Fogiveness

[tulip]

For those of you that don't know my story, I'll try to sum it up. BM got custody of my skids in divorce. Not long after the divorce was final, the amount of time she asked dh to take them began to steadily increase. He started looking for ways to change custody in 2002. Last fall, we hired an atty, and when attempts to settle had definitely failed, started court proceedings. By this time, dh had the kids about 80% of the time and a lot of that was her last minute changes. In Dec 2003, he got joint custody. In April, he proved that BM had a major meth problem and got full custody. Child support is not settled.

BM is now only allowed supervised visitation with an adult they both agree upon. She was ordered to take random UA's and not use any non-prescribed mood altering substances. She's not taking random UA's. She has taken a few, at times of her choosing. She has only seen the kids a few times since June.

This woman has put me through absolute hell. She has threatened to kill me and my dh. She has harassed us, abused us and tried very hard to make us as miserable as she is. I have been in therapy because this summer I became so depressed I really hoped I would die. I didn't die, and I don't want to anymore.

The kids have been through hell too. Now they understand the problem about as well as a 12 yo and 9 yo can. They love their mom and are waiting patiently for her to start doing the things she is supposed to do in order to rebuild their relationship and become involved in their lives again. They want so much to believe she is sober, and she's told them she is. But she isn't. She hasn't produced a clean drug test yet. She is taking prescription narcotics now, instead of meth, and has yet to produce a prescription to prove she is not breaking the law.

I'm tired. I don't want to fight anymore. We won. I want the kids to get whatever they can from her, because they are so desperate. But I'm having a lot of trouble even encouraging them to talk to her. Every time the phone rings my neck gets all tense because it might be her, calling for the kids. (What lies and drama will it be today?) She will never, ever apologize for what she has done to me or take any responsibility for her own troubles. But I feel like the best thing for the kids is for me to forget about what I've been through. We have the legal guidelines in place to protect them, but still the thought of being anywhere near bm makes me physically ill. I need to move on, but I don't know how.

[dad in az]

I Feel the same way and i thought i was the only one in this world that felt like that. Everytime DH calls BM and i hear her voice i literally get sick to my stomach. The day it dawned on me how resentfull i was, was when all this hurricanes hit FL. I saw DH very worried (his girl and BM lives there) and i didnt care. Not for the girl but for the mom. Sometimes i think the same i have to forgive and forget but have no idea how.


Mrsdad.

[teakae]

>I'm tired. I don't want to fight anymore. We won. I want the
>kids to get whatever they can from her, because they are so
>desperate. But I'm having a lot of trouble even encouraging
>them to talk to her.

I too often wish I could throw all decency away and just tell the kids what a miserable, evil, vindictive, sour person their mother is. But I don't because I know that is not right. But I can sometimes feel my face twitch when I have to talk about her in a positive light.

>Every time the phone rings my neck gets
>all tense because it might be her, calling for the kids. (What
>lies and drama will it be today?)

My SO and I can't enjoy time with the kids or without the kids because we are always afraid ex is going to call. Every phone call makes us jump and we start spewing out senarios and what we would say if she says that.. etc before we even look at the caller ID. Every time she calls, regardless of what it is about, we have to second guess her and wonder what she is up to now. The phone ringing is like a shrill siren calling all hand on deck where you are fighting a storm you have no control over.
The other day, our neighbor joked that he hears us fooling around (this was after a couple of drinks) really late, past 2am, and never earlier. We laughed but its true. We don't have sex earlier because the ex may call and interrupt. Only late at night when we know that she won't be calling, can we relax.

>She will never, ever
>apologize for what she has done to me or take any
>responsibility for her own troubles.

Our ex was probably born a victim and will probably continue to be a victim in her own eyes and anybody she can fool. I don't think it occurs to her that she is constantly affecting other people around her with her negativity and evil motives. One time she came to pick the kids up, she had such an angry face, they burst out crying. Of course she thought we had done something to them and blamed us for making the kids cry and dumping them on her.  She continued to yell as she yanked the kids away by their arms. It just makes me sick.

>We have the legal guidelines in place to protect
>them, but still the thought of being anywhere near bm makes me
>physically ill. I need to move on, but I don't know how.

We don't have any legal guidelines so she can pretty much do anything to the kids. And unlike your ex who uses drugs, our ex is a "good enough" mother. She feeds and clothes them and they go to school for the most part. But life is so  much more! I want to scream. Why can't the kids get the best that is available for them? Why should we just sit on our hands just because they aren't orphans in some third world country that are dying of starvation? Who ever said "good enough" was good enough?

My personal friends, say that I should just let the situation be and not be involved. They say that these kids already have a mom and dad which is more than some kids. They say that the kids are not starving or living on the street so what right do I have to butt in.  I think most of my friends have gotten tired of hearing the latest episode of crazy bm. I think they resent me for being involved with a man who was "stupid" enough to have kids with this woman. Most of the time I don't know what to do with all the anger I feel inside. Sometimes I take it out on him and he lashes back because he is stressed about it too.

I too don't know what to do. I found myself really wishing the hurricane will blow her away and even fantasing that I could go and knock her out with a tree and nobody will ever know. I hated myself for it. But then, the little girl (8) calls her dad and laughs because her mom told her our place flooded (we didn't).  Then I go back to wishing that I had actually knocked her out.

Forgiveness? Well thats a long way away for me. But at least, now I know others feel the same way.

[dad in az]

WOW i never really realized that sometimes we feel alone and there are so many people going thru the same.

[Wi-Mom]

My DH has had placement of his 15 y/o son for a year. He came at the end of summer 2003 and we enrolled him in school. For the first time in his life he passed a grade without having to take summer school.

DH took him off of the ADHD meds he'd been on and simply exercised some discipline. His BM had him on Aderol because he would get up and walk around the classroom, ditch school, forget to bring home his homework.. etc. We noticed that at restaurants he would be up wandering around.. and ya know? We made him stay in his seat!! (mean Dad!) and at school.. he started to learn to stay in his seat! Wow!

When he came.. at the age of 14.. he belted his pants BELOW his rear end.. because he thought it looked cool. His mother couldn't get him to stop. It took his father, me, my kids, his friends, all of us constantly getting after him about 6 months but golly.. the kid wears his pants around his waist now.

BM decided DH was not listening to his sensitive side.. and wasn't allowing him to be himself. Before the school year ended.. she started calling him begging him to move back home. We would hear him saying, "no Mom.. I want to stay with Dad.. " Every phone call. She denied to DH that she was trying to get him back.. but she even called him and said she'd registered him at school where she lived.

During the summer, DH and SS had a choice of which high school to send him to. They went to several, and both really liked the Military Academy in town. DH was in the Army, and thought the adademy would really help his son with organization and mental discipline. SS went to a social.. loved it.. and we signed him up. BM mother was OUTRAGED!!! From that moment on she started making our lives a living hell. She called her son whenever we weren't home and told him what a terrible father DH was... and night after night DH would spend hours dispelling the lies and accusations. Every few days there were new ones. His whole life story told by his son.. skewed. It was surreal.

I don't know what happened.. but after two days of school at the Academy, September 7th to be exact.. BM called SS after school when DH was not home as usual. It seems as if she dialed a code in the phone and he was instantly brainwashed. He wanted to go back to his mother. He was adamant. Night and Day difference.. unwavering.  The only thing we know she said was that she had a basketball hoop for him. (we don't have one anymore-he broke it.) I can't imagine that he is that shallow.. but he kept saying that was the reason. He also said that he hated his school.. and that he told his mother that. That was new too.

But every day after school all he would talk about was his school day. He sounded like he was having a blast.. I even said to him.. "I think that you have found that you actually love your school.. but you can't admit it now that you told your mother you hated it." His reply, "Well.. I don't like the uniforms." They hadn't even gotten their uniforms yet. We told him that we felt it was in his best interest to stay where he was.

So this Saturday.. DH drove SS to meet his mother 1/2 way (2 1/2 hour drive) for a visit. The first one since July. She hadn't  even asked to see him since then. They were to meet again in the same spot Sunday 6pm for pickup.

3pm DH got a call from BM.. Our son doesn't want to go back.. and I'm not going to make him do anything he doesn't want to do. He said he hates his school and you wouldn't listen to him." An argument followed of course.. and DH talked to his son who just kept saying, "Dad, I'll be better up here.. I want to stay here.."

DH called BM on Sunday 10am and asked her if she was going to be at the meeting place at 6pm. She said, NO! So he said, "Very well, I will fax a copy of our stipulation & order to the Sheriff and I will be there to get my son. If you try to stop me you will be arrested for kidnapping." He called on his cell phone because we were at church. When we got home from church, there was a voice mail on the house phone from SS. "Dad, Don't do this to Mom. I want to stay. Please don't have her arrested. She didn't do anything wrong."

He called back and explained the wrong doing.. and all his son did was yell.. "But I want to stay with Mom!" interrupting his father. BM took the phone and said, "I will fight you with everything I have.. and you will never win because I will make sure he HATES you!" At that point.. his daughter (and BM's two other little girls - not his but they all call him Dad, and come down for every holiday and summer and we love them) started yelling at DH in the phone.. as if he were some sort of a monster.  

I could hear them.. and I started to cry. DH hung up the phone.. and I said, "What good can possibly come of this? She has turned them all against you already.. and if we have her arrested they will hate you even more. If we get your son back.. like this.. how can we ever restore what has happened? And how many more times will it happen?" We went for a long walk.. then drove around.. crying.. trying to sort out what to do.. and then DH called his son and said goodbye. She won.. and everyone else lost. Their son and daughter, her kids.. their grandparents.. No one will ever be the same. Except her. She will never be sorry.. nor change. She's the monster.

I can't even begin to imagine how to forgive her. Of course it has only been a day.. but I know how you feel.. I'm so tired of being angry all the time.. and having her son.. has been a nightmare because she never gave DH a chance to be his father.

[tulip]

Somehow it makes me feel better to know that somebody understands. I too feel like my friends are sick of hearing about my problems. A couple of years ago, I went to see a therapist. She basically told me I'm not their parent, so I should leave it alone. That was the last time I went to see her.

I thank God for every person that has ever told me "being a stepmom is one of the hardest jobs in the world." I can count them on one hand, and I so appreciate them.

Our family has come a long way. My relationship with the skids has improved tremendously over the last year. I'm sure that's because most of the time I manage to bite my tongue concerning their bm. I'm grateful for what we have. But yeah, I'm still bitter. I hope that goes away.

[tulip]

I would have never let go like that. But I'm not going to tell you that you and your dh were wrong, because I wasn't there. Some friends of mine had a very similar thing happen with their teenage daughter last year. She came because she knew she wanted the normal, happy life they had, then after a visit with her mother, sent them a card in the mail telling them she wasn't coming back. How heartbreaking.

It seems to me that your dh had every legal right to get his son back. It's been my experience that if he had called the police, she wouldn't have been arrested. They probably would have just called her and told her she was breaking the law and she better return him. You could still file contempt charges. I know it seems futile, if he says he doesn't want to come back. But really, don't you think maybe he said that he's with his mom, and he's just so confused?

I don't know. A fifteen year old shouldn't be able to decide where he wants to live based on who will spoil him more. There is a whole lot of manipulation going on there. Sometimes what kids want is not what's best for them.

[ex-stepfather]

This post has really touched my heart.

I have been in pain for over a year from the situation that happened to my wife and I.

I raised my step-daughter with my wife  and offered the child a nice home to live in and a "normal" family life with my side of the family. I even tried to adopt my step. She called me "dad" and barely knew her real father.

My wife's mother through the years did things to undermined our parenting. Things like sneaking the child to see her real biological father with out discussing it with my wife first-

 My wife was keeping biological father away from his infant daughter because one day she came home and found some strange girl watching the child- beer cans all over the house and the biological father was out "gay bashing" a gay person with his skin head friends. Biological father has a seven time arrest record, by the way.

So we had my wife's dysfunctional family- neurotic, hypochondriac mother and alky father- Feeding my wife's kid all sorts of white trashy ideas and undermining us- and each side playing us against the other- and then they taught the kid how to do it and she accused us of child abuse 3 times.

Thousands of dollars were spent in courts and now we pay the monster Biofather child support and the kid lives 3000 miles away from us. They are all dysfunctional poison, white trash, raisist, hateful, low-class, disgusting, repugnant, sub human garbage that tried to break up our marriage and they were successful in brain washing a child that was spoiled to death and self centered to begin with.

I have been feeling a lot of pain and this was a year ago... We didn't want to leave the child but we had no choice after one attack after an other and the child accusing us of abuse 3 times and her lack of respect for her mother and I- she enjoyed tormenting us and laughing about it.

I am not in therapy and am not dealing with my pain very well... My wife suffers each day also.

I hate the therapists advice- not your kid so stay out of it- let mom deal with it.... Like my wife can actually parent from 3000 miles away over the phone- like all of those crazy people are able to talk about "boundaries"-

[Kitty C.]

Just one thing I want to mention to you.........and you too, tulip.  You said that you are not in therapy, but neither you or your wife are dealing with the pain well.  If at all possible, keep shopping for a counselor.  Looking for a professional to talk to is SO different than finding a doctor.  Because you have to 'mesh' or 'click', you know what I mean?

I've done it before, not necessarily because I didn't like what I was being told, but because I just wasn't comfortable with whom I was talking to.  And if you're not comfortable, you're just throwing money away.

All I can tell you is to keep looking.  That pain and anger will eat away at you, fester and simmer till one day it will come out in a situation that has absolutely nothing to do with why you're in pain in the first place.  And it can have devastating effects.  There are good therapists and counselors out there, you just have to keep searching till you find the one right for you.

Your pain shows in you post...and I can tell it runs very deep.  For the sake of your marriage and family, please try again.  

God bless you and yours..........

[smtotwo]

DH and I too have fantasized about an "accident" to psychomommy and stepdad.

Some of the newer peeps don't know our story, so heres just a short snippet.

BM told skids that DH wasn't there father, moved them over 2000 miles away when they were 2 and 4 at the time.  When she remarried the boys were told her new husband was there "real dad" and DH was just a step they didn't have to visit if they didn't want to.  After 2 1/2 yrs of fighting and getting close to a settlement, psychomommy said that I was stalking her and threatened to kidnap the skids from school.  I actually spent 7 days in jail, while they investigated!! Of course when they found none of it to be true, there were no consequences at all, not in civil or criminal court.

We have NEVER shared that with the skids but, of course my son knows what happened and I'm very proud that he also has managed to separate the skids from the things their psychomommy did.  He hasn't said anything to them.

And she too will never admit what she did or apologize.  
My deepest fantasy is that someday that brain tumor she had removed will reappear and be fatal!!  And I feel terrible to feel that way, but don't know how to get past it!!  As far as she's concerned, I don't even exist.

ANd I know that the skids lie, because they see their mother do it and there are no consequences.  I can only hope that the time they do spend here in an almost normal household will have some impact.

Thanks for making me feel a little less alone.

[Kitty C.]

After DS's dad took off with him, back to CA, and I fought to get him back (6 weeks, 3 trips to CA, 2 court appearances, 1 emergency mediation), DS went thru a horrific period of separation anxiety.  We lived with my mom at the time, and when I'd leave for work, he'd stand at the door and SCREAM 'Mommy, don't go, don't go!'  Mom would be standing right behind him, helpless to comfort him.  I HAD to go to work to support us, so I had no choice but to leave........and leave him to work thru it.  He was 4 at the time.

And when I'd see and hear him, not only would my heart break, but this all-consuming anger would come over me.  I swore at that time that if his father was standing in front of me, it would take an act of God to keep me from physically harming him.  How could he have done this to his child????

Then DS traveled to see him, every summer and EO Christmas.  When he was 6-7, he started asking when Daddy would come to see him.  then it changed to 'If Daddy doesn't come to see me, I'm not going to see him!'  It never came to that, but it made me angry all over again.  How could he do this to his child?

Over the course of the next 5-6 years, karma started to work.  First, one of his best friends was killed in an accident, then one brother died, then a BIL, then another BIL, then another brother.  He was the last male child left in the family.

Also during this time, we started to finally get along, we communicated for the sake of our child.  I only saw him once....when he came here for DS's eye surgery when he was 8.  We communicated more and more, especially when DS was diagnosed with ADHD.  After dragging my name thru the mud in the courts, he finally told me that he felt I was doing a good job as a mother.....practically a 180 degree turn on just a few years earlier.

We established a parental bond and a united front for our son.  But the karma wasn't done yet.  Two years ago, he died, very suddenly.....and now my son lost a father whom he loved as much, if not more, than me.

Sometimes the guilt I feel is overwhelming.  If I ever needed proof of karma.....I got it.  But I also understand how all these deaths happened, as well.  Except for the friend who had the accident, all were medically related......and they all didn't lead very healthy lifestyles.

I never thought, when we were going thru all the BS with the courts, that I'd ever be on reasonable speaking terms with DS's dad....but it DID happen.  And it seemed that just as we were hitting our stride, and DS was confident that he had two parents who loved and cared about him deeply, he loses one.  

All I'm saying is that I can understand the anger.  I lived it, too.  But you just never know what the future will hold.  

I found a way to funnel my anger, I got involved.  In my work, in my community, and in our son's school.  That helped a LOT.  Because one thing was certain:  NO ONE understood my anger and my situation....they had never heard of anything like it and couldn't possibly relate.  So we have places like this to come to, to vent and BE UNDERSTOOD by others who have or are walking in our shoes.  But when we're not here, we still need other avenues to help us cope and heal.  Channeling that anger, frustration, and stress into something useful.  Making a positive out of a negative.

You'd be surprised at what kind of effect it can have on your life!

[tulip]

I AM in therapy again. I started this summer, and so are my skids. It has helped me and ss a whole lot. SD, though, isn't going to keep going. She refuses to talk about her mom, but other than that, she is doing great. She's getting straight A's, is very involved with church, soccer, orchestra.

[smtotwo]

on the skids.  And Living well is the best revenge.

P.S.  Psychomommy just called and left DH a message to call her IMMEDIATELY!!

SS probably told her we grounded him, and now she's got her undies in a bundle!! Her favorite saying is "I won't make them go where they don't want to go"   I have a feeling it's off to court we go....AGAIN!!

DH is out of town, but I called him and he's going to call me back after he talks to her.

I have stomach ache and headache just thinking about it!!

[Kitty C.]

Is she talking about school and going to the doctor as well???  I bet not!  She ONLY says that in regards to your DH!

I know every situation is different, I think DS's dad and I just got lucky.  Time and distance did a LOT for our relationship.  For DS's sake, I thank God every day that we were able to put our personal differences aside.  

When DH came along, with SS, all that anger that I had felt a few years earlier with my ex now came out with the PBFH.  DH and I have gone round and round about her at times!  And you're ABSOLUTELY right about living well!  I channeled that anger and frustration into something that would have a positive effect, and now I can handle her BS a whole lot better.

And now I have a new situation that I'm not sure how to deal with!  I'll post that separately, but it directly involves the PBFH and I!

[teakae]

What you say is very encouraging!

>Also during this time, we started to finally get along, we
>communicated for the sake of our child.  I only saw him
>once....when he came here for DS's eye surgery when he was 8.
>We communicated more and more, especially when DS was
>diagnosed with ADHD.  After dragging my name thru the mud in
>the courts, he finally told me that he felt I was doing a good
>job as a mother.....practically a 180 degree turn on just a
>few years earlier.

Amazing! did your ex have something new happen to him before this change? like a new wife with kids etc? Or was he angry at you before and his anger subsided and let him admit this? Either way, it is amazing that he was able to admit to this directly to you? What kind of things did you accept or admit to let him reciprocate?


>All I'm saying is that I can understand the anger.  I lived
>it, too.  But you just never know what the future will hold.
>

Have hope that tomorrow may be a better day. Difficult to imagine when you are smack in the bottom. But important I know.


>Because one thing was certain:  NO ONE understood my anger and
>my situation....they had never heard of anything like it and
>couldn't possibly relate.  So we have places like this to come
>to, to vent and BE UNDERSTOOD by others who have or are
>walking in our shoes.  

What I don't get is that very few people understand, but for those who do, the stories are identical. PBFH's lies and drama are identical across many many households. But its good to have a place where you are understood to help you through.

What I really wonder is that where do the PBFH go for understanding? I wonder if they are at some "custody for mothers" chat room, venting out their frustrations. I wonder if the people there are sympathetic to what they say and if  they are all in the same mindset of  "I need to keep the kids to get child support and control my ex" and "the dad is trying to take the kids away from me and I must protect the kids". Maybe they are discussing the best strategies for visitation interference. Or they are talking about how hard they have to work on reminding the kids that their dad is a bum?

[teakae]

>We didn't want to leave the child but we had no choice after
>one attack after an other and the child accusing us of abuse 3
>times and her lack of respect for her mother and I- she
>enjoyed tormenting us and laughing about it.

I hear you. My SO is also feeling his kids slipping away. Even though the original bond was very strong, right now he has so little time with them. The BM make sure that his contact is "minimal" to make sure the  kids' loyalties stay with her. It gets more and more difficult for the child to align themselves with their dad when they see so little of him and hears such bad stuff about him. Our only hope is that the courts will grant him more visitation before it is too late.

>I hate the therapists advice- not your kid so stay out of it-
>let mom deal with it.... Like my wife can actually parent from
>3000 miles away over the phone- like all of those crazy people
>are able to talk about "boundaries"-
>

What boundaries! Every time SO tries to set boundaries, BM turns it right around and accuses him for not caring, not loving, being distant, evasive and "its hurting the kids". As retaliation, she will just limit his contact with the kids more.  Like when SO refused to answer the phone from her past 11pm. She said that kids couldn't go on a field trip at school the next day because she didn't have money and he won't "talk to her". Or when we tried to make her stop calling us at 10pm the night before saying she needs us to watch the kids tomorrow. She said SO has responsiblity as a father and should take time off of his work to care for the kids sometimes and how he was going to get her fired from work "again" when she has bills to pay!.

Sometimes you just have to take the abuse or risk being accused of not caring when you set boundaries.

[Kitty C.]

'Amazing! did your ex have something new happen to him before this change? like a new wife with kids etc? Or was he angry at you before and his anger subsided and let him admit this? Either way, it is amazing that he was able to admit to this directly to you? What kind of things did you accept or admit to let him reciprocate?'

I know of nothing that prompted him to say that!  It came SO out of the blue that I was totally blown away!  In fact, he told me this while on the phone to him while DS was spending the summer with him.  I went to my mom's and told her I'd just talked to P.......I must have had a funny look on my face, because she said 'What's wrong now?'  Then I said 'You're not going to believe this, but he told me he thought I was doing a good job as a mother to DS.'  She immediately sat down, with her mouth hanging open......she was equally astounded!

I think time and distance had a way of tempering our feelings.  Another thing that changed things was getting involved with DH and SS.......and seeing how nasty the PBFH was, especially then.  It made me realize that our situation wasn't that bad, and I had a GREAT example for a SM with DS's SM.  I've told her that, too.  That she taught me how to be a good SM!  

In 2.5 years, when DS graduates, I hope and pray that she can come out for it.  I want her to sit right beside me during and to stand with me and DH when DS acknowledges his 'parents' at the commencement ceremony.  She's a gem!

As for the PBFH's, I KNOW that ours doesn't have computer access, so she isn't getting her 'info' on line.  But I think I DO know where it starts....when they first talk to an atty. about the divorce.  The attys. talk them into believing that they are 'entitled' to so much and they end up running with it and taking it to extremes!  The rest is the indoctrination from the feminists!

[dad in az]

I've been thinking about this whole hate/forgiveness issue a lot lately. I have to admit sometimes when i am driving to work or laying in my bed, i get so mad that i literally feel my chest tighten up. I try to find a way to let go but i really don't know how. Till probably this last summer i never really had a probably with BM. I always encouraged DH to speak with her and try to communicate. I feel like being "nice" doesn't pay off at all, except for me knowing that i dealt with it "the right way".

I think for me it's harder because one my SD's lives with us and i see how BM is with her. I wonder what the hell is her problem b/c it's not about her relationship with her kids. She doesnt call or send her letters. She speaks with her whenever DH calls her. I really dont understand the mentality and i probably never will. All i can think is as long as in  my home everybody happy, then everything is ok.

I think i am going to do some serious soul searching after all.
mrsdad

[teakae]

Couple nights a go I had a dream... It goes like this.

My SO and the kids take a vacation to Hawaii, but we have to invite BM along. So we get her a nice condo in the same building on a different floor. I am pissed because she has the room with a great veiw of the ocean and a whirl pool. We have an ok veiw of the pool and mountains and no whirlpool. But ofcourse BM is up to her bitching and complaining.

 Well, we return to our room and I find that there is a paper airplane on my dresser. I open it and find that it is a letter from BM saying how much she hates me and how she is going to kill me soon. In the dream I am totally devastated that she continues to ruin my life even on vacation. Then it occurs to me that I can get her arrested for threatening my life!! So I call the police and we all go to find her.

 We find her in the pool with the kids and she has the little girls swimsuit on! The one my SO had to buy for the second time because BM wouldn't return the other one we bought or let us borrow the one she already had. It pisses me off to no end and I think if she didn't  have a swimsuit why couldn't she have just worn the one SHE bought for the girl instead of the one WE bought! uggggh!

Finally the police get her in cuffs and take her away yelling and screaming. The kids wave good bye to their mom and smile at us. We all head back to our room and I am disappointed because now it is time to pack up and go home. I think to myself that once again our lives were rotating around BM's drama..

Then it occurrs to me! BM doesn't have any money, so she can't post bail and if we cancel her plane ticket she can't return to the mainland for a while!  I tell this to SO in my dream and we all cheer up and we actually look forward to going home! It really felt like our vacation was just beginning. We excitedly packup our stuff like we are getting ready to start a vacation! You know that giddy feeling when you know something good is going to happen and there is nothing in the world that is going to dampen your happy feelings? Well thats the way I felt in my dream!

Needless to say I woke up with a smile on my face! Even though I knew it was only a dream, I felt really good, like I could deal with things today.

Fantasies and Dreams are great, if it gives you strength to deal with life!

[kitten]

Amen!  I sometimes wish terrible things on Crazy BM then remember that the skids love her.  AAAUUUGGGHHHH!!!!

[msme]

A week or so ago, I dreamt that I saw the pbfh & she greeted me with a big smile. She told me that she was seeing a great psychiatrist & was making great progress. Then she appologized for all the pain she had caused our family over the years & gave me a big hug. LOL

I told my son & he said,"Right mom, that's gonna happen, just like I am going to open the mailbox & find a support check." LOL

I used to plan how I could solve all our problems with her in ways that were not exactly legal. I also used to wish that since she was doing drugs anyway, she would get a bad dose & resolve it herself.

Actually, in all honesty, I think it would be easier for the kids to handle her death, than all the bs they endure, week after week. Now, though I just pray for her. (never thought I would do that) I ask God to open her mind & heart to his love & help her to realize how much she is hurting the kids. Then help her to get the help she needs.

So far, it hasn't done any good but I feel better about myself & I think that is a good thing.

Good luck & God bless

You never get a second chance to make a first impression!