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My wife's attorney has been promising for two weeks that my wife is going to allow phone contact between our son and I. Every time I talk to him, he says "I can't believe you haven't heard from him yet, I'll call and talk to her."

Can you help with a fax requesting a phone call that I can send to him/her?

Do I need to file any kind of memorandum of law in support of getting the TRO dropped and my temp parenting plan approved?

Do I just show up to court with copies of my declarations previously submitted and state my case?

For example in RCW 26.09.060 I found the following:


     (3) Either party may request a domestic violence protection order under chapter 26.50 RCW or an antiharassment protection order under chapter 10.14 RCW on a temporary basis. The court may grant any of the relief provided in RCW 26.50.060 except relief pertaining to residential provisions for the children which provisions shall be provided for under this chapter, and any of the relief provided in RCW 10.14.080. Ex parte orders issued under this subsection shall be effective for a fixed period not to exceed fourteen days, or upon court order, not to exceed twenty-four days if necessary to ensure that all temporary motions in the case can be heard at the same time.

The Ex parte orders have been in place for 90 days.

I have a hearing on June 3 for my temp parenting plan and a request to drop the TRO.

The Temp Parenting Plan is asking for me to be assigned custody.

Should I submit a new declaration that offers an alternative plan giving me visitation in case the judge doesn't approve my plan?

I'm a bit worried that I will show up at the hearing and the judge will deny the parenting plan and since there have been no options presented to him end it there and I won't even get visitation set up at that time.

I heard from my wife's attorney before the 5pm deadline and he assured me that we could reach a deal.  He told me that he just found out that my wife wasn't allowing me to even speak to our son and he didn't approve of that at all.

I called him this morning to ask if I was going to be able to have parenting time over Memorial Day weekend and he said that my wife said she wasn't going to let me see or speak with our son until permanent orders are in place.  He wanted me to come to his office on Monday to sign papers and go to the court and finalize everything.

I asked if it included me being allowed to see my son over the weekend and he said "no".

I said that wasn't exceptable and I would seek an emergecy order.

He then told me that he was going to check his calendar and get back to me on a time I could depose my wife.

I'm heading to Spokane on Sunday and plan to be there the entire week.  Any help I can get on how to get an emergency order would be appreciated!!!

How do I go about requesting discovery (deposition)?  I contacted a court reporter in Washington that has a location and will attend once things are set up.

Do I send a letter to wife's attorney with the date?

Should I hire an attorney to do the deposition?

Is this even something I should be looking at right now?

I would like to fax a letter requesting parenting time over memorial day weekend to my wife's attorney.

Is there anything "special" that I should say in the letter or just ask for the weekend?

This is what I am thinking:

I am requesting parenting time over Memorial Day weekend.  I propose the following schedule:

Father will pick up child from mother's residence by 7pm May 27.
Mother will pick up child from Father's residence by 7pm May 30.

Please contact me by May 18 at 5pm so I can make my necessary travel arraignments.

When my wife filed for dissolution in WA she also got an Ex Parte TRO keeping me from any contact with our son.

There has never been a hearing on this.

What can I do to ask the court to remove the order and allow communication between my son and I?

I recieved papers showing that my wife's attorney scheduled a motion for Default in our dissolution. This is in Washington.

The Motion is titled Motion and Declaration for Default.

They are saying that I appeared but didn't respond to the petition.  I responded many many many times to argue jurisdiction...

I have filed a response to the motion, a response to the petition, and a notice of appearance the day after the Motion and Declaration for Default.

I plan on attending the hearing next week.

Do I need to file a Motion to Vacate Judgment/Order?  There hasn't been a judgement yet, only a hearing set.

This is what my response to the Motion said:


1. I am the Respondent in the above-captioned action and, on a limited appearance, make this statement upon my personal knowledge. Any and all exhibits attached are incorporated by reference and are true and correct copies of the originals, unless they are original.

2. I have recently seen action on this proceeding indicating that Petitioner has filed a motion for Default Judgment with a hearing being scheduled. I have not yet received service of a court date as required under Rule 55.

3. I have not missed my deadline for responding to this petition.

4. This case and the one filed in Oregon have both been held in abeyance while the courts followed rules set out in the UCCJEA to determine proper jurisdiction.

5. On April 14, 2005, the Oregon and Washington courts held a teleconference call to discuss the matter. During the teleconference call, the Oregon judge determined that, although Oregon was the Home State of the child, Oregon would be an inconvenient forum for my wife.

6. Opposing counsel was told by the Washington Commissioner to write up the order and send it out. I have asked the opposing counsel, Mr. NAME, numerous times to please send me the write-up. Mr. NAME has refused to do so as of the signing of this Declaration.

7. Attached as Exhibits "A", "B", and "C" are copies of communication that I have had with opposing counsel. Exhibit "A" happened before the Petitioner filed her motion for default. Opposing counsel knew that I would be continuing this case Pro Se, and decided to try to take advantage of me.

8. Rule 60 allows for RELIEF FROM JUDGMENT OR ORDER and states the following:

"(b) Mistakes; Inadvertence; Excusable Neglect; Newly Discovered
Evidence; Fraud; etc. On motion and upon such terms as are just, the court
may relieve a party or his legal representative from a final judgment,
order, or proceeding for the following reasons:
(1) Mistakes, inadvertence, surprise, excusable neglect or irregularity
in obtaining a judgment or order;
(2) For erroneous proceedings against a minor or person of unsound
mind, when the condition of such defendant does not appear in the record,
nor the error in the proceedings;
(3) Newly discovered evidence which by due diligence could not have
been discovered in time to move for a new trial under rule 59(b);
(4) Fraud (whether heretofore denominated intrinsic or extrinsic),
misrepresentation, or other misconduct of an adverse party;
(5) The judgment is void;
(6) The judgment has been satisfied, released, or discharged, or a
prior judgment upon which it is based has been reversed or otherwise
vacated, or it is no longer equitable that the judgment should have
prospective application;
(7) If the defendant was served by publication, relief may be granted
as prescribed in RCW 4.28.200;
(8) Death of one of the parties before the judgment in the action;
(9) Unavoidable casualty or misfortune preventing the party from
prosecuting or defending;
(10) Error in judgment shown by a minor, within 12 months after
arriving at full age; or
(11) Any other reason justifying relief from the operation of the
judgment".

9. I would ask for relief under Rule 60 (b)(1) and (b)(11).

10. I have received no notice that the stay has been lifted in this case and have been reserving my response until such time as I have been notified of jurisdiction.

11. After realizing that I might lose by default (I am a layman responding Pro Se) I have now filed a response to the original Petition.

12. I ask the court to deny the Motion for Default on the grounds that I have not been provided notice on the ruling regarding jurisdiction, the Petition has been stayed, during the time the Petition has been stayed I have been arguing vigorously regarding jurisdiction, the "clock" stopped for response during the stay for UCCJEA Hearings, and I have every intention of exercising my rights to argue this case.

13. As shown in Exhibit "D", there has been much action on this case with many appearances, and responses by me.

14. I feel that this is a "dirty tactic" by the Petitioner. My attorney for the UCCJEA in Washington served notice to withdraw on May 3 and on May 4, Petitioner filed the Motion for Default Judgment.

15. I have every intention of presenting evidence during trial to uphold my position and to justify my requests for parenting.

16. I ask the court to dismiss the Motion for Default Judgment, cancel the Default Judgment Hearing, and set this case for trial.

I am thinking about sending the following fax to my wife's attorney:

Mr. ATTORNEY,
This offer is on the table until 6pm tonight.
I will agree to pay a portion of your fees towards a successful settlement on all matters of the dissolution.
If you would like to discuss the offer and appropriate fees, call me prior to the 6pm deadline at xxx-xxx-xxxx.
Respectfully,

ME

Can this be used against me in anyway?  I'm thinking of latter if they start argueing regarding attorney fees.

I know my wife isn't paying him and he knows that I am going into bankruptcy.

I was served a notice for a default judgment hearing for my divorce in Washing State (I'm in Oregon).  I have been fighting jurisdiction and both Oregon and Washing stayed the cases in obeyance of the UCCJEA.

On 4/14 Oregon gave jurisdiction to Washington.

I never responded to the original petition because I had one in Oregon and we were fighting jurisdiction.  I apeared on many many occasions in Washington for the jurisdictional hearings.

I was served on 3/3/05 and they filed for the default on 5/4/05.

My question is this:  Is the 60-day limit calendar or business days?

I need to file documents in Spokane, Washington and I am in Oregon.  The way things are going, I will be doing it very regular.

The mail option hasn't been working very well so I'm looking for options.

Are there any services that I could fax my responses to and they will file them with the Clerk

My son was born in Oregon and my wife, he, and I lived in oregon for 3 years after.  We all moved to Washington, bought a house and lived in that state for 3 years (I still worked in Oregon)  We then moved back to Oregon where we planned to remain.

My wife took our son to Alaska on "vacation" after being in Oregon for 5.5 months.  After a month in Alaska, she informed me she was getting a divorce and sent me Alaska divorce papers to sign.  A month later she sent me Oregon divorce papers to sign because she said she hadn't been in Alaska long enough.

After 5 months in Alaska she and our son moved to Washington state.  I hired an attorney and we filed papers in Oregon and had her served.  A couple of weeks later, I was served papers her attorney filed in Washington.  They have been in Washington since January 5th.  We are now arguing jurisdiction.  I have answered nothing from the Washington courts with the exception of my attorney asking for a continuance with plans on arguing jurisdiction

1. Are she and our son considered Washington residents since they weren't in either Oregon nor Alaska for 6 months?

2. Is the time she spent in Alaska on "vacation" added to the Oregon residency time?

3. Which state would have jurisdiction in this matter?

My wife and I are working on our visitation schedule for our 6 year old boy.

Travel will be by airplane so we are both trying to maximize the visits.  

We are trying to figure out how to do the Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years schedule.  It's not just the Holiday's themselves but it is also our son's school break.

Can someone share there winter schedule with me?  

I posted this on Soc's board but thought I would put it here for more input.  I am looking for all the reasons in support of "receiving parent picks up"


I am working with my wife's attorney today on temp/perm parenting plan issues and right now the sticker is transportation.

My wife moved 550 miles away and I am requesting receiving parent picks up and she wants to meet half way.

This might sound trite but if I agree to meet half way, I am pretty much locked into driving. If it's receiving parent picks up, we can each decide the mode of transportation.

The attorney told me that he is VERY confident that any judge would order meeting half way instead of receiving parent picks up.

What are your thoughts?

Sorry - wrong board...

I need an attorney in Washington (Spokane) that is very familiar with UCCJ.  I am in Oregon.  

I sent the "FERPA" letter to my son's school and got a response back.  I had asked for a copy of the records, to be placed on the enrollment forms as the father, to be allowed to participate in the classroom and parent/teach conferences, and to ensure that only his legal name is used.

The response included a copy of the records and it stated that I would receive progress reports and be notified if he is transferred.  It went on the state that the rest of what I was asking for is not required by FERPA and I should deal with it in family court.

What a pain!  I guess they don't care if a child's father is involved...

My best buddy called last night to tell me that his wife called him and told him she was leaving.  This is the 3rd time she's done it so he's ready to move on.

She moved into her parents house in a different state and left he and their children behind in the family home.

I seem to remember an article somewhere on here that gave the steps to ensure things can stay status quo.

I told him he needed to get into an attorney to get an ex parte emergency hearing giving him temp custody.

He's worried that she'll come back and remove the kids from school.

Does anyone still have that link?

I posted the following on Soc's board but thought I would put it here as well and thank everyone for the support!!!  

I learned a bunch over the last year and a half but here are some of the big ones.

Be aggressive at protecting your rights as a parent.
Be aggressive at protecting your child's rights to have both parents.
Your attorney doesn't care about your case (that sounds harsh but keep in mind, they are there to make a living and have multiple cases.  You need to manage your case)
Don't settle for less than you feel is in your childs best interest.
Your soon to be ex is not your friend (in a custody dispute)
Keep records - EVERYTHING.  Phone calls, face-to-face meetings, etc.
BE a good parent.
Don't give up.
Don't give an inch when in comes to the other parent not following orders
Follow the orders.
You must prove that you are a good parent.
You more than likely won't be able to prove the other parent is a bad parent, don't focus on that unless you can PROVE it.
Don't agree with "bad" stuff in a temp plan, it will more than likely stay.
If you think the other parent will screw up go for a temp plan and stall the final orders so you have proof of the screw ups.
Keep your emotions in check.

There are a bunch more but I'm going to go eat now...


I had the conference with the judge today and he started it by saying he wanted to get a settlement by the end of the meeting. He had our settlement agreement and asked my wife and her attorney if they agreed with it and they said yes. He then asked me (I did agree with it but figured it never hurt to ask for more) I said that I pretty much agreed but had some issues with it.

The judge asked what my issues were and I told him that I wanted more time with my son. He wanted to know what I wanted so I shot the moon. I said that I wanted every long weekend in the year, I wanted Christmas break, Thanksgiving break, Spring break, half of summer break, my sons birthday, my birthday, fathers day, and on top of all of that, one additional weekend per month.

The judge then went through the calendar and picked out the additional weekend each month and said "that sounds reasonable" IT WAS AT LEAST 2 AND MOSTLY 3 PERIODS EACH MONTH!!!

He then asked my wife if she agreed and she said that she didn't because she worked 6 days a week and could afford the ticket costs and the time away from work to drop off/pick up. The judge told her that that's the cost of being a parent and moving away.

He then asked about anything else and I told him that I wanted to include my bankruptcy and that she agrees to my petition and I did not want a hold harmless clause. He said fine, her attorney said fine.

I said that I wouldn't agree to any spousal support and that I wanted a 200 per month credit on my child support. Again, the judge said "that is reasonable"

At the end the judge said that we are now going on record. He read everything and told my wife that by agreeing she was giving up her right to go to trial and to ever get spousal support. She said yes that she agreed after heated discussion with her attorney.

The judge then said that the agreement was on record and the her attorney was to fax it to me and I was to sign it and fedex it back.

Her attorney called tonight to let me know that he was faxing it and that he wanted to make sure I would mail it. I told him that I would because I was happy with the outcome. He said "well, you should be."

Looks like I'm done!!!!!

Oh, and the judge made me drop the contempt charge.

Gosh, I seem to be throwing pitty parties for myself every other day.  It's a constant fight, a battle, an argument, the CRAP!!!!  I have filed contempt charges against my wife (divorce still isn't final after a year) for not letting me talk to our son on the phone.  I get the physical time (twice a month), she hasn't ever not put him on the plane.  But to get her to answer the phone when I call for my court ordered calls (3 per week) is like pulling teeth.  

This is the second time I'm taking her to court over this.  The first time the judge gave her hell and changed the order to be specific on days and times.

I hate court.  I hate that I can't afford an attorney and she has one (paid by me partially).  I get sick to my stomache.  I have to fight to keep from getting physically sick.  Not because I'm scared to talk, I'm a public speaker and don't have a problem making a convincing speach.  I get sick because of the power that one person sitting there has.  The ultimate power that the judge has.  I have to ask, beg, for them to allow me to have contact with my child.

I get scared. I hate it.  I drive 350 miles each way for the "pleasure" of putting myself through the hell of court just for a FRIGGEN phone call!!!!

I don't know how many times I have thought about just giving up.  Just saying "you win" and walking away.

Then, the phone is picked up and I hear "I love you daddy".

That's why I do it.

When a mother wishes to receive child support all she has to do is pick up the phone.  There are entire state agencies set up to help her, for free.

If I don't feel like paying, they'll just take it out of my check.  When she want's more, she just picks up the phone and dad has to prove why he shouldn't pay more.  Dad seems to be treated like a criminal from day one.

If mom doesn't feel like letting dad see the kids or even talk to them on the phone, she doesn't.  She can refuse visitation or even communication if she feels like it with very little chance of anything happening.

Oh, dad can hire a lawyer and go to court...  If he can afford it.

There is nothing to help dad like there is to help mom.  It's like dad is just a money provider and thats all he needs to be.

I went to Washington State last week so I could spend the weekend with my son and pay a visit to the court to find out how hearings, etc. go.

While at the court, my wife called me and wanted to know if I was in town yet.  When I told her that I was and that I was at the court house, she became very concerned and asked if she could come down and meet with me to hopefully come to agreement on terms.

She showed up with her boyfriend and her boyfriends mom but she and I went into one of the mediation rooms alone and started working on things.  We actually got along very well and laughed and joked and she was pretty much agreeing to everything.  

After about an hour her boyfriend just walks in and asks how things were going.  I didn't have a problem with that and my wife and I both told him things were very good.

The boyfriend then picks up the calendar that we were working on and asks my wife "how much time are we giving him".  I said "I'm not trying to be a jerk here but you need to understand that this is between Jane and I and you need to stay in the background"

The boyfriend then tells me, "this is a group decision not just you two"

Is there anything I can do to stop this?  Is this just how it is?

I would like to get my son a SPARC Card so he can call me but I don't want my ex to be able to look up "SPARC Card" in google and find this site.

Does anyone know if the card says anything on it that could lead someone to this site?

I have been relying on this site for many months for help, support, inspiration, legal guidance, etc.

I have a short 800k video of my son and I being reunited after almost a year that I would like to share with this group to show the results of all the help I received.  

Does anyone have someplace that could host the file?

Through out our seperation, my wife's boyfriend has been a problem.  He has called me and threatened to kill me if I didn't allow him to adopt my son, he has told me he is the dad now, and it goes on and on and on.

Now my wife says that because she works until 10pm, I will be picking up and dropping off our son to her boyfriend.  

I really don't want to deal with him.  I told her that I would rather change the times and deal directly with her.

Am I wrong?

I went to the airport to pick my 6 year old son up after not seeing him since last July.  I got passes to let me go to the gate to meet him.  A friend of mine was there to video tape it.

He was walking up and he saw me from way back and he said "DAD!" His eyes got big and he ran up to me.  I got down on my knees and hugged him.  We stayed like that for a while and cried then I had to sign him out but when I got up, he told me to carry him.

The weekend was great!  We got tons of pictures and video.  He kept telling me how much he loves and misses me.  He kept telling me that he wants to come back soon to stay with me again.

We made a photo album of all of our old pictures of us together and included a bunch of the new ones for him to take home.  I'm going to make a DVD of the video and send him this week.

Two more weeks and I get to see him for 7 days!!!

I haven't seen my son since July 2004.  I have been fighting first, the locate he and my wife, then to keep up with them, then to get papers served, then a 3-month UCCJEA battle between two states, then defending against false DV allegations.

Today, we signed temporary parenting plan orders and I get to have my son this weekend.  When her attorney and I came to a verbal agreement last night, I was jumping with joy (really was!!).  Now that the papers have been signed and they faxed his airplane reservations to me, I can hardly stay awake.  No energy...

I am SO excited to see him, yet I can hardly walk from the car to my living room.  Has anyone else felt this way?  How long did it last?  

Does anyone know if this bill has been passed in washington?  It's Senate bill 5350 and I believe House Bill 2407.

What is the name of your state? WA

I was served a notice for a default judgment hearing for my divorce in Washing State (I'm in Oregon). I have been fighting jurisdiction and both Oregon and Washing stayed the cases in obeyance of the UCCJEA.

On 4/14 Oregon gave jurisdiction to Washington after a teleconference between both courts.

The judge told my wife's attorney to write up the findings and send them out. He never has and I keep asking him to send them to me.

I never responded to the original petition because I had one in Oregon and we were fighting jurisdiction. I apeared on many many occasions in Washington for the jurisdictional hearings.

I was served on 3/3/05 and they filed for the default on 5/4/05. There is a hearing next week in WA. I have since filed a response to the default motion.

I am Pro Se.

Is there a motion I can file asking the judge to cancel the hearing since I am active in the case, and because the original petition should have been stayed?

If my wife wins by default, I am in bad shape because she is asking for me to have zero visitation as well as pay all attorney fees and a ton of spousal support.

I need to file documents in Spokane, Washington and I am in Oregon.  The way things are going, I will be doing it very regular.

The mail option hasn't been working very well so I'm looking for options.

Are there any services that I could fax my responses to and they will file them with the Clerk?