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BM using law enforcment to legally harass

Started by kitten, Aug 25, 2004, 12:08:45 PM

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kitten

Well, after DR. Phil my bf's ex has just deepened her resolve and is acting more volatile than ever.  She has refused to participate in the follow-up after the show and is denying she said she would put off the court date and go to post-marital counseling.  That is not the worst of it.
She has a friend who is a Sheriff in her city.  In June she set up my BF and had the officer "lay in wait" to give him a expired registration ticket on his vehicle, which was dropped by the judge right after he laughed about the officer's irresponsibility.  Last night she filed a police report w/said officer after my bf dropped off the kids after visitation.  She said he violated the CO by parking one tire on "her" lawn.  (My bf still owns the house and has always and continues to pay the mortgage)  He had to park the tire on the lawn because she had two cars parked in the driveway in such a way that he could only partially park his vehicle there to help his kids out of the car.  She also said that he discussed the court case with their son.  His 7 yo confided in him that he did not want to move to Alaska and my bf asked him if he had yet shared these feelings w/ Nana (BM's mother). He said no and had not shared this feeling w/bm either.  My bf suggested that if he does not feel comfortable talking to mom, maybe he could talk to his nana about his feelings. Let me also add that when my bf first got to the house to pick up his children, bm approached his vehicle to hand him some mail after they had agreed several month earlier that she is not to approach his vehicle and he will not approach her front door.  She was trying to get a reaction out of him so that she could obtain a police report.  She got no reaction (bf knew this was her game) so she is trying a little different  accusation, but still trying to show contempt.  She made such a fool out of herself on national television that she is desperatley trying to compile "evidence" against him for the Sept. custody trial.  I've said it before and I'll sayit again...I hope we have a judge with a brain.

catherine


Kitty C.

Is this deputy friend of hers aware that she's been on Dr. Phil abut the custody case??  Maybe there is some way he could be 'anonymously' notified of the date, suggesting that it would be to his 'professional benefit' that he see whom he is picking sides with.

What I mean by professional benefit is that no law enforcement agent would or should willing lend a professional hand to someone who acts in defiance of the courts.  It can look VERY bad for them professionally if it comes out.  Of course you do have those who don't give a rat's a$$, those are the 'bad cops'.

That officer could have made the report, but when others get a hold of it, they will check to see who owns the property, they may even check to see what the CO specifically states in that regard, and literally toss it aside.  As long as he owns the property and there is nothing in the CO that says he can't drive on the grass there, nothing will happen to him.

What I DO suggest, when this is all said and done, is to file against her for harrassment, using a LEA to do so, and in the process, disparging his name and credibility with that agency.  Talk to your atty. about that one.
Handle every stressful situation like a dog........if you can't play with it or eat it, pee on it and walk away.......

kitten

Pardon my ignorance.....LEA?

My BF not so anonymously informed him that she made a fool of herself in front of the good doc and that he would be glad to give him the date the show will air as soon as we find out.  The deputy's response was that he is working during the time that show is on and my bf promtly responded that he should learn how to use his VCR to tape it.  I think we'll just send him a copy.

BTW...my bf's father was a police officer in Boston for many years.  We also filed a formal complaint with his supervisor.  We will definately follow up on this sorry excuse for a deputy after the custody trial.  We will also file harassment charges, I can't tell you how much I wish she would start harassing ME.  So far, she has managed to not go there.  
My bf's attorney suggested that he bring a video camera with him when he picks up/drops off the kids.  We have a mini-van w/tinted windows so we are all over that!
Thank for your input Kitty!

Kitty C.

LEA:  law enforcement agency.

Guess I've been in this business too long...it's like the military, we speak in abbreviations, LOL!

And the video is an EXCELLENT idea!  But I'd keep it out there where everyone can see it....not sure if it would be admissible if she doesn't know about it.  Guaranteed she's gonna get her knickers in a twist when she sees it, but make sure it's rolling before you even step out of the vehicle. Tell her it's just to keep everyone honest and she's free to video herself, if she chooses to.  That you would have NO problem with that.

Then if she wants to act like an idiot, you've got it in STONE............
Handle every stressful situation like a dog........if you can't play with it or eat it, pee on it and walk away.......

joni


send Dr. Phil's producers emails to let them know about BM behavior since the taping.  they're all about noncompliance.

MYSONSDAD

I get the same crap. The PBFH makes weekly visits to her local Police Department and fulls them full of crap. Then when I have to stay in 'her town', they follow me or do drive bys at my pick up and drop off times.

As long as we  keep our noses clean,  they can not do a damn thing. And it will further piss her off. They want to start trouble, but if they have nothing to go on, too bad!!!

Sooner or later, the LEA will get tired of the bull shit, then she will look like the a$$....

StPaulieGirl

Isn't it amazing that people like her can always find others to do their dirty work?  Reminds me of the neighbor from hell.  

My feelings about this move is that she still feels the need to punish your bf by depriving him of his kids.  After my mom passed away last September, my aunt strongly suggested that we move from CA to New Hampshire.  I looked at all the online newspapers in the larger cities, and figured their job situation was no better than here.  My kids told me they wanted to moved back to the desert when the probate circus was done.  My aunt was a little miffed, but I don't think I want to learn how to drive in blizzards at this late date.  Plus I know a lot of people up there, and my daughter and grandbaby live there, and there's one due on Christmas Day.  It just makes more sense.

You just can't take off to a state where you don't know anyone, and are unfamiliar with the extreme weather conditions.  It's stupid, imo.  Of course some people will go to extremes to avenge perceived slights against themselves even if it means hurting innocent people.  

You've both got your work cut out for yourselves.  Your bf should put in a change of address.  His ex shouldn't have any access to his mail.  


kitten

He is going to the post office today for the change of address.  He is also going to video tape her right out in the open when he comes for the kids.  He will also tape her deputy friend when he "just happens" to be in the neighborhood.  

StPaulieGirl

Excellent.  One wonders how much mail he should have gotten, but hasn't.  

If your bf can get her deputy friend on tape in uniform, it would be priceless.  Even so, a sworn law enforcement official is expected to uphold the law and behave in that capacity at all times. *cough*

kitten

I have sent emails and no response.  My bf and bm had their first meeting with the counselor today that Dr.Phil said was post marital counseling that the show would pay for.  Turns out it was nothing more that a guy working for free to get notoriety. He told them that himself! They were there to agree on a parenting plan for when she moves.  The trial is not until the 10th!  It turned into another he said/she said which I'm sure has provided her with even more fuel for the fire.  I am in disbelief that we put our trust in Dr. Phil out of pure desperation and then got tossed aside after they got the show they wanted.  Welcome to the media circus and don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.

wendl

Kitten,
I am so sorry to hear this. Are you going to write a complaint letter to the show?

Thoughts from our family are with you for the upcoming trial.

:)
**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

Kitty C.

I find it hard to believe that Dr. Phil knows the truth about this 'professional' hired to follow-up for him.  I strongly suggest you contact the show and tell them what he told you.  With follow-up, he has to find someone in the area where the guests live, and he may not be lucky enough to get it right every time.

Before you give up on this completely, kitten, I hope you try working with the show to see if you can get things straightened out.  If for nothing else, it will let Dr. Phil know that he should not use this guy ever again.  Wouldn't want this to happen to someone else, would you?
Handle every stressful situation like a dog........if you can't play with it or eat it, pee on it and walk away.......

kitten

I am definately going to let the producer know how we feel, I'm trying to find a tactful way of wording the email.  Sometimes tact is not my best trait.

StPaulieGirl

I'll try to watch this.  I read your post from the 1st of Sept., and all I can say is, I'm so sorry.  That's why I initially asked you about your impression of Dr. Phil.  I'm in the process of moving, and I'm going back and forth at a bit of a distance.  

You could  provide us with an email to contact the show.  It would probably be better to roast them over the coals after the show airs.  

kitten

I am interested in seeing how the show got edited.  I have a sick feeling in my stomach knowing that our private life will be there for the nation to see.  We keep reminding each other that it was for the kids.  I think emailing the show is a good idea.  After the show airs, if everyone could send their comments, we would appreciate it.  Go to the website and send it that way.  If the show airs and they made him look really bad, THEN I will give you all the asst. producers personal email.  The trial is this Friday, wish us luck.  

nosonew

When you know the date, please email me! Thanks...nosonew...

Stepmom0418

The date is posted above. I belive Sept 15th

msme

changing the pick up & drop off to the police station parking lot? It has worked wonders for my son. It is on camera & she doesn't even dare to try anything.

You never get a second chance to make a first impression!

kitten

His attorney advised against it because of the false abuse allegations.  She said the ex could make him look like the reason they have to do it at the police station.  She suggested video taping all visitation exchanges.  We bought a camera yesterday.  
Update on tomorrows trial.....
Opposing counsel called Tuesday and said they want to postpone the trial for a couple of weeks so that they could have a longer time slot because "there is sooooo much mounting evidence against him.".  Of course our attorney agreed, but she left out one little piece of info.....I'll tell tomorrow after the attorney's reschedule.

;)

msme

I don't see how she could make it look like it was because of him if he initiates the change. If anything, it would show that he has nothing to hide & wants to have it there to protect himself from false abuse allegations.

You never get a second chance to make a first impression!

kitten

Just following attorney's advice.

kitten

Just following attorney's advice.

msme

>I don't see how she could make it look like it was because of him if he initiates the change. If anything, it would show that he has nothing to hide & wants to have it there to protect himself from false abuse allegations.<

I wasn't suggesting that you shouldn't follow your attorneys advice but was raising a reasonable question. Remember that your attorney works for you & while you are paying for their advice, it doesn't mean that you must follow it unquestioningly.

Is your attorney a Board Certified Family Law & Custody Specialist, who specializes in father's rights? Again, I am not disparaging your attorney, only asking about her experience in this specific field. I know that when my son hired a plain divorce lawyer, he was eaten alive in court but when he changed to a specialist, everything changed for the better.

The video camera is great. But as many here have related, it is very difficult to get the tapes entered into evidence. It does tend to make some people behave, others just don't seem to care. However subpoenaing (sp) a police dispatcher & having your tapes, & theirs, to go with it could make a big difference.

Good luck & God bless you & your family. We will be praying for you all.

You never get a second chance to make a first impression!

kitten

>>I don't see how she could make it look like it was because
>of him if he initiates the change. If anything, it would show
>that he has nothing to hide & wants to have it there to
>protect himself from false abuse allegations.<

This case has been very messy thanks to bm.  He had a restraining order that was dropped, but still has a stay away.  She felt it would not look good given the past allegations that may still be holding some weight.  We are in a fragile position right now, but gaining a hold finally thanks to his attorney.

>Is your attorney a Board Certified Family Law & Custody
>Specialist, who specializes in father's rights? Again, I am
>not disparaging your attorney, only asking about her
>experience in this specific field. I know that when my son
>hired a plain divorce lawyer, he was eaten alive in court but
>when he changed to a specialist, everything changed for the
>better.
Yes, she is and has written books on divorce and custody battles and how it affects everyone involved.

>
>The video camera is great. But as many here have related, it
>is very difficult to get the tapes entered into evidence. It
>does tend to make some people behave, others just don't seem
>to care. However subpoenaing (sp) a police dispatcher & having
>your tapes, & theirs, to go with it could make a big
>difference.
It is mainly to get her to behave since she has a habit of trying to "set him up" to compile more "evidence".  Like I said earlier, we are in a fragile position right now and have to be very careful.

>
>Good luck & God bless you & your family. We will be praying
>for you all.
Thank you so much, that means alot.

msme

Sounds like you have all the bases covered. I guess all you can do is pray. We know first hand how difficult the courts can be & what life is like with a pbfh.

Tell him another 3 months is too long. It will become status quo & be harder to reverse. Many people here can tell him both how some kids came back as adults & asked why their father didn't love them enough to fight for them & others can tell you how their child came back & thanked them for fighting for them.

In the latter cases, they usually hate their mother for trying to keep their father away & want nothing to do with her.

Anyway, we will keep up the prayers.
Good luck & God bless.

You never get a second chance to make a first impression!

kitten

The kids are still here and he still has his regular visitation.  We are trying to prevent a move.  So three more months is excellent.  That's 3 more months the kids can see their Dad and 3 more months to support our case.