Deposition is the process where a person is questioned under oath. You and your attorney will question your ex, then your ex and her attorney will question you. Deposition typically takes place at the opposing attorneys' office or a place of their choosing. Remember that the purpose of a deposition is not to change anyone's mind. The purpose of a deposition is to "freeze" your testimony in writing so that any change or departure at trial can be used to hang you.

During the deposition of your ex, your attorney will ask questions that he feels are relevant. You will normally NOT be allowed to ask questions directly of your ex, but you may pass written questions to your attorney for him to ask her.

Keep in mind that the judge will almost never see a transcript of the deposition. They don't have the time to read through dozens of pages of mostly unimportant questions and answers. It's also usually very expensive to have a transcript made of the deposition, on the order of several hundred to more than a thousand dollars. If you want a copy of the deposition for your personal use (and you very well might), bring a small tape-recorder to the deposition. At the beginning of the deposition, place it on the table, turn it on and ask politely if there is any objection to your recording the deposition. (Check with your attorney prior to the deposition about this, mention that you'd like to record the proceedings and see if he has any objections.)
Since the deposition is recorded by the court stenographer anyway, there shouldn't be any real problem with your recording it as well. Do not record the deposition covertly or without permission- this is a violation of the law in most states and can get you in serious trouble.

Your attorney will ask you to prepare (in advance) a list of questions to ask your ex under oath. You may come up with a hundred or more questions, of which your attorney will actually use about 20 or 30. The "unused" questions may be good ones but are probably not of tremendous importance at this point. Your attorney may ignore certain questions because he doesn't want to alert opposing counsel to specific information he has at this time.

When you are under deposition your ex's attorney may attempt to get you to incriminate yourself or make contradictory statements. He may phrase things in such a way that you appear to admit to something you never did. For example, he may ask you:

   "Do you recall, on or about the 20th of June, slapping your wife?"

He is phrasing the question so as to pre-suppose that the event of "slapping your wife" did in fact occur, and is only asking you if you remember doing it or not. This is improper, to say the least. Either object to the form of the question or ask your attorney to object. The correct form of the question should be something like:

   "Did you, on or about the 20th of June, slap your wife?"

Your ex's attorney may also ask a series of "leading" questions, attempting to get you to give an answer that he desires. Listen carefully to each question he asks. After each question is asked, pause for a moment in order to give your attorney time to object if he wants to do so. Keep your answers short and don't tell your ex's attorney anything he didn't ask about.

If your ex's attorney cuts you off and doesn't let you finish, simply ask if you may be allowed to finish answering the question. It's difficult for him to say "no" to this request. If you like, you may answer at length (or even at great length- see below) and/or provide documentation as part of your answer.

If you feel that your ex and her attorney have a limited amount of time, or are trying to move things along too quickly, you may control the situation to some degree by answering slowly and at length, giving them less overall time in which to ask questions. Before answering, take a moment to consult some document (like your lognotes), rummaging through all your paperwork (and you'll have plenty of that), and then give your answer slowly and in great detail. If your ex's attorney tries to hurry you along, insist that you be allowed to answer the question fully. After all, he asked you a question and you're just trying to cooperate to the best of your ability, even if it's going to take longer (perhaps much longer) than he would like.

Another thing to keep in mind is that if you are ever requested to give a list of items (names, dates, places, etc.), always finish your recitation of the list with the words "That's all I can think of right now" or words to that effect. This allows you to add to the list later if you remember someone or something that you had forgotten about.

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