I AM the evil female...super long post

[RainGirl]

>>Since genetics do not matter in your view,, why keep her
>>yourself? Obviously,  she needs no bond with you as a
>mother.
>>Isn't that the "logic" you are using?
>
>It sure is, and I believe that's called "shooting yourself in
>the foot". She doesn't get it, but you *know*  she'd have a
>major fit if she was on the receiving end of the crap she's
>planning on doing.
>
>I noticed she didn't respond to any of my posts. I believe
>that's because I showed her the sheer nonsense in her "logic",
>and she has no way to argue with what I said.


At this point in time, I have bonded with her.  If I was to learn that somehow she was not in fact my daughter, I would still not want any other.  It was several months before I was ever away from her and at this point, the longest we have been apart was three hours.  She is my life.  If she were another person's genetic creation, I would not love her any less.  Now she is at that amazing stage where they really begin to recognize people.  When we have been apart for any length of time, I am greeted by smiles, kicking of feet, and waving of arms as she leans towards me.  She has a really cute way of scrumching up her nose and "snuffling" when she gets excited.  Is this reaction a result of genes?  I doubt it.  There is more than JUST a genetic link between us at this point.

Brent,  I was grateful for your warm welcome and attempts at help.  Yet as time went by, they turned more and more negative.  I saw little reason to be baited into arguments of that nature as it seemed to no longer be an exchange of opinions or facts, but rather more of a direct attack.  That was not what I came here for.  I came in search of answers and taking up both my time and yours and using these boards for insults and negative exchanges did not seem appropriate.  I can understand your frustration and if that is your point of view, I was not about to tell you not to express it.  I simply felt there were more productive ways to use my time and energy than slinging insults and petty arguments.  By the end of this, I was having to work hard to sort through the more negative attacks to find those who were continuing to offer consturctive points of view, but I eventually found some who have helped.  I do, however continue to be thankful for those (including yourself) who have tried to help.  Take care.

[floridadad630]

The thing that you do not know and have never experienced is how full and complete a father would make your daughter's life.  You can't see it because none of you children have had a father so you can't see how incomplete their lives are.

I would have never believed it but I experienced it first hand, a child(even a toddler) recognizes their father as an equal to their mother even though they may not see the father as frequently.  Its hardwired into their brains.

Remember this though:
If you prevent a good father from being a part of his daughter's life it will be the worst thing you could ever do to your daughter.  She will ask you what happened to her daddy, and you will have to lie to her.  Every girl needs a daddy, and without one she will sleep around alot when she gets older--its because she is try to fill that void.  No other man will love your daughter the way he will.  Its a karma thing, do ask why, it just is.

-----
my ex moved out of state before her son was born.  As a result the boy never had a father.  She sincerley regretted it, because he always wanted to know about his father and why he "left" him.  We broke up after my daughter was a year old, before she could talk.  I thought she would forget me or have less of a bond because I see her every other weekend.  The child blew my mind.  She is now two and seven months and loves me equally with her mom.  The mom now sees what she did to her son.  Good luck, don't do it.

[MYSONSDAD]

I have been reading these posts for the last few days.

My personal opinion is you are a very selfish person. You are looking at your child like a peice of property. Nice of you to share what cute things your daughter does. I am sure the father would also like these moments. But the sad thing is, you won't give him the chance.

You are also cheating and stealing an entire family away from her. The grandparents, aunts, uncles. cousins. They too, are losers.

From what I am seeing, you are now rubbing our noses in your decision.

You are one sick puppy, GET A GOOD SHRINK

Anyone who has to spend time going thru and finding a few positive things in the posts, should give you a clue. In a thousand negatives, you have to find one positive to justify your selfish intentions.

You just don't get it....Go waste someone elses time, we at Sparc are focused on the children.

'CHILDREN LEARN WHAT THEY LIVE'

[crisisdad]

Well girl it is gonna be alright, you have quite simply been drop kicked by a BPD. You need to learn how to deal with a BPD and how they work and how you need to work to defend yourself and your kids from this BPD.
A good help is the website BPDCENTRAL alot of helpful resources for you.
I was married to a BPD and I now have a daughter who is 12 years old that is on the verge of a breakdown because of her BPD mother. I just started the battle for custody. It is hard because they put something on you that is hard to shake off and you feel guilty when you do not need to.
I read your words and they are my words also the same life I lived with my ex-wife until my brother came and recued me from total destruction.
I was to the point of thinking I was worthless and had no reason to live and she was starting to hit me and so forth. I thank God to this day my brother came along and slapped me upside the head and said what are you doing you are worth something now get your stuff and lets go. I packed real quick and ran but the hardest part was leaving my daughter with my ex knowing what I had gone through and what she was going to have to deal with. I felt like I was leaving my daughter in the lions den.
She was only one year old at the time and now she is 12 and is ready to come live with daddy so I am fighting for her with all I have.
So I guess with all this said your daughter would be better off without her BPD dad but if this went to court you would have to prove him unfit. The only way you could win is if he were diagnosed and proven unfit by a pro and that takes alot of time and money.
I wish ya luck and check out the website BPDCENTRAL for your help.

[msme]

Raingirl has managed to completely avoid any response to these statistics. No Surprise. Reminds me of the old joke, "My mind is made up, please don't confuse me with the facts."


You never get a second chance to make a first impression!

[Kitty C.]

And especially trying to include 'logic' and 'how' genes can be a factor.  Truly sounds like someone who was looking for validation for their own warped sense of 'right' and thrives on the conflict, just to try to look appeasing.  What a user and loser...........

[RainGirl]

After studying probability and statistics at the university that I attend, I have come to the conclusion that it is possible to twist almost anything to say what you want it to.  I used to believe that numbers and statistics were black and white and there was little argument, but after studying, I've learned that even these "facts" are often misleading when presented in a specific manner.  I've been trying to avoid arguing things that are not directly related at this point and saw little reason to engage in an argument on numbers and statistics.  If you are interested, here is one such web site that seeks to present another side to the type of statistics that you have out forth.  Just like it has been stated that there are at least two sides to every story, it seems that there are at least two ways to look at any numbers that can be thrown out there.

http://users.adelphia.net/~enitria/trish_wilson/womensnetwork/fatherlessness2.html

[rini]

//www.bpdcentral.com  

tons of information

many thanks to the poster........

[MYSONSDAD]

Why am I not surprised?

You were only here for the attention. Must have a lonely, boring life.

We know what happens to the children when non-custodials are pushed aside. Don't need statistics for that information. Most of us live it daily.

That is why we are HERE, doing what is best for the children. Working together for a common goal.

Why don't you go to someone elses back yard and go play your games.
We have better things to do, like helping parents who put their kids first...
 

[NoNicky]

Others may have addressed this but I feel the need to.  I'll finish reading the thread after I post.  

"Why do genes make this vital?"

Try my neighbor who as an adult had to find a parent to find out why she was so incredibly ill.  Without that link 1/2 of her health history was missing.  

Try my ss who spent years of his life not knowing what power it was his mom held over his "dad" until the day he was 6 and was told casually by his mom when he was finally introduced to my husband "oh by the way, this is your dad."  It began to dawn on him at 6 why his mommy always threatened to take him away from his "dad".  Because that man wasn't his dad!  She finally did and 3 years later there are still legal battles surrounding that child.  Now that he knows my dh, who IS his bio dad, he feels more comfortable and complete.  He always wondered why he didn't look like anyone else in his entire family.  Now he looks at his dad and smiles because he KNOWS why.  He knows he looks exactly like his father and that he does belong and fit in.  

Unless you find a way that is both morally and legally correct the problems you will have to deal with years from now will cause only heart ache and headache.  That much I can pretty much promise you.  The thing that will really get to you is that you will know that you have only yourself to blame for that situation when it appears.  The other thing you will find is that unless you have that legal and moral leg to stand on now you very well could lose custody entirely years from now.  It may have taken 3 plus years but in the end the bio mother of my dh's son has been told that is what will happen in this case.  In the beginning her argument was because she had never let his father see him or be a part of his life they had no bond.  Many court dates later they have a bond and now the fact that she hid him and kept them apart is the very thing that is working against her.  

Think carefully about what you chose to do and then chose well.  You will not be the only one that has to live with your decision.

NoNicky
For God has not given a spirit of fear; but of power and of love and of a sound mind.  1 Peter 1:6