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Criminal?

Started by Dadxl5, Apr 25, 2006, 10:47:26 AM

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Dadxl5

Dear Socrateaser,
   How do I provide you with case facts without jeopardizing attorney/client et al?
Thanks.
Mike

socrateaser

If you believe that you may be subject to criminal prosecution for an act already done, or you contemplate an act that you reasonably believe may incurr criminal liabilty, then you may email me at [email protected] with your facts, and then post here stating that you have done so.

Dadxl5

My kingdom for a child of five!

Thank you for your prompt reply.  I have not committed any act for which I will or may be prosecuted, nor do I contemplate any such act.  My question is about protecting any and all rights my child and I do or may have, before I state any facts of the case.  The question regarding criminal behavior is relevant to my ex's actions.

Failure to comply with a court order, is, I believe a criminal act subject to findings of contempt of court.  

Child abuse (emotional, psychological and social) is also subject to prosecution but I don't know what to do.

I cannot afford an attorney.  My child's health and academic standing (he's 12 now) are failing and she is deteriorating emotionally and psychologically.  

My ex in my opinion, is suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder and is deteriorating.  I know that this disorder is difficult to diagnose in a short period of time (per custody evaluations or Child Protective Services).  

Are you the person I can begin this process with?  Is there a direction you suggest I proceed in?  

Again, thanks for your help.
Mike

socrateaser

>My kingdom for a child of five!
>
>Thank you for your prompt reply.  I have not committed any act
>for which I will or may be prosecuted, nor do I contemplate
>any such act.  My question is about protecting any and all
>rights my child and I do or may have, before I state any facts
>of the case.  The question regarding criminal behavior is
>relevant to my ex's actions.
>
>Failure to comply with a court order, is, I believe a criminal
>act subject to findings of contempt of court.  
>
>Child abuse (emotional, psychological and social) is also
>subject to prosecution but I don't know what to do.
>
>I cannot afford an attorney.  My child's health and academic
>standing (he's 12 now) are failing and she is deteriorating
>emotionally and psychologically.  
>
>My ex in my opinion, is suffering from Borderline Personality
>Disorder and is deteriorating.  I know that this disorder is
>difficult to diagnose in a short period of time (per custody
>evaluations or Child Protective Services).  
>
>Are you the person I can begin this process with?  Is there a
>direction you suggest I proceed in?  
>
>Again, thanks for your help.
>Mike

If you want me to help sort out the situation, then climb off the horse. If you diagnose and comment about what you know of the law, rather than tell me the facts of the case and let me analyze and draw my own legal conclusions, then I will never be able to help you, because I will not be able to assess how a judge would reasonably view your circumstances so as to make a ruling.

From what you've stated thus far, you believe that your child is in some emotional distress. If you have no money, then you have few options, because unless the other parent does some overt act against the child's interests, like theft or drugs, or abuse, that you can prove with objective evidence, then you will not get anywhere in court.

If you had any money, I would suggest having the child evaluated by a child psychologist to determine his/her mental state and then submit that evaluation to the court with a motion to modify custody/parenting.

But, if you can't afford to do that, then you will have to watch and wait for something that a court can sink its teeth into. If the child's grades are steadily decreasing, and you were to get a teacher or a counselor at school to suggest that something was wrong at home, then the report cards plus the counselor's expert opinion might give you what you need.

So, think about what you can prove with objective evidence and testimony (other than your personal opinion, to which the court will give zero weight), and then let us know.

Dadxl5

Sorry.

Drugs are involved also.  I have kept a detailed log for several years.  She appears to be addicted to some kind of narcotic.  She says it's for pain from a number of things.  This addiction has lasted at least two years.  She even spent 3 weeks in the hospital last summer in an attempt to get off of them.  

On a number of occasions over the last 8 months, I have observed her driving around with both our son and her new daughter in the car and she is clearly under the influence.  I've brought my concern up to her as gently as possible three times, but she becomes enraged and throws it back in my face.  I've also read somewhere that it can't be proven.  

I have also been told I can't prove the emotional abuse either.  But I do log my observations.  I can however, document the decline in his grades and conduct at school.  

Can you tell me if my logs are useable in court?  And how do I protect them?  

Here are some facts, the best I can lay them out:

Jurisdiction is Los Angeles, CA.
We weren't married.  Child, one boy, now 12.
in 2000, the Mother stopped visitation.  An Order to Show Cause was filed with an Ex Parte to re-establish visitation.  Which the judge did, but they (mother and her attorney - who, by the way, was a friend of the family who was my attorney of record before the I.R.S. the day they showed up in Family Court for this Ex Parte hearing) said only if it was monitored, which the judge agreed to.

The next hearing (in 6 weeks) they came back and alleged sexual abuse of our son and physical abuse of the mother.  The judge ordered a fast track and our son said I had thrown a telephone at the wall.   The sexual and physical abuse allegations were unsubstantiated, but the judge continued the monitored visitations till the full custody evaluation could be finished.  

The full eval determined that no abuse was taking place.  She described the case as "high conflict" and recommended gradually increased visitation with an end to monitored visits within 6 months.  

At that time, (during that hearing, they submitted into evidence, a letter purported to be from the Visitation Monitor, critcizing my behaviors with my son.  In my opinion, the letter was composed by her attorney and in my mind, without a doubt, signed by her)  a new order was issued granting Joint Legal Custody, with Primary Residence to be with the mother.  The schedule at that time was Wed. 4pm to 8pm, alternating weekends from Fri 4pm to Sunday 5pm.  So I let the letter go.  By this time, my attorney had quit.  Her attorney was constantly threatening him and creating a ton of make-work.  (Her attorney is a business-law attorney)

The mother was ordered to have our son call me Mon between 6:00 and 6:30 for a 20 min. call.  Also on alternating Fridays (same time) and alternating Saturdays at 9:00 am.  

2 or 3 years ago, the visit schedule was expanded (out of court) to Wednesdays overnight and I drop him off at school.  (we live 30 miles away from each other now)

18 months ago, it was expanded (out of court) again.  I pick him up Mondays from school, take him to his mother's house and do his homework with him in his bedroom.  Then at the beginning of the school year, we expanded the phone calls to include Tuesdays at 4:30, he calls me and we do his homework together.  Thursdays, same time, same thing.

The mother and her new husband both have 3 mental health professionals each that they see regularly.  Over the last 8 months, the mother seems to have deteriorated more and more.  She appears to be under the influence more and more often, she resorts to rage with very little provocation and she completely took over our son's homework/schoolwork in February.  

She said she wanted to be more involved in November.   She stopped the Tuesday and Thursday calls.  But he wasn't getting his homework done on those nights.  That's when his grades started to slip.  Three weeks ago, the mother, her husband and I went to see our son's therapist.  She told the mother that he's suffering from a lack of structure and consistency, from adjustment problems (the relationship with the step-father was badly started) and the arrival of the new baby (now 3).  Since then, the mother disappears where I'm concerned.  She doesn't return my calls, she's very sarcastic and hurtful during her long lectures of our son and avoids me like the plague.

When she took over completely, his grades dropped all the way to 3 F's and several conduct issues started to develop.

Last week during our son's Spring Break, she refused the Friday and Saturday calls.  (They haven't been made for about 10 weeks now) She refused to return my calls (one per day til Monday) either to arrange a schedule for the week or to do make up calls (per the court order) Then she informed me last minute before the Wednesday visit, that she has scheduled an appointment for him Wednesday afternoon as well as Thursday afternoon, so our son needs to come back Thursday at noon.  And that I don't get him Friday because she's scheduled something for the family.  They'll drop him off Saturday morning (they never transport him for visits.)

They never dropped him off or called either.  So I get him, we have one day for the weekend.

Monday, just before I leave to get him from school, I get her email saying she's cancelling the Monday homework thing and that because of my "somewhat violent outbursts", she's going to keep it that way until I "improve your time here."  There haven't been outbursts of any kind, violent or otherwise.

When I asked you about criminal, it's because there seems to be a real need to ask the court for help in enforcing this order.  But what she did to our son and I then, what's she's done since and what I'm concerned she'll do if I finally put my foot down makes me wonder if what she's been doing really is criminal and how do I begin to build something the court can indeed, "sink it's teeth into."

I have been disabled (4 ruptured, protruding disks, depression and PTSD) under Social Security since 2003.  Part of my benefits ($  950.00/month) are paid directly to the mother on his behalf.  I have never missed a call or a visit.  Our son is deeply frightened of his mother's emotional instability.  He says he would like to live here but he's afraid to say anything because of her rage.  

Any help you might give would be deeply appreciated.

Thank you again.

Mike

socrateaser

I'm assuming your court orders provide for sole custody in mother and visitation for you, rather than joint custody with parenting time allocated.

If you had been recording the sessions with your kid on a dictation recorder, and whenever you were talking to the mother, at her home, you could have used that as evidence to prove that her allegations are false.

It's not clear that you have any proof that the mother is refusing to follow the plan, other than your own testimony. Your logs, without something more, have no coroboration, so they'll be tough to get the court to give them much weight.

I think, frankly, that what you must do, is talk to the teachers at his school about his failing grades and try to get something in writing that suggests something in the child's home life is causing his failures in school. Then you can file a motion to modify visitation on grounds that the child is doing poorly and ask the court to order the child evaluated by a therapist. And, if the report comes back negative, then you will be able to move for a custody modification, on grounds that there has been a substantial change in circumstances.

As far as the drug addiction stuff goes, I'm not seeing any objective proof -- it's all just your say so, which isn't worth anything. If you can get one of her neighbors or friends or relatives to testify to the drug use, then you might have something useful. At the moment, however, this is a dead end.

Dadxl5

Thanks again Socrateaser.

The Order is for Joint Legal Custody.  Primary residence with Mother.  Additionally, Mother holds Unilateral Decision making authority regarding school and health.

I think I understand what you're referring to about something that can be useful as evidence.  I'll try to look around and learn how to develop evidence that can actually be used.  Any suggestions?

If her mental health is worsening, is there a way to track or record that in a way that the courts can attribute some weight to?

socrateaser

>Thanks again Socrateaser.
>
>The Order is for Joint Legal Custody.  Primary residence with
>Mother.  Additionally, Mother holds Unilateral Decision making
>authority regarding school and health.

That's a bizarre order. Joint Legal Custody implies joint decision making authority. If you have no authority re school and health, then all that's left is authority for general welfare not related to school or health, i.e., protection from danger or relocation. Anyway, I've never seen an order like this, but obviously some judge thought it was a good idea.

>I think I understand what you're referring to about something
>that can be useful as evidence.  I'll try to look around and
>learn how to develop evidence that can actually be used.  Any
>suggestions?

You can record the other parent on audio or video, but she must know that she's being recorded, which means that you can either serve her a blanket notice stating your intention to record her and the child without further notice (sometimes highly inflammatory and may cause her to refuse custody even more than otherwise), or you can just carry a microcassette recorder with you and if you find yourself in an adversarial situation, then you pull it out, flip it on and tell her that you feel obliged to record your conversation -- and then do just that.

The latter situation may result in your being attacked to get the recorder away from you, but, hey there's a risk in everything, and if it actually did result in that and you were able to hang on to the recorder, well then you'd have your evidence, now wouldn't cha?

Other than recording her conversations with you, I can't think of anything.

When the child is 13-14, his testimony re where he wishes to reside will carry significant weight. 12 is borderline.

>
>If her mental health is worsening, is there a way to track or
>record that in a way that the courts can attribute some weight
>to?

See above.

Dadxl5

Look,
   I've taken a beating from this nutjob for a very long time and I've watched a wonderful little boy struggle to grow up under this constant onslaught.  You've presented yourself as a knowledgeable and caring person and without doubt, I do appreciate your time and effort.  But if you're so tired of watching this parade of misery that you can't contain your sarcasm, I suggest you get your a** off this board.

   The judge apparently thought it was a good idea because of the flood of bulls*** he got from her and her moron attorney.  They manufactured evidence, submitted statements from 4 other nutjobs and astoundingly enough, managed to create enough prejudice during the initial stages of the proceedings that crawling out from under it cost me everything I have.

   For the last 7 years, I have watched her isolate this boy as well as her new husband, berate them to the point where they struggle to remember their own names and get away with chronic disregard for the very specific details of this order.

Her allegations devastated me emotionally, financially and socially.  My reputation is ruined in this town and so is my health.  I do not miss any opportunity to support this child in any way and we need help putting salt on this bird's tail.  

Thanks for your help Socco.  And may I add your moniker's got a bit more than just a little hubris attached.

socrateaser

>Look,
>   I've taken a beating from this nutjob for a very long time
>and I've watched a wonderful little boy struggle to grow up
>under this constant onslaught.  You've presented yourself as a
>knowledgeable and caring person and without doubt, I do
>appreciate your time and effort.  But if you're so tired of
>watching this parade of misery that you can't contain your
>sarcasm, I suggest you get your a** off this board.
>
>   The judge apparently thought it was a good idea because of
>the flood of bulls*** he got from her and her moron attorney.
>They manufactured evidence, submitted statements from 4 other
>nutjobs and astoundingly enough, managed to create enough
>prejudice during the initial stages of the proceedings that
>crawling out from under it cost me everything I have.
>
>   For the last 7 years, I have watched her isolate this boy
>as well as her new husband, berate them to the point where
>they struggle to remember their own names and get away with
>chronic disregard for the very specific details of this
>order.
>
>Her allegations devastated me emotionally, financially and
>socially.  My reputation is ruined in this town and so is my
>health.  I do not miss any opportunity to support this child
>in any way and we need help putting salt on this bird's tail.
>
>
>Thanks for your help Socco.  And may I add your moniker's got
>a bit more than just a little hubris attached.

Your anger and hostility is duly noted. It will serve you poorly. I have not attempted any sarcasm -- I am just telling you "like it is." You may wish that the system be different than it is, but it's not, and until you start to think like a lawyer, you will get beaten by the system, especially when you are being faced by a professional litigator, which is what you state in your posts.

If you think I take pleasure in making fun of the posters here or giving them bad advice, then I suggest that you ask the other posters directly. More to the point I will now offer anyone who wishes an opportunity to either vent on me without fear of any written reprisal or to give me credit for my assistance.

I don't take complaints lightly, because if the public believes that I am doing a public disservice here, then I will stop doing it.

Miller

your advice and help gives people a realistic view of what to expect.  From what I've seen, your advice is correct the majority of the time.

Sarcasm?  I don't see any sarcasm from you.  Perhaps you throw in a light-hearted word or two, but in the intense world of a custody battle or child-related court case, then those light-hearted words can help so much.

I'm not sure how this post went downhill so quickly.  I've read each post and felt that your advice was honest and helpful.  In the last post from the poster, it seems like something must have happened to upset him and it seems that it might not be just what you said.  Perhaps something that happened in real life?

Regardless, I would hate to see this board go away.  It's been a help to so many and will be in the future.

Sherry1

not an emotional standpoint.  Therefore, some people don't like what you say because they want you to either agree with them or tell them something they want to hear.  This is the wrong board for that type of answer.  If someone wants someone to validate what they are saying without a legal standpoint or legal precedence based finding, then they need to post on the child custody or child support board where people can provide them "their personal or emotional" opinion.  

I think you have provided people with a lot of good sound legal advice and I read your board just so that I can "know more" about child custody/visitation based upon a legal/law viewpoint.  I have personally seen posts on the other boards on this site where someone is asking for a legal opinion and I have steered them to your board (and telling them ahead of time to make sure to follow your mandatory guidelines!)

This poster is full of emotion and he wants an emotional opinion based upon his quandry, not an legal based opinion.

jcsct5

It has been my experience that Soc is right on the money 99.9% of the time. Soc provides excellent legal advise to the posters on this board.

I think all the posters on this board can understand your frustration about your situation, as most of us have similar problems, but this board isn't for venting those frustrations. It is for obtaining legal advise. In order for Soc to provide that to you, you must post the facts about your case, not your emotional opinions.

Good luck to you.

And Soc please keep of the wonderful service you are providing to the posters on this board, we appreciate what you are doing.

MixedBag

Soc didn't deserve that response.

End of conversation.

Ref

Soc is ususally right on the money. There have been times I've been pissed at his responses, but not at him. You have to understand that he is not going to soften a blow on this board so you can get smaked in the @ss in the courtroom. Honestly, take it from Soc instead of the judge.

Sorry to disgree with some of you, but I can see how he feels Soc is sarcastic. That is one of his charms (unless I am the one on the other end).

Remember that if he just told you what you wanted to hear, you wouldn't get the advice you need.

Best Wishes
Ref

DecentDad

First, Soc ain't perfect, and nobody can be perfect in a system as flawed as family law.

However, his advice has been solid for me over the years.  I won some, and I didn't win some.  But I won more than I would have, had I not had his advice.

The blunt truth is sometimes painful.  But it doesn't necessarily reflect on the messenger of it.

speciallady

Soc--causing trouble again, eh? Kidding!

I agree with MixedBag--understand the posters frustrations but family law is not a fun place for sure.
YOU do a wonderful thing here Soc and really, there is no board like this on the net!

wendl

1st off I would like to thank Soc for taking is time and giving us advise based on the law and no emotion (we need that as most of us put emotions into stuff and it bites us in the rear)

2nd Soc times his free time and helps us for FREE.  How many other legal professionals would do this free of charge and on their own time, I am sure Soc has a life outside Sparc and his line of work he is in, but he cares and is here to help us understand the legal system.

We all get frustrated with the system, as my attorney said its a crap shoot, sometimes you win sometimes you loose, but you need to preopare yourself and attorneys know the ins and outs dos and don'ts of the court system.  

THANK YOU SOC FOR EVERYTHING YOU DO FOR ALL OF US.

**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

charlie967

I don't post often but I am on the boards reading everyday and Soc's board is where I come first.  Why?  Because he is honest, straightforth and gives FREE advice.  It may not be all warm and fuzzy and make you feel good inside but it's better that you hear him tell you like it is than walk into court and hear it from a judge or from your attorney and oh by the way, here is your HUGE bill.  Soc gives his expert advice if you ask and that is a huge service to anyone who takes advantage of it.  His sense of humor may not be to your liking but he has made me chuckle more times than my attorney every has!!  Keep up the good work Soc.  

socrateaser

I can barely stand the compliments -- my cheeks hurt (both sets)!

Seriously, though if anyone ever thinks I've lost my mind, don't be afraid to speak up. There's no point in my being here if I'm not doing anyone any good.

Thanks again, folks!

FLMom

Soc's "sarcasm" is my reality check. He's saved me from myself more times than I can mention. When I was going on emotion and ready to jump in and do something stupid, his advice cleared that cloud and allowed me to see. Sometimes I'm so wanting to "right" things that are clearly wrong I forget how "legal reasoning" works. To paraphrase Jon Stewart, he is my "moment of Zen".

We pay attorneys to perform a service for us. Some will use that trust to blow sunshine up our skirts to keep us continuing to employ them. That issue is a moot point here. I put my full trust in what Soc says over what my attorneys have told me 9 times out of 10.

BTW Soc, the offer to set you up with my single 30-something sister is still open.

With much thanks for all that you do,
FLMom

wysiwyg

We have all taken a beating from our "nut jobs" - some more than others.  In our case it has been 12 years and $90,000 in attorney's fees.

I do not always like what I hear come from Soc, and I have had my hands slapped a few times, BUT I admire his HONESTY and viewpoint.  We all understand how frustrating and painful the system is, but that is the law.  He calls it as he sees it.  If we were all attorney's and or knew the law - face it we would not have to ask his valued opinion.

Trust me - if you want heart felt law, you will take a horrible beating in the court room, if you want honesty and straight to the point advice, listen to Soc, otherwise - if you are like many of us here, pay your attorney to read your email at $40 a pop or call him at $50 for 15 minutes, guarenteed - Soc spends MUCH MORE TIME than this to help us around here.

An apology is in order here, and a BIG OLE THANKS goes to Soc for helping the rest of us in our times of stress and upset.  

Tipping my hat to Soc............

reagantrooper

Soc rocks!! No doubt about it!

Thank you Soc for what you do here! This poster needs to check himself.


Cookiemomma4

Just wanted to pop in here and agree with the others.  This is the first board I read DAILY.  Why?  Well, because I never know when his honest information will come in handy in the future.  It may not pertain to our case at this time, but it may.  I find the truthful and non-emotional answers to everyone's questions to be enlightening...because it gives you a 3rd person's point of view (which is basically how the courts are looking at your case).  They don't need all of the emotion there.  It is assumed that you love your child or you wouldn't be going through the hassle and headache of fighting for him!  The MOST improtant lessons that I have learned from Socrateasers's board is to take emotion out as much as possible because it clouds the facts, every custody case sucks (because if it didn't everychild would have the benifit of both stable parents full time), beable to prove every word you say, and it needs to be taken care of as a business deal...it has served us very well thus far and not only simply on court days!  

Dadxl5

Dear Socrateaser,
   Were that I were a child of five.  But since I'm not, I apologize.  To all the others who took the time to post, my apologies to you as well and thank you for taking the time to put your thoughts down on silicone.

   Soc, there are indeed things in your replies to my posts that are very informative.  I've been so isolated for so long, I forget how to communicate.  So thank you for your tolerance.  Plus, I'm just mad they dropped a house on my sister.

    I think my first misstep was to dive in before I've had a chance to really review this entire board.  I wish I'd known it was here a long time ago.  

    I stand corrected and hope you all find a very little amount of alienation by newcomers to be slightly amusing.

    Enjoy your vacation and hopefully we can start off on different and better footing.

socrateaser

>Dear Socrateaser,
>   Were that I were a child of five.  But since I'm not, I
>apologize.  To all the others who took the time to post, my
>apologies to you as well and thank you for taking the time to
>put your thoughts down on silicone.
>
>   Soc, there are indeed things in your replies to my posts
>that are very informative.  I've been so isolated for so long,
>I forget how to communicate.  So thank you for your tolerance.
> Plus, I'm just mad they dropped a house on my sister.
>
>    I think my first misstep was to dive in before I've had a
>chance to really review this entire board.  I wish I'd known
>it was here a long time ago.  
>
>    I stand corrected and hope you all find a very little
>amount of alienation by newcomers to be slightly amusing.
>
>    Enjoy your vacation and hopefully we can start off on
>different and better footing.

No sweat. If everyone had written me that I was a F!@#$ A!@#$, I would have been apologizing to you. So, fee free to collect your thoughts and we can start over.

Miller

in some of Soc's replies?  Sure...but as a person who had dealt with these divorce issues for way too long, those sarcastic comments always bring a smile to my face and smack me back into reality.  Honestly, this is such a long, difficult road dealing with the never-ending issues that a person sometimes loses any sense of reality.  I think Soc's comment help many of us realize that what we're saying is so completely off line.

Give me a hundred sarcastic comments from Soc instead of one from the judge anyday!!

I cry_ in_the_dark

I don't post a whole lot anymore, but I'll definitely post now.

I am a very sarcastic person, and Soc has called me on it more than once.( My yahoo says "Tact if for people who aren't witty enough to be sarcastic".) Soc's replies to you are blunt and to the point. Not a thing wrong with him tossing a twang of wit into his replies.

I haven't always liked what he's had to say, but you can bet your bottom dollar I've listened to every word he says whether it's to me or anyone else. And one of these days, with Soc's help, I'll win the War instead of the battle.

You Rock Soc :-)