S.P.A.R.C.

Separated Parenting Access & Resource Center
crazy gamesriddles and jokesfunny picturesdeath psychic!mad triviafunny & odd!pregnancy testshape testwin custodyrecipes

Author Topic: UPDATE on our mediation!  (Read 1177 times)

step_momma_2boys

  • New Arrival
  • *
  • Posts: 26
  • Karma: 0
    • View Profile
UPDATE on our mediation!
« on: May 13, 2006, 11:09:35 AM »
DH and BM just finished their mediation.  Now we are just waiting for the mediator to write up what they've agreed on and send it to them to sign.  Since it's been a couple months since the last appt, I was worried what BM might try to come up w/ to validate her request to change the transportation where we would not only pick up SK's, but would transport them at least 1/2 way back to her.  (We live 100 miles apart.)  Since she first brought up the issue, and said it was because "we caused conflict or harrassed her everytime she came to pick up boys."  However, when mediator suggested that the nuetral point be the store up the road from us, that wasn't acceptable to BM.  So, we have made it a point to not go to the door at all when she arrives to pick them up.  That way she cannot even claim there was conflict or harrassing.  She has made up so much stuff about us yelling at her and such even though we really try to be friendly w/ her.  So, we just took ourselves out of the equation.  It worked!  DH told mediator that things between them have been really good for quite a while, NO conflicts whatsoever.  BM had to agree, and mediator said since that is taken out of the equation, then the only reason to change transportation was for convenience.  DH works on-call on Sundays and could not drive out of our area anyway.  That was the frustrating thing about it.  Nobody seemed to understand that this was not a compromisable subject.  So, since it was agreed that it was only for convenience against DH's obligation of work it did not get changed!!  WooHoo!

BM also wanted to get an extra week of summer... taken off our time!  Well, that didn't get changed either.... but it was established that DH and BM would work together to negotiate a time when SKs could go a little early at the end of our time so they could go to the County Fair w/ her in her town.

So, all in all, everything ended up working out ok.  We actually got everything that we've been doing, but BM started refusing to let us do since it wasn't stipulated in the papers, to be put in writing.  After all was agreed upon, mediator asked if they wanted to have it all in writing so they could sign it.  Ummm, yes!  With what we've been through w/ BM and her interpreting the CO'd Parenting Plan, we definitly need to have it in writing.  BM doesn't see the need to have it submitted to the court though.  But as soon as we have the papers signed by both of them, we are going to take it straight down and file it so that it becomes enforcable.  

What a huge relief!  Hopefully we will get through the next while w/ being able to get along.  It always seems that when BM has something going on in her life that is stressful, she takes it out on us and then turns it around that we are the ones coming down on her.  She's never gone more than 6 mos w/o causing conflict, and we've been conflict free for 5 mos, so we'll see.

Thanks to all that gave their advice on my various posts.  Now the only thing to get through is SS's grades!  School's almost over and SS's have said they might move again to another school for next year.  So, I'm sure you'll see more posts from me in the near future!


step_momma_2boys

  • New Arrival
  • *
  • Posts: 26
  • Karma: 0
    • View Profile
UPDATE on our mediation!
« Reply #1 on: May 13, 2006, 11:09:35 AM »
DH and BM just finished their mediation.  Now we are just waiting for the mediator to write up what they've agreed on and send it to them to sign.  Since it's been a couple months since the last appt, I was worried what BM might try to come up w/ to validate her request to change the transportation where we would not only pick up SK's, but would transport them at least 1/2 way back to her.  (We live 100 miles apart.)  Since she first brought up the issue, and said it was because "we caused conflict or harrassed her everytime she came to pick up boys."  However, when mediator suggested that the nuetral point be the store up the road from us, that wasn't acceptable to BM.  So, we have made it a point to not go to the door at all when she arrives to pick them up.  That way she cannot even claim there was conflict or harrassing.  She has made up so much stuff about us yelling at her and such even though we really try to be friendly w/ her.  So, we just took ourselves out of the equation.  It worked!  DH told mediator that things between them have been really good for quite a while, NO conflicts whatsoever.  BM had to agree, and mediator said since that is taken out of the equation, then the only reason to change transportation was for convenience.  DH works on-call on Sundays and could not drive out of our area anyway.  That was the frustrating thing about it.  Nobody seemed to understand that this was not a compromisable subject.  So, since it was agreed that it was only for convenience against DH's obligation of work it did not get changed!!  WooHoo!

BM also wanted to get an extra week of summer... taken off our time!  Well, that didn't get changed either.... but it was established that DH and BM would work together to negotiate a time when SKs could go a little early at the end of our time so they could go to the County Fair w/ her in her town.

So, all in all, everything ended up working out ok.  We actually got everything that we've been doing, but BM started refusing to let us do since it wasn't stipulated in the papers, to be put in writing.  After all was agreed upon, mediator asked if they wanted to have it all in writing so they could sign it.  Ummm, yes!  With what we've been through w/ BM and her interpreting the CO'd Parenting Plan, we definitly need to have it in writing.  BM doesn't see the need to have it submitted to the court though.  But as soon as we have the papers signed by both of them, we are going to take it straight down and file it so that it becomes enforcable.  

What a huge relief!  Hopefully we will get through the next while w/ being able to get along.  It always seems that when BM has something going on in her life that is stressful, she takes it out on us and then turns it around that we are the ones coming down on her.  She's never gone more than 6 mos w/o causing conflict, and we've been conflict free for 5 mos, so we'll see.

Thanks to all that gave their advice on my various posts.  Now the only thing to get through is SS's grades!  School's almost over and SS's have said they might move again to another school for next year.  So, I'm sure you'll see more posts from me in the near future!

 

Copyright © SPARC - A Parenting Advocacy Group
Use of this website does not constitute a client/attorney relationship and this site does not provide legal advice.
If you need legal assistance for divorce, child custody, or child support issues, seek advice from a divorce lawyer.