Have tricky situation..experts needed!!

[Sunshine1]

Your on crack I swear.

If I thought he was on drugs and I filed to have him submit to drug testing in hopes that he would stop and he did stop to avoid court is that blackmail too?  Then every contempt case ever filed is therefore by your definition blackmail since it is filed for whatever reason in hopes of payment extorted by intimidation ( the action of court and contempt charges for your personal gain whether it be monetary, visitation, makeup visits, whatever)

How is this blackmail, here is the actual definition of blackmail:

black·mail      /ˈblækˌmeɪl/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[blak-meyl] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
–noun 1. any payment extorted by intimidation, as by threats of injurious revelations or accusations.  

2. the extortion of such payment: He confessed rather than suffer the dishonor of blackmail.  

3. a tribute formerly exacted in the north of England and in Scotland by freebooting chiefs for protection from pillage.  

I haven't threatened him, and I am askling a court to intervene on our child's behalf.  I think you are confusing this with this is for my benefit.  It is for his child's benefit to submit to this test not mine.  He sure didn't mind submitting a sample previous to create this life, I will do my damnest to force him to give him what he needs.  He is not going to get off the hook that easy.

I tend to file to compel him to submit to the blood test, and if it gets to court I will let you know, and I will let you know if the judge orders him to submit too.

If he does it beforehand, hey, then in your eyes I blackmailed the hell out of him.  And guess what, I won't lose a milisecond of sleep over it.

[Sunshine1]

Blackmail...you either submit to testing or you don't see your kid....those damn judges are blackmailing EVERYONE!!!  

[notnew]

Go for it!  File a Motion to Compel. That is what you should title it.

I agree with you 100% although I do believe that Mist may have some merit on the issue of the court ordering a blood test. However, I think that your reasons are compelling enough so that the court will see that this is something that is medically necessary and so order the BF to provide the samples.

Wow, that is even worse that you two have a child together with no problems and he ignores the other one. There is something wrong with that guy. He has issues related to him creating a child that is not "perfect". Believe me, he will have more problems in his life related to his own mental issues.

I am sure dealing with all of this has been very difficult for you and stressful. I do understand how you want to do whatever possible to aid your child. I feel sorry for your son who has to know that his father has rejected him because of his problems. It's enough to deal with everyone else in the world staring and treating you like a freak, much less your own father. I have an aunt who has Cerebral Palsy and she was just like anyone else to me, part of our family and we spent time together and everything. It made me angry when others treated her poorly because of her condiiton.

I will be looking for your posting with the outcome of this and I am hoping that the tests get ordered.

[mistoffolees]

>Your on crack I swear.

Rule #1.  When you resort to ad hominem attacks, it's usually a sign that you've lost the argument - and know it.

Now, let's look at the first definition you provided:
"–noun 1. any payment extorted by intimidation, as by threats of injurious revelations or accusations. "

YOu're trying to get him to provide a payment (submission of blood samples requiring him to give up his time and effort) by making threats that even you admit are probably not valid.

Seems to me that your own definition supports my position.

[mistoffolees]

>Blackmail...you either submit to testing or you don't see
>your kid....those damn judges are blackmailing EVERYONE!!!  

You need to learn the difference between blackmail and court orders.

In the REAL world, there's a huge difference.

[notnew]

The worst thing that can happen is she can file and the court can say no. If that happens, then at least she did everything in her power to help her child.

If she doesn't try, she will never know what may happen and she'll always second guess herself for not trying.

[mistoffolees]

>The worst thing that can happen is she can file and the court
>can say no. If that happens, then at least she did everything
>in her power to help her child.
>
>If she doesn't try, she will never know what may happen and
>she'll always second guess herself for not trying.
>
>


That may be true.

However, you'll notice that I offered a suggestion which is completely legal and nonconfrontational which she refuses to even consider.

It appears to me that there's a lot more involved here than she's letting on. She's obviously got a lot of pent up hatred and anger which is directed at the ex (as well as directed at me and anyone who disagrees with her). By going to court, she's fanning the flames - and almost ensures that she won't get what she wants. She seems more intent on proving that the other person is evil than in getting something beneficial for the child.

[krazyfamily_6]

I think that the OP is trying to do right by her child and seems to be, according to her posts, the ONLY parent concerned with doing so.

Maybe she is angry and bitter......we have no idea what it is like to be soley responsible for a special needs child.  

[mistoffolees]

>I think that the OP is trying to do right by her child and
>seems to be, according to her posts, the ONLY parent concerned
>with doing so.
>
>Maybe she is angry and bitter......we have no idea what it is
>like to be soley responsible for a special needs child.  
>
>

That may well be. But it doesn't change the fact that throwing fuel onto the fire is NOT likely to result in an improved situation - particularly when there are other options that MIGHT.

[Sunshine1]

Sigh.

Misto-  I cannot use a third party because he will simply tell them to F-off.  I have tried to use his NINE sisters and to no avail, they have all been told to F-off.  Of course I got some pent up anger towards him.  He went from being a fantastic dad, yes I said fantastic, to this person I don't even know, that wants nothing to do with his children.

I can only (as well as his family) guess it all leads to the wife and her instability.  I will NOT be forced to have to deal with her or go through her to speak to my ex husband about OUR kids especially when she tried to commit suicide while they were there! WATCHING it all transpire. Every judge on the planet we have met with agrees with me.

I got some issues with her and the judge(s) agree she's unstable.  I could of blocked his visitation from that whole stint but I didn't, they needed to still see their father.  It wasn't his fault.

I already told you I agree with you but you are the one that doesn't like the course of action I am going to take, I am "unethical" and "my underhanded actions", and I am "blackmailing him" and "that makes me just as bad as him".  Who is doing the name calling.

I expressly asked for posters who had good ideas on how to approach this, and anyone who has had to do anything similar, you are entitled to your opinion of who I am.  I have been here a hell of a lot longer than you have, and to those who know me here "really well" know I am telling the truth about their father.  So you can judge me but you don't know the whole story and even though its my side, I would be happy to send you the court documents and every other piece of evidence I keep so you can see his side.

Thanks for your opinion but cutting me down was not what I was looking for I was looking for ways around the system to get him to help his child.  Simple as that.  I don't care that you think I shouldn't, I want you to help me find ways to show him why he should.

Only good can come from this whole procedure.  I just want to have our child be able to have a chance at every opportunity that is given to him.  Something you don't think about I bet, whether your kids will need to live with you for the rest of your life or what home your going to put them in, going to court to remain their legal guardian when they turn 18 because they will not be able to make any decisions for themselves.  Setting up trusts and wills so if you die the state doesn't decide your child's fate. How long will they live? I guarantee you this is nothing you think about.

So Misto, give me some ideas on how I can get his father to participate because I have tried everything.  Family friends, email, personal mail, restricted mail, his parents, his sisters, he doesnt' got to church so paster is out.  Counseling is out I can't even get him to mediation.  I would love to be able to talk to him but I am not allowed.  His wife intercepts every phone call, email, letter, etc..I dont' even think he gets half of it.

He wants nothing and I mean nothing to do with his children....and before you tell me to move on...ain't gonna happen. TWO parents created this child and TWO parents are going to help him if it kills me.