  My final statement . WILL THE REAL ADULT PLEASE STAND UP AND STOP THE CYCLE OF NEGATIVITY FOR THE SAKE OF THE CHILD !
   AND WHEN i DID THAT I COULD SEE MY SON ENJOY LIFE OVER HERE MORE

 

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