Alienation of Affection

[mama_dama]

I am the mother of two boys ages 17 and 19.  Two years ago, I went through a divorce from their stepfather of 12 years.  They were raised by us as a couple since the early 90's.  Their father who lives out of state didn't pay child support and only saw them now and then.  He was definately not a big influence by any means for many years by choice.  I always invited family from thier dads side to visit and many would travel to our home and stay for many years this went on.  Until the divorce, their father didn't call often.  Then suddenly the calls began and promises were made to buy them gifts and coaxing to get them to come live with him started heavily.  I talked to my boys and told them they could spend the summer and decide, and I would see them in August.  I really felt this was the best thing at the time to give them a break from the divorce issues, and the house being sold, etc.  A long story short, I had no idea that behind my back, their father was enrolling them in a school there and avoiding my calls in July until the enrollment was complete.  He promised them they could live there for the year and even told the school he had full custody, which I have.  By the time I found out they were enrolled, they were defending the act and said they wanted to stay.  I agreed reluctantly, as that meant I would not get to see them until winter break and I really wasn't prepared for that.  Over the next few months, their father became more elusive on the phone and harder to connect with regarding school things.  He talked my oldest son into taking me off the list of contacts and said he wanted to let me know himself how he was doing.  I found out that the school had no idea I was thier custodial parent and when I spoke of it, I was told it would get the kids kicked out of school if I made a stink.  I remained quiet for the boys sake and resorted to trying to get information from their father.  Which didn't happen.  My attempts at calling soon ended when the home phone was turned into a fax line, their cell phones weren't answered.  The text messages not recieved and turned off and the email ended.  I bought a ticket for my youngest son to come visit and was told sorry, but my dad needs me to stay and help him.  My oldest son was told he had to stay and go to summer school classes in order to graduate, which i recently found out was false.  Their grandmother back there, was told she is not to talk to me.  And I have not heard from anyone since August when My oldest son called crying saying he was sorry and that he knows I wouldn't do anything to hurt them.  He was forced to go to court to listen to a hearing on his fathers case for not paying child support.  And they were told I didn't care about them, only the money.  Or I would drop the child support issue.  This of course is false and is an ongoing case since the early 2000's by his own state taking control of the case here where I reside.  I am heartbroken..I have not seen or heard from my children for so long.  I have not seen my youngest for a year now and have not spoke to either of them for months.  Their grandma accepted money I sent her to take them shopping, but was told that they don't need anything from me.  When I would talk to them their dad would be in the background yelling to get off the phone.  They couldn't speak more than a couple of minutes, and even that ended.  We live over 3000 miles away.  My youngest son hates me now and thinks I don't care about him.  I have tried reaching them through grandma and the school and have not had any luck.  I know at this age there probably isn't much I can do, but how can I let them know I still love them and am thier mom?  I worry about them and hate that I may not get to see them gratuate.  Their father is a very manipulative and controlling man and will do everything he can to keep them away from me.  I need some good advice.  

Desperate mom