Falsely accused father in need of legal input

[Ryan]

I'm not sure where to start or what to present.  So, I'll begin with my being married for 10 years to a woman with BPD.  She did not reveal her condition for years.  We were emerged in counseling from early on and through the duration with the same counselor.    

I finally left my wife and she made drastic efforts to get me back, to no avail.  I had told her I was leaving during a counseling session several months previous for I was well aware of the abandonment issues.  Not able to resolve her inner turmoil she filed false criminal charges with the local law enforcement that I had molested out 4 year old daughter.  Being that we were living in a small town in Montana at the time law enforcement was more than eager for a felony case and to support this poor woman and daughter, victims of such a horrific crime.   My point is not that it would not have been a horrific crime, rather the charge that blinded law enforcement.  

Needles to say I've passed lie detector tests from the FBI with a 98.7% belief that I'm telling the truth in my innocence.  Also subjected myself to extensive pedophile profiling, again no correlation what so ever.  The list goes on...

While I have strong reason to believe I've one of the best, if not the best attorney in Montana I'm loosing my case.  It has been over two years now and I'm feeling fortunate to not be behind bars, yet.  

Yes, there is much more, yet, I need help and have no idea where to turn.  Our therapist of 10 years states "if anyone molested (our daughter) it was (X)." X being my BPD wife.  She has many other statements to the same effect such as she (my wife) have two personalities...

Is there any help one can purpose I pursue?  I am running out of options.  The last card in play is that I negotiate away my daughters being able to ever seem me again in the effort she (BPD wife) drops the charges.  This entire situation is so insane it beyond comprehension...

Any suggestions?

Thank you

[kiddosmom]

I do not know about the rest of it, but if you make an agreement with your ex then you will be basically 'admitting' you did do the crime and are just trying to find a way out of trouble. Never make deals.

[perserverance_1]

I think there's a forum, called Dear Socrateaser on this site, if you haven't already posted in that forum, you might want to do so.

I have some questions for you:

Have any affidavits from the therapist indicating that she/he has had no indications that you have molested your daughter been entered into the courtfile?

Has documentation showing you passed the lie dector test and pedophile profiling been entered into your courtfile?

Was your daughter examined by physicians, was the examination for sexual assault negative, and if so was this entered as evidence into your courtfile?

Is child protective services involved and has the information listed above been submitted to their files?

If charges are pending against you are they criminal or civil in nature?

If you do have a court case pending and have a court file, and none of the above information has been entered yet, you could gather and submit this info. yourself, but your attorney should be doing it.  

If CPS is involved, get their reports and make a statement of corrections and objections, send to cps and submit to your courtfile.

It's important to enter as much evidence of your innocence as possible in case things go badly, then you should have some points of appeal.

pers.

[DAD 1]

Dear Ryan I was married to a Borderline and have a 5 year old daughter. False allegations are common with Borderlines contact me Rolragg @ aol.com I think I can help Ron

[Rysimps0419]

Let me start out by telling you how sorry I am that you have to go through this, my heart goes out to you. I am a woman who is fighting for my son to see his son. I am appallled at the way the legal system works. My son has also been falsley accused for domestic violence and lucky for him so far he has been able to fight it. In doing some research to prepare him for anything that they may try to accuse him of nect I found this site. Innocent Dads.org. I do not work so I am dedicated to not only helping my son but anyone who needs it. I spend a lot of time doing research as he does work. If there is anything that you may need help with please let me know I will be glad to assist you in any way I can. This is nightmare for you fathers but so much more damaging to your children. You can contact me through my sons email [email protected] opr my email [email protected]

You may have lost some battles but the war is what counts...please remember this because I have found out it is not easy to fight this stuff, but never ever give up...there are lots of people who care and want to help. You may want to join us in fighting together...please read Erin Brockervitch under Visitaion Posts.

Warmest wishes,
Sandy

[wendl]

I'm not to familar with these types of cases, try to contact [email protected]. He was falsely accused and sentenced to 10yrs in jail, since his release, he has dedicated himself to help others, he works with high powered attorneys etc.
Do a google search for Dean Tong, it has so much information.

Best wishes.

[DecentDad]

Hi Ryan,

Sorry to hear what you've gone through.

Here's my feedback, presuming everything you've provided is accurate and truthful.

1.  Petition the court for a psych evaluation on both parents, including custody evaluations.  Be willing to cough up $10k to $15k for this.  Do some local research to find a clinical/forensic psychologist who is experienced with personality disorders and/or alienation.

2.  Read http://www.cfli.com/Evil.html   This is an attorney who really "gets it" in terms of what you're facing.  Find an attorney who has dealt with the chaos, conflict, and allegations the likes of which you're facing.  Ask attorneys straight up if they've ever heard of personality disorders.  If not, don't retain them.  You need someone who fully appreciates the venom and evil that this mental illness can inflict upon everyone involved.

3.  Get into therapy for yourself, if you haven't already.  You've got so much debriefing and recovery to do, if you've been with this woman for 10 years.  If you haven't worked on this part of yourself, it's likely that you're shell-shocked, and anyone in such a state will not be strong enough to change what you're wanting changed.

4.  Stop taking a defensive strategy.  You've already proven yourself.  Develop an offensive strategy, with your attorney.  Start deposing your ex for the custody matters.  Depositions are costly but great for showing just how nuts someone is.  If your attorney doesn't feel depositions are effective, find another attorney.  Sitting your ex down for 4 hours and having her speak logically, rationally, and with factual basis will be an impossibility.  The illness will show itself, and the deposition transcript is admissable at hearings.

5.  DO NOT MAKE A DEAL TO NEVER SEE YOUR DAUGHTERS AGAIN and do not settle for supervised visitation.  Either one of these is pretty much telling the court that you concede that you're guilty of the charges.

6.  Read the book "Stop Walking on Eggshells" (available at Amazon).  This will help you strengthen your resolve in how to view you ex, as well as how to deal with her, while maintaining your own sanity.

You need to think strategy.  Obviously, you don't have the area's best attorney if your case is going nowhere after two years.

Find/keep major support around you.  Stay strong, and always do what you know is best for your children, not yourself.

Best,
DD

[Ryan]

Thank you for your message and support, I just emailed Mr. Tong and though considered copying you, it is very long, let it surfice to say I can't thank you enoupgh.

Yours,

Ryan

[wendl]

anytime, I went to a seminar that he was a speaker in, if you lived closer I would let you borrow my tape of it. He is a very smart man and will tell you staight what should be done.

Let me know what he says.
Wendl

[cabledawgwife]

Ryan

I first want to say I am so sorry you are going thru this. My husband's ex is accusing him of the same thing. This has been going on for 2 yrs, only now she has the child coached into saying her daddy did these things to her.

Its an awful thing, and I cannot believe someone could stoop so low into saying something like this.

My husband is of course really un nerved about this whole thing, my husband loves his daughter and would NEVER do anything to hurt her.

I would like to talk to you more, do you have yahoo messenger?


Karen

[Ryan]

Yes Karen,

I'm at vryan572002, I am tied up for a moment though and will look for you around 10:00, 15 min.

Look'in forward to your aquantance

[cabledawgwife]

Hello Ryan,

  My name is Ed, I'm Keran's hubby. I did stumble onto a P.I. that specializes in cases like ours. His web site is http://www.allencowling.com/

I talked with him personnally and he gave me some very good advice. His site is filed with tons of info for you and I.

I hope all goes well with your case. Mine is just begaining and I hope it does not take as long as yours is. I don't think I could take not talking or seeing my daughter that long. It will have been a month on the 15th since I have talked with my daughter. It has been since New Years since I have seen her. I am hoping that it all gets settled with in the next month, but I am not going to hold my breath.

Good luck
Ed

[gipsy]

Similar things happened too Me , SO far it aLL SOUNDS GOOD ON yOUR PART  , My case there was a parenting evaluater , And that evaluater was a piece of crap , She is no longer working as an evaluater , Here's My two cents though , Now that You are clear on the allegations , Your atty should Be setting a court date ,Ask Him About it , At first for the short term you go before a commissioner Here in was state , And get temp orders , They also appoint A Parenting investigater . Or Guardian ad Litem , Here In WASH , Ask Your atty about this , And tell him that You've been on the net and heard that the judge or commissioner Is unlikely to do any thing untill He gets a Report from one of these entities tell Your attyyou want to know if thats the way it is where you are at , Ask him to inform you of what the process is there , DO NOT GIVE UP!!!
 I went through similar crap ,And  the mom was telling My son That I was going to hurt him Before I got there to get him , Again. DO not give up , I was told to and did drag My son away crying kicking and screaming , I would get Him an Ice cream or candy , Then I would just bring him the candy and hand it too him right there in front of her , This will be likely to be her next trick , Don't fall for it take the kids and give them candy , And bring puppets toy's and A tape recorder . Record what they tell you when you leave . Always tape . Remmeber , You can't tape her. But You can Tape you and the kids . If they are in fear they will eventually ssay Mom told them some crap , Also remmeber under no circumstance do any thing or say any thing to the kids about this , I learned the hard way , , If they are interviewed they may say You told them Mom's a bitch or something , If She is talking bad about you then they will be likely to say that to the Guardian ad Litem , Say good things about mom to the Kids not matter how Hard it is , You have been through all the crapolla , Now ask your atty what the next step is , Don't be surprised if you get supervised visits at first , Just remmember this is your Time to show that you are a good parent bring appropiate things , Including snacks DiaPERS TOY'S OR WHAT EVER  !! Be a good boy scout and express Your interest Gently, show affection for   the kids and try as hard as it is to Concentrate on the kids , All this shit will come out in a report . It did with Me . Use the system to Your advantage , I did to a degree ,Looking back I could have really used the advice I am giving you , I'm telling you !! . Play this system to your advantage , Be nice to every one every where that is involved in this and be persistant , Take all this in stride , Two Years is a long time ,Mine went on for four , Take it as this , Give her the rope to hang herself , and be a good Boy scout to every one , If you react they seem to hang your ass for it . SORRY!!!
Ask your atty to get some visits set up and go along with the system . Ask you atty what to do get the papers filed and get some visits set up , Get a trial date set , Ask Your atty , Don't get sedentary , I sort of did , but then I said I WILL NOT GIVE UP ! I did not get custody , But play your cards right and you will find that false allegations of sexual abuse are abuse of the system . And sometimes can win you custody , My atty's ploy was in the law that  talked about BAD ACTS . theres a section on that , It did not win Me  custody But its all straightened out now and I get visits , Basically in the end the Judge said , If this comes back to me I will see who gets atty fees . My atty interpreted that as directed toward the mother , Tell your atty to set a date to get some visits going ,

[gipsy]

In Washington state the courts generally order supervised visits , if there are allegations ,Period , If you don't go along with it , you don't get visits , the supervisers report to the Guardian ad Litem , And this goes back to the judge , Its just the process , It feels wierd , But I got all favorable info And it turned out to be good , As I was told by My atty . Make a favorable impressions , I was also ordered to go to counseling with the mother , I also made sure I got a favorable report that helped , There is no such presumed guilt , And this is just the courts way of looking into these matters and covering there ass , As was explained By My atty , The judge doesn't want the local news up there ass because they let some one see there kids that was an ax murderer , Or pervert , So the judge wants to make sure you are functional enough to jump the hoops , Just think of the judges position , What are there options , They have to watch out for the kids , My atty went on to ask Me . " who is the most important person to the judge in this case "?  Well Duh ?? (its the judge) SO "If they order supervised visits and get a good report ,Then they have these reports to fall back on " So I had a very nice atty that explained all this to me , And I understand this is just the process period , And the Judge ain't takeing the heat . I went through the whole damn thing. Supervised visits , Co parent counseling , Polygraph tests , psych evals , Anger management evals , Blah blah blah , want to know what I think is the real trick , ? Don't react to any of this, just be nice any play along and act like a nice boy scout , If we as men react to all this crap then we get hammered , I did !! And got hammered , But I also had other favorable reports .  So it all got straightened out , And I have regualar visits, Ya just don't give up. And don't react !!  
   

[tjraid18]

  Gipsy. I agree with what your saying. It's hard not to react in negative ways when your dealing with such a messed up legal family law system. But it's really important to jump through the hoops with a smile on your face, because it shows you don't have any problems that someone could use to say you should'nt be around your children. I really wish I would have not reacted to the situation I found myself in the way I did.If I had stayed more calm and dealt with all the stuff with a cool head, at the very least , I would have a LOT better relationship with my kids. I think it's important for fathers who are just starting to go thruogh this, to realize this. It's really easy to get frustrated when things are so unfair for non- custody parents and so easy for custody moms.

[DecentDad]

Hi,

Thanks for those good thoughts...  obviously, if a court orders supervised visitation, then that's you're only choice.

I was coming from a place of negotiating/settlement when I wrote that.

If supervised visitation is forced upon you, you have no choice... and the parent just has to jump through all those hoops on the long road to modifying the orders eventually.

But before it's forced/ordered, my advice is to not establish it as a status quo during settlement discussions just out of desperation to agree on some things.

DD

[gipsy]

I get the difference,