NCP in VA and very sad

[CheatedMother]

  I am a NCP( mom) in VA, who was royally cheated by the judicial system all over MONEY. And sadly, I cannot afford a lawyer

 My EX has **sole custody** of our son, who is begging to come back here after only 6 months. Ex tells BS that I cannot have simple things like haircuts done, or taking him to visit my family in the next state( which is only and hour and 15 minutes away).That I am NOT allowed to know his doctors names, I cannot go to school functions...ect Now, I know I cannot make decisions on these things, but I am wanting to do all I can to SEE my child, since EX refuses additional time( for example, having lunch with him. Small to some, but BIG to me)

!. What are the rules on out of state travel? Must I merely notify him,ask him, or does it matter as long as it is on my time?

2. How do I handle things such as seeing him at school, ect. WHAT are my rights there?What do I need to do when I arrive at the school?

 I honestly have no desire to hurt my child and am not into playing games.

[socrateaser]

>  I am a NCP( mom) in VA, who was royally cheated by the
>judicial system all over MONEY. And sadly, I cannot afford a
>lawyer

Unless you have credible facts necessary to make a case of crime, intentional tort, or mental incompentence against an officer of the court, or another party to your case, then please do not post derogatory comments about the "system" or the other party on this website. It just wastes both of our time, because there's nothing to be done about it -- and, I don't like whiners. I fully understand that people get screwed every day. Even I was "screwed" once upon a time.

Life sucks and then you die. Now then...

>!. What are the rules on out of state travel? Must I merely
>notify him,ask him, or does it matter as long as it is on my
>time?

Unless the court order specificly prohibits you from removing the child from the jurisdiction, then you are free to take him wherever you wish during your visitation time. Just don't violate the court order and return the child late.

>
>2. How do I handle things such as seeing him at school, ect.
>WHAT are my rights there?What do I need to do when I arrive at
>the school?

If the other parent has "sole legal and physical custody," then you have no rights whatsoever during those times when you don't have visitation, except the right under FERPA to request and receive a copy of the child's educational records, current as of the date of the request. This is because federal law (FERPA) preempts your State's custody laws.

[CheatedMother]

My apologies for  me being a jerk. Please accept them

 I do not have any weekday visitation  nor statements involving school activities. My interests are more to make the MOST of life without him here. But to be as nice and fair to all ( and I see his lunchtime as taking from no one)

  1. So, basicially,  unless it is my time to be with him( weekends or summer /holiday vacation), I can know NOTHING? So, I CANNOT go have lunch with him a school?

[AuntieB]

I am not familiar with your situation but you say you can not afford an attorney in Virginia? Look on your search engine for pro bono attorney's in Virginia. One helped my brother in a similiar situation in VA.

[socrateaser]

>  1. So, basicially,  unless it is my time to be with him(
>weekends or summer /holiday vacation), I can know NOTHING? So,
>I CANNOT go have lunch with him a school?

Only if the custodial parent permits it. If you want me to absolutely accurate, you can post the custody order here and I'll interpret it for you.

[CheatedMother]

Custody to Natural Father. Mother EOW visitation(times) Alternating Easter and Thanksgiving(times for Thanksgiving) and Christmas Dec26-Jan 2@ 2pm.30 days summer w/ 30 days advance notice. Respective Mothers/Fathers daysand I get  to phone 7pm wednesday night

It also states that in accordance with VA code 20-124.6 that I will not be denied acdemic, medical,hospital or other health records, unless otehrwise provided.

Now, thats some abreviation( times and such)

 My biggest issue is that since I am denied additional time and** at least **( thus far, and its been 7 months)  1 of my wed. night calls each month, I JUST want to see him  when I can.  I'm not really trying to change things, because they are the way they are( for now) but it's difficult for us both being apart. Other issues I have already attempted to "mediate" with the Cp, to no avail, so I am leary of even asking ( and yes, I document)

1. Any advice on what I may do? Suggestions for helping me,  remain close to my child?

2. Would it be prudent to make some formal request in court?

[socrateaser]

>1. Any advice on what I may do? Suggestions for helping me,
>remain close to my child?

Take advantage of every opportunity to be with the child. Don't push it, though. Just have fun, and stop trying to control the situation. Move on with your life. Kid's grow up and eventually, they decide who they want to spend time with.

>
>2. Would it be prudent to make some formal request in court?

Not unless your child wants to spend more time with you. That is the key. And, frankly, if you mellow out about the whole deal, then your ex will probably relax and you'll get more time.

[CheatedMother]

 My son does want to be here. He is begging to come home. But, the story is quite long and complicated. But you HAVE helped me, and I hope I can make some good decisions based on his needs.

[skye]

I live in VA and I know first hand unless the order specifically states you are not allowed to have lunch you may do so at any time...

Unless the order specifically states that you cannot go on field trips you may do that too...

If you want school info you go get some self addressed stamped envelopes and take them to the school secratary and ask her very politely to mail monthly calanders and report cards etc.. and if you do so nicely she will....

now as for parent teacher confrences , you must call and find out the specific dates they do them and you can sit in on his and he cannot stop you HOWEVER you can not schedule one without his presence.


You can file a MTA/ visitation

stating that you would like him to be ordered to give you that information but it is easier and less of a headache to just do what I stated....what county are you in?

[CheatedMother]

HE lives in the same county as you do ( according to your profile) lol

Oh, the parent teacher thing, yeah I know about that, and I am basically okay with it. As I can  tell that by comments made on his report card, for the most part.  I will use that idea of yours, about the P/T conference.  


If Ex is alone,  We communicate better, so that may help some it getting him  to agree.

I can deal with him makinf decisions, I just want to be informed.