Feeling Down

[DMcD]

I haven't posted in ages and haven't been in chat for even longer. DH came home for Christmas and flew back on New Year's day. It's been a long 10 weeks since he left in Oct. I still have just over 8 more weeks to go before he gets back from his training. We are flat broke, trying to make ends meet and struggling in every way imaginable. It's depressing. I keep losing weight. I weighed in at 99 lbs at my physical last week. I guess when I'm not sure we have enough money for groceries to last until payday, I cut way back on what I would normally eat.

The skids are exisiting, but they aren't particularly happy here without their dad. My boys are starting to exhibit behavioral problems, I'm assuming, because DH isn't here. I am spread so thin, I can barely stand it. OSS is failing most of his classes, SD is failing her 10th grade English and her history class. YSS is trying soooo hard to do well, but is failing miserably. He did his educational testing this morning and we figured out why. He is borderline mentally handicapped. He has a very low IQ and multiple learning disabilities. This is, of course, devistating. I knew he had learning disabilities, but I would have never thought that he had a low IQ or severe cognitive problems. I hope that we caught this in time to be able to help him along well enough to make sure he has a normal life. Add that on his his diagnosis of last month. He has an adjustment disorder. Crap!

At least DH's atty filed for child support. The hearing is on Monday. As much as I try to be nice to BM, I can not wait for her to get a taste of her own medicine. Paying child support, trying to see the kids regularly, trying to pay her bills every month, no dependents to file on her taxes and owing the IRS an arm and a leg - just like we did. She's going to call and cry and be REALLY nice and try to make me feel sorry for her. I might for the fraction of a second that it takes me to remember having lived two months without electricity and her going to court during that time saying DH wasn't paying enough and asked to reduce his visitation because he didn't see them every other weekend. Never mind that it was a 400 mile trip and we had to get a hotel. She expected all of that from $10 an hour. DH won't ask to reduce her visitation, but he's already made her visitation with the kids as easy as he possibly can, given the distances involved.

Anyway, I just needed to vent. I'm so tired and so drained. It's going to feel like 8 months instead of 8 weeks, but the second DH walks in the door, I'm grabbing the car keys and heading out the door and taking a weekend all for ME!

[nosonew]

Soooo sorry things aren't going well, at all!  So you just recently got custody?  That is a tough adjustment even with your dh there, must really be tough without him! Any way to borrow a little money from relatives to help with groceries, or something?  You need to be careful, if something happens to you, what happens to the kids while he is gone.  You need to also focus on YOUR health and well-being during this time.  

((((((HUGS)))))))

Nosonew

[oneandonly]

Wondered where you have been-how things were going....
so sorry to hear about all your problems. I guess the bright side on a few things is that 1) you've made it this far as surely those first few weeks with your dh gone must have been the hardest, 2) your YSS will be getting help he needs now that a "diagonisis" has been made-unfortunately, you may have to be the one to folllow through with this (IEP meetings, etc...). 3) you've got that precious baby girl to hold and mold every day.....how is she, btw?

HUGS again--miss ya in chat~

[DMcD]

It's been a hard road and I wish you were right about the first few weeks, but it has gotten progressively harder. Much of that is because we have been trying to stay afloat with the money we have, we just got so far behind and now it's all catching up with us. We''l make it through, but as I'm sure you know, when you aren't sure how you're going to afford everything, it makes you feel helpless and out of control. Hopefully this will only last a short time and we will get back on our feet.

YSS has gotten his diagnosis. I went to the Student Study Team meeting on Friday and the school should use the results of the tests from the educational psychologist. That will likely expidite the IEP and Title 1 process. He should be getting the help he needs shortly.

Katie is doing fine. She crawls, pulls herself up onto furniture and has 7 teeth. She is such a happy go lucky baby. I was blessed when I had her. My boys are having some behavior problems, but they doing well. Everyone is healthy. I do have a lot to be thankful for and I try to remember that. Sometimes talking (or posting) about stress and frustrations helps one to put their feelings into perspective. I'd bitch about not winning the lottery, but I don't play it. x(

[Peanutsdad]

(((((((HUGS)))))))))

D,, it will get better hun. You guys have fought one hellova long rough road.
I think it may be time for you all to seek someone to talk to. You can liken it to the stress experienced from long term combat,, you stay in this hyperalert stage for so long, now that the fight is "won",, what do you do? Life doesnt just magically go back to "normal",, in fact, too often, you are left wondering what the hell "normal" is.

Couple that to the financial binds,, you have a ready made recipe for depression,, hell, you'd have to be Jeezus H Chrizt onna pogo stick to NOT be suffering from some depression.

We're all here for ya'll.

[DMcD]

It means a lot when you get some kind of affirmation that you are not, in fact, crazy. I actually have been diagnosed with depression. It was post partum, but I think it was easy to call it that since it started shortly after I had my last child. Problem is, having the baby coincided with the onset of this most recent custody fight. Now that it's over, I am left with 6 children, no husband and very little in the was of finances. DH will come home in March with IT and MCSE certifications, so we hope that he will get picked up with the feds pretty quickly. The Army has their headquarters right here in town and they start their IT guys at $58k per year to start. We hope that he will get hired there

Thanks for your kind words and support. It means a lot.

[Peanutsdad]

After all you've done here for others......you oughta know, we'll be here for ya ;)

[MKx2]

D, m'dear ... I haven't posted until now ... and I can't even tell you why.  I've been thinking about you since I read your post, and you gotta know my prayers are with you.

And what PD said is true - custody battles drian the snot right out of you, and then when it's over it's sorta like "yeah ... well, what now?" - every ounce of your being has been put into that fight and suddenly you have to find a way back to "normalcy."  And then ... bless your heart, you have all those kids, little resources and NO hubby to give you that daily recharge! Of COURSE you're down in the dumps - criminey!  If it was me I'd probably be in a white jacket in a padded cell by now!

And truly, D - you MUST take care of you.  I understand it's so easy to sit here and type that when you're in the middle of the whole damn thing.  You MUST eat!  If anything should happen to you, even a COLD, the dominoes are gonna drop.  It's a huge resonsibility for you, but you KNOW there is a light at the end of it.  DH WILL be back in March, and I'll be saying every prayer I know that he gets one of those jobs ASAP after his return.  You just SO need a break like that.

Vent as often as you can, or want, girl.  You know every single one of us is here to listen and if nothing more be able to tell you that you are NOT certifiable yet (although the thought of being certifiable MIGHT have some merits at this point - 3 squares a day and someone watching you 24/7 to make sure you have everything you need - LOL!  Just joking!)

Be well D - know that many think of you and yours each day and are sending prayers and positive thoughts.

[Peanutsdad]

Ummm, careful with the certifiable stuff comin from most of us.. Lets face it, sane people would NOT go thru what we all do LOL...

[MKx2]

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[DMcD]

And there we have it, folks - the Understatment of the Year Award!!

I don't think any parent, bio or step, can be called "sane". You choose to carry and birth a child (or in dads case, watch your wife turn into a raving ball of emotions who stops having sex with you because her back, legs and feet hurt), spend all of your money on a baby that will inevitably poop or pee all over you, put every ounce of strength, love and devotion into someone who will someday say in the heat of anger, "I hate you and I wish I had different parents!". In the case of steps, you try to bond with a child who probably won't like you at first, who is probably fed a lot of negativity about you and will someday say in the heat of anger, "You can't tell me what to do, you're not my mother!" Yet we love them. We love them with every fiber of our being. Sane people would not love anyone who put them through the emotional, financial and physical roller coaster kids put their parents through each and every day. That's just the part that we deal with for the kids. Add in the ex and a court battle that would make Custer's last stand look like a day at the beach, I think you could say that we are all a little less than "sane", whatever the hell "sane" means.

At least we all know that we have each other to lean on when we come here. It keeps me from becoming even more insane than I already am!

[sweetnsad]

that most of us here lost our sanity when we chose the path we are on now...it's difficult at the best of times and I, for one, know what you are going through....the money problems and lack thereof, the ex and court, the skids (although they don't live with us and God Bless you for taking that on especially when your DH is away!)...

I felt so bad for you when I read your post, and yet, there is a strong woman there.  You are tougher than you seem and yes, it can only go UP from here!

Take care and know that we are all here, even if it's just for venting.  We all need that at some point.(((Hugs)))